You had developed the habit of coming into the office early in the morning, getting your assignment from the office board, and leaving before you ever saw Hosyuk. Your parents were worried about you. You were jittery, you yelped whenever someone came up from behind you. You spent your days in your bedroom, trying to finish your article, not wanting to go out. You hadn’t even seen Jaejoong in weeks. Not since he came to tell you of his wonderful new career. You were trying to ignore everything. Jae being gone. Your stalker boss. Jae being gone! You being so alone and helpless. You felt like everything was crumbling around you.

Pull

You looked out your window, watching the sun set. Everything that had been happening to you was a blur. One morning, you just stopped caring. You had locked out all thoughts about anything other than your work. When Hosyuk came over, you shut all your emotions away and waited for him to leave. He had become more determined than ever to harass you. His calls had become a constant reminder of the chain around your neck. The hand that slid around your body told you that he was going to do anything he wanted. You wanted to fight back, but you didn’t have anywhere else to go. You had no other real talents. Trash talking wasn’t really considered a professional thing.

You glanced to Jaejoong’s house. He had slipped you mind. You wondered how he was doing. To answer your thoughts, Jaejoong came out of the house carrying boxes. You watched him make a few trips, packing each box in a car and going back for another. You didn’t know what he was doing. The idea came to you, was he moving out? It seemed reasonable, it wasn’t normal for a grown man to live with his parents and brother. Yunho was living with Yooeun in their own house. That left you alone there. You didn’t want to be alone anymore. You jumped down the stairs and ran out the front door. You ran to Jaejoong as he was closing the trunk of the car. You looked at him, panting.

“Are you leaving?” He looked at you and nodded.

“I need to be someplace closer to the studio. I have been getting stuck in the morning rush, so I thought this would be a good time to move out.” You bit your lip as your eyes started to glisten. He looked not at your face though; he looked at what you were wearing. The dirty sweats you hadn’t bothered to take off were all over you, saying ‘I look like . “What’s up with what you’re wearing?”

You let a tear fall down your cheek. One after another, they started to fall on the sidewalk. He didn’t care. Nothing mattered. Nothing about you mattered. You couldn’t stand it any longer. Your legs collapsed and your hand covered your face to wipe away the tears. Because when you cry you wipe them away, you don’t just let them fall down your face like a stupid drama. Dramas couldn’t show the pain you were in. “Oh,” was all you could let out. “This?” But you were crying too hard. You couldn’t think of anything but him leaving you again.

You weren’t going to tell him. You would never tell him. He was never going to find out. Your ual harassing boss. The threats he made. His erted words that chilled your heart. The stress the newspaper was giving you. The corruption you were forced to write about. You couldn’t tell him. If a single word left your lips you would collapse from all your fear and sadness. You had already lost control. What lie were you going to tell him? What would you say to make everything seem fine? “Period cramps.”

Pull

A doll. That is what you had become. No longer did you laugh at the things around you. You had no reason to smile. Things didn’t mean a thing to you. It came to the point where you would sit in the office and not even register the hand petting your thigh. The whispers being passed around never reached your ears. You emotionlessly lashed out in your papers. One criminal to the next. After you had been moved to politics, you criticized everything. How Koreans were treating the rising issues of today. You attacked relentlessly. It was the only way you could let your fury out. It wasn’t enough.

You forgot everything you were doing. When Hosyuk threatened to fire you when you left early, you were stuck. When your pay starting dropping even though you were writing the best damn papers you had ever written. You forgot what you stood for. You succumbed to his desires; you wore that exposing blouse. The other workers didn’t even want to be near you. You disgusted them. You disgusted yourself. Everything was just a pile of crap, and you were sitting in the middle of it.