I still wasn't over her though I never told her I loved her. I still feel this tiny warmth inside my chest when she smiles; still feel her warm hands squeezing my cheeks. She was after all, my best friend and of course, my first love.

Sometimes I ask myself, "What if I told her?" Would it work for us? Would she say she love me back?

It's not like I'm not happy with Tiffany. I mean, I love her. She loves me too. I know that for a fact. But it's hard sometimes. Especially when I know that someone's hurting whenever we're together. Sometimes I wish things weren't this complicated.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I and Sunny ended up together in the first place. Then maybe, Tiffany's feelings for me would not have grown and maybe she'll be able to learn to love Jessica. Then maybe Jessica would still talk to me and Tiffany. They used to be so close. Now she wouldn't even smile whenever we're together.

Everything is just complicated. Even the other members' relationships are crazy. Hyoyeon and Sooyoung has been pretending they were okay with everything. Hyoyeon doesn't know I saw her crying that one time Sooyoung was out on a date with that guy. They've been running away from the truth. The same way I did 3 years ago.

Well, at least YoonYul's doing fine. I just hate SM for making Yuri delete her declaration of love for Yoona. They were freaking lucky Yuri put #il