Hana POV

I spent a lot of time thinking about what happened. Back in Woohyun’s room. It was both confusing and inevitable. I didn’t know why I acted the way I did, but I understood exactly why. Did that even make sense?

I kept convincing myself to stop liking him. He did nothing except hurt me in only fleeting moments of happiness. All I could remember of Woohyun was how he hurt me, instead of the good times we spent together in the summer.

But feelings are complicated. They can’t be switched on and off like a tap. I wanted change so badly; yet, I did nothing to promote change.

I was sure I was going crazy with the way I kept over-analyzing what happened in his room. He had apologized, but I wasn’t sure if it was a genuine apology, or from guilt.

And, despite everything, I was worried about him. He never, ever got drunk on a weekday. Alone, I mean. If someone starts to drink when they are alone, it’s a cry for help; that something is wrong, and he needed someone to hold onto. He drank on weekends, sure, but this was entirely different. And I wasn’t sure what was going on.

Something broke my chain of thoughts. It was my mom calling to me from the door.

“Hana! You have a visitor!” She yelled.

I jolted upright immediately. Was it Woohyun? My heartbeat sped up. It was awfully…romantic of him to show up on my doorstep, wasn’t it? Maybe he really wanted to apologize. Did he bring flowers?!

I wasn’t sure where we stood after what happened the other day. I didn’t tell him that I accepted his apology, but I didn’t tell him that he wasn’t forgiven, either. This visit would just make it more awkward.

I yelled down that I was coming and quickly went to the bathroom to blot my face and chew some gum. I couldn’t have an oily face if he was here.

I leapt down the stairs only to see it wasn’t Woohyun standing at the door. It was Chansik.

The disappointment must have shown on my face. Because Chansik scowled and scrunched his nose at me when he saw me.

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim,” Chan said as my mom walked back into the kitchen, giving me a knowing smile.

I chose to ignore this. “Chansik,” I greeted. “What’s up?” I still hadn’t forgiven him for choosing his relationship with Hyeri over our friendship, but that was not in my mind right now. If he was the kind of guy to do that, I didn’t want to be his friend anyway.

“Hana, I’m so sorry for everything.” He paused, looking very uncomfortable. “Hyeri told me that she was…intimidated by what we have. Our friendship. Because we were so close. So she told me to stop hanging out with you so much, because you were also pretty and it made her feel insecure.”

I understood the principle of it, I guess. Girls felt jealousy easily. But I didn’t get why it was about me? So this was my fault?

“Yeah, I get it, I guess.” I looked up at him. He looked very, very worried and I laughed at the serious expression on his face. “Chill, Chansik. It’s fine, you said sorry, it’s fine. Don’t worry.”

“I was just thinking about it and I needed to come over right away to apologize. You didn’t answer your phone when I called to check if you were home…so I came over just incase. Can I take you out to ice cream? To say sorry? Are you busy right now?”

I shook my head. I was only busy overthinking something that probably meant nothing. I could really use a distraction.

We arrived at the ice cream parlor. Immediately, I felt that something was wrong.

It was silent as we walked in. People I had never seen before stared. I wondered if I had something on my face. Touching it self consciously, I turned to Chansik who looked equally confused.

A guy turned around as his friends fell silent, mid-sentence, with a curious look on his face. As I studied his profile from behind, my throat felt dry. The curve of his hair and the toned, muscular back was awfully familiar. He turned to face us fully, and my suspicions were confirmed. It was Woohyun. He stared.

The girl next to him turned, too. I noticed with a pang that Woohyun’s arm was casually draped across the back of her chair. My heart did another somersault in my chest. It was Hyeri. I felt Chansik next to me stiffen.

The girl sitting next to Hyeri, who also had her back to us, turned. If possible, my heart jumped out of my heart with fright. It was Minji.

I looked at Chansik. The atmosphere was extremely awkward. Not to mention tense. It seemed like the football and cheerleading team were having a meeting in the ice cream parlor.

I wanted to shirk out of the damned place and walk back out to Chansik’s car, but we couldn’t. They had already seen us.

It the utmost conviction to act normal and just place our orders, two choc fudge sundaes. I definitely was not saying hi to Woohyun, but Chansik was not saying anything to Hyeri too. I opened my mouth to say something, but he shook his head minutely.

We chose a seat in the corner. I waited for Chansik to say something.

“We’re not talking right now,” he said in a low undertone. “She’s been avoiding me for some reason. We had a fight. That’s why I’m not saying anything.” He paused. “Why is his arm like that, I – “

So he saw Woohyun’s arm too.

I kept what I was thinking to myself. Did Chansik only apologize to me because he wasn’t speaking to Hyeri?

“How are you and Woohyun?” He asked, desperate to change the topic. He kept stealing glances at her because he was facing her while my back was to them.

“Fine,” I said, hesitating. Should I tell him what happened last week? “Um… something happened last week. I went to his house.”

Chansik’s eyes bulged out of his head just as our ice creams came, earning him a weird stare from the waiter.

“His mom called me. It was weird,” I commented. “He said he kept calling my name was he was sleeping, and he had a fever. I guess he never told her we had broken up. Which makes sense. It always confused me why he invited me to his mom’s dinner party earlier in the year.”

“So, do you still like him?” He asked, scooping a chunk of chocolate into his mouth and accidently smearing some on the side of his cheek.

I stared at the chocolate spot.  

“I guess I…” I sighed. “I never stopped. Does that make me weak?”

“No,” he said thoughtfully. “It doesn’t. Love is painful – well, from what I’ve read. You have to lose before you gain. The night is always darkest before the dawn. This rough patch you’re going through…it’s just a test. To see how strong you can be on your own. Hana, why do you keep staring at my mouth?”

I turned bright red. “I’m not,” I snapped. “Just – you have a big chocolate big there – “

I reached over and wiped it with my napkin. It was only after I wiped it away did I realize that the whole football and cheerleading team was watching.

My eyes met Chansik’s. His eyes widened so only I could detect the message.

I heard two chairs scrape and greetings exchanged. It didn’t take a genius to know that it was Woohyun and Hyeri leaving, apparently sick of our ‘public display of affection.’

They were overreacting – weren’t they? We were only friends, as I felt like I had stressed a million times this year. Everyone thought we were a couple. But we weren’t.

I had thought – for a split second – that what I felt for Chansik was not purely platonic, but the kiss we shared had fixed that. It just felt awkward kissing him, like I was kissing my brother, or something. It was nothing like the way I kissed Woohyun and how that made me feel.

But apparently it wasn’t that obvious, because as we enjoyed our ice creams and joked around, imitating our physics professor, the football and cheerleading team got up to leave.

Chansik looked at someone approaching our table. I turned around, and it was Minji.

“Hana, hey!” She reached down to give me a hug. Confused was a light way to put it. “Just stopping by to say hi. Um, you guys look cute together. It’s good that you’ve both moved on! Bye!”

She waved and walked out.