A/N - In accordance to ainnur unnie's request, i shall attempt to upload two chapter's tonight. Can't promise since each one is pretty lengthy (about 3000 words), but i shall do my best! Anyhoo, countdown 8 chapters~

@ImaVIPbaby - yeah, well, i pm-ed you. But i'm guessing you aren't a skarf fan then.

@cazz_96 - naaah it's okay. Haha and are you psychic? Coz Sandara is in this chapter!

@HanSang - Haha yeah, yeah! Hmm and well, you'll find out later on~ Doongie won't be appearing just yet... >< And thanks *hugs*, but don't worry, i've planned more stuff. I've got so many ideas i don't even know where to begin...

@wookielove - thanks~~~ wait till you get to the bottom of this chapter!

@T4kara - 8 chapters now >< I know. Yeah, but there was a limit to how long i could drag on the story. After all, in the beginning i only planned, what, 40 chapters? And here we are now... Haha, yeah Ji-eunnie is a little more mature as females tend to be than males. Haha and you're marrying Sanghyunnie too???? Which twin version? Or triplet is it now? ^^

@ainnurdoongie - I love sheep, so you can continue to be one~ Have some grass *offers grass stick* haha, so yeah~~~ I shall try my best to give you two chapters tonight. Enjoy this one first! Kekeke, but sanghyunnie won't be here yet ^^ Haha, yeah, i could never imagine the father of Sanghyun to be anything other than absolutely awesome~

And thanks to mblaqever55 for subscribing! Hmm is it possible to hope for 50 subs before we reach the end? Ah, well, whatever~

Chapter 58 – Without looking back, they choose to believe with courage

Seungho POV

We all sat in Joon’s hospital room with blank expressions on our faces. We weren’t doing anything, just sitting and thinking and contemplating our memories of Sanghyun. And so when the phone rang, all of us experience a miniature heart attack. On the Richter scale of about 8.

Mir pounced on the phone first.

“Turn it on loudspeaker.” I ordered him and he nodded before obeying.

A stern voice filled the line. “Excuse me,” it was undeniably male. “Is Yang Seungho around?”

“That would be me.” I stood up and walked over to the phone, clearing my unused throat before speaking. “How can I help you?” My heart was thrumming like a hummingbird’s and I could barely contain myself.

“My name is Officer Kim and I am making this call with regards to the police report that you placed earlier…” and then the Police Officer ‘Kim’ continued to drone on for several more minutes. I felt my fingers flex around the phone as if imaging them to flex around his throat. Oh, damn, why did we get the long-winded one? Why, oh, why couldn’t he just get to the point?!

And finally he did. “And so, we have some news-“

“What is it?” I blurted out, interrupting whatever pompous speech was going to follow.

I think he was hurt, but I couldn’t care less. Was Sanghyun alright? “Uh, well, we got a report of a fire somewhere a little down south.”

“And?”

“And when firefighters got on the scene, the house was mostly burned down.” He cleared his throat. “But a black car was found abandoned nearby.”

“Was the car-“ the words caught in my throat, hope fluttering like a butterfly in my chest.

“Yes.” The officer confirmed my suspicions. “It matches the CCTV camera photos, both the description and the number plate.”

“And did you find Sanghyun?!” I breathed, unwilling to believe we could be so lucky.  

And of course dear Officer Kim had to shoot me down. “I’m afraid not.”

And I closed my eyes, feeling tears threaten. I leaned against the wall for support. “There were no living witnesses or persons on the site.”

“Wait a second.” Dara was at my side in an instant. “No living persons?” she said carefully and a hand clutched my heart, squeezing it uncomfortably. No. No. No. No. Impossible.

“Well,” The officer sounded uncomfortable. “We recovered one body. But it burnt beyond immediate recognition. We’re running dental checks now, though.”

Dara collapses to her knees. “No, no, no, no!” she whispered, tears running through her fingers and knelt down to hug her, restraining mine in order to not fuel hers.

“Shhh,” I soothed her. “We don’t know yet. It could be anyone.”

She blinked at me through tears. “But-“

“Shhh,” I pressed a finger to her lips and then turned back to the receiver, trying to be professional. “How long will it take for you to get a match?”

The officer replied pretty quickly. I think he sensed by now that if he wasn’t going to give me a good answer, his death warrant might be imminent. “By tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I clenched my teeth. Tomorrow. That felt like forever. “Thank you, officer.”

“Anytime.” And then he was gone. A little too quickly.

I put the phone back on the receiver and turned to face everyone. Their faces were white, bleached with fear of the unknown. I had to pull them together. “C’mon now,” I tried to say lightly, but my own worries tugged me down. “We don’t know for sure yet. So let’s be positive and get some rest. When Sanghyun comes home, we’ll need to be bright and alert.”

But I could tell my little pep talk wasn’t working. Mir’s face was dark and he just curled up even tighter from his position on the floor. Joon buried his face in his pillow and Dara was still crying. Chae-rin was completely quiet. Even Byunghee who had kept it strong so far looked on the verge of cracking.

I gulped, thinking I should fill this thick silence but knowing whatever else I would have to say would be absolutely and undeniably useless. So I stuck with orders.

“Let’s go to sleep guys.” I clapped my hands and pulled Dara up and into my warm hug. She buried her face in my shoulder. “Back to your rooms and try to get some rest. It won’t do us any good to sit around moping.”

But Mir stared at me. “Hyung,” he said in a pitifully small voice. “Can I stay here, in Joonie’s room – just for tonight?”

I stared at him and his begging expression. I looked at Byunghee whose eyes said he wanted the same thing, then at Chae-rin who was comforting Mir and finally at Dara. They all nodded. None of us wanted to be separated – not tonight, not ever.

It was bad enough that we were missing Sanghyun. Being alone would just amplify that sad emotion.

So I nodded.

I asked the nurses for permission and then for blankets and finally we were all huddled on the floor, close enough to hear each other breaths filling the room and the silence – a comforting pulse. I gripped Dara’s hand and she pulled her arms around me, drawing me close.

“Goodnight guys.” I said quietly.

“Goodnight.” Mir whispered back and though we all fell silent, I knew none of us were probably going to get a wink of sleep.

Dara POV

A knock on the door woke us all. I was the first awake, rolling out of my mussed blankets and away from the dreamless sleep I had barely just fallen into.

“Who is it?” I asked blearily, scrambling over Mir’s sprawled state and opening the door. I was met with a stern-faced police man. My breath hitched. “Can I help you? Did the dental records find a match?”

This time, the officer was not one to prolong my pain. He simply nodded.

“Who?” I breathed, unable to stop myself from suffocating on the tension thick as tar.

Behind me I heard the sounds of everyone else scrambling to their feet, rubbing sleep out of their eyes or restraining a yawn. We were half-here, half-there.

But what the officer said next woke us all up instantly.

“Lee Ji-yun.”

My heart might have stopped right there and then.

“Lee…Ji…yun?” I managed to say with difficulty.

The officer nodded. Geez, a man of many words I see.

“It wasn’t hyung?” Mir spoke, his breath feverishly quick. “He’s alive then?”

The emotions that suddenly rolled through me was a mixture of gut-ripping guilt and inexplicable happiness. For Sanghyun might still be alive, but Ji-yun was dead. I bit my lip, wondering how exactly I should feel. Was it okay to be happy that it was Ji-yun – burned to death - instead of my baby brother?

Seungho grasped my shoulder. “You can’t change anything.” He said quietly.

And then he turned his attention back to the officer who stood patiently waiting, his face schooled impeccably still. “And about Sanghyun? Is there any other news.”

The officer just shook his head.

My head fell. No news. In other words, Sanghyun might be alive but at the same time he could equally be dead. A sob hitched in my throat.

“We’re still investigating. From tyre track trails, it appears that the black car wasn’t the only one there that night. It’s likely another small car was used as a getaway, at least two of them, therefore the possibility of your brother being alive is still high.”

My head flew up. Partly because my hope had been revived and partly because I was a little shocked at the amount of speech that had flown out of his mouth. I blinked.

“We’re using the tyre track marks as a starting point, but,” he frowned then, the smallest of expressions appearing. “Chances are it is a commonly found car. But it’s something.”

“Thank you officer.” Seungho said politely and the man nodded, tipping his blue hat before retreating.

Just as the door was about to close, my hands flew out to stop him. He looked at me and I stammered a hasty yet emotional “Thank you”. He gave me a small smile, as if to encourage me, and then closed the door properly – leaving us to our own devices yet again.

Seungho POV

We all stood, silent once again. Damn this infuriating silence. But what else could we say? Oh, I’m sure it’ll all be better tomorrow. Don’t give up hope just yet. We must believe in Sanghyun.

Yeah right. Believe, my .

These make-believe words and half-assed promises weren’t just about as helpful as cotton candy in this situation. Installing such weak belief in my members, no my family, wasn’t something a leader does.

But I had to say something. Mir looked on the verge of breaking apart, two halves falling away. I had to say something, say something, say-

“It’s my entire fault.” Byunghee spoke suddenly and my eyes shot to meet his downcast face.

“What are you talking about?” I was clearly horrified.

“I was closest to Sanghyun right after the explosion.” He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. “I should have helped him…but I let those thugs take him away.” His eyes closed. “I should’ve done something…anything…”

 “No hyung.” Mir intervened before I could speak. “That thug sent you flying! There was no way you could have done anything against the sixty ton pack of meat. But I should have got to help you…I mean I saw Cheondoong-hyung but…but I didn’t do anything.”

“That was because you had concussion!” Joon argued. “Both you and Chae-rin-ssi were out of commission! Don’t blame yourself for that.”

My head flickered back and forth, watching this baseball conversation fly faster that a pitch ball.

“No, no, no!” Dara interrupted them all in a frustrated voice. “It’s no one’s fault. If anything, me and Seungho were the only one’s fit enough to help him and even then…”

“No!” Chae-rin cried out. “You couldn’t have-“

“ENOUGH!” I roared, silencing everyone immediately. They all stared at me, white-faced. “Enough. No one is to blame. No one.”

They stared at me expectantly. “Perhaps someone could have saved Sanghyun, but the past is the past and it can’t be changed now. Don’t guilt yourself into thinking ‘maybe I could’ve’ or ‘I should’ve’ because it’s over. That time is over and none of us were at fault for not being able to achieve something we don’t even know was possible.”

“But-“ Mir tried to speak, but I shot him down.

“But nothing. We can’t change anything. What happened, happened and we need to accept it.” I looked at each of them in the eyes, making sure my words and feeling transmitted directly. “Do you understand me? No one is to blame. No one. It is none of our faults.”

Besides me, Dara gripped my hand, sharing her warmth.

“And so instead of focusing on the past, we need to think about the present-“

-and then, like some psychic call from the future, the phone rang.

Brrriiiiing. Brriiiing. Briiing.

We all turned to stare at the phone like it was a foreign alien descended onto the earth to give us false hope. Byunghee was the first person to snap out of it and cross the room in even, collected steps to pick it up. I didn’t need to say anything – he immediately put it on loudspeaker.

“Yobseoyo?” he asked.

“Sanghyun is alive.” was all the person on the other end said. It was unmistakably male. And it was enough.

We all stared at the phone, unable to process what the speaker had just said. Did he, did he just say? Sanghyun…? Alive…?

“Sanghyun is alive.” The man repeated himself, as if to prove that we had just heard what he had just said.

And Mir whooped. “HYUNG IS ALIVE!!!” he cheered and dashed around the room like a maniac on fire. But then Joon’s arm shot out from the hospital bed and stopped him in his tracks.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Mir stared at him, curious at his morbid expression. “Why aren’t you celebrating?”

But Joon directly addressed the speaker. “How do we know you’re not lying?”

The speaker chuckled. “I guess you won’t know, but you’ll just have to trust me.” In the background there was a softer voice, feminine? At first it was chiding and then it was suggesting something. Then the speaker added more. “Um, he was wearing jeans, a black shirt and a grey hoodie last night. Is that enough?”

I glanced at everyone else to double check that my memory served right. Apparently it did for everyone nodded.

“Okay, I believe you.” I said quickly. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” The man said in a warm voice and I wondered who he was. Why did he sound like he cared about Sanghyun? “He’s sleeping right now, but we’ve taken him to a clinic. He’s recovering.”

Thank goodness. Then-

We? Plural? “Where is Sanghyun right now? We’ll come over and see him.”

“No.” the man refused me and I felt like a child being presenting a bike and then being told it wasn’t for him.

“What?!” I said, my voice rising. “What do you mean?”

“I won’t let you see Sanghyun. Not just yet. He needs time to recover, he needs space.”

That made me splutter. “Who do you think you are? We’re Sanghyun’s family. If there’s anyone who should be seeing him first, it’s us.”

“You may be family, but Sanghyun isn’t ready yet.” The man said so calmly that it infuriated me.

“Don’t be silly!” I hissed. “Don’t you know how worried we’ve all been for Sanghyun?! And who on earth do you think you are to order us around?”

That made the man stop.

And it also made Dara step forwards angrily. “Yeah, who do you think you are?! I’m his sister, his noona for goodness sake! And Sanghyun is my little brother. You will tell me where he is or god help me I’ll track you down and rip your throat out!”

The speaker made a sound of surprise which was then followed by laughter. “Rip my throat out? Ah, I wish I could see you try.” He seemed to find it amusing.

“This isn’t the time for jokes.” I spat. “Tell us where Sanghyun is, or else-“

“No.” his tone was firm. Unyielding.

“Why?” I could only question.

“Sanghyun isn’t ready yet. He’s still trying to collect himself together. He needs to recover. He doesn’t need to be worried about how to face you all. Not yet. Please, please, think of him.”

“If space is what he wants, then why doesn’t he tell us himself?” Dara said in a small, plaintive voice.

The speaker’s tone turned sorrowful. “The doctors don’t want to stress him out. They’re watching him carefully and we’ve decided what he needs is time off – from the world.”

“But…” I whispered and knew I sounded whiny.

“Please,” the man was begging us now. Genuinely, goddam begging. “Please just let Sanghyun have a few months to himself. I…I can’t let him go out like this, not yet. He’s not ready to face the world just yet.”

I bit my lip. “Then why…why call us and…taunt us with this news.” I could only sound bitter.

“Because,” the man spoke and there as warmth and sympathy in his tone. I wanted to hate him, but somehow, just somehow, I couldn’t. “Because I knew you would want to know Sanghyun is alive.”

And that was true. But this too was torture.

“But…he’s my baby brother.” Dara whispered.

“I know,” the man said. “I’m afraid it will have to suffice for now.”

“But-“ Dara whispered and stared at the phone like it was her lifeline.

“I’m sorry.” The man said. “But have courage, baby girl.”

And then he was gone. I put down the phone and turned to look at Dara who was still staring. She blinked, wide open, and then her brow furrowed, her whole body tensed up. Just as I was about to cross the room and check on her, shake her or something, she spoke.

“Daddy?”

Dara POV

Was that man…my father? 

But…he…he had run away so long ago. He had left us all. He had abandoned us…

There was no way he could just return, just sidle back into our lives. And yet, and yet…that phrase. Courage, baby girl. It was the phrase he always said.

It warmed my heart and gave me courage and it always, always made me smile.

Even now.

Seungho POV

“Dara?” I whispered and leaned over. “Do you know who that was?”

She nodded slowly and tears dripped down her cheeks, but there were no sobs. It was tears of pure…happiness? Yes, happiness.

“Dara?” I was confused. Why was she so happy?

“That man,” she wiped away her tears and looked at me with the brightest smile I had seen in days. “My dad.” She breathed. “My dad is with Sanghyun and he’s looking after him.”

“Your father?!” I was floored. Dara had told me all about him – about his leaving. And yet…for her to be this happy about him returning…it meant she truly missed him, truly trusted him.

“Are you okay with leaving Sanghyun to him then?”

Dara nodded through her shining tears. “I am. I wait for Sanghyun and for father. I’ll wait for both of them to return. It’ll be lonely until then, but I’ll be strong.”

My heart soared at that moment, because I knew exactly what I wanted to do right there and then. What I was about to do could make all the different for Dara in these upcoming months.

“But you don’t have to be lonely.” I found myself saying and Dara looked deep into my eyes. The world around us vanished and it was just the two of us – staring into each other’s eyes.

“You don’t have to be alone. You were never alone.” I whispered and crossed the distance so that we clasped hands, joining the infinite bond between us – now and forever. “And to prove it…”

I reached towards my neck where I had started wearing, in the same fashion as Sanghyun. I grabbed the leather cord and gently tugged it. Without any resistance, as if to say yes, yes, do it, the leather cord loosened and the ring came away in him hand.

“Seungho?!” Dara’s hand flew to . “Are you-“

I bent down onto one knee slipped the ring off the leather cord. Whilst the cord was stained in blood and tears – a reminder of Sanghyun’s sacrifice and effort – the ring was polished a gleaming silver. I held the ring out to Dara.

“Park Sandara.” I began, the words flowing out of my mouth easily as if it was meant to be. “I love you. Now and forever, I will always love you.”

Tears began pouring down her cheeks once again. This time it wasn’t of sadness, it wasn’t of happiness either. It was of pure, pure joy. And it almost took me to the same place.

“Therefore,” I said the final words, feeling like this moment could last for eternity and willing to live in it forever and ever. “Will you marry me?”

Dara nodded, tears splashing through her fingers. It was all she could manage. And then she whispered in a soft, emotional voice, “Yes,” she whispered and then in a louder, stronger and more confident voice. “Yes I will marry you Yang Seungho.”

And I grinned like a fool, like an absolute goddam fool. I got off my knees and slowly, with shaking hands, I slid the ring onto her left ring finger and it fit like Cinderella’s glass slipper – like it was meant for her and only her. And perhaps, in a mysterious fateful way, it was.

And then I pulled her close to me and kissed her, letting her tears spill and our love for each other  twine together even stronger. We were together now, now and forever, and together we would wait for Sanghyun to return.

A/N - A little bit of a lengthy chapters without much action...but i hope the proposal made up for it~ Kekeke, i felt so fluffy after writing it. Kyaa >< I hope someone proposes to me like that one day. (someone as manly and adorable as Doongie *koff koff koff*) Ahhh but isn't the pic of Doongie so precious! He's hugging it close together (and what i would give to be that cardboard box...yeah...i'm officially jealous of a cardboard box...)