I don’t know what’s gotten into my mind and I agreed to date Kris. I am having a hard time and I’m already on the verge of giving up. The thing is, as soon as I started to date Kris, more guys came into my life. They freaking want to date me. A date! Oh God. Sometimes I couldn’t help think that if I weren’t dating Kris, I would be dating hundreds of guys now. Oh and Woohyun, asked me to have a date with him as soon as he brokeup with his girlfriend. I had a crush on him before but he had a girlfriend that time so I couldn’t get him to date me. I don’t like snatching men who are in a relationship. I am not that kind of girl.    For a month, I tried being lovey dovey with Kris but it was just awkward for me. I couldn’t do it. He likes holding my hand and kissing me on the forehead but I feel like it was too much. Yeah, sometimes I enjoy it especially when I kiss him but the emotions he gives overflows. He would even say he loves me when we make out and it makes me more uncomfortable. The word ‘love’ makes me uncomfortable.    One time, I tried telling him I want to break up but I couldn’t because he kept telling me not leave him no matter what and that he loves me and that he’s going to take care of me and he’s going to make me forget about dating other guys. Guess what? He failed. This relationship feels like I’m in a cage and I’m tightly tied by a rope. That cage and that rope is Kris.    “Hey problematic woman, your boyfriend’s here to pick you up.” Lay shouted from his seat. I wish it’s not yet 7 PM so I wouldn’t have to go with Kris again. “I guess I have to go.” I mumbled to myself. “What’s the problem?” Suho must’ve noticed me frowning so he asked. “It’s nothing.” I said trying to smile. I’m not good at this. “See you tomorrow.” “See you.” I grabbed my things and went out of our office after saying goodbye to everyone.    Kris always waits for me at the lounge outside our department. He sits there looking excited and when he sees me, he even gets more excited. The first few days I was officially dating him, I liked it but after a week, it doesn’t make me happy anymore.   I slowly walked so I wouldn’t reach the lounge yet. I took mini steps but I guess it looked weird because my boss called my attention suddenly. Mr. Choi Siwon looked at me weirdly so I just smiled.   “You okay Miss Jung?” I nodded and walked normally when I left.    I reached the lounge and I saw Kris smiling at me. His expression was always the same and sometimes I feel bad that I’m keeping my feelings to myself and I’m like pretending that I like him.   “Hey.” He stood up and walked towards me and gives me the usual peck on the lips. The only difference today is that, he noticed the look on my face. He looks at me deeply and his happy expression just became sad in an instant.  “What’s wrong?” He asks. “Are you okay?” I want to say it Kris. I really want to but I don’t want to hurt you. I shook my head trying not to frown anymore. “If you say so.” He grabbed my bag and carried it for me. We walked out of the building awkward for the first time. When we got into his car, we didn’t speak to each other like we always did. These past few days we still did but Kris would usually do the talking. I would just smile and reply to his questions and then that’s it.   As soon as he pulled up the car in front of my apartment, I said goodbye and kissed him on the cheek because I know we were too awkward. I got out of the car and when I was about to get inside he called me. When I looked back, he looked at me with an expression I’ve never seen before.   “I really love you.” He said out loud. I froze because at that moment I knew that he really does love me. I am so angry at myself for not feeling the same way. I’m hurting him so much. I couldn’t say I love him so I just smiled and then rushed inside the apartment.  I felt really bad that a tear dropped from my eye and I didn’t even know it. Oh God.    ---   Kris and I continued dating for a week until one day after getting me from work; he asked me if I wanted to grab some coffee with him. He said he also wanted to talk to me. I thought to myself that it was time to talk. We can’t continue to be like this.    After getting some hot coffee at Starbucks, we went back to the car and he drove to a quieter place. We were awkward at first. All I could hear was the sipping of our coffee.    I feel nervous because we weren’t talking. The mood inside the car was obviously not pleasant. It was like a mixture of sadness, anger and guilt. It was not the best combination. It makes me feel bad about myself.   “Be honest with me Sun Hee. Are we really in a relationship?” And there goes that question I’ve been waiting for. It made my heart beat faster. “Kris.” I paused. “Kris.” I paused again. Why can’t I say it?  “Kris what?” He asked almost sounding angry. My insides were a bit hurting. “Kris, I tried. I tried and I can’t. I’m sorry.” Why am I getting teary eyed? I’m not supposed to be tearing up. Stop it. Stop crying! “Since w