I smiled down at the baby in my arms. It had only been a few days, but I could vaguely see a clear definition in his facial features. Lena watched as I ran my fingers through his curly mass of hair as I fed him. Caleb's eyes were closed. He looked like he was having the time of his life. I wanted to spoil and cherish this kid.

Even if it was from a distance. 

I looked away.

Lena sat next to me, with a slightly distracted look on her face. 

"...Is it hard?"

"Huh? feeding?"

She nodded.

"No..it's just uncomfortable..." 

For some reason I felt that she wanted me to say that. I didn't know why.

My sister piped up.

"So, whats your plan..after all this?" she grinned, but it looked forced.

"I'm not sure really. I should probably try and look for a job...find my own place...take up dancing again.."

She got up and sat on the edge of my hopsital bed, and kissed my forehead.

"I think that's a good idea, dude. You need your own independence"

"...And you need more space. Caleb can have my room, I don't mind"

She laughed.

"He'll probably sleep with me and Gary for a while, until he can manage by himself"

The baby's hand tightened around my finger as he lay sleeping on my chest. At that moment, an overwhelming feeling hit me. I tried to fight it. 

***

I could hear the wretched scream of a little child. IT WOULDN'T STOP. The pitch rose higher and higher, until I saw my sister. Her lips were a deep red colour and her hair fell over her eyes. She reached out and grabbed my hand, then let go. 

I fell.

I sat straight up and gasped for air, relieved that I'd awoken from that nightmare. I was sweating all over and an unatural heaviness rested on my soul. I felt restless. 

Slowly treading the syringe stenched corridors of the hopsital, I made my way to the nursery. A dim light invited me inside, and a nurse greeted me. 

"Coming to see the little one?" She whispered.

My throat was too dry for me to speak. I just nodded.

I laid eyes on him sleeping. He slept all of the time, why did I find him so fascinating? Just knowing  Caleb was safe, was enough to calm my nerves. I sat there for hours, watching the rise and fall of his little chest and his face as he swallowed and breathed. I wanted to hold him and kiss him, but I couldn't without waking him up. 

This happened for several nights in a row. Nightmare, nursery, Caleb. I didn't sleep properly for a while. Ji was away running errands in Japan for two weeks, so I spent most of my time with my sister and Gary when he visited in the evenings. I tried to totally detatch myself from the baby when they were around, to the point where I dreaded being left alone with him. I feared that my attatchment would grow stronger. 

So my sister was shocked when I asked to be discharged from the hospital a week early. 

"...Are you sure?"

"Yeah! Think about it, I don't really need to be here. Its you that needs to be with Caleb, not me. I can always visit you to feed him"

"...It's fine, I guess you'll be busy. We have to get him off it anyway. I'll try and get him on to formula milk early, so you won't have to keep running over to the apartment"

Why did I feel dissappointed?

"...Umm are you sure he'll adapt to it that quickly?" I peered down at him, strapped into the carrier that Lena was holding. He had a huge hat draped over his ears and a bubble baby-grow coat on, with some chrome hearts baby socks.

Jiyong had bought him the baby socks.

Typical of GD.

"Everything will be fine, sis. Don't worry about us. I've read every childcare book there is known to man, I know what I'm doing" 

She hugged me so tightly that I thought I was going to choke.

"You are the best sister I could wish for Ambs"

Gary helped her put everything in the car and he came and stood by me at the entrance of the hospital.

"Seriousy man, I owe you one...and a half. Thanks for everything"

"Ahh....its alright"

"Feel free to come visit any time"

"I will.."

"...Caleb's like a chip off the old block..he acts a lot like you, you know..."

I pushed him playfully.

"...Err..you're saying I'm old now?"

"No!...no...you know what I meant" 

I liked winding him up. I called after Gary as he walked to the car with Lena and the Caleb.

"Take care of my sister and my....my....." my voice trailed off. I decided to give up on finishing that sentence. 

I got a text from GD. 

'Tokyo>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Seoul'

I guessed he was trying to tell me that he was on his way back.

Before he left for Japan, Jiyong insisted that I stayed at his house for the time being, after leaving the hospital, although I was extremely reluctant after the previous press scandal. He told me we'd cross that bridge when we'd come to it. He arranged for a car to pick me up.

I wasn't expecting it to be a Bentley. 

Slightly embarssed, a pulled a hood over my face and climbed into the car. It smelt of GD on the inside. I missed him really badly. When we arrived at the house, I practically ran straight inside, without hesitation. I hadn't set foot in his residence since the night anti- fans set up camp outside my flat.

I spent the remainder of the day walking around the mansion of a building, poking my fingers around places I probably shouldn't have. All my attempts to distract myself from thinking about the baby failed in the end, and at 10 pm, I ended up falling asleep on the sofa with Jolie on my lap. 

***

"Babe"

Groggily, I turned to see his face inches from mine.

The moment was disprupted when the canines sabotaged their owner.

Jiyong dropped his bags as Gaho practically jumped on him.

"Woah, down boy"

It was amusing to see his dog cramp his style. GD pushed the Sharpei off his lap and hugged me close. He whispered in my ear.

"bogo sip-eoss-eoyo" 

"I missed you too...How was Japan?"

"...Meh. Just interviews, and women throwing themselves at me" He muttered sarcastically.

" That sounds...nice" I replied.

He grinned and lightly pushed me down on the couch, but I got back up again.

"Ji, I'm not really in the mood..."

"What's bothering you?" His voice suddenly became more serious.

"...Nothing...I just...please just..."

"You're not pregnant again, are you?"

He knew I was too tired to find that funny.

Ji held me as I leant into his chest. I just wanted him to cuddle me.

Moments later, semi awake... I felt him carrying me upstairs. To tell the truth I was shattered, so I didn't even bother getting

changed properly. I just lay under the covers wearing my bra, a tanktop and my pants. Ji climbed in next to me. I traced all the 

tattoos on his chest, until he started kissing me again. This time, I just gave in. That was, until he proceeded in taking off my bra.

All of a sudden I was awake.

"WOAH-WOAH..woah..stop"

He realized my fast reaction, and stopped, awkwardly removing his hands from my lingerie. 

"...You seemed pretty into it, so I thought I'd..."

"Do you realize how freakin' painful my s are right now? feeding takes its toll on your body you know. Aisshh, you should

try being a woman. Life isn't so easy"

"Ya, I know what it feels like you know"

I immediately swiveled around to face him. 

"When the hell did you go through this?"

"I had to be Ji Raim in the Secret Garden parody" 

It the mention of that, he knew he had me in stitches. I had the honor of witnessing cross dressed G-Dragon against his will. 

My irritant mood totally changed.

We both sniggered silently, hand in hand, lieing in bed like two inexperienced teenagers.

"Amber-ssii why are you so enticing?"

"Yeah, and you crave too much, Jiyong"

He started making noises equivalent to those of a little kid.

"Even Caleb is quieter than you"

At the mention of his name, my phone rang.

I groaned.

"I'll get it"

Jiyong walked across the room and grabbed my cell. He looked up the caller ID.

"It's your sis"

I answered it.

Oh God, I could hear him shrieking in the background. The maternal side of me kicked in. Before my sister even spoke, I 

bombarded her with questions.

"Is Caleb okay? What happened? Is everything-"

"He's not sleeping, Amber. We tried to do night shifts, and he's drank some milk, but he's refusing to sleep.." Her voice was all cracked.

"Um...I'm coming down, I'll be there in a bit"

Jiyong looked at me with a crazed expression as I shot out of the bed and started pulling on my clothes. I actually struggled in the 

process. My limbs were really weak.

"Amber, what happened?"

"He...keeps crying..."

He pulled on a shirt and pants and grabbed his keys.

"I'll come with you"