No one was breathing. Everyone was digesting Ailee's words. You could almost hear a pin drop. Slowly, as the words sunk in, the atmosphere weighed heavier than the weight of the whole planet. One by one, the members turned their heads to gape at me, open-mouthed, as if they could not believe what she had said, as if they were looking for confirmation from me. I, however, was speechless, I could not even get a denial word out of myself, and it was as if I had momentarily become mute. As they finally realized I wasn't going to say anything, their expressions changed from shocked disbelief to accusement. My eyes stung with tears, not because Ailee had revealed everything to the whole world, but because everyone was quick to believe her. I made no move to hide my tears from the rest. When I couldn’t bear it any longer, I abruptly stood up and with all eyes on me, left the room.

Outside our dorm, I fell on my knees and clutched my heart which had been throbbing painfully for the past fifteen minutes. I took heavy breaths, suddenly feeling breathless and tired. Sweat was pouring down my face and I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from screaming my lungs out. The pain was excruciating. It was not as if I had not expected this at all. I had known from the start that Ailee would never let me off. I had even decided that I was going to commit suicide just that I didn’t know when. However, I decided that after what happened earlier, it was a very good time.

With much effort, I put my hands on my knees and pushed myself up from the ground. I was going to stay strong until the end. I turned around and open the door, this time, heading towards the kitchen. Silently, I opened one of the drawers and I took one of the shiny, silvery objects that laid there. I examined my knife, it had a sharp and pointed tip and the edges gleamed, having just recently sharpened. I closed the drawer with a dull 'thunk' and exited the dorm.

As I walked along the pathway, I thought back about my childhood. All the memories with my brother played in my head like a DVD player. Everything was clear and it was as I had remembered it to be. That was the only time when I had thought about my brother without letting my eyes get watery. I even smiled a little. That was because I knew then that what made me happiest in this world was my brother and I was walking towards him who would welcome me with open arms.

I had never known any time when I was as happy as when I was with him. Except maybe, when I was with my BAP members. I had to admit I had grown attached to them over the months. Even though I was determined to be hostile towards them, they still tried their best to be friendly and warm towards me. I could not say when I had started liking them but I knew the first time I had accepted a friend into my life after my brother had passed away was Youngjae. He was the only person closest to me after my brother. He resembled my brother in ways which are far from just looks. Even though Himchan and my brother looked alike, I believed it was just it. I believed it was just a coincidence. I refused to believe however, that BAP were sent over by my brother to look after me, to give me friendship.

Of course in their ways, I found the members strangely intriguing. Each and every member had their charm which I seemed to have grown fond of. I felt a kind of connection between myself and them and it was this bond which made me tear up a little then, knowing that I was about to leave them. I had been deprived of warmth and comfort by people since young. Frankly, I was weak to such things. I was a rather weak character which was created since young because of my mother's lack of love for me. I didn't know how to grow stronger because no one ever taught me that. My brother never taught me that, he had always been those overly-protective types. I had always leaned onto him for support. He had, and had always been, my pillar of strength. I hadn't known until then that I had been searching for another pillar. Even though I lied to myself that I was independent, I couldn't help but feel dependent on others when I met people who were willing to support me.

The sound of someone speaking interrupted me from my thoughts. I hadn't known I was already starting at the path towards the forest. My feet were controlling me today. I followed the voice until I came across a lonely figure sitting on a big piece of rock which was half buried in the forest ground. Cautiously, I edged nearer to the person and realized that it was Junhong. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and looked like he was reciting something. I stepped out of the shadows to listen to what he was saying.

When Junhong saw me, it was as though he saw a ghostly appearance. He nearly jumped out of his own skin and attempted to hide the flowers behind his back. His face turned a deep red and he dropped his eyes.

"What're you doing here?" I asked him.

"What're you doing here?" he asked back.

"Just enjoying the scenery," I lied.

He nodded and both of us went silent for a couple of minutes. Then Junhong spotted the knife that I was holding and his eyes widened.

"Hyung, what're you going to do with that knife?" he asked, horrified, as if I was just about to kill someone (Well I was).

I just realized too late that I had been holding a knife in full view of Junhong. I decided to come up with an alibi.

"I...er...wanted to cut some flowers for our dining table," I said lamely.

"With a kitchen knife?" Junhong raised an eyebrow and asked sceptically.

"Yes," I decided to change the topic. "What are you doing with the flowers?"

When I said those words, Junhong started to blush so much that I could literally feel the heat radiating off him. He looked down at his toes and mumbled, "They're for someone."

"Oh," I simply said, not wanting to press anymore information out of him.

I started to turn away when Junhong stopped me.

"Wait!" he placed a hand on my arm. "Don't you want to know who they're for?" there was an almost hopeful look in his eyes.

I hesitated, not wanting to be stereotyped as a busybody before remembering that I was about to leave this world and it wouldn't matter anyway.

"Who?" I asked.

He let go of my hand and brushed his fringe out of his eyes. There were still prominent red spots on his cheeks. "They're for you."

"Me?" I wasn't expecting that answer at all. I actually thought it was for his girlfriend or something. I told him that and he looked at me.

"I don't want a girlfriend," he bit his lip. "I'm having someone on my mind right now. Someone I'm not sure I'll get, but I have to try won't I?"

I nodded, unsure where this conversation was going.

"I don't really know whether it’s love but, I have been attracted towards someone," he could barely look at me before continuing. "I know that you'll reject me because there's someone else in your heart but I just needed to let you know."

Wait, did he mean me?

"Hyung, I like you. Will you be my boyfriend?"