My name is Oh Sehun and I swear I have the weirdest friends ever… EVER!

I was currently deciding whether or not I should approach my crush who happens to be my home economics teacher too. Today I randomly found him when I was looking for my best friend Chanyeol who eloped with a turkey. I had the perfect excuse to take him home. Everything was going as planned and it was as romantic as ! I mean… romantic as… roses… candles… a walk under the moonlight? I don’t know. Whatever, it was as romantic as whatever is more romantic than romantic! Yeah… that…

Anyway!

Everything was marvelously taking its course. But Lu Han and I happened to see the most ridiculous chase our eyes could ever witness. And of course my friends, also known as the members of the cooking club to which I’m the president, were running for their lives… while chasing a turkey.

*Sigh*

…

“Did you hear me?!”

“What?” asked Sehun startled as he came out of his stupor.

“Wow, you really daze off a lot…” commented Lu Han as he still lay on top of Sehun. “I said we should follow them. See what is happening. What if they are in danger?”

“Right,” said Sehun pursing his lips together. He held Lu Han tightly. “Let’s go then.”

Sehun started to walk away when Lu Han suddenly pulled his jacket. “Hey! What about Suho?”

“Oh! I forgot…” Sehun turned towards the teacher who was thrown on the floor hyperventilating. He stopped right next to him. “Suho hyung?”

“Hey,” he breathed. “Ah… Sehun…” He winced. “Where have you been?”

“Around,” he said. “Where have you been? What’s going on with the others?”

“Well… ha… they were… we were looking for the turkey and Chanyeol of course and we found him.”

“Where?” asked Lu Han after a cough. “Why were they running?”

Suho sat up and sighed loudly as he regained his composure. “He was with these strange kids, very touchy kids. And Baekhyun was there. I was with Kyungsoo and Jongin and we found them in a Chinese restaurant. Chanyeol was half , I don’t know why… and he was… he was…”

“What? What happened?” exclaimed Sehun.

“He was kissing Baekhyun.”

Sehun furrowed his eyebrows. “Those bastards!” he said with disbelief. “I knew that those alone-time reading fics and manga were not normal! I must get the juicy details,” he said aloud and when he realized he cleared his throat. “Why were they running?”

“Um… well… Chanyeol was trying to get Martha. Baekhyun is following Chanyeol to get him dressed... I think. Jongin is trying to save Kyungsoo from the weird kids that Chanyeol befriend.  There is this kid… I don’t know who he is, that saved Martha from the butcher man. Chanyeol’s friend want to beat Kyungsoo for calling them delinquent but Kyungsoo didn’t call them that though. Well, sort off.”

Sehun sighed. “I guess we will have to find them then.”

So long promising day of love and romance and piggyback rides and…

“Sehun?” said Lu Han. "Are you dazing off... again?"

“Huh? No! Let’s go find them!”

…

“I’ll call you later!” said Kyungsoo to the phone and hung up. He groaned loudly. “Kai!”

“What?” he said, out of breath because of the run.

“Can we stop for a second?”

“No!”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. Then his phone started to ring again. This would never end.

“I NEED A MINUTE HERE!” he screamed.

There was a sudden stillness. Even the turkey got startled, allowing Chanyeol to pick it up.

“I need to talk on the phone!” screamed Kyungsoo. He got off Kai and picked his ringing phone. “Yes?” he answered all smiles and sweetness. “No, no, I’m here with my friends. Kai say hi!”

“Hi…”

“Who? Yes they are here too… No, they are not doing that... Yeah I got the pepper spray…” He rolled his eyes for the millionth time that day. “I’ll be home soon. Yes, everything is fine… Bye.” He hung up.

Oh so suddenly, the punky guys started to argue with him. Of course no one knew what they said. They seemed to have the weird tendency of changing of language even when it was obvious no one knew what they meant. 

Tao placed a finger on his ear. “Jeez, what’s up with them?”

“What’s up with you? Stupid boy, wait until I tell your mother!” said the butcher man not forgetting his hurt pride.

“Tell her whatever you want I don’t care!”

“Hey, hey, hey! Hold your dudes,” said Kai to the aggresive kids as they approach them. “D.O. here is just trying to be friendly.”

“Kyungsoo is not a bad guy,” said Chanyeol but the boys just kept hollering.

“Are you okay?” asked Baekhyun to Tao as he seemed to be arguing with the butcher man.

“He won’t be okay once I’m through with him!” screamed the butcher man.

Baekhyun let out a girly squeal when he saw the knife of the man.

Whoever saw them from a distant would witness something similar to a bunch of chickens quarreling and a turkey gobbling of course… This is just what Sehun, Suho and Lu Han found once they arrived there.

“Oh man,” said Sehun. “Lu Han can you stand for a while?”

“What?” he asked faking sudden deafness. He wanted to say no but Suho was there… AND Sehun was there too. That could only happen in his imagination. “Certainly!”

He stood up and Sehun helped him steady.

“Please take care of him Suho hyung,” said Sehun bowing and headed to the noisy group.

“Wait! Where are you going?” asked Suho.

“To shut them up.”

“It could be dangerous Sehun, they could be armed and-”

“I’ll be fine,” said Sehun.

“No. I’ll go with you,” said Suho.

“No you will stay here and take care of Lu Han. He is ill.”

“Then I’ll go alone,” said Suho.

Sehun chuckled. “That’s not necessary. I’ll be okay. I promise. Besides,” he winked at the teachers. “Those are my friends. If they are in danger then I’m too. You jump, I jump, something like that.”

Suho and Lu Han stood there quietly. It seemed like this was not really their fight. 

Sehun went to the disagreeing group and stood right before them but none noticed him. He placed his hand on his hips and tilted his head to the side. “Excuse me...” No one notice him. “EXCUSE MEEEEE!” he said louder and heads snapped on his direction. “Good, now that I have everyone’s attention I would like to know: what is the problem?”

“Who are you?” asked Tao.

“I’m Oh Sehun, president of the cooking club where this turkey,” he motioned to Martha. “…was going to be cooked. You are?”

“I’m Hwang Zitao.”

“Nice to meet you Hwang Zitao. Now, if someone would be kind enough to tell me what is going on?” he looked from one face to the other.

“I was looking for Martha since she ran away,” said Chanyeol.

“I was looking for Chanyeol… since he ran away…” said Baekhyun shyly.

Sehun gave them a I-know-what-you-did look.

“And I was telling this guys that they should dress more appropriately and not like delinquents!” said Kyungsoo.

“Did he call us delinquents again?” asked one.

“He did... again!”

“Delinquents?!”

This statement set a domino reaction on everyone and they began to argue again.

“Enough!” interrupted Sehun. “Now you? Who are you?” He looked at the butcher man.

“I’m your elder that’s what I am and if you think you can come here and-”

“Blah, blah, blah,” said Tao. “You are so greasy… and a turkey murderer.”

“What, what did you say?” he said once again flailing his knife in the air.

Sehun cleared his throat. “Sir, I think you should leave. Seriously, I have no idea what are you even doing here. Why are you here? It doesn’t even make sense your presence in the situation. So just retire yourself off the picture.”

“I was-”

“Shoo…”

“But-”

“Shoo…”

“You-”

“Shhhhhooooooooooo…” he said with all the power of his pouty lips.

The man groaned and puffed, almost looking like a bull. He turned to leave murmuring to himself. Tao smirked and stared at Sehun. He seemed like an interesting fellow to him.

“And you Jongin?” asked Sehun.

“Me? I was just… here.”

“Oh… okay… Then I think we can resolve this matter in a diplomatic way and… are those brass knuckles?”

“Yeah,” said one of the punk kids.

“No, no, no,” said Sehun walking forward. ‘We are not fighting,” he explained.

“We aren’t?” asked another.

“But he called us delinquent…” said a second one.

“I’m sure Kyungsoo didn’t mean what you thought.”

“I was just criticizing your clothes negatively so you may improve your style,” said Kyungsoo.

They look down at their clothes. “But it’s part of our style… yo!”

“Then… you should change your style... yo,” said Kyungsoo.

“We can go shopping!” said Baekhyun.

Chanyeol gasped. “Maybe they sell turkey clothing at the pet shop! I could dress Martha!”

“Martha!” exclaimed the punk dudes. 

"We like Martha..." said one of them smiling idiotically.

“We could get her a dress!”

“One of the punk dudes cleared his throat. “Well, actually… we wanted to tell you that Martha is not a girl.”

“What?” asked Chanyeol.

“Yeah,” said another. ““Boys tend to be more colorful and Martha has many colors..."

“That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you man,” said yet another.

Chanyeol glared at Kai. “You said you knew she was a girl… he was a girl.”

“I’m gay!” exclaimed Kai. “I do not see that many female ia! Or even turkey ia for that matter! I could be wrong. Is part of life. I'm not perfect. Almost but not. So for the sake of the balance of the universe this almost perfet being must commit mistakes from time to time,” he adjusted his jacket. "Duh!"

“Why do you even Jongin?” asked Sehun.

“Because I’m a trustworthy person that inspires honesty and amity,” said Kai before Chanyeol could speak. “And I’m hot.”

“Wait a second… if you are gay… and they are gay… are you gay?” asked one of the punk guys to Sehun.

“Yes…”

He gasped loudly. “Boss, they are all gay!”

“Oh my gosh! Do you think that’s contagious?”

“I don’t know but you just said gosh!”

He gasped loudly. “I did!”

Another one gasped. “That explains why I suddenly thought that one was kinda cute!” exclaimed one pointing at Kyungsoo.

“Oh no! We will catch the gayness!"

"Boys! Run before it’s too late!” said another.

They scattered and ran away but one stayed behind. He pulled out a receipt from his back pocket and scribbled there. He gave the crumpled paper to Kyungsoo. “My number…” he said and then ran away.

If they ever told anyone about what just happened they would probably never believe it.

“That was…” said Sehun.

“Homophobic…” finished Kai.

“Right,” said Sehun.

“It’s weird because I’ve been talking about Baekhyun for hours…” said Chanyeol.

“You did?” said Baekhyun all twinkly eyed.

Chanyeol smiled and pecked his cheek. Baekhyun giggled stupidly and giddily.

“Maybe since so much gay people are together they really thought it was like a disease,” offered Kyungsoo.

“Like the Ring virus,” said Kai. “Hey, weren’t we going to watch scary movies today Kyungsoo?”

“Oh yeah!” he checked his watch. “We still have time.”

“And we were going to watch some more episodes of One Piece, right Chanyeol?”

“Right Baekhyun.” 

Baekhyun sighed. “That felt good.”

“What felt good?” asked Chanyeol.

“Oh nothing.” Baekhyun would never admit again that he liked that thing of finishing sentences for one another.

“And, um, Zitao right?” asked Sehun.

“Yes,” he said.

“Thanks for helping my friends I really appreciate it.”

“I didn’t do much but you're welcome.”

Sehun stretched his hand to shake it with him. He took it with no problem.

“You are not homophobic,” commented Sehun.

“I don’t mind your species.”

“You are not one of us?” asked Baekhyun.

“No…” he said with a certainty that wasn’t all that certain.

“Oh, I thought… your magazine…” said Baekhyun.

“No, that’s… my mom likes it…”

“Oh,” said Baekhyun.

“I guess we will see you around then?” asked Sehun.

“I guess so,” he said. He sighed as he placed his wushu stick over his shoulder. “It has been a long day…” he murmured as he walked away. He looked like a warrior who was going back home. WOOOOSHAAA!

Sehun wondered if he would ever see him again...

“Guys,” said Chanyeol suddenly. “So we are not cooking Martha?”

Sehun went to Chanyeol and placed a hand on his bare shoulder. “We are not.”

“After everything we’ve been through with that thing we better not,” said Kyungsoo.

He smiled wide and goofily as usual.

Kai proceeded to punch his other shoulder. “You idiot have no idea how worried we were!”

“Ah! I’m sorry.”

Kai threaten to punch him again so Chanyeol flinched. “You better be!”

“Yeah,” said Sehun. “Because Jongin-ah missed you!”

“Aw, you did?” asked Chanyeol.

“No… well a little…”

“AAAAAAAAAWWWW!” said Chanyeol going for a hug.

Kai slapped him away. “Ew, no, you are all sweaty and shirtless. Yawk! Go hug Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun stuck his tongue out at Kai.

“Um, guys…” said Chanyeol.

“Yeah?” said Sehun.

“I have a little problem?”

“You are over Baekhyun and wants us to leave?” offered Kai.

“No… not much… whatever, the thing is that Martha can’t stay with me. Where I live they don’t allow animals…”

“Mom would get hysterical if I bring a turkey home,” said Baekhyun.

“My dad would probably eat it,” said Sehun. “If you want to risk it.”

“What about you Kai?” asked Chanyeol.

“No,” he said. “That thing is creepy. What if it appears by my bed with a knife and those big, big eyes!”

“I… can take it. If you want,” said Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol sparked with a light of hope. “You would do that?”

“Yeah, he can live in the backyard.”

The turkey gobbled.

“I think he will like that," smiled Chanyeol.

"So..." said Sehun. "If we are all settled I'll go."

Kai crossed his arms. "Where are you going?"

"To Suho hyung and Lu Han... they might be worried."

"Lu Han?" asked Baekhyun wagging his eyebrows.

"OoooooooooooooooooH," said Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo nodded suggestively. "Then gooooo, we don't mind."

Sehun narrowed his eyes. "Oooookay."

"Remember you can't sleep with the old man!" screamed Kai as he walked away. 

Sehun could just smack him!

…

“Mom!” said Kyungsoo as his mother opened the door for him.

His father opened the curtain by the window and hid back in when Chanyeol and Baekhyun waved happily at him.

“Kyungsoo-ah! Where have you been? I was so worried and…. Is that a turkey?” asked his mother.

“Yes, his name is Martha!” exclaimed Kyungsoo. “Can I keep it?”

“His… Martha?”

“You like it?” he asked putting the turkey almost to her face.

Mrs. Do felt fainted. She waved him off. “Sure, sure… If you feed him...”

Chanyeol clapped. “Thanks Mrs. Do.” He placed an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I’ll come visit it. And don’t worry! I’ll help feed it and buy him things. Daddy has to take charge too right?”

Kyungsoo cooed the turkey. “Mommy will take good care of you too.”

“Dad?” she said pointing at Chanyeol. “MOM?!” she pointed at Kyungsoo.

“They insisted,” said Kyungsoo rolling his eyes. “Anyway I’ll put him in the backyard. Do you guys want to come in?” he asked to the boys.

Mrs. Do’s eyes wanted to get out of her sockets. “It’s late and they should be heading home dear, he, he, he…” She began to fan herself.

“Don’t worry!” said Baekhyun. “Chanyeol and I have to do some things.”

Kai snorted. “Careful, knowing Chanyeol he might put the on his head!”

Baekhyun slapped him. “Kai!”

“Ouch…” he rubbed his arm. “It is true.”

“I know how to put a , silly you,” said Chanyeol laughing.

The horror on Mrs. Do’s face was immeasurable.

“Not… that I’m planning to use a soon… or be in any ual activity… or anything…” said Chanyeol unconvincingly.

“Yeah… we are just watching a movie right?” said Baekhyun backing away.

“Yep, just watching a movie,” said Chanyeol walking backwards too.

“Well, have a good evening Mrs. Do,” said Baekhyun waving. Chanyeol waved too and they left trying to look inconspicuous.

“Hey Mrs. D.O.,” said Kai. Yes he called her Mrs. D.O. … Because it was cooler. “Do you have those sweet potatoes of the other day?” he asked. She was too awestruck to answer. “Oh… well… I’ll get them.” He said going in without an invitation as usual, just sliding by the side of Mrs. Do’s figure on the frame and heading to the kitchen to eat anything he found on the fridge.

“I’ll take the turkey outside,” said Kyungsoo passing by her mother to get the turkey to the backyard. “Then I’m going to watch a movie with Kai!” he said as he walked away.

“A MOVIE?!” she gripped her chest. Oh her poor little heart. "DO NOT LOCK THE DOOR!"

~~~~~

Crack, crack, crack...