Dear Tofu,

Are you alright? You haven't been updating a lot lately, and even if you do, you don't seem like you. I've been following your blog for a while and even wrote a few letters to you myself. Although you've helped a lot of people throughout the uprising through this advice column, maybe you need some advice yourself as well. Don't stay hidden for too long, but if you are going through a hard time, take all the time in the world.

As for me, I'm not sure how things are for me. I've been confused and feeling out of place. It's kind of strange to how much I am able to resist myself from not being absolutely frustrated. I wrote a few times to you about this girl I liked. It's kind of stupid really. Everything she does makes me mad yet everything she does makes me want to like her even more. Does this even make sense? How can I like something that makes me angry? Have you had feelings like this before? Where you're so mad at a person but no matter how mad you are at them, they're still someone you want to like?

You probably see me as some sort of loser of a guy that's too much of a coward to face her properly. I'm sorry for bothering you again, but I hope you don't mind me sending you this. Once again, you don't need to reply. I just want someone to listen to me.

Sincerely,

Paranoid.

"There's my girl," the tall male wrapped his arm around your neck and began fluffing your hair until it was a complete mess.

"Kim Jongin," you groaned as you put all your strength into getting his arms away from you. 

It's been a real long time since you agreed to meet up with him. Despite him being probably the most closest guy friend you have now, you tried your best to push yourself out of the life you had before, but realized it was too damaging to your emotional health. 

You gave up struggling away from his embrace and that's when he pulled himself away from you, giving you some space and air to breath. "Finally, you missed me enough to call me to hang out," he hugged you again. 

He was always so affectionate. Really. He was. Male, female, dogs, cats, just name it and he probably has shown some sort of affection towards it. 

"Actually, I heard your school was coming to Yonsei, so I thought it would be rude to not ask you to hang out while you came and visit," you chuckled.

He rolled his eyes distinctively, so you would see how 'annoyed' he was. "Whatever," he said coolly, "I know you missed me dearly. Otherwise, you wouldn't have called at all."

"Missed you? Maybe. Dearly? Not so much," you teased and laughed at him. Nonetheless, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. You felt odd a bit since you immediately thought about Sehun who would always do that to you. Now, just the thought of him made you want to crumble a bit.

Attempting to make conversation as you lead him around campus, you asked more about what was going on his life rather than your own to avoiding topics that were possibly sensitive.

"Ah, so, your school is here to watch a famous performer," you nodded your head after Jongin explained, "It's kind of like a field trip."

"Exactly, Yoonhee's here too, but she's probably hanging out with Sehun. She's been hanging out with him a lot which is odd," Jongin said trying to push the idea into your head, but you only nodded and continued your mini tour.

The slick boy wasn't stupid. He could read you easily like how he could over ten years ago. You were antsy at the topic and clearly didn't want linger on Sehun for too long, but he was nosy. He was going to get it out of you and try to fix it. He hated watching from the sidelines.

"You have been talking to him, right?" Jongin asked.

"Ah, no. We don't even bump into each other anymore. Our schedules are totally different," you told him.

It wasn't a lie, but you weren't exactly being thorough either. You left out a lot of details that were pretty important to the storylines, yet still refuse to say anything about it. 

"I heard he's a total womanizer now," he mentioned.

"Is he?" you pretended to not know, but in fact, you knew. All too well.

You've seen him flirt with girls on campus. You've seen him shoot you unwelcoming eyes in the process. He saw you yet he didn't to stop. He confused you in all different angles. He'd tell you that he liked you yet he flirts with other girls. It made you think that you couldn't believe in him anymore. You weren't sure where his sincerity or compassion went, but each time you saw this new Sehun, your mind cried for the old Sehun. You felt alone and you felt like you were being punished for being so clueless. Looking at him, the only fingers you could point at were at yourself and no one else.

"Stop acting like that," Jongin finally snapped, "Why don't you talk to him? You're obviously bothered."

And he was always right. Kim Jongin is unfortunately underestimated for his observation skills. His eyes were keen and he was well alert of his . Especially of you. The two of you aren't together anymore, but he always felt this responsibility to watch over you ever since the very first day you two met. He's seen you at your most vulnerable state and practically cured you from it.

"We talked," you finally revealed, "But it wasn't exactly great."

"What do you mean?" he furrowed his brow and listened to you carefully. 

"I made him this way," you shivered, "I'm the reason why he's so different. He dyed his hair. He stands so arrogantly and pompously because of me. I did this to him. I hurt him. I did too much already. I..."

Jongin wrapped his arms around you before you were able to blame yourself even more. He rocked you in his arms and combed your hair with his soft fingers. 

"Bora, do you like him?" he questioned, "Do you have feelings for Sehun?"

It wasn't the first time someone has questioned your feelings towards the boy. Before you didn't think anything of it, but now that Jongin was here asking you, the thought of liking Sehun seemed oddly possible. Perhaps that saying is true: You don't know what you have until it's gone. And now Sehun was gone. At least, the one you were familiar with is. 

You stood there with that question drilled into your head. Do I? You thought. 

"I just miss him a lot," you admitted, "I feel lonely. He's practically the only one I talk to and suddenly he just wants to drop it. It's like I lost a leg. I can get around, but it's difficult and almost unbarring."

"So, this is the famous smart university," Yoonhee nodded her head as she observed the large campus.

"Yoonhee, what I signed up for isn't working," Sehun ignored her comments and went straight to his problems, "I'm not forgetting her. I think of her even more and this dating and getting around thing. I feel like a douche. Actually, I feel like I'm Jongin back when he picked up these stupid games."

"Not one girl has caught your eye?" she raised her brow, highly doubting the idea it hasn't.

He sighed, "There are obviously pretty girls around, but that doesn't fill the void that Bora had. These girls didn't spend middle school and high school with me."

The girl stayed silent thinking about what he was saying. Middle school and high school. It's only funny to her because she spent even a longer time with him yet she never was able to get the attention that you got from him. Not from him and not from Jongin. These two males were like princes waiting for you at the bottom of your tower. Hearing a small plead of help, they would line up to get to you.

"So, if these girls knew you for a long period of time, it would be better?" Yoonhee shyly asked without giving him a look.

Sehun could already see where she was going with this. Yoonhee liked him for a long period of time and even knew him years before you came into the picture. "This isn't right," he said, "If you're talking about yourself, I can't."

Another rejection. She laughed to herself. Just why not? She thought. 

"You didn't have feelings for her until she gave her attention to someone else. If I turned myself away from you, would you have liked me back then as well?" she questioned, not necessary directly her questions towards him but more like herself. 

"Yoonhee, I don't want to lose you as a friend," Sehun informed her.

"So, doing all of this," she paused and then sighed, "Being someone that you aren't, flirting with girls, dating around is worth it as long as you get the slightest bit of interest from Bora. You would want to become something you aren't just for her. She's worth losing as long as for one moment her eyes were on you."

Although Sehun wanted to disagree, her words were practically all true. This act was only partially for revenge. The other part was just the slightest hope that you might come through and might actually have returning feelings for him. You were worth losing if you loved him for even just a small percentage of the romantic feelings he has towards you. He has made the choice of seeing you as a lover rather than a friend long ago.

To Sehun, you were no longer a friend, but a lovely crush, an unrequited love, and now, a possible bitter love.

Yoonhee nodded at his silence and just smiled. "Let's go eat. I've been hungry all day," she covered her sadness with that fake smile of hers like their conversation had never happened. Taking the lead, she walked ahead of him, leaving a thought filled Sehun trailing behind.

"Do you think your sister will ever remember me?" Baekhyun asked his best friend as he tossed the basketball to him.

Shrugging, Chanyeol dribbled and thought about it for a second. "I don't even know where to start with that," he admitted honestly, "I mean, first of all, does she even want to remember the kid that pulled her braids and pigtails?"

"Funny," he fired back sarcastically, "I'm serious, Chanyeol."

Shooting the ball into the basketball while Baekhyun was off guard, he shrugged again. "Her doctors said that she shut out memories before our mom... you know. One of those memories just happened to be you as a person. It wasn't like you were a good memory to her. She used to always cry because of you," he told him.

"Do you think if I say something about back then that it could trigger something?" Baekhyun asked, not giving much care about the game they were playing anymore.

"Don't think about it," Chanyeol answered firmly and protectively, "I don't want anything to trigger in that head of hers. Just thinking about how she took our mother's death doesn't put me at ease. It's best if you take things slow and act as if you're a totally new person."

Agreeing, he nodded his head. "I won't say anything," Baekhyun promised.

In truth, there was a lot of things he wanted to say to you. Actually, he wanted to tell you everything, pull out baby pictures, and laugh about how stupid he was to ever treat her so harshly. He wanted to confess to her that his purpose of his rudeness was because he wanted to be someone that she remembered. Ironically, that just completely backfired for him.

Baekhyun was now a role in the background waiting for his time to shine in the spotlight. He was no prince like how Sehun, Jongin, or maybe even that crush of yours, Luhan, might be for you, but he was sure that his shy heart had pumped quicker than all three of them when he was with you.

He was first. His determination only aimed to be last as well. 

Author's Note: I've been trying really hard to update and such... But wow guys. I don't even know what to do since I got school coming up again and had a job during vacation.... Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! LOL, so much one sided loves and such. I'm so sorry. And the last part might be slightly confusing... but more will be revealed later in the story.