Chapter 15:

“Hello, this is the Seoul international Hospital. How can I help you, Miss Kim?” The counter lady chirped through the phone.

“Hi, I would like to collect my report at an earlier timing.” I replied, picking stabbing a small slice of an apple and stuffing it into my mouth.

“Yes of course, what time would you like to collect it?”

“In the morning, thank you.” I answered again as I chewed.

“Sure, the appointment has been altered. See you then.” She ended the call right then.

I sat down on the couch, chewing on the apple slices I have cut earlier on.

I changed the timing of the doctor’s appointment, because I didn’t want Kyu to tag along with me, which I knew he definitely would.

I was just so afraid of getting unfavbourable results from the scan I did a few weeks back. What a coward, right?

If the results were bad, I just didn’t want Kyu to be there to witness the weak side of me. Or burdened with any news received. I wanted him to be happy, just as he is now.

He deserved it, all.

What happened almost a few days back replayed in my mind as I walked out of the main entrance.

The rain pouring down on my head as I walked home by the side path. I don’t know what I should be doing, besides this.

I stared up in the sky, letting the hard-hitting rain, pelt down on my own face. Hard and painful.

I just didn’t have the strength as I fell onto my knees on the concrete pathway.

I felt so burdened, so burdened with this illness.

How am I going to tell my mum? Kyuhyun? Those are the two people whom I loved wholeheartedly. How am I going to tell them?

I didn’t know where I should go. I just felt as if my world was taken.

I didn’t know why, but I turned left on the side walk and headed for Daesun’s house.

Knocking on the door at her front porch, I tightened my already wet coat around my body. The door flung open in less than a minute, revealing Daesun herself in her sleeping attire and slippers, with a shock expression to see me around.

“Sorry, am I interrupting your sleep?” I asked in a calm tone, looking at the ground, all soaked.

“Hanji! What happened?” She pulled me in quickly, grabbing me a towel and covering me up, ignoring my question.  

What could I say?

I walked with her towards her sofa. She gestured for me to sit while she made me a hot cup of chocolate.

The moment I saw her turning around on her heels, heading for the kitchen, I dropped my head into my hands as I cried.

I didn’t  want such an illness. I was not afraid of dying, but I was afraid of people leaving. I watched as how my father left our family. How he left my mum and myself.

I just didn’t like the feeling of how people could just put down everything they built in years and just walk off.

But this time, it’s going to be all my fault in cause of their leaving. All mine.

I couldn’t blame them if they did, who would even want to stay with someone with such an illness and also someone who would tie them down with sadness and troubles?

I know I had to let them all go so that I wouldn’t become a burden but the pain would be unbearable.

I felt so troubled. Why would such a thing happen to me? What have I done?

She came back with the mug of hot chocolate, only to find me crying on her couch. She almost dropped  the cup, but managed to regain her balance, placing it on the table and rushing over to me.

“What happened?” Before she could continue asking, she pulled me into a hug.

“Tell me what happened dear?” She asked again, my back as I sniffed.

I looked up, tears filling my eyes still.

“I went to the doctor’s, to get my medical report today Daesun.” I started, my eyes red and swollen from the crying.

Taking in a deep breath, I continued.

“I have leukemia,” Her face dropped, tears forming in her own eyes.

“Daesun, I really am scared. I really am.” She pulled me in for a hug.

“I am scared too, don’t worry Hanji, we will be able to fight this, together.” She said as she my back as I continued to cry.

Having such an illness did not come to pleasantly to me. It was shocking.  I guess I am handling in in a worser way.

“Does Kyuhyun know?” She asked, taking my hand. She just mentioned the part that had gotten me thinking for a long time.

That day when I came back from Nepal, I have gone to Daesun’s house for a meal and also telling her the good news about Kyuhyun and myself. I know she had a slight tinge of liking towards Kyuhyun and she was my bestfriend, I knew how she felt. But I didn’t want to crush her in any way. I just thought that if she loved me as a friend, she would have been happy for me too.

Her reaction, in turn was what shocked me.

She screamed over the phone, telling me how much she found us compatible and how she was extremely glad for me.

Of course, that was what I hoped for too.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I shook my head, as tears trickled down my cheek. I couldn’t let him know. I couldn’t even bring myself to reply his messages that had been coming the whole day.

He was worried, dead worried and I was sure about that, but I just didn’t have that courage to bring myself to say anything.

I couldn’t be a burden to him. He deserved so much happiness. Kyuhyun was the nicest person and the only one I would ever have known and loved, in my life and I couldn’t just tie him down with my problems. It had nothing to do with him and he needed more love. Love which I cannot give after a certain time.

I needed to make him leave.

Leave me. 

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A/N: You readers! I am baaaackkk! 

Here's a new chapter and i hope you like it! It's really so sad to know she has such an illness due to all the headaches and nosebleeds she had! 

Btw, Donghae is already a year older! Thanks to all of you who wished him though! :) Really so glad. But Leeteuk is leaving in 11 days for the army and i feel horrible. Any of you guys sending him off? :(

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