Yooeun was sitting in her hotel room. She was beautiful. Her face was lively. Everything about her seemed to glow. Yooeun smiled at you. You smiled back. The bliss she was feeling radiated around the room and infected everyone. Your mothers, talked with giddy anticipation, a stylist, complemented everyone, you, were not feeling an ounce of hatred towards Yooeun.

“Umma, ommuni, can you leave --------- and I alone please?” Your mothers happily left, the stylist followed. Waiting for the door to close, Yooeun looked at you.

“Yooeun, congratulations. I am so happy for you.” You wanted her to know how much you wanted her as a sister.

Yooeun shook her head. “I know that you are happy for me, but are you happy for you and Jaejoong?” You didn’t understand. You turned you head sideways questioningly. “I know that I almost took Jaejoong from you. I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I had wanted to be a good friend to you two, but I couldn’t be. I caused you pain, pain I can never take back. I’m sorry.”

“Yooe –” She cut you off.

“Please, don’t hold back because of me. Love him with all your heart.” She was hugging you. You didn’t want to be hugged. You wanted to be happy for her, not have her pity you.

“Yooeun, I gave up on Jaejoong. He was just too much trouble. I had to sacrifice everything I had for him. He still, he still loves you. I can’t bear anymore. I don’t know what you want me to do.” You were shaking your head, crying. “I don’t want to get hurt anymore. Don’t force me to do anymore. I have given up Jae.”

“--------- ah! I can’t believe I am hearing this. You were always the one standing by Jaejoong’s side. You always made sure he was happy. You gave up everything! Now that the chance is yours you are just letting everything you did go to waste!” Yooeun was angrily shouting at you. You tried your best to not look away, but you couldn’t stand her yelling. “You might think it was you that was babying him. You were there protecting him. That you needed to help him, but that isn’t true! You are a girl in this relationship, not a mother. Girls need to be loved and cared for. Girls need to be protected. Girls need to be helped. He doesn’t need you like you think, you need him.”

All your feelings started to swell up inside. You had wanted him to be the mother when you first played house, you wanted to be babied. You liked that he had wiped away the crumbs on your cheek. You love that he would playfully attack Yunho as a knight protecting his princess. You loved when he made your birthday cakes. You wished that your twelfth birthday had never come, because that was when he stopped making you cakes. You jealously watched as he smiled for Yooeun. The cookies he made were the most delicious things you had ever tasted. His tears. His sleeping face. His brotherly attitude. His caring. The accepting. The rejecting. The feel of his head on your lap. The pain he caused you when he confessed his love for Yooeun. The laughter. His happiness. Everything about Jaejoong, you would never forget. Everything he did, you would follow. You had pushed him to love Yooeun, but you had gotten him hurt. You understood. You would pull him as close as possible, keep him locked up in your heart, and never let him go.