"What are you looking at?"

A deep voice from behind me broke my thoughts. I jumped like I was looking at something wrong and quickly changed the website I was on, even if it was only Facebook. I was eating lunch in the library, something that had become a habit after what happened with Woohyun last week. It still felt weird to talk about it, even though I had not shed a tear nor deserve any comfort from Hanbyul.

We had broken up in slightly bitter terms, but I didn't have any anger or hate left in me. I had thought a lot about it lately. I guess we grew apart because of how different our lives had become after high school. We were no longer in the same building for six hours a day, we didn't have all our classes together and we didn't have to prove or show ourselves to anyone.

I guess that's why I was being so calm about it. I had grown up and changed too. Before I met him, I cared so much for how others saw me. I would say what they wanted to hear, do what they always wanted to do. I was afraid to say no. I was afraid to say what I really thought. And for a while, I thought that I would live like that forever - always wearing a mask and changing myself for whoever I was around. But meeting Woohyun was different. Maybe it was that project - that stupid, damned project in senior year - that made me less worried about my image, because the person I was talking to, revealing my true self to, didn't know who I was. They didn't know how I hid myself to protect myself.

Do second chances ever matter? People never change. Woohyun had always prioritized by looks. Who did I think I was that could change him? It had been a year - could I change him from something he had known his whole life? Going from the prettiest to the ugliest? Not worrying about the thing that society values most? It was hard, and I laughed bitterly to myself thinking that I could change something that was so obviously set in stone.

"Er, hello? Hana?" The same deep voice broke spoke again, albeit a bit awkwardly, and I jumped from my seat in the computer lab at the library. I didn't want to turn around. I knew who it was.

"Can I sit?" He asked, plonking himself down before I could say no. My mouth twitched as I remembered this was what he said when we first met.

"I haven't seen you for ages! Where have you been? What have you been up to?" His face darkened. "Just because our project has finished...I mean, well, we're still friends right?" He smiled awkwardly.

I couldn't help laugh a little at this. It was the first time I had really smiled in the past week.

"Of course we are," I managed weakly. "Why didn't you think so?"

Chansik narrowed his eyes. Then, he seemed to sense something was up and spoke more softly. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

I wanted to answer well. I wanted to say with a happy smile on my face, "I'm good, thanks!"

But for some strange, unknown reason to myself, I couldn't lie to Chansik. I didn't know why, I didn't know how.

"I -" I began, but to my horror, my lip started to wobble and my eyes teared up, making my vision blurry.

Chansik swore under his breath and scooted closer to me and patted me awkwardly on the back.

"It's fine," he said quietly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "I broke up with Woohyun." And then I told him. I told him how he didn't text me after that day at the cafe, and he did it only after Sunggyu told him. I told him how he was different now. How he thought that I was cheating on him. How he overreacted at the club. The whole thing about his image.

"And...and, well, he thinks that we're - " I bit my lip. It was too embarrassing to say out loud.

"What?" Chansik asked curiously. "What does he think?” He paused, taking a few deep breaths. “Hana, I really wanna give him a good bashing after you've told me all this. Is that why you've been avoiding me? Because of this cheating thing?"

"Nothing," I amended hastily. "He thinks nothing."

Chansik widened his eyes. "Does he really think that - we are - me, you?" He gestured awkwardly. I nodded, wishing that I could disappear somewhere else.

Chansik pulled a face. I laughed awkwardly. "I mean, Hana, you're really pretty and everything...but damn, your boyfriend sounds weird. Is he paranoid? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? I mean, we were just doing our physics project! Designing a bridge that could be used in the city with the cheapest materials and write a thirty page report!”

I nodded mindlessly. Did he just call me pretty?

"Anyway, move over," he said, returning to his usual non-awkward self and pushing me aside to read what page I was on.

I shook my head playfully and covered the screen with my arms.

"What are you really looking at? Something weird? Something dirty? ?!" He said loudly, earning me many weird stares in the library. "ion?! Drugs?! Kim Hana, I'm shocked, I really am. I never knew you were the person to - oh," he said, crestfallen as I removed my arms. "A party invite on Facebook. Great."

I giggled at his monotonous voice. He had lost all his playful banter in his voice, but then squinted at the screen. "Shin Hanbyul invited you to the event." He turned and looked at me with a weird look on his face. "She's your friend right? Who has lots of friends? Who are girls?"

I stifled a snort. "Yes, Chan. Do you want to come?"

He wooped loudly in the library. The librarian gave him a steely look and he turned red and ducked his head down in humiliation.

"Are you sure it's okay? I mean, will I be the only guy there?"

"You wish," I chortled, scanning the guest list for a particular name. I recognised many from our high school, but none that started with W. "It should be fun! Here," I took a photo of the event and sent it to his phone. "I'll tell Byul that IM bringing someone. And she can warn all her other friends that there's a seedy man on the lose."

"Hey," he cried, hitting my shoulder. "I’m not seedy, am I?!"

I chuckled, ignoring the question. "So, you should pick me up as a thank you for my inviting you. I’ll text you my address. Be there at -" I checked the page. "8. Bye Chansik!"

_________________

"I, er, don't remember seeing this many guests on the list....." I said curiously as Chansik was forced to park on the next street due to all the cars.

"That was the tightest parallel park I had to ever do," he smiled proudly. "But I got in! First try, without needing to reverse or anything! Like a boss!"

I felt my cheeks grow hot as I remembered watching his face, knitted with concentration, as he backed into the park on the next street. I remembered how he put his arm on the back of my seat and looked backwards as he steered, just like those characters in the dramas...and how nice his arms looked, and how close they were to my face.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me suspiciously, eyeing me.

"Nothing," I snapped. "Let's go!"

As we got closer to the party, I could hear thumping music and rowdy cheering from the guests. I gave Chan a weary look but kept my suspicions to myself. This was not the kind of party Hanbyul would host. I just hoped it wasn't one of those joint parties she loved to throw with Sunggyu. Hanbyul wouldn't invite Woohyun - but Sunggyu would.

Was I ready to face Woohyun again? It had been a very long week but despite everything, I wasn't really feeling any emotions toward him at all, which was good. I would rather be numb than hurting.

I guess this was easier said than done though, because as soon as Chansik and I stepped into the house, my eyes instantly saw Woohyun pouring himself a drink on the other side of the room. Like a magnet, as I walked in, his head also whipped up, and we locked eyes. My heart did some weird flipping thing in my chest, and I felt my cheeks grow hot as soon as I laid eyes on him.

Time seemed to stop. I was fully aware of everyone in the room, and Chan standing next to me, but at the same time, I could only see Woohyun.

"Hana, I think I see my brother's friends here. I’m just going to say hi, will you be okay?"

I nodded wordlessly, still staring point blank at Woohyun, heart beating furiously.

Why was this happening to me? Why was I acting like some idiot, lovesick girl? Why couldn’t I stop looking at him? His eyes had a pull over me I couldn’t describe. Woohyun had been so bad to me, yet here I was, captivated my his charm once again. I really needed to get a grip on myself, but I just kept staring. Like, by staring at him, all the questions I had were answered. By staring at him, I didn't need to say anything.

It was almost like old times, where he could tell instantly when I was upset or when I had something bothering him. Like the times I knew exactly what Woohyun was thinking, and he didn't need to utter a word. A question formed in my mind. Was breaking up with him a mistake? I didn’t know if this was rhetoric, stupidity or regret. But one of them was there.

Before I could dwell on this thought for longer, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I tore my eyes from Woohyun and saw that Chansik was back, and he had a drink for me in his hand.

"Thanks," I said gratefully, looking over to where Woohyun stood again. But he now had both his arms wrapped around the waist of another girl, who was trying to kiss him on the lips. My heart wrenched again. I told myself that the reason for this was my mind was still adjusting to the fact that he wasn’t mine anymore. As I watched, Woohyun just turned away – casually - and caused her lips to make contact with his cheek.

My face grew hot once again at what I was thinking. I needed a distraction, or I might go crazy.

"Come on," I said to Chansik, grabbing his wrist. "Let me find Hanbyul and I’ll get her to introduce you to her friends."