I almost jumped as I heard TOP's voice behind me. He was being really loud.

"Amber...why are you here?" I flinched and stepped away from the doorway. 
"I'm leaving now" I whispered and attempted to move away from the room.

I say 'attempted' because at that moment, I felt Ji's sweaty palms encircle my wrist. 
When I turned around, I realised that what Seungri had said was true.

"...Amber?!"

Dead.

He looked dead.

Dark circles around his eyes made them appear to be lifeless. His lips were chapped and his cheeks were blotchy. He'd been drinking, and he stank of cigarette ash. In all my time working at YG, I had never seen him like this. GD was thin in general, but right now, his legs were like sticks, and his shirt draped over his shoulders. 

His muscles were obviously still there, because as I tried to free myself from his grip, he pulled me towards him. I tried my best to push him away but he was resilient. His arms tightened around me, even though I kept telling him to let me go, again and again, and again, to the point where I became weary and gave in. 

"...Jiyong-ssi..please stop"  He just closed his eyes and cradeled me.

"Sshhh...Amber"

His eyes were closed and I could see pure pain on his face. He slipped his hands into mine, and burried his face in my neck. A part of me wanted to cry with him. The other part just wanted to push him away. 
I didn't know how to think or feel, my mind was just blank. I'd been traumatized so much over the past couple of weeks, that no more emotion leaked from my body. 

Eventually, he stepped away. 

"...Let's just get out of here."

The determined look on his face scared me slightly.
I'd just heard him rebuke Yang Suk. He was blackmailed to lie to the press. Why was I so reluctant to forgive him? I just couldn't...
As Ji led me away from the room, TOP blocked the way.

"Don't you think you've hurt her enough?"
GD glared at him.
"Move, hyung-"
"By leaving here, you're throwing her back into the face of the press. She's already had enough. Just give her a break already, Jiyong"
"Stay out of it" the spite in GD's voice was so obvious.
"Jiyong, if you loved her, you would not have stripped her dignity like that-"
"Why are you questioning me?-"
"I'm going"
I interupted the bickering of the two idols, and proceeded in walking towards the exit.
"Amber, wait-" I ignored Jiyong as he pleaded for me. He tried to go after me, but Seunghyun held him back. 

Even though I left YG with my dignity intact, I felt extremely air headed as I stepped outside.
It was partially due to my intimate encounter with G-Dragon. The way his fingers brushed my skin made it inevitable; he wanted me back. 

Then again, TOP's voice rang in my head.

'If you loved her, you would not have stripped my diginity like that"

Since the press conference, my self esteem had plumetted like a rock. I'd felt self concious all the time. Waking up and getting out of bed each morning had been a daily struggle, and the fact that the due date of my pregnancy was a little later than a month away, meant that each move was painful, physically. 

Apart from the riddled texts, Jiyong had not been there for me, and the public would forever look down on me. YG was the centre of it all, as I'd suspected beforehand, but somehow, I still saw it as GD's fault. 

We were both ruined.

As I silently climbed into bed that night, I knew that twisted images of his gaunt face would haunt me in my sleep, for the next couple of days. I was a mental, and emotional wreck.

***

The doorbell rang.

Shuffling forwards in my dommo hoody, jacket and and sweat pants, I went to answer it.

Even though he wore a thick scarf, covering most of his face, I knew who it was.

"Hey TOP"

"Hi, Amber...I brought you these.."

His arms outstretched holding a huge box containing all my things from the YG office. 

"I managed to salvage them all before the cleaners threw them out" He smiled, then hesitated. "Can I come in?"

"Oh..um, yeah, sure" I couldn't put my words together in one sentence. The flat was a mess, loaded with file papers from Lena's work, Gary's stuff, and baby items. I didn't really want him seeing all of that.

I tried to take the box from Seunghyun, but he was adamant that I shouldn't carry such heavy things. He put them down in the living room. TOP looked at me. Then looked at me again.

"...Isn't that Jiyong's jacket?" He pointed to what I was wearing.

I felt embarassed.

"Oh, this? Umm, yeah, but it's nothing, I mean, I just dragged it on.."

There I went again...fumbling my words.

He pulled the scarf down off his face so he could talk properly.

"Well, I've got a busy schedule today, so I'll be going-"

Then I noticed something. My hand shot to his cheekbone. It was bruised, heavily, and his lip was cut.

"How did...." My voice trailed off as I realized what had happened.

"Hyung. We got into a bit of a fight, last night"

"...Oh..."

I removed my hand.

"Amber, don't worry about us. We'll be okay. Yang Suk his heartless, he always has been. Scrap YG family, its more like a training camp. Jiyong will go on being famous. I'll still be the rapper of BIGBANG, nothing will change. So don't be afraid to live your life, for yourself. Forget about us. Have the baby in peace, then aspire to what you want to go for. I'll step out of the picture, and I'll make sure that Jiyong keeps his distance. You've got so much potential, don't waste it" 

He kissed the top of my forehead, and left the house.

Pretty much straight away, I recieved a text from GD. This was the ninth text he had sent me over the last two weeks.

'Rather than going through the pain alone, share some with me,

Please look at me, why can’t you realise that I am your love
Why are you the only one who doesn’t know-GD

It was followed by another text.

'Seoul 98 fm. Now.'

Why on earth I followed his instruction, I do not know. I the radio at that channel.

'And now, we have the newest track from the hottest comeback artist of the year. Here I present...THAT XX'

As soon as he started singing, I knew it was Jiyong. I just could not escape him. I went to change the station, but stopped dead in my tracks.

'Now you're getting angry with me'

'See, I lied for you'

'I hate that you don't understand me'

'I hate all of this waiting'

'Why can't I have you'

'How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?'

'They say love is blind, Oh baby you so blind'

'The amount of tears you've cried, I want to make you happy'

'Rather than going through the pain alone, share some with me,

Please look at me, why can’t you realise that I am your love
Why are you the only one who doesn’t know'

The lyrics consisted of all of the texts he had sent me. The song was accoustic, with  falsetto vocals. two things he knew that I loved. It was simple, but at the same time, a masterpiece. And I knew that he'd composed it for me. Each one of those statements screamed out to me as I listened. The melody gave me a calm feeling, with the dominant syllables of his rapping over the top of the guitar. It was hauntingly beautiful. 

He knew exacty what strings to pull, to get to my core. To make me open up to him. To make me forgive him.

Kwon Jiyong, you fricking genius.

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