Dear Tofu,

I've liked my friend for a long time and we've been friends even long before that. We're not in good terms right now and haven't been for a few weeks now. This friend of mine decided to replace me. Do you think I've always been worth their time? It's kind of hard wrapping myself around the idea of being replaced when I'm not even sure if I am being replaced. Perhaps it's all because I'm paranoid or maybe even in denial. I don't want to blame everything on this person especially after remember every single detailed memory we have. The only harm this person has done to me was to hide the fact that this person knew that I've liked them all this time. Is my feelings worth hurting our friendship?

You do not have to reply. I just want someone to listen.

Sincerely, 

Paranoid

After a long two and a half month break, school was starting again. It was the spring semester and all the freshmen were excited to start their first semester. You were starting your junior year, and you couldn't even believe how much time has flew by since high school graduation. You started to realize how fast the number of friends you had started to decrease. Sure, there were a few people in your major that you were acquainted with, but no one you could depend on like Jongin or Sehun. They were just by passers in a sense. 

But a new year, new start. At least that's what you were trying to convince yourself.

You stopped by the canteen as usual for breakfast. It was odd because almost everyday of university you went there to eat with Sehun but that can't be helped now. 

"Hey, did you see the cute guy? I knew we picked the right school to go to," a girl squealed nearby here.

"The blonde one right? He's so attractive. I heard he's in the dance department. Should I change my major?" the other girl said jokingly.

"I wonder if he has a girlfriend..."

Hearing the gossip, there was only one person you could think of. You tried ignoring the girls by going through your phone but doing so didn't help at all. Apparently, he was in the canteen as well. A lot of people were complimenting him for his hair be it to him or not. You could see him giving a cold shoulder, making himself almost unapproachable. You had no idea how, but your attention was on him even when you've been telling yourself not to even think of him. 

After he paid for his meal, his head turned and instantly he noticed your eyes. You pressed your lips together as you ripped face away from his direction. Unintentionally, a frown fell upon your face as you took a bite out of your meal. That was only your third bite yet you felt so full. 

"Can I sit with you?" the blonde that she thought was avoiding her just asked.

"No one is going to kill you if you do," you mumbled and gathered your things together to leave.

"I wanted to talk," he said firmly.

You honestly wanted to avoid this conversation. This just felt awkward and hard to deal with. Even if he was your best friend, it didn't mean that you could talk to him freely because not too long ago he practically took the exit out your house and possibly out of your life. Yet here he was at the entrance again, maybe taunting her. 

"Okay," you mumbled.

"So..."

"Do you hate me?" you spated out.

It was the first thing that came out of your month and it was what you thought most of when he came to mind. You missed him throughout the whole vacation but he seemed to changed drastically and didn't even seem to bother or show the slightest care towards you even with you in sight. You felt a slight emotional meltdown and with just the thought or even sight of him tested and tugged an uncomfortable part of you.

"No," he stated just a few moments after your question.

"Then why were you willing o ignore me until now?" you knitted your brows together because you couldn't find a direct answer to why all had happened, "Is it something I said or did on Christmas? If it is, I'm sorry."

You found a heavier stone on your shoulders once you blurted out an apology. You feared his rejection. His reaction. His expression. Everything because this Sehun wasn't the Sehun you knew well. He was slow to react. Coolly answering. Displayed eyes that were colder than snow. In a way, you feared the new him; what became of him. Just seeing him now made you appreciate what you missed most about him: the way he smiled just to make you feel better. Unfortunately, that Sehun didn't want to stay around any longer for her.

Like how you observed him to be, his words lethargically came out of his lips and took breaks in between to get the point out.

"Because," he his lips and cut his eyes contact with you, "You're you."

Frustrated, you sighed. He was being vague and broad.

"Cut the crap, Sehun. Just say why you're mad at me," you snapped.

"I'm not mad," he paused, "And I said it already. Because you are you. This whole time, I thought you were just so dense but you were just manipulating. Actually, yeah, I probably am mad at you."

He wasn't as emotionless as you thought. At least, that was a good sign.

"Then why are we talking now if you're so upset with me? Did you want some sort of closure? Because there's just one thing I don't understand. What made you think that way since the Christm--"

"It was you and Jongin. You two are the reason why I feel this way," he interrupted, "Just stop pretending that you don't know."

He didn't need to raise his voice to show how he was feeling. His eyes sound it all. He sincerely felt every pinch of hate, frustration, and betrayal. Sehun scoffed at your silence and turned his head, genuinely believing that your silence just reassured his theory. 

Frankly, that wasn't acceptable to you. "If you're going to react that way, I don't want to talk to you," you commented, "You clearly didn't come into this conversation with an open mind because instead of trying to find a solution or letting me in detail to why you are sending hatred towards me. But no. You just wanted to provoke me."

You were disappointed with the person before you. The more he spoke, the more you had less hope in your friend. His words were like daggers. Short and painful. Even just a small scoff was enough for you to want to disappear.

"Stop making yourself the victim," he muttered, "You were faking me. This whole time, you knew I liked you yet you said nothing. You just let me follow you foolishly. I won't be foolish, Bora. I think I've acted so for too long now."

"I didn't know this whole time," you defended yourself, "I found out the night you and Yoonhee were talking in my kitchen!"

"Stop it, Bora. I'm talking." Once again, his words acted as his new weapons. 

"Finish then," you tried sounding strong.

"I rejected my dream school just so I can see you at yours. I like you so much hat nothing in this world can make me not like you. I want to not like you so badly. I can't. I can only mix my feelings with negative ones, but the positive ones I have towards you won't go away. It refuses to be overshadowed because I've liked you for so long that this universe is against me changing that!" he half shouted not wanting to cause a huge scene on the first day of school. 

You found it hard to breath after his words. They were confirming you that he liked you. That he, Oh Sehun, your best (ex?)friend, liked you. You knew when you heard him talking to Yoonhee that night, but it was different because this was the two of you actually facing one another about this situation. 

"I only found out on Christmas that you liked me," you your lips, adapting to Sehun's bad habit, "I'm telling you the truth."

"Wait, you really didn't know?" he questioned with a hint of regret. 

Shaking your head, you continued to explain yourself, "Jongin and I talked about it after hearing you and Yoonhee talk. He said he knew this whole time and that he tried letting go of his feelings for me because you liked me. Jongn didn't think he deserved me if you had feelings for me."

Sehun wasn't sure what to say. Jongin always seemed like a selfish person in others eyes, including his, only because he doesn't mind being seen as so, but what people don't know is behind the scenes, he did more for others than they can ever see. Sehun was a clear example of that.

"What an idiot," Sehun managed to say under his breath and stood up, "I'm done talking."

"Wait," you called out for him, "That's it?"

"For now," he informed her.

"But are we okay?" you were unsure to what the result of this conversation was.

"We can't be okay," Sehun told her, "Not with me revealed and all vulnerable like this."

With a one last look, he departed her.

Author's Note: It's been a whileee ahhhhhh, DECEMBER ALREADY?! Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this update. :) It isn't as long as I wanted it to be, but I didn't want to go any further than this for this chapter. I hoped you guys enjoyed. What do you think?