It felt like someone was chain sawing through my skull and there was a rave going on in my stomach.

The last time I'd been sick, I was pregnant, now it was just the aftermath of a night out and a load of bad decisions.

I slumped against the bathroom door.

"You need any help?" Choi Seunghyun's voice was quiet. He and Jiyong were still sat in silence in the room next door, both still angry, both not sure how to handle any of this. 

I didn't either.
I just wanted GD to leave.

I climbed into the shower. Normally it would do the trick but this time it made things worse. I nearly doubled over. 

Concealing myself with a towel, I poked my head around the door.

"Can someone please pass me my clothes?"
Jiyong picked them up. I waited for him to pass them to me. 

"What's the point? We've both seen you anyway" 
I glared at him. He glared back. 

"Jiyong why are you even here?" Top spoke up. He span a cigarette through his fingers.
"Jiyong, if you loved her, you would have fought for her. You wouldn't be marrying Hanee. You would have gone and searched for Amber instead of packing up and going to the army. You would have stood up to YG in the first place. If you loved her, she wouldn't have been here last night. All you ever do is upset her-"

"You don't know anything.  Amber doesn't even love you, can't you see that?!" His voice got louder.

Tabi glanced at me for a fraction of a second. I couldn't not say anything.

"I-"

Jiyong cut me off.

"Amber, do not lie to him. Look at him"

Top's eyes met with mine again, but this time, he didn't pull them away, he just kept staring, his eyes interrogating my conscience for answers. 

GD kept running his frickin commentary, addressing his bandmate.

"Seunghyun, she feels nothing when she looks at you. You just happen to be there at the right time. She doesn't love you-"

I stepped in to intervene, but Jiyong's phone got there first. It began to ring. TOP was still looking at me. His gaze bore holes in the back of my neck as I turned around. 

We both stood awkwardly as GD answered his phone. I had no idea of what to say. I loved Seunghyun as a friend, but anything more? Jiyong made me question it. I stood there, messing with Tabi's feelings, while he was madly in love with me. He'd never left my side, when GD ditched me at the Press Conference, when I was alone in LA... He'd always been there and I never really acknowledged it. 

Why was I falling for the bad boy? I'd seen Jiyong at his weakest point, and I guess witnessing his vulnerability pushed me to believe that he really wasn't a bad person. Despite his faults and mistakes, I still loved hi-

GD picked up the phone. From the change of tone, I knew it was Hanee, plus I could hear her. My heart sank. She must have been shouting through the reciever.

"OPPA WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Agitated much? Sheesh.

Jiyong walked to the other side of the room.

"I'm out-"

"You just disappeared last night after that left?!"

?! She was still calling me that?

Jiyong realised I'd heard.

"....Don't call her a , Hanee"

"Whatever, I don't care. We have wedding preparations, I booked the organiser for today, your mom is coming, and you're not even here?! That girl is a problem, we'll talk later "

Oh my god, what a control freak.

Jiyong rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I'll be right over..."

"You better be, oppa-"

He hung up.

"You were here from last night, weren't you?" I forgot that TOP was stood behind me. His question to Jiyong was more like a statement.

GD's shoulders sunk. Suddenly, I saw the tiredness in his face. He turned to me.

"I waited outside the appartment, the whole night...kinda hoping you'd come out"

Damn.

"I'm leaving" Jiyong walked out the door. 

Tabi put his hand on my shoulder.

"I...I think we should stop seeing each other for a while. This whole thing is messed up"

He was leaving too?!

 "Bye"

He left me in his appartment, by myself.

Way to go, Amber.

***

"I just don't get it. You lead them on, they hate you. You tell them you just want to be friends, they hate you"

Lena stirred her green tea. 

"I know, sis, men are complicated"

"That's an understatement"

Why on earth my sister took me to the huge shopping mall in Gangnam for the day, was a mystery. Maybe she saw the depressed expression on my face when I visited her earlier that day. 

We sat in one of the coffee shops. I hadn't had a proper conversation with her in a while.

"Cheer up, Ambs, you have your whole life ahead of you. Find something that makes you really happy, instead of looking for it in other people"

Advice for life.

We walked around a couple more stores. I had no idea why, since I could barely afford anything. An older korean woman stood there holding two dresses. She looked really puzzled, trying to decided between the two. I decided to ask her if she wanted my opinion. There was no harm in helping someone, right?

She smiled at me sweetly.

"Of course! You see, my son is getting married soon, and I need a suitable dress for the wedding"

"Ahhh, that's nice. Well I think the red dress would really compliment your figure, it's beautiful"

She blushed slightly, then laughed.

"You think? It's hard to find stylish clothes for women of my age nowadays. Thank you for your help, miss"

"No problem. I'm sure the wedding will be perfect"

"I hope so. What is your name?"

"It's Am-"

"Hey, Umma-"

Jiyong walked around the corner, Hanee's fingers interlocked with his.

Time froze.

"The couple gawped at me. Hanee looked furious. GD looked sick to the stomach. I'd only just seen him hours earlier.

His mom broke the silence.

God, if she knew it was me that had been with her son, I swear she wouldn't be smiling right now. Her face lit up.

"Son, this young lady just helped me to pick a dress for the big day! So kind of her!"

She turned to me. 

"This is my son, Kwon Jiyong. I'm sure you've heard of BIGBANG, right? He's the leader-"

"I-I know"

Silence again.

"I need to go now" I re-adjusted my bag on my shoulders and walked straight out of that shop. I wanted to walk off the face of the earth.