Days, weeks, months,  passed without my notice. Apart from securing a low income job at the local supermarket, nothing had really changed. My sleeping hours were so irregular that I'd lost track of time. It was only when a letter arrived, addressed to me, that some invisible force burst the bubble I'd been living in. 

I flicked it open to see my sister's handwriting.

I COULD HAVE JUST CALLED BUT I DECIDED TO BE CLASSY. I smiled at her effort. YOU'VE BEEN INVITED TO THE CHRISTENING OF CALEB HAZEL-PARK, 22ND OF APRIL, SEOUL GARDENS, 2PM.

On the back of the card she'd scribbed: WE WANT YOU TO BE THERE. (You have to come). It was the date that caught my attention first. The Christening was in two weeks. I gasped. It was freakin' April already?! Five months since I'd seen my sister...or anyone apart from my mom for that matter. Of course I would be there. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I skimmed over the text again, but stopped at the venue. Seoul Gardens. It painstakingly brought back memories from last summer, when Jiyong would take me there late at night, just for the hell of it. He'd witter on about his latest inspirations, and I'd just walk with him, listening to his voice.

At the thought of GD, my back stiffned, I pursed my lips, and I suddenly began to feel cold. Everything little thing I did, seemed to trace back to him, even though he wasn't even around. The more I thought of Jiyong, the more tormented I became. Sunshine would turn into rain and colour would fade to black and white. He haunted me like a ghost. As much as I wanted to see Caleb, I feared that going back to Korea would make everything much worse. 

Everything I did there happened to be jinxed.

I sauntered into the kitchen, acknowledged my mother, and walked over to the window, distracted. Even though I lived with her, the silence between us was so loud. 

"Something's up"

I could barely hear her. Was that a question or a statement? I crossed my arms, with my back facing her.

"...I'm going back to Korea..." my voice trailed off.

"You're going to see Ji-whatshisname?"

She caught me off guard. 

"Jiyong?"

"Yeah, him"

"...Huh? Mom, no. It's Caleb's Christening"

"Caleb....my grandson?"

When she refered to him as her 'grandson', I almost felt guilty. She was s a part of his family as much as I was, and she didn't even know what he looked like.

"Uhh, yeah, my-Lena's son..." I felt bad just leaving her, but if I brought mom to the event, Lena would have a fit. I discarded the thought. 

She sighed.

"If you need to go, go" At that moment, I heard a hint of distress in her voice. Like she'd given up on everyone, including herself.

***

One week later, I set foot in Hongdae aiport, after the flight from LA. My muscles ached from fatigue but I could hardly contain my excitement. All my previous fears seemed somewhat insignificant when I thought of Caleb. The last time I'd seen him, he was so small. Would he recognize me? 

Just as I grabbed my bags and turned to make my way to the exit, a short girl with a bowl cut and and a scarf around her neck ran straight into me, carrying a huge poster and a placard that read 'Saranghe'. On sight alone, I knew she was a fangirl. I nearly lost my balance but I managed to steady myself. She didn't even look at me, she just ran off in the other direction. Cursing under my breath, I pulled my hood over my head and trudged towards the exit. For some reason, I had a habit of attracting negative attention, I tried to avoid it at all costs. The airport was scarily quiet as I moved to the taxi pick up zone, and I noticed a small group of photographers with their cameras at the ready near one of the terminals. What the hell was going on?

It didn't take me long to realise. 

I swear the ground almost shook as a dark figure strode out of the terminal, surrounded by security guards, followed by a tirade of fans all carrying placards like the one I'd seen earlier. The pitch of the screams were almost ear shattering. All I could hear was 'OPPA' left right and centre. The photographers had  now ambushed the crowd, snapping away at the person. Girls were bursting into tears and a couple fainted. I scowled. Maybe it was due to my bad experiences of 'the wrath of the fangirls' but everything about that sight annoyed me. It must have been some sort of celebrity, but I couldn't care less who it was. I just wanted to leave.

After catching some rest on the taxi drive to the apartment, I rang the doorbell with a content smile on my face. Immediately, I could hear light footsteps, and a constant ream of baby jibberish. My heart beat faster. It almost stopped when Lena swung the door open and practically pounced on me, despite carrying her  child in the other hand.

"AMBS YOU MADE IT!!!" She was hysterical to the point of extreme hyperness. Seeing her like that made me laugh out loud. That was, until, I laid eyes on Caleb. His face was more defined and he had a curly mass of hair that formed a fringer over his forehead. His eyes, were dark brown with little flecks of Amber. He was gorgeous.

Lena saw the starstruck expression on my face, and plonked the squirming little boy in my arms. He began playing with my hair and touching my face. I was mesmerized by everything he did, the way he burst out laughing at the smallest thing, and how he giggled when I tickled him. I knew one thing for sure, this boy would have girls all over him when he'd grow up. 

"This one's been keeping me up on all nighters for the past month! " My sister playfully poked the soon-to-be toddler.

"APPAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

He started jolting around and waving his arms, the I realized that it was because his father had just walked into the hallway. I passed him to Gary, who gave me a tight squeeze, and ruffled my hair. 

"Ayo, kiddo!!!"

I smiled at him.

"What's fatherhood like?"

My brother in law hugged his son.

"It's great, seriously"

After staring at me for a while, he spoke again.

"Wow, you're all grown up" His comment took me by suprise. Then I remembered that the last time I'd seen him, was when I broke down at the hospital.

"Uhh..thanks, Gary"

"You're really blooming. You look well" 

It was the first time someone had paid me a compliment in a long while. I didn't know how to take it.

Lena intercepted for me.

"Ambs, I have a massive suprise for you!!!"

"Really?" 

She pulled me upstairs and led me into her room. I was expecting to see a present or an object, but she grabbed my shoulders and sat me down on the bed. I grinned at her.

"Geez, just tell me already!!!!"

"Deep breaths..." I laughed at her mucking around, and wacked her arm.

"Quit playing, just tell me!"  

"Well...I know you miss him..." 

I began to catch my breath and concentrate on what she was saying. 

A unnerving thought began to creep into my mind, and I stopped laughing.

"...Miss who?"

"Jiyong, silly!"

Nothing prepared me for what came out of after.

"SO....I INVITED HIM TO THE CHRISTENING AND HE'S GONNE BE THERE!!!" 

I did NOT JUST HEAR THAT.

I almost choked and I did a double take.

"Say what?"

By that time, Lena was prancing around me, awaiting for my enthusiatsic response. Instead, there was a horrified expression on my face. The smile on her face gradually disappeared. My train of thought felt like it was going to de-rail itself. Jiyong. Christening. Three days. I'd nearly gone crazy not being able to see him for the past couple of months. I should've been escstatic. Why was I so damn scared?

"Amber...are you okay?" She murmered, and put her arn and put her arm around me.

"W-When did he arrive?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"This afternoon, why?"

Then the realization hit me. My mind flashed back to the airport, to the figure walking with shades over his eyes, sporting his 'Commes des down' cap with denim shorts and a blazer. I was so stupid. Of course it was Jiyong. Only he would be crazy enough to pull off such clothes whilst travelling. He'd been transferred back to Central Korea from the military camp, for the sole purpose of the Christening. No wonder the crowd was so wild. 

"Don't you want to see him?"

I'd kill to see him. But at the same time, I didn't know what I would say, or what I would do. How I'd tell him that each day without him was the equivalent of being dragged through hell. Something told me that the Jiyong I was about to see would not be the Jiyong that I'd left behind.

Forcing a smile, I took her hand in mine.

"Thanks for this, sis, I really need to be next to him"

She searched my face, doubting that I was actually happy. I felt sorry for her. She only wanted to cheer me up, but ended up freaking me out.

The rest of the evening was pleasant. I pushed every worry to the back of my mind, and played with Caleb. Just being around him calmed me down. After eating, I decided to get some fresh air, and I knew exactly where I wanted to go. 

***

The sun had begun to set by the time I'd reached the destination. I edged my way along the lakeside, and stumbled through the dense greenery beyond, until I came to the small opening. The view took my breath away. It was beautiful. Splurges of deep purple, soft pink, and marshmellow orange merged across the skyline. I looked down to the city below, then closed my eyes. This was the one place I could concentrate. The one place I could sort out my head. The place T.O.P had taken me after the press conference.

Totally peace-

"...Amber?"

At first I thought I was dreaming. 

His gruff voice cause me to snap my eyes open and swerve round, just in time for me to see him emerge from behind one of the trees. He must have been there all along. 

The man I had only seen wearing designer suits and formal wear, was clad in an oversized hoodie and tracksuit bottoms. His dark hair had gotten slightly longer. It reminded me of what he looked like in the early debut days.

T.O.P's eyes widened when he realized that it was really me. 

I'd forgotten how much I missed his company.

He seemed taken aback when I walked forwards to hug him. He took a step backwards and stopped me.

It took me by suprise. 

His brow furrowed, and his voice wavered. 

"Amber, please don't touch me"

Why was he being like this?

I ignored his plea and touched his arm. He flinched. I caught his rigid gaze. His eyes were troubled.

"Seunghyun..what happened-"

He would have walked off in the other direction if I didn't catch hold of his wrist.

"I can't be around you like this" he muttered.

I didn't understand. 

On the verge of begging, I pulled him to sit down next to me. Reluctantly, he did, but his cold glare stayed fixed on his face. When he didn't say anything, I attempted to speak.

"I missed you"

....silence....

I tried again.

"Thanks for showing me this place....I needed to clear my head" 

It was only then when he spoke. 

"What was bothering you?" 

Despite the anguish he was feeling, he seemed more engaged in my problems than his own. It touched me, how selfless he was.

"...Jiyong returned to Korea today, temporarily"

"...I heard"

Since the two were best friends, I thought they would have seen each other already. Evidently not.

"And, I want to see him, but at the same time, I don't. I left him in such a bewildered state. What if he had begun to hate me? Even if I do see him, I'll lose him again in a matter of days. The last news I heard was that his boss had been hospitalized...I should be thankful, but the fact that he physically abused someone....its not right"

When I said that, Seunghyun lifted his head and stared at me.

"Amber. That geu saekki Yang Suk almost messed up your life. Why are you pitying him?!" He almost appeared to be angry.

I didn't know the answer to that question.

"I-I'm just saying, I think Ji needs some therapy, or help-"

"-HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW IF IT WAS JIYONG?!"

At that point, TOP practically exploded. He got up and started kicking the ground, tears forming in his eyes. 

I tried to calm him down but he shrugged me off. It was then that I noticed the faint outline of a scar above his left eyebrow and light bruising on his neck.

"Aiishh..." he grimaced.

I stayed silent.

"I'm such a monster-" 

It occured to me, that all I had been told was that Jiyong had left for the army on the same day that YG had been admitted to the hospital. No one had actually told me that Jiyong had laid a finger on Yang Suk. I'd assumed everything.

TOP flung himself on the ground next to me. I began to realise what had been going on.

Tears rolled down his cheeks. 

"I-I didn't mean to do it...I didn't mean to harm him so badly...I just- I lost control..."

"...It was you? You beat up Yang Suk?"

His light nod was enough to answer my question.

"It was after I talked to you that night..." he took a breath. "Amber, I care for you...a lot. More than you realise"

My mind ran through all of the times when he'd been there for me. How he tried to make me feel better after telling me that GD had left for the military, and after I'd been shamed at the press conference.

"...And it killed me to see you being torn apart...." his voice faltered. "...The fact that you packed up and left for the US hurt me as much as it hurt Jiyong..." 

Guilt stabbed me. I didn't think Seunghyun would care that much.

"And both GD and I knew it was because of YG. Jiyong's response was to forget his career and serve his years in the army...mine was-" he paused. "well, I just got angry. Angry because he'd hurt my best friend. Because he hurt you. He'd started taking away your happiness....I got drunk and I-" he struggled to express himself.

I thought back to all the parties I'd been to. All in all, I'd never seen TOP under intoxication. Ever.

"..When I get drunk. I get aggressive, and I didn't think. As much as I want to hate that man, I-I don't want to hurt people..." He whispered, whilst weeping.

Saltwater began to dribble down my cheeks while I watched him pour his heart out. I'd never seen Seunghyun as anything more than a friend, but he had always though more about me. Plus, I was his best friend's girl. All this time, he'd had feelings for me?

  I AM SO SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU WAITING FOR ALL THESE WEEKS! BUT THANKS FOR BEARING WITH ME! I'VE FINISHED MY EXAMS NOW *YAY* SO UPDATES SHOULD BE MORE FREQUENT! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER, AND THAT YOU GUYS COMMENT (You know how much I love to read em') AND PLEASE SUBSCRIBE IF YOU ARE A NEW READER! 

I LOVE YOU! SARANGHAE! *Thanks for the support!*