Chapter 17:

Why are you always so nice to me Kyuhyun?

The nicer he is, the more guilty I felt.

I got changed. Grabbing my phone from the table, I made my way out of the house.

I walked towards the bus stop quietly, alone and peaceful. My heart was hurting so much on the inside. IT really felt so burdened, so hurt and broken.

“Hanji!” I heard that familiar voice again as he ran towards me.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath before squinting at his running figure in a distance.

I turned around immediately, walking in the opposite direction.

“Please.” He said as his fingers curled themselves around my thin wrist, pulling me back.

“Kyu, let go of me.” I said in a calm voice, trying as hard as I could to hold back those tears.

He turned me around with his arms, forcing me to face him.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked again. I could feel all the sadness in his tone and that was what made me feel even tier.

“Tell me things are going to be alright between us?” He spoke again, looking at me. His eyes all downcast and sad. He was just tired and he was too, worried.

“Let go of me.” I said again, my face unchanged to his words. But on the inside, I was crying.

I was broken. Seeing him like this, made me feel so much more horrible and painful.

I just couldn’t bear to watch him like this.

He looked at me one last time. Those eyes, filled with concern and sincerity.

“If you are happy, then I am.” And with that, he let go of my wrist, walking off in the opposite direction.

I blinked, letting a tear fall the moment I saw him turn around on his heels.

“I am sorry, this isn’t what I want either.”  I said before wiping my tears away and heading onto the bus  that just arrived.

On the bus, I stared out of the window.

The route this bus took just seemed to familiar.

It was a restaurant, the first restaurant he took me to for a date after we came back from Nepal.

It was the first, and the sweetest moment.

“Hungry?” I asked, laughing the moment I saw his eyes lighting up when the waitress placed the bowl of food onto the table top.

He grinned and nodded.

“Aren’t you hungry too?” He asked, smiling at me as he took my hand that rested on the table.

“Yes, I am, now tuck in.” I said before placing a piece of meat onto his plate with my chopsticks.

He nodded brightly again before tucking in and feeding himself.

I let out a small laugh before placing a piece of meat into my own mouth to try.

“Mhmmm.” I let out in satisfaction the moment I chewed.

“It’s nice right?” He spoke up, grinning again.

“Yes it is.” I answered, before grabbing another piece with my chopsticks and bringing it to my lips.

But when I looked up at him, his face gave off a certain glow that made me point my chopsticks in his direction.

“Ahhhh,” I laughed saying.

“Don’t you want to eat it?” He asked me again, all concerned.

“You looked as if you were going to drool watching me eat, so here you go.”  I smiled before stuffing the meat into his mouth before he could even answer me.

He choked out, laughing at my sudden actions.

“You are so cute, you know that?” He suddenly asked spoke, after  regaining his normal form from all the laughing and choking.

“Of course I am.” I said, proudly.

“That’s not the answer I wanted!” He slammed his hand on the table before folding his arms and pouting cutely.

“What did you want instead?” I laughed, knowing that I had gotten him into my game of teasing.

“You were supposed to say that I am cute too.” He frowned, glaring at me.

“Since when were you cute?” I teased, raising a brow.

“I-I uh-hh, I just am!” He frowned even more, embarrassed.

I smiled before reaching over to squeeze his arm.

“You are.”

I blinked out of my daydream, only to realise that I was crying the whole time while having such a sudden flashback.

Oh kyu.

I looked out of the window, staring at all the fast moving trees.

“Maybe if we didn’t start, I wouldn’t be hurting you this much right now.” I mumbled, closing my eyes.

I am sorry.

“Hanji!” I smiled the moment I walked into the café to see Sooyeon waving at me.

“It’s a long time since I saw you,”   She said standing up to welcome me and also pulling me into a hug.

I nodded before grinning at her.

“Sooyeon, we met last week.”  I laughed, settling down ont eh couch opposite her.

The strong aroma of sweet coffee filled my nose.

“Miss, what would you like to order?” The waitress walked towards me. Her face was partially covered in the waitress cap.

But her voice, it was pretty familiar.

“One white coffee, please.” I said before nodding at her.

She smiled at walked away, I could only see her lips.

Unusual.

“Anyways, where Kyuhyun?” I heard Sooyeon’s voice, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Oh umm,”  I mumbled, searching my mind for an answer. I didn’t know what I could say.

“Hanji?”  Sooyeon asked again, concerned as she leaned over the table, examining my face, and searching for an answer.

“Oh, Kyu isn’t really, f-free today-y.” I stuttered, making my lie even worse to cover up.

Well done, Hanji.

“Is everything alright between you guys?” She asked, so concerned I can feel sadness in her tone.

“No, Sooyeon, everything isn’t fine.” I sighed, confessing.

I treated her as a very close friend and I knew she would know what to do to help me in this case.

I closed my eyes, letting a tear fall.

“Miss, your coffee.” The waitress came by, placing the cup in front of me. I nodded, “Thanks.” 

The moment she walked away, I hung my head and let more tears fall out from my eyes.

“Hanji.” Sooyeon took my hand, rubbing the back of my palm with her thumb.

“What happened, dear?” She asked, all worried  and concerned about the situation between Kyu and myself.

“Remember back then when we were in Nepal and I wasn’t  feeling well?” I asked, looking up to meet her big brown eyes that were staring back at me.

“I came back and went for a check up. A scan to be exact.” I continued, playing with my fingers as the vision in front of me started to blur out with my tears.

“I have leukemia.” I spoke again, breaking down.

“I have leukemia…” I repeated, my head hung low as my body began to shake.

“Hanji!” Sooyeon exclaimed before running over to the couch I was on and pulling me into her embrace, not caring if everyone was looking at us.

“It will be fine.” She whispered.

“It will all be fine.” She said again, my cheek and wiping my tears.

I nodded before looking back at her. I was kind of used to people telling me that things were going to be fine.

I knew those were comforting words and it comforted me, of course. But deep down, I knew those were never the truth. And in reality, I didn’t have much time left.

Not much life left.

“Promise me you won’t breathe a word about this to Kyuhyun.” I spoke, entwining my own fingers and placing my hands on the table top.

“Um, yeah-h.” She mumbled before looking away uneasily.

Oh no.

“Please.” I repeated.

“Fine.” She said, smiling at me reassuringly.

“Thank you.”

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I went home afterwards, feeling horrible as my stomach was hurting so badly.

I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom.

Dropping to the floor in front of the toilet bowl, I vomited my guts out.

It was disgusting to see my lunch that I had digested earlier on, now right in front of me.

I scrunched up my nose in disgust before flushing the toilet and washing my hands.

I looked into my own mirror reflection.

I looked like crap.

My eyes, swollen from all the crying and hurt.

My cheeks sunk in and my hair all messy and tangled.

I was a complete mess.

But what could I possibly do?

My heart hurting as though someone had smashed it into a million pieces.

But in fact, I was the one breaking my own heart. The one breaking others’  too.

I fell to the ground, hugging my knees as I broke down once again.

These days, nothing much had really been on my side.

Was this fate?

Was this going to actually turn out fine like how everyone said it would?

Or was this just going to be the end of everything. Crashing and burning right before my eyes.

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A/N: GUYS i am back with a new chapter! How are you guys doing out there? :) Anyways how was this chapter? I updated today like how i promised, just a day earlier! 

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