Seoul Cemetery

Leeteuk looked above the bright blue sky and the clouds dancing above at the cemetery. The sky emanated lively sun rays that crept towards the swaying grass. He had looked above for a couple of minutes, until turning his direction to Han Ga-in’s grave infront of him. Ga-in’s grave remained beautiful and clean, thanks to the caretakers around that would take time protecting the place.

Leeteuk knelt down and placed flowers to his former girlfriend’s tombstone. White lilies, her favorite. He always knew what to bring, and he knew that wherever she was at the moment, she would be happy seeing her favorite flowers near her. leeteuk pressed his shades above his nose as he took time staring at the tombstone, talking to Ga-in silence as if she was just there. The gentle rustle of wind was the only sound.

“I have the results.” He said, putting out doctor song’s paper to the tombstone. He looked ridiculous placing a test result to the grave, but felt that it was an important thing to do. he wanted to tell Ga-in about the contents of the paper.

“they said that I’m lucky if I take more than months.” He said, referring to his existence. Leeteuk looked around and was thankful that no one was there. Had he really planned this from the start? The way his life would turn out in the future?

He didn’t know why but he felt a sudden stab of pain at the response of thinking the word “planned.”

“you know what, its funny.” He said, biting his lip. He could only hear his voice above the serene surroundings, making him feel weird at the same time.  “I planned this for five years. And now that the moment comes to me, I felt suddenly scared.”

“its as if I’m scared that I’ll leave a part of me behind.” He said gently, his eyes erupting an unexpected twinkle from the statement. What was he really thinking? Was the gesture a plan too? No. He didn’t know himself now. A part of him wanted to fly above the sky and live with the clouds, to be with her. but a part of him also, was pulling him back.

“ga-in.” he said, taking off his shades. The powerful sunrays don’t matter, his composure wouldn’t matter. “you told me last time in the dream, that you’re not taking me away. is there a purpose why?”

Does ga-in know about his future all this time? He had filled his brains with thoughts, with questions wanting to be answered. The way Ga-in almost left him in his dreams, prolonging his existence.

“because right now, it confuses me whether I should go with you or not.” He said, tears streaming down his cheeks. Leeteuk was surprised with his own tears. The tears are real. wet drops of clear fluid had rummaged his own delicate face.

“this little girl, taeyeon.” He continued. “she introduced herself to you when she went here with me.”

He remembered taeyeon singing to the tune of Heart and Soul, his favorite song from his mother. The way she sang it was really a melody, like a voice of an angel filling the sky. Taeyeon, with a twist of fate, was actually the little girl he had wished to marry when he was young and innocent.

“taeyeon, she confuses me.” he said, fighting back his tears. “so much.”

He felt a pain struck in his heart when thinking of leaving his friend behind. He didn’t really expect this to happen. That little taeyeon who just used to amused him because of her antics, was now a woman he really cared for so much.

“ga-in, I don’t know, is this good?” he asked, feeling like a lost child. “taeyeon, she’s  a really good girl and I---“

Leeteuk cupped his mouth when his tears started to fall again like raindrops signaling a heavy rain. He can’t help but to cry.

--------------------------

Taeyeon’s room, Park Villa

Taeyeon’s POV

Smile when it hurts. Okay? Smile when it hurts. All will be well, I just have to respect his decision. Just be like others and be prepared what’s going to happen next. Ugh, what’s with me?

I kicked my bag and slumped my back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I didn’t realize how beautiful my ceiling was, I didn’t realize the painting of angels hiding behind the faux embossed clouds at the dome before the lights. Will leeteuk be like them someday? I bit my lip and poked my head for such weird thoughts.

“taengoo?” kangin interrupted my thoughts when he placed a pink blanket at my doorstep.

“you better pack one blanket for teukie hyung.” He said, reminding me of another set of materials that I need to bring at the slums. Today is my scheduled business project with leeteuk, which means a visit at my apartment in the slums. What to do? there’s a lot. A lot of people to observe, a lot to do with sleeping over.

“should I bring something, just in case you know, he faints?” I asked kangin. Why am I asking him? I know better at this than he does.

“just bring your phone.” kangin said, pointing to my phone being charged at the counter next to the door step. I quickly stood up to retrieve it. just in case I forget to get it later.

“thanks.” I muttered.

Kangin looked at me in a concerned manner.

“don’t look at me like that.” I said, poking his stomach. “I’m fine.”

“well it doesn’t look that way.” He said.

He must have heard me crying last night. And the evidence of my puffy eyes. do I really look that pitiful?

“can you give your sister a hug?” I asked, extending my arms. Kangin smiled at me and threw his arms around my back like a big bear. I missed this hug. We haven’t been like this for a while. I think I’ve been hugging leeteuk more than him. Not opposing leeteuk’s physique though, he’s slim but he really has a broad muscular back.

“just incase you have problems there, I asked my friends to watch over you.” Kangin said, referring to his friends at the slums. Yes, kangin has a lot of friends there, big bulky friends just like him.

“thanks.” I said, wrinkling my nose in gratitude.

“and just in case, you know, hyung plans something...” Kangin took out a pepper spray from his pocket.

“aigoo, he’s not going to do that, he’s sick!” I said, embarrassed.

“even sick guys---“

“aish.” I quickly slapped him at the arm. “if there’s someone to be scared about, it should be me because I can rip clothes like a person tearing a wrapper.”

“aigoo.” Kangin looked at me alarmingly. “don’t do that.”

“of course I won’t, why should i?” I said, pursing my lips. kangin and I laughed at the thought. I really missed this bonding time we had.

“when I get back, we’ll watch dvds, ne?” I said, pinching his arm. kangin smiled at me and helped me prepare the rest of my stuff.

-------------------------

Stone Fountain, Park Estate

Taeyeon’s POV

I looked at my watch and took notice of the time. Thirty minutes since one in the afternoon. Where is leeteuk all this time? I had a message from him saying that he went out to visit someone. Although I’m having the idea where it is, I’m trying not to think about it.

I played with my feet until I heard leeteuk emerging out the manor, carrying a backpack in his arms. He looked surprisingly casual today, opposite the semi formal clothes he usually wore. The gray hooded jacket, black fitted jeans and white sneakers, he almost looked like a typical Korean Idol.

“you’re late.” I said, as leeteuk sat on the stone fountain beside me, breathing some air. Sweat trickled on the side of his face as I began to observe how quick he gets tired. I tried my best not to get distracted to this physical being that looked amusingly great even in casual clothes.

“oh no, I think we should just cancel this business thing.” I said, taking out my handkerchief, when noticing his hoarse respiration really sounded awful. leeteuk bit his lip in embarrassment as I wiped the sweat off his head.

“no, we’ll continue.” He said gently. “this is for your grade.”

“well, its for your grade too.” I blurted. I may be competitive when it comes to grades but this is all for teamwork.

“we’ll just spend a night there, observe how people work at the market and then we could leave early as we’re done observing.” I said, checking on the materials inside his bag.

“okay.”

“are your medicines complete?” I asked. He should be bringing all the stuffs he need, or else. I don’t want to bring him again in the hospital and let people think that its all my fault for such emergency.

“there at the pouch, I brought them all.” Leeteuk said. I checked his bag one more time before I closed it tight.

“how are you?” he suddenly asked.

“not fine, I guess?” I said, rather straightforward. He noticed the puffiness in my eyes too just like Kangin did, and I don’t know if I should pity myself or not.

I tried to look at leeteuk and saw that his eyebags were visible too. I wanted to ask why. Did he cry? Or he just didn’t have enough sleep because of his condition? We cannot have a heart to heart talk right now. Our Project is a priority.

“shall we go?” he asked, breaking my silence. I nodded and stood up just like he did.

“your bag please.” He said, offering a hand.

“no, you can’t carry both.”

Leeteuk chuckled and extended his hand more.

“I maybe sick but I’m still stronger than you.” He said. aish, too much chivalry.

 I sighed, gave my bag and followed him to his car.

-------------------------

Grocery

“first, we observe how local customers and vendors do inside the grocery then we could shop for our own supplies.” Taeyeon said as she and leeteuk stepped into a local supermarket.

Leeteuk was all amazed glancing around the area. The supplies he usually sees at ryeowook’s kitchen area are all there.

“are you okay?” taeyeon noticed how innocent he was when observing. It was her first time seeing him so engrossed at the place.

Leeteuk looked at her.

“its my first time here.” he said, referring to the grocery. He watched the baggage man arrange all the supplies a customer brought at the counter few steps ahead. His systematic way of packing materials and segregating wet from dry sources really amused him.

“my gosh, from where are you really?” taeyeon huffed, pinching his arm. She shook her head and pushed a cart situated at the front row.

“alien.” She whispered.

“what?”

“nothing.” Taeyeon pushed the cart more.

Leeteuk followed taeyeon all the way to the end of the supermarket.

“they really sell clothes here?” he asked, eyeing a piece of polo hanging at the men’s section.

“its not only the department stores, babe.”

Leeteuk saw a favorite chocolate bar and handed a piece to taeyeon.

“can I buy these?”

“aigoo, ten thousand won for a chocolate bar? Aigoo, we’re not buying that.” taeyeon threw the chocolate at the pile of nuts.

“but outside its more expensive.” leeteuk pouted.

Taeyeon stopped the cart near the vegetable area and shook her head.

“we are in a budget mister park.” She said, reminding him of their teacher’s suggestion to handle a small budget and live like the people at the slums. “if you buy that chocolate, we cannot buy our dinner. Get it?”

“I brought money.” Leeteuk said, taking out his wallet.

“aish.”

Taeyeon confiscated his resources from him.

“we’re not using your money for now.” She said, placing the wallet inside her hooded jacket. She glanced at him and gave a typical warning look. “don’t worry, I’ll return this tomorrow.”

“isn’t it you have to check the color of the vegetable before you buy?” he inquired, when taeyeon was checking two tomatoes. “but they said the more organic version is grossly shaped than the ones artificially injected with chemicals.”

“what’s this, home tv shopping?” taeyeon rolled her eyes.

“just reminding you.” He smiled. “we may be in a tight budget but I can’t let you eat a chemically induced vegetable.”

“then we take the organic version.” Taeyeon huffed, stuffing the tomatoes inside the cart.

“people, are more systematic in supermarkets than in the local market, huh?” leeteuk observed as they reached next to an ahjussi weighing a sack of rice.

“in the local market, you can deal with the price.” Taeyeon said. it was true. She had been bargaining high to low prices ever since she could remember.

“you’ve worked in a market, why should we still observe?” leeteuk asked.

“you have to see how the bargaining goes.” Taeyeon said. “you can even trade there with stuffs that you have.”

Leeteuk nodded like he understood.

“then we should hurry so we can go there.” He said, excitedly.

Taeyeon laughed at leeteuk’s sudden reaction but stopped once she saw a nice beret situated at the female section.

“you like it?” leeteuk was looking at it too.

“anni, we don’t have a budget.” Taeyeon said, pushing the cart forward. Leeteuk stopped the cart and pointed towards her hood.

“use my wallet.” He said.

“aigoo, no, that’s cheating.”

“I’m buying it for you, you call that cheating?” he shrugged, taking out the hat from the mannequin. “we’ll take this.”

Taeyeon cannot help but to smile at leeteuk’s generosity.

“thanks.”

“anything for you.” He replied.

--------------------------

Kim Apartment

Taeyeon’s POV

The local market, in opposite to the silent and breezy supermarket, was a total chaos. Like a typical Korean drama where you see a bunch of people selling items at a cheap price, the local market in korea is typically the same. Cabbages, dried fish, sacks of rice are everywhere around the corner, placed in heaps and tagged with a very affordable price. Everywhere my feet go, I can accustom myself to the wetness of the cemented floor and the smell of the newly delivered fishes embroidered with piles of ice. I quickly bargained myself to the sweet smelling cabbages to the ahjumma that sells them, partly because I wanted to have cabbage soup for dinner. Leeteuk would just follow me and observe how the bargaining goes, really amused at my skills in leveling down the price. Somehow, I’m proud of myself for growing up in this kind of community.

When Leeteuk and I just finished observing the local market , we quickly head off to the apartment when the sky was turning grey. I think it’ll rain heavy later.

The apartment, by the way, remained the same. The front door creaked everytime it sways open, the window sills were cracked at the sides, and the garage… my gosh, the garage. I was embarrassed at the way leeteuk delicately observed our front area. It remained the same as Kangin had left it, messy and filled with trash. Amazingly the kitchen remained the same and I can still see the linoleum that I placed in the sink to avoid it from being contaminated. Leeteuk placed the items we bought at the table next to me.

We unpacked our food reserve at the sink and leeteuk had carefully organized the materials at the other end of the kitchen area. We looked like people invading a new home.

“you’re silent.” I noticed, when he was donning an apron around his neck. He will be in charge of cooking for a dinner before we resume our activities at the local market later. I brought plastic knives from ryeowook’s kitchen to make him cook. just thinking of him being afraid of sharp objects made me almost not to let him invade the whole kitchen area. But thank goodness, he was more than willing.

“just thinking of something.” He said, taking out the freshly picked carrots from the market.

I didn’t notice that leeteuk almost looked like a typical young husband while I just sat at the sink, playing with my feet swaying above the ground. It seemed like a dream to me.

“you look nice in apron by the way.” I said, cannot help but to compliment.

“maybe I should do this often huh?” he smiled, flashing his dimple. My head. What’s wrong with me, I’m smiling all of a sudden too.

“what are you thinking anyways?” I asked, changing the topic.

“the dream I had two weeks ago.” He said, reaching for the rice. I scratched my head in response.

“what about it?” I asked.

“I had this weird dream.” Leeteuk shrugged as he peeled off the cabbage. He bit his lip for the moment and shook his head. “nah, its weird.”

“what?” I asked, eager to know.

“you know.” Leeteuk was really focused at his food preparation. “that weird dream when you had someone kiss you.”

I stopped swaying my feet and looked at him, shocked. I don’t know if I’m hearing him correctly or I’m just in a middle of a hallucination.

“its just a kiss near the lip.” He said as he placed the peeled cabbages on a bowl. “you want cabbage?”

“who did it?” I asked, ignoring his offer.

“you.” He said, immediately.

Oh… NO.

“its just a dream.” Leeteuk looked at my enlarged eyes staring at him back. “maybe because you slept in my room that time. It felt real though.”

“what if its real?” I asked, seriously.

“I don’t know why you’ll do that if its real.” he smiled,taking another bowl from the cupboard. Leeteuk noticed that I wasn’t replying anymore so he stopped doing his activity.

“its real?” he asked innocently.

I nodded and darted my eyes off the window beside me.

“ah, what’s wrong with me, I’m having arrhythmia again.” leeteuk massaged his heart.

I jumped out of the sink and excused myself from the eternal humiliation of giving this man a kiss.

“I think I need to pee.” I said. my heart cannot stop pounding too.

We hardly conversed after that.

--------------------------

Kim Apartment

Leeteuk and taeyeon headed off to the local market to finish making an observation around the people. It was leeteuk’s turn this time, to make a bargain. After two successive fails, he was able to buy black beans at a very reasonable price. Taeyeon and he remained doing market activities after catching themselves with heavy rain pouring down.

“take a bath.” Taeyeon ordered leeteuk when they returned to their apartment after running from the rain. Leeteuk had been compliant with her so he went to the bath room unquestionable.

Taeyeon slumped herself to the stool near the kitchen sink as leeteuk took his time for a bath

“taeng.”

“yes?” taeyeon called out from the kitchen. The bathroom area was just near the place, five steps will absolutely do the trick.

“dear, no heater?” leeteuk asked. Taeyeon quickly stood up from her position and started heating water to the stove.

“um, where should I put this?” she was already standing at the door step, carrying a tub of hot water in her hands.

“let me get that from you.”

Taeyeon almost spilled the tub from the sight of leeteuk’s half body emerging out of the door reaching for the water.

“thank you.” He said, taking the tub. “oh, wait. You’re soaked too.”

“I can withstand rain without getting sick unlike you.” Taeyeon said, trying not to get distracted from leeteuk’s good figure.

“I’ll hurry so you can follow immediately.” He said closing the door.

Taeyeon watched as the door closed and went to type down her observations between a supermarket and a local market to leeteuk’s electronic notebook.

---------------------------

Leeteuk placed his hands at the sides of the candle glowing in the moonlight when taeyeon also finished cleaning herself and emerged out in a pink hooded shirt and pajamas.

“you notice how hard it was for us to sleep without heater, huh?” taeyeon looked at him, sitting down.

“yes.” He said.

Taeyeon blotted her hair dry with a towel as leeteuk continued gazing around the place. He’s used to dark places, but never assumed an apartment to be this dark and out of electricity.

“that’s why I pity you.” Leeteuk looked at her in concern. Taeyeon looked at him too but darted her eyes off to prevent herself to drawn in too much on him.

“I don’t know what it feels like to be here.” leeteuk covered his body with his shivering arms. “but now I can see why. And it really must be hard for you.”

“are you okay?” taeyeon noticed leeteuk really covering himself from the coldness emanating the room. if he had been wearing his usual favorite white shirt, he’d be really quivering from the temperature.

“I’m lying if I tell you that everything’s fine.” Leeteuk smiled. he must have not really accustomed himself to a place without heater.

Taeyeon inhaled deep breaths, stood up from the floor and went to look for her bag.

“you’re lucky I brought an extra blanket.” She said, pulling out a pink bright blanket off her stuff. Thanks to Kangin who had thought of the idea at the first place. “it should comfort you a bit, I guess.”

“thank you.”

“so.” Taeyeon sat up again and circled her arms around her knees as leeteuk covered himself with a blanket. Should she start? “you know I knew everything about your condition.”

“what about it?” leeteuk asked.

Taeyeon bit her lip. She didn’t want to discuss all about the condition but she felt that it was the right time to tell leeteuk how she grasped the whole situation.

“I was sad that you didn’t tell me.” she said at last.

“sorry.”

“why?” taeyeon really wanted to know.

Leeteuk leaned on the wall and rested his head to the cold surface.

“I’m scared.” He said.

“scared of what?” taeyeon blurted. “that I’ll cry? You know that I’ll do even if you tell me.”

“I’m scared to tell you, I cannot say the proper words myself.” leeteuk said.

Taeyeon could feel water forming in her eyes. no not again. she had promised herself no more tears.

“do you really don’t want to try a surgery?” she asked, feeling hopeful. If leeteuk would at least agree, there can be a possibility that his life may be extended. And she want that for sure.

But leeteuk shook his head that really irritated her.

“I’m okay without surgery.” He said stubbornly.

“you know, that’s what I don’t like about you.” Taeyeon said. “you are so selfish.”

“this is for the good of everybody.” Leeteuk said.

“so its good for everybody that you’ll die??” taeyeon said, almost shouting. “you die just because one person has been taken away from you and you don’t want others a chance to love you? That is so selfish!”

“your family, your friends.” Taeyeon continued as air seeped in again from the broken windows. “everybody cares for you so much.”

“I’ll only give them a burden.” Leeteuk said.

Taeyeon stomped her foot angrily on the floor.

“to hell with the burden!” she said furiously. Leeteuk was surprised at the way she reacted. It was his first time to see taeyeon so angry at the situation. “you’re a smart person , leeteuk. You know how it will affect all of us if you leave.”

“I’m just a single person, you can go on with your lives.”

“don’t you know how much your condition affects me?” taeyeon rummaged her hand incautiously at her hair. “you make me crazy so much worrying about you. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot even think about myself! and here you are pretending like an angel waiting for time to pass until the last air passes out your lungs.”

“don’t talk that way.” Leeteuk touched his heart and felt his own organ jumping in non rhythmic jolts.

“I’ll talk because I want to.”

“I’m hurting, please.” He begged, closing his eyes.

Taeyeon looked at him helplessly.

“I love you leeteuk.” She said toning her voice down. “i don’t know why I feel this way but I do.”

Taeyeon angrily wiped the tears falling down to her cheeks. She must not cry, she had promised herself. But the emotion was really powerful that she was brought down in an instant.

“I’m really sorry.” Leeteuk looked at her helplessly.

Taeyeon nodded and let an awkward silence pass before them.

“I’m telling you that because I want you to know how I feel.” She said, trying to regain composure.

“I understand.”

“are you really not changing your decision?” she asked.

Leeteuk shook his head in reply.

“I’m sorry.”

“okay then.” Taeyeon sighed. “I guess I just have to compensate. no more talk about this.” She said, setting up her comforter. She cannot bear the pain anymore. It would just cause her another tearjerking attitude at the first place.

Leeteuk stood up and helped her arrange the bed.

“we only have one heater so we have to share.” Taeyeon smoothen a blanket above the comforter. “if you don’t like it, I can sleep at the floor.”

“its fine with me.” leeteuk said gently. Its one of the ways that at least he couldn’t feel himself a burden.

 “you wake me up if you suddenly have difficulty okay?” she told him, placing two pillows on top.

“okay.”

“lie down.” Taeyeon ordered.

Leeteuk lay his head on the pillow as taeyeon placed a blanket over their bodies.

“I don’t know why its cold today.” Taeyeon shrugged, gazing at the ceiling.

“y-yeah.”

“maybe because of polar caps?” she joked. She was rejected by him and yet she still had the time to kid around.

Leeteuk was not replying.

“my aunt used to tell us to think about the beach when we feel cold, so its like thinking about summer.” Taeyeon said.

“teuk?” she looked at leeteuk’s back and noticed him really shivering at the cold.

“are you okay?” taeyeon forced leeteuk to face her. even with the dark area, she can see his face pale by the coldness of the surroundings.

“its r-really c-cold.” He said, covering his chest.

“the heater is already at its limits, you’re still cold?” taeyeon ran a hand on his cheek and felt like she was touching a refrigerator.

“oh no you can’t die here.” taeyeon said, looking for her phone. leeteuk had managed to catch her hand to pull her over.

“we’re staying.” He said, firm in his words.

“but you look so pale, you cannot overwork your heart.” taeyeon said.

“we s-still h-have tasks t-tomorrow.” Leeteuk said.

“don’t kid on me, we can postpone it.” taeyeon said. “you’re my priority here.”

“science.” Leeteuk interjected.

Taeyeon looked at him, confused.

“what?” she asked.

“you l-love s-science, right?” he asked. “y-you c-can help me w-with science.”

Taeyeon bit her lip and knew instantly what leeteuk meant.

“oh no I won’t.” she said, laughing at the thought. “I cannot do it, I’m not professional you know.”

Taeyeon looked again at leeteuk and noticed that he wasn’t really kidding.

“you first.” She said.

Leeteuk pulled a string on her hood to reach for her face.

“w-wait.” Taeyeon held his hand.

“does it have to be provocative?” she asked.

Leeteuk chuckled and managed to sigh between his shivers.

“I’m okay.” He said, turning his face to the side to sleep.

But he didn’t calculate what happened next. Taeyeon’s hand touched his face, leaned on him, and planted a long kiss to his lips. It was more than science helping him to regain his proper circulation of blood supply and breathing, but the magical touch of taeyeon’s lips moving with his.

Taeyeon’s eyes opened once she broke away from leeteuk’s kiss.

“oh my god.” He breathed, touching his heart. taeyeon quickly darted herself off from his grasp and fanned herself from the sudden heat.

 “now I can’t breathe.” taeyeon said, feeling the jolts. What exactly had happened?

---------------------------

Leeteuk woke up the next morning and found no signs of taeyeon around.

“taeng?” he called out, rubbing his eyes from the bright morning that suddenly covered the room. He waited for a couple of seconds until he realized that no one was really inside the area and he was just talking plainly to himself.

Instead he found a paper lying on top of his dried clothes situated at the side of the bed.

woke up early to finish our activities, please go home. I need time for myself----- taeyeon.

Leeteuk ‘s brows creased. He crumpled the paper into his hands and quickly packed his stuff.

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what will leeteuk do? :o