Chapter 50

持平

Chípíng

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[Saturday]

Suho is a mess. He doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t know what to think. His body is shaking in fear and anxiety and his mind was occupied with negative thoughts that didn’t help him at all in his current state--it made it worse, to be precise.

“Suho, calm down.” A voice broke his thoughts for the slightest moment before his state was devoured with rage.

“Calm down? Kris, how could I calm down when Lay is in there? Tell me how could I calm down when someone who is so dear to me is inside the surgery room, fighting his life over death and staying alive? Tell me how, Kris, because you’re so unexpectedly calm, right now,” Suho dangerously stated in a calm voice, eyes boring to Kris in hatred.

Kris sighs exasperatedly. He is in equal mess like Suho and no matter how much he wanted to retort to the younger, he can’t. Someone needs to stay sane and rational because if none of them would, they would cause ruckus.

Calming himself down, he watches Suho lean to the wall and slumps to the ground, his body shaking in fear and anxiety and he could pretty guess, his thinking a lot as of right now. He would deal his own problem later on, about Tao telling him to leave him alone and such.

He would set that aside for now, because Suho needs to be handled and his own cousin is in the surgery room. He would think about it later and he promised to himself that he’ll fix his problem-to get Tao back.

Walking towards Suho, he slumps down beside him and looks at the white painted ceiling.

“Joonmyeon. You can’t be like this. You need to stay rational and sane enough to hear what the doctor is going to say when he comes out of the surgery room,” Kris utters, his statement completely not helping at all.

“You’re not helping Kris. You even got the nerve to joke,” Suho whispers, his voice dropping an octave making Kris chuckle.

“I know, Joonmyeon. I’m going crazy, aren’t I? My cousin in the surgery room and instead of encouraging you that it’s going to be okay, I’m making it worse. Is that enough to go to an asylum?” Kris responded back which he earned a harsh jab in his side making him yelp.

“No it’s still not enough and I wished you had more because I could get you a VIP spot there in one of the asylums that I know. Do you want to? I could reserve a spot for you.” Suho looks at him blankly, his voice flat and Kris knows he’s dead serious about it.

He lets out a nervous chuckle.

“How about a no?”

Rolling his eyes, Suho lowers his gaze on the floor, somehow the atmosphere became light and his mind wasn’t occupied as before.

“Thanks,” he mutters making Kris smiles.

“Someone needs to be strong, you know,” he chided to him and he earned a scoff making him chuckle.

Silence enveloped them as the hallway ceased the sounds, atmosphere between light and heavy, anxiety and fear dwelled into the two young males present in the hallway as they wait patiently for the result of the surgery.

After a few minutes, Kris broke the silence.

“He’s going to hang in there, okay? He won’t leave that easily.” Kris assured the younger that everything is going to be okay. Somehow it helped Suho’s tension to ease a bit, but he couldn’t ignore the twisting pain in his gut and the delusional voices of Lay calling his name.

‘Suho.’

, I’m going crazy. Suho thought as he raked his fingers through his hair. He hopes that Lay is going to survive, that he was going to live and that he is going to see him again because he has a lot of things to do yet to the younger and how he longed to do those things to the younger; to have a date with him, to give him flowers, to give him gifts, to lead him to his favourite place, and-and, there’s a lot but there is one thing that is important.

He still has to confess yet to him.

Tell him how much he loves him, how much he needs him like an air, how much he needs him in his life and that he couldn’t live without him. He wanted to tell him everything his heart desires to say and he wished Lay would survive the operation.

 

 

It’s been hours, six hours to be precise since the start of the operation and Suho was slowly turning insane as to why the doctors aren’t coming out yet. Kris, on the other hand was talking to Dir. Xing, asking him where he is now when the call cuts off and both heard shuffling sounds and their heads snapped to the side to find Dir. Xing running to them.

Once he was with them, he held Suho by his shoulders, eyes frantic and in fear, as he shakes the young male under his hard grip on his shoulders that makes him wince.

“Suho! Suho! Where is my son?! Why isn’t he here with you? What happened? Why is my son in the surgery room, Suho?! Tell me! KIM JOONMYEON!” Dir. Xing shaked the young male more but was easily stopped when Kris intervened and pried the two males away from each other.

“Uncle, calm down,” he whispered to the older male which earned him a glare that made him flinch in response. His eyes were devoid of any emotions but hatred, anger, sadness, anxiety and fear. He could understand his uncle, but he has to give space for Suho because the younger is equally mess as him.

“What the , Kris? Calm down? Bull. How could I? How could I calm down when my own son is in the surgery room! How could I calm down when I don’t know how serious his condition is! I don’t know what the hell happened to him and I don’t ing know whether he is going to survive this operation because having him an operation with his haemophilia on the act, his survival in an operation is reduced to 10 Kris! Instead of 50/50, he has only 10/50! How could you tell me to calm down when the situation is critical and I’m about to lose my son in matter of seconds! Telling me to calm down? Kris, you’ve got to be kidding me! How? Tell me! , I’m talking to you Kris!” Dir. Xing snapped at him, words by words clashed as Kris and Suho watches him explode. They were quite stunned at what Dir. Xing said. 10/50, that’s like already dead and they are still operating on him? It’s been six hours and they’re still operating on him? He could have died while on the operation.

Kris knew it was insane to deal with this kind of matter but they really need to calm down. He was about to speak when Suho beats him to it.

“Dir. Xing, please calm down,” he stated calmly as possible and that earned him a glare from the director.

“What?!” The director snapped at him, eyes boring into him, demanding an explanation. Suho takes deep breath. He knows it’s crazy to say to calm down when he was in a situation like this awhile ago and seeing the director flaring up, he knows he needs to calm him down.

“Sir, please, calm down. Exploding like this wouldn’t help you nor us, in fact, it would make it worse. You need to calm down and stay rational for awhile director Xing. We need to wait patiently for the surgery to finish. The doctors are doing their best to help him and to make him stay alive. Believe in them and let us just pray that the operation would be a success. Didn’t you tell me that a doctor or nurse, no matter how critical, dangerous or complicated the situation is, a doctor or nurse must stay calm and rational because if worry, anxiousness and mixed emotions dwell; it’s a lost case. You told me that in every situation we must stay calm, director Xing. So, please, stop and stay calm.” Eyes pleading to the oldest of the three, the oldest takes a deep breath before swallowing the lump in his throat.

“You’re right, Joonmyeon. I should stay calm because worrying and exploding like this wouldn’t help either of us nor the operation that is being held. I guess I should have taken my words but I didn’t, huh?” Dir. Xing lets out dry chuckle before sighing tiredly. He sat on one of the waiting chairs and sighs quietly. Suho stared at the male sadly. He knew how it is hard for the director to know that his son is in the surgery and could die in a matter of seconds.

The director’s emotions topped than his and he knew saying calm down wouldn’t put off the feelings they have right now. But seeing that everyone is quiet, the emptiness of the hallways enveloping them with silence, he knew it was right.

Sitting beside the director and Kris following after, Suho mutters an ‘Everything’s going to be fine’ to the director, to Kris and for himself.

Doubt lingers in his voice.

 

 

After waiting for 2 more hours, the light on the surgery room on top of the ceiling blacks out and returns to its rightful colour. Director Xing was the first one to stand up when he saw two doctors comes out of the double doors dressed in bloody clothes, sweat drenched all over their body and tiredness evident in their face.

Suho stood up together with Kris and approached Dr. Jaejoong and Dr. Yunho and stopped beside Dir. Xing.

“How is he?” Dir. Xing blurted out first as his panicky eyes looked at the two doctor’s face. Yunho looked at him tiredly before sighing. He placed his hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder before shaking his head.

Silence enveloped them before Suho bursts out.

“What?! What do you mean, Yunho? What do you mean when you shaked your head! You can’t possibly mean he is dead after you operated him for 8 hours! You possibly can’t ing kidding me!!” Suho snapped at him earning him a hiss from Kris telling him to keep it down.

Jaejoong sighed before swiping off Yunho’s hand from his shoulder. He looked at them with a sad smile.

“He survived.”

 

 

Suho looked at the fragile boy in front of him. Pale skin, pale lips, dishevelled hair, bandaged covering his body, an oxygen mask covering a portion of his face and needles connected in his body and he managed still to be beautiful in his eyes despite all.

He sauntered towards him with slow and hesitant steps. He sat down on the chair beside the bed, eyes trained on his face, oxygen mask filled with his slow, heavy and weak breath. Eyes closed beautifully as he was sleeping peacefully and lips pale like a chalk itself and chapped; and hair unkempt yet so endearing in his sight.

His hand slowly reached out and trembling, his hand caressed the delicate boy’s cheek.

“Yixing…” he whispers in his hoarse voice. His voice was so itchy and hoarse from all the crying he made an hour ago. He couldn’t help but cry over the news that was disclosed to them.

[Flashback-an hour ago]

“He survived.”

Suho wanted to jump in joy and cry that the operation was successful whilst Kris and the father were stunned at the sudden news delivered out to them. Suho wanted to thank them but when Yunho spoke.

 

Everything shatters.

 

“But he’s a lost cause.”

A simple sentence that shattered all of their hearts.

Silence enveloped them for awhile before Kris sputtered in disbelief.

“W-What?” He was dumbfounded to the core, stunned at the news, heart shattered more than ever and throat constricted with a rope.

“He lost too much blood, but we were able to recover half of the blood that he had lost. His heart is very weak and his lungs were severely damaged that didn’t help the heart at all. We’re very sorry.” Yunho lowered his gaze as he mumbled another sorry. Director Xing dropped on the floor, eyes b down from his face as Kris was stunned, shocked coursed throughout his body as he was rooted in the ground whilst Suho stumbled back, news processing in his mind as he leaned on the wall for support as he could feel his chest tightens, breath hitching, eyes stinging as tears brim down, mind clouded with one thought.

‘Yixing.’

Yunho and Jaejoong left them, face and heart filled with sadness. They were broken like them and they couldn’t help Yixing at all and to build up with the guilt they have-they were the ones who operated on the younger.

Suho lets out a soundless sobs, his throat producing no voice at all as he find himself wheezing for air as his eyes mists his sight , hand on his shirt clutching where the heart is located, clutching it with his all his might to ease his hurting shattered heart before letting out a pained cry.

[End of Flashback]

“Yixing…” he murmurs, voice cracking in the process as he could feel the tears well up in his eyes. He brushes away the hair that was covering the younger’s pale face. Putting the locks behind the ear, he stood up with trembling legs, placed his left hand on the white linen sheet and his right hand on the younger’s cheek and placed a light kiss on the younger’s lips that filled with full of emotions, so meaningful and lovely.

Tears b down from his eyes, it lasted for what it seems like eternity before slowly pulling away and taking in the delicate and beautiful face of the boy that he fell in love with, so deep and hard.

Leaning his head with the younger’s, he closes his eyes and inhaled the azalea scent of the younger, he breathes out.

“I love you, Yixing.”

Sentence enveloped with beating love, genuine and longing.

More tears pours down from his eyes as he pulled away and rested his head on his arm before looking up and taking Yixing’s cold yet warm hand beating, showing he’s still alive. He clasped his hand with the other’s fragile hand before lightly kissing the back of the hand and silently cries, mind chanting Yixing’s name as his heart beats painfully.

 

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

 

BEEP

 

A single tear left Yixing’s eye.

 

BEEP

 

 

BEEP

 

 

BEEP

 

 

BEEP

 

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--------

 

 

 

As Suho heard the familiar sound that he dreaded to hear the most in his entire life, he slowly looked at the heart monitor.

 

Suho wanted to die so badly.

 

Right in front of his eyes, the heart monitor doesn’t contain the familiar frequency of up and down; instead his eyes met a line.

 

Yixing’s heart rate monitor is a line.

 

 

 

 

 

Ehem. Thank you for being with me from the start until the post-end. I couldn't have finished this without you guys ^^ It's been a long journey and you've stayed by my side and I'm so thankful. Thank you so much and really thank you.

Thank you for all and hope to see you soon on Jan. 17'14

I'll post the sequel by this night or by tom, but the first chapter would be on 01/17/14. C u there!

Thank you and Miss you all.

Lots of Love <3

Xie Xie