It had only been a week. One week since I'd left him and he'd packed up and signed up for military service early? I refused to believe it, I refused. Two years of hardcore training and duties? What about his career? 

The last time I'd seen him, I'd lied to him. What if he hated me for that?The Kwon Jiyong that I knew swore that he'd fulfill his duties to the country as late as he possibly could. TOP remained on the line for another hour trying to console me. I needed an embrace, a touch anything. Goosebumps remained prominent on my skin as I rubbed my arms. A draft caused me to shiver as I regained composure in the living room the the house. I felt so out of touch of the outside world. My whole body was numb with regret, with despair, with solitude.

There was nothing left for me in Korea. Nothing at all.

Not even Caleb. The last time I'd seen my sister was at the hospital, holding him. A chill pricked my spine. My sister didn't even know I'd left Asia. Sighing heavily, I slowly retreated to the bathroom and removed my clothes. I swiveled the ring on my finger.

"Jiyong, you call that a massage?!"

I lay on my side on the bed. It was an awkward position it lie in. His hands were cold.

"...I'm not experienced...in this"

I glanced over at him. His brow was furrowed, Wow, he was really concentrated. I tried to stiffle a grin. He tried to manipulate his hands on my shoulders.

"...You're muscles are really stiff.."

"Pfft probably because I had a kid a couple of weeks ago, Ji" I snorted. 

"Yah-I know..."

He planted his lips on my neck. Most women would go weak. I felt my body become rigid. The sensation of his breath on my skin made me lose myself. 

He must have felt it. He smirked. 

"I'm not gonna bite you!"

He hugged my from behind, then I felt his soft lips brush my ear lobe. This time I felt myself relax under his embrace. Being intimate with people was a charm that  neither Ji or myself possessed, but somehow when we were together, alone, we could break the mold. As I rested my head on his lap, he peered into my eyes. His gaze was romantic until something caught his attention and he started scrutinizing me. The twisted expression on his face caused me to start laughing. 

"Ji, you look like a two year old trying to figure out how to use chopsticks"

He snapped out of his little daze and grabbed my face, silencing me with a kiss.

"I just realized why you're called Amber"

I thought he was going to come out with some cliche comment like 'you're precious to me' or something. Instead he stated the obvious.

"Your eyes are Amber!"

Oh dear Lord. 

"Aigoo...you're like, full of secrets...its like I have to work you out or something-" 

"I can't believe you never noticed that"

He grinned.

"Even Seungri noticed that the first time I met him"

His smile disappeared.

"Ya, why bring that dork up in the conversation?" He hit me with a pillow.

I decided to push him further.

"I was just thinking about him for a second" I shifted my eyes to my fingers.

"I kissed you a second ago, were you thinking about him then?" He raised his eyebrows, and his voice, but I knew he wasn't taking me seriously. Seeing Jiyong's expression when I talked about the other members was priceless. Normally he'd just shove me or something. This time he had different ideas.

"Seungri my !"

He flipped me over so I lay on my back then hovered over me. The tension was killing me. The action was so abrupt that it took me by complete suprise. 

"Gosh, what's with the reflexes?" I gasped, jokingly.

"Amber, I'm serious though, I really love you....I've never...felt this way around anyone before. You're the only person that can distinguish between Kwon Jiyong and G-DRAGON. You know how I'm feeling just by how I look at you"

"Heck-I know how you're feeling just by the clothes you're wearing"

"Exactly" 

It was right then and there that I knew that if I was separated from him, he would flip, and I would crash and burn. 

Stepping into the shower, I closed my eyes and let water cascade over my frame. All I'd done that day was sit around my house whilst occaisionally walking outside, yet in the same day I'd been told that he had joined tha army. I didin't know what to think. It was much easier to cry when there was water running over your face. So I stayed there for a while, emptying my head and my heart. 

Dragging on some of my old clothes I knelt beside my bed. I didn't believe in God. But desperation drives you to do things you normally wouldn't. I didn't know who I was talking to, but closed my eyes.

"Just keep him safe" 

***

"Ji...JIYONG! J-"

My mom shook me really hard. I awoke to see a petrified expression on her face.

"Honey, You were shouting! Is everything alright?"

Did everything look alright? No.

There were tears on my face. Gosh, I'd been crying in my sleep. How was that even possibe? Embarassed and disorientated, I rebuked her comfort.

"Uhh..I'm fine..I'm fine, seriously mom, please leave"

She was about to get up, but she stopped.

"I remember when you were little. You used to do that. You'd run into my room and hide under the covers..."

I stared at the ground. That was a long time ago. She cupped my face.

"Ambs, I haven't seen you in years. Then one day you call me up and tell me you're in LA and you need somewhere to stay. You haven't even spoken to me properly"

"Mom, I'm not in the mood-"

She dropped her head. I heard her voice crack slightly.

"...Baby, I'm sorry okay. I'm so sorry, for all the stuff I put you and your sister through. Every day I wake up and hate myself for it, I made some major mistakes which I will forever regret. I just...I need you to forgive me. Please, Amber" I looked up at her. She was actually begging me. She couldn't even look at me properly. She cradeled my face and pulled me towards her. I wanted to fight her grip, push her away, move away...but my spirit was too broken to function properly.

Instead, I just started spurting out my problems. I felt nothing when I thought of my mother. But having a shoulder to cry on is better than crying alone, right?

"Mom, I've been let down so many times, I just...I feel like giving up. I want something so bad, but it's so painful to fight for it...I have people hating me for it left right and centre...Its just one thing after another...right now its not even within my reach-"

My mum stopped hugging me and held my hands.

"Amber, if you love that thing you will fight for it. You will wait for it. You will cherish the memeories you have until you can make more"

She seemed to know what I was talking bout even though I hadn't mentioned anything specific. I didn't even know why I was listening to her, but when she said those words, they made me hopeful, somehow. 

Waiting for Ji would be a long and painful process, but I would be able to bear it.

She squeezed me, got up from my bed and exited my room. I leafed through my old things, posters, pictures, my piles of notes from when I was learning the Korean language. I found my BIGBANG Volume 1 album. The album that inspired me to pursue dance overseas. Combining my talent for dance with my ability to speak Korean. That's when I'd found YG. BI discovered BIGBANG and I couldn't get enough of their music. I'd never been the fangirling type, but I never ceased to be in awe of them. It was actually Teddy that invited me to the company as a choreographer, because I was creative. 

Jiyong had always been the one I'd avoided. He seemed very stand offish when we first met, but working in the studio with him during his Heartbreaker comeback broke the ice. Whilst practicing in the dance studio with him, there was nothing really to hide. He  spoke to me more. Shared stuff he felt uncomfortable telling others. Always quizzed me about America. When I helped him discover his love for fashion, we became inseparable. Then when his Heartbreaker dance became infamous in Korea, he signed me up to managing all of YG's dance choregraphing. I soon became a part of YG FAMILY. The people there loved me but I didn't realise that the CEO didn't.

My phone rang. Extremely cautiously, I picked it up. It was Lena. I my breath in.

"Amber? After calling you ten times each day for the past week, I went to YG studios only to hear that you've left the country. You didn't tell me?!?"

"..I'm, um sorry sis, I had to leave"

"You're in LA, right? Was it so desperate that you couldn't tell me?"

"...Mianhe...well how are you?"

I heard he calm down on the other end.

"...I..I guess I'm okay. Caleb's doing so much better! He's babbling on all the time"

I smiled quietly at the thought of him.

"Ahh good to hear"

"...I heard the knews about Jiyong"

"Um...yeah..."

"I hope it doesn't upset you too much, Amber. He'll be back soon"

"Two years is such a long time..."I though about the phone call. "I don't think he's coping" 

"He'll be okay. I think the only part he strugged with was shaving his head" she tried to lighten the mood, but it just made me more melancholy.

"What's it like over there?"

"In Korea? People are going bat sh*t crazy over here. It's like he died or something. People are really upset that he's left. It's weird though..."

"What is?"

"The same day Jiyong left, The CEO was admitted into hospital"

"What?!?"

"I know, right? Yang Suk. Your ex-boss. The man was beaten to the pulp"

I didn't know how to take this news.

"He has a wife and kids as well. I feel sorry for him"

I thought about the messed up sh*t that man had done to me. He was evil. But...beaten to the pulp? Someone had assaulted him?

My fingers clenched my mobile. 

The fact that Jiyong had gone to the army that very same day scared me. What if...

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