Chapter 25: Distance 1.1

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Lay sighs as he stared off at the ceiling. Suho became quite distant and was quiet most of the time and he wasn’t sure of what to do. He feels guilty for making him this way, but he really couldn’t help it. His father had texted him about missing him and how he is doing and he would just reply the usual.

He felt a twinge in his heart that he couldn’t recognize whenever Suho would act so distant than usual and he feels saddened by the thought of it, but yet again, why bother?

No one loves him and no one would care. With his timid attitude and phobia on the act, no one would stand him for long. So he doesn’t blame Suho when the older becomes distant, he completely understood and that hurts him.

The thought of Suho distancing himself from him cause an ungrateful feeling in his gut and a very hurtful feeling in his heart. He doesn’t know why but he does feel this way and he couldn’t help it. He wished to fix their bond but it seems hard. He wished to stop this feeling. He wished that everything would go back to the way it was because it’s hard.

Everything’s hard.

Hiccupping a bit, Lay realized that he was crying. That tears were flowing out from his eyes from the thought of it, from the thought of Suho distancing himself away for good. Lay felt a squeeze in his heart as he shakily placed his hands on his face, sobbing so quietly at the empty room.

The room feels so cold, lonely and empty without him.

~*~

After that day when Kyungsoo confronted Jongin about the ‘hug’, it ended pretty quite well. Jongin admitted to Kyungsoo why he did that and why he is like that. Kyungsoo’s reaction was a simple chuckle.

A chuckle which Jongin doesn’t understand; he was expecting Kyungsoo to be creeped out or something but he actually thought to chuckle after all what he said? Jongin looks at him, flabbergasted at his reaction.

Kyungsoo grins at him, passing a paper that contains his explanation.

Jongin, I’m not creeped out, okay? I find it…kind of cute of you. That personality of you like a koala, it’s very cute, you know.

Jongin feels his cheeks warm by Kyungsoo’s explanation, especially the last sentence. He found him cute? Jongin could feel his heart strings are being pulled and somehow a part of him melted from Kyungsoo’s words.

“Like a koala…cute?” he mutters, shyly looking up and meeting Kyungsoo’s gaze. Kyungsoo was wearing a grin at him and he could feel more embarrassed than ever.

“I’m not cute,” Jongin whines quietly but Kyungsoo heard it. Smirking a bit, he nudges Jongin’s leg making the younger look at him in puzzlement.

Kyungsoo shaked his head before mouthing ‘You’re cute’ to him, making him shyly look at the paper that he is holding. Kyungsoo chuckles lightly and nudge the plate to Jongin, catching the attention of the younger and making him looks at him again.

“Eat up, the food is good,” he mouthed to the younger. Jongin blinks before taking look at the choco honey butterfly then to Kyungsoo. He takes another look before shyly replying ‘right’.

Kyungsoo watches Jongin take a bite on the choco honey butterfly and thinks at the sight of eating shyly Jongin is cute.

That was a few days ago and in the present, Kyungsoo is checking on the pre-orders of the flowers. He’s on his office when Sehun comes in with a small smile on his face. He looks at Sehun questioningly as to why he is here.

Sehun took note of his questioning face before shrugging and leaving the office, leaving a stunned Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was confused even more and he wonders why Sehun came to his office.  Thinking that it has something to do with the flowers or customers, he stood up and abandoned the papers in his desk and left.

As soon as he left his office, he looks around and noticed a figure on the tall seat beside the counter and Kyungsoo immediately recognized the shy form of the figure.

‘Jongin’

~*~

Suho was in his office, checking the records of Lay. He scans the papers and after a thorough look, he puts down the papers and set it aside. He stretches a bit and quietly sighs.

He was feeling quite guilty for distancing himself from Lay. It wasn’t his intention to distance at all from him, but it happened. He would remember the days where he would try and help Lay but the former isn’t willing to let him help him thus creating his gloomy mood.

He understands Lay’s condition and knows that his aphephobia is very hard to overcome unless the former is willing to overcome it. Feeling the heavy heart in his heart whenever he distances himself from Lay, Suho thinks what he should do.

Biting his lip, he remembers what Sehun told him when the younger confronted him.

“Hyung, you can’t be like this. Lay hyung is sad, can’t you see it? You’re making your relationship with him harder than before.”

That was the 12^th time the younger spoke to him. Sehun only spoke when the matter is serious and hearing him speak to him the past few days, the matter is really serious.

He knows that distancing himself with Lay wouldn’t help any of them at all instead the gap between them will grow more. He knows this is not the solution but it’s hard to keep up with a person who is not willing to be with you at all. It was quite hurtful for his part, to handle someone who doesn’t like you at all.

Lay rarely spoke to him at all and that saddens him the most. He always starts the conversation and the younger would only nod his head or shake. He wouldn’t talk to him at all and that makes him disappointed-concluding the fact that Lay hates him being with him.

And continuing this for a few weeks already, he somehow lost the will to keep up with Lay.

Sighing a bit, Suho takes a look at the time and saw that it’s time for the younger to eat. Taking notice that Sehun took his early leave, it’s his job to get the food for the younger. Standing up from his swivel chair, Suho heads out to the canteen.

~*~

Jongin left the house because he was bored. Taemin left because he has business to do with the Wu family. Since, it was boring to go and stay at school and his class wouldn’t start until 2 in the afternoon; he decides to visit Kyungsoo.

As he entered the shop with a racing heart and slightly flushed cheeks, he saw his cousin holding a Gardenia pot. Sehun took a look at the door and saw Jongin standing with an awkward form. Raising an eyebrow at him, Jongin nervously smiled.

“Hey Sehun,” he said with a nervous smile. Sehun’s piercing glare made him uncomfortable, his glare demanding an explanation why he is here.

Letting out a shaky breath and throwing his guard down, he mutters, “Is Kyungsoo hyung here?”

Sehun didn’t speak but placed the Gardenia plant on the big shelves together with the other flowers before going to a certain door. Blinking a bit, Jongin waits at the door and Sehun appeared once again, motioning him to sit down on the chair beside the counter.

“Ah, right.”

Nodding his head a bit, he moves to the tall chair and settles himself on it. Jongin watches Sehun give him a slight smirk before disappearing in one of the doors of the shop. Jongin feels his heart race when Sehun gave him the smirk. It wasn’t good to begin with.

After waiting for a few seconds, someone tapped him in the shoulder. Turning around to see who it is, his eyes locked to a familiar face.  Jongin’s lips formed into a smile and his heart beats irregularly.

“Hey, hyung...it’s nice to see you again.”

Kyungsoo smiled at him and mouthed a ‘hello, Jongin’. Kyungsoo went at the back of the counter and ducked down to get something as Jongin watches him curiously.

Getting the two small boxes, Kyungsoo stood up and placed the two boxes on the counter and showed it to the younger.

 “Do you want Earl Grey or Blue Rose?” He mouthed to the younger.

“Is Blue Rose…a bit bitter?” He asks.  He tried other teas but he never had a Blue Rose before.

Kyungsoo blinked before nodding his head. Kai ‘ohh-ed’ and picked Blue Rose for his tea. He never liked bitter teas or coffees, but trying a tea that is somehow a bit bitter, it’s not harmful, right? Kyungsoo smiled and nodded his head. He took out his small white board from the shelf under the counter and jotted some words on his white board and left it at the counter for Jongin to read and left to get the hot water on the other side of the room.

Jongin looked at the board and read what Kyungsoo wrote.

 Wait there. I’ll be back. Feel free to take a look around the shop.

After reading, he left and looked around the shop. He never got a chance to look around the shop throughout the times he visited the shop. Taking the opportunity, Jongin strolled around the shop. It was quite big compared to other flower shops. This shop is like a greenhouse containing a lot of plants and flowers.

He was amazed at the different flowers and plants in Kyungsoo’s shop. From Acacia to Wheat, Kyungsoo has those flowers and several herbs and plants were on the big shelves. Even rare flowers are in his shop. He couldn’t help but be amazed and dumbstruck at the colourful flowers and healthy plants.

Just then, he smells the aroma of tea in the room. He turned around and saw Kyungsoo with a tray in his hands and two cups of tea placed on it.

He comes back to the counter and took a cup of tea.

“Thanks Kyungsoo hyung,” Jongin uttered as he takes a sip. Eyes lit up as he taste the slightly bitter tea, Jongin turns to look at Kyungsoo with a smile.

“Blue Rose is really delicious!” Jongin beamed in delight after he takes a sip. Kyungsoo chuckled soundlessly and Jongin took notice of it as he takes a drink of his tea.

For a moment, he finds Kyungsoo’s face cute.

Just for a moment though.

After he thought about Kyungsoo’s face being cute, he quickly chokes on his tea. Kyungsoo looked at him in worry. He exited the counter and went beside Jongin to pat the younger’s back.

Jongin raised his hand indicating that he’s okay. Kyungsoo nodded his head and looked outside through the transparent door, looking of there is someone who will enter their shop, but it seems there is none.

He nods a little and asks if he’s already okay. Jongin nodded his head and drinks again his tea before answering.

“I’m okay hyung. You don’t need to worry,” Jongin nervously uttered. Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow before shrugging it off. He took his white board on the counter and erases the words written and replaces it with another one.

After writing it down, he shows it to the younger. Jongin, who just finished drinking his tea, puts down the cup on the tray and looked at the white board to read what he wrote down.

How’s your day, Jongin?

“I’m doing okay, my class will start later,” he utters before taking another sip.

“How’s your day, hyung?” Jongin asks back after placing the tea cup down. Kyungsoo nods his head and wrote down on the board.

I’m doing fine.

And the atmosphere falls. This is the times where one of them don’t know how to continue the conversation and they would feel the awkward silence envelope them.

Kyungsoo, this time, decides to break the awkward atmosphere, writing in his board before showing it to Jongin. Surprised a little by the sudden action, Jongin takes a look at the written words on the board.

Let’s eat

Confusion spread on Jongin’s face after he read the words, looking up to Kyungsoo who has a wide grin. Kyungsoo playfully claps his hand and left the counter.

“We’re really going to eat?” Jongin asks in disbelief. Kyungsoo nods his head and took his free hand which startled Jongin for a bit, a flush of pink painting his cheeks. He placed the cup of tea on the saucer in panic when Kyungsoo tugged on his hand and before he could even react, he was pulled away by the older.

As they left, Sehun emerged from his room and clicked his tongue, shaking his head before a smirk appeared on his face-the responsibility of taking the shop being handled to him.

~*~

[Suho’s Point of View]

After thanking the head lady of the cafeteria, I walked my way to Lay’s room. I admit I’m feeling nervous and a bit jumpy and somehow my mind is uneasy for some reason. I don’t know why but I know something is up.

Taking maintained steps to Lay’s room, I halted in front of the said room. My mood was down and I have to distance myself again from Lay but seeing that I shouldn’t do it anymore, I should somehow make it forced. I couldn’t let him know I’m distancing myself from him, right? I just hope he didn’t notice it but I know it’s impossible not to notice it when I’m suddenly cold and distance from him for the past few days; he would definitely know I’m not okay.

Sighing and shrugging it off, I slid the door open and walked inside and slide the door close. The room is cold, totally not the type of cold for Lay’s case and somehow it’s bit lonely and empty. Sehun is in Kyungsoo’s place and I’m the only one who is left.

Placing the tray on the table, I walked towards the air conditioner and reduced the number from 3 to 1. Feeling the coldness vanish away and the cool air envelopes the room, I walked towards to Lay’s bed.

Approaching the bed, my eyes soften at the sight. He is sleeping and he looks beautiful while sleeping. Even when awake, he is beautiful and that’s one thing I’m so sure about him. I felt a bubbly feeling in my chest and somehow some my stomach churns in love-struck. I’m not in love with him nor do I like him, but I could never get out the warm feeling in stomach and heart whenever I see him.

His beautiful since the first time I saw him.

He was pure, innocent and dainty.

Baby soft features and child-like attitude so frail and delicate, beautiful yet so delicate; Dir. Xing is right. He’s like an Azalea flower.

I’m afraid I could hurt him.

 I’m afraid I could break him.

I’m afraid I could lose him.

 I’m afraid I would fall in love with him.

The chances are great but my heart still belongs to Kyungsoo and I couldn’t love someone else.

Smiling a bit, I brush away his bangs that are covering his pale face, delicately letting my fingertips brush over his forehead.

‘Beautiful.’

My eyes stops, my hand freezing at mid-air. I saw some glistening moist on the younger’s eyelashes and also his cheeks.

‘Did he cry?’ I thought as my eyes fall into worry and I wonder why this precious flower cried? Pondering for a few moments, realization struck me and I knew now why he cried. It all made sense now.

He cried because of me. I was so distant and cold to him than the previous weeks that I have been to him. He noticed the sudden change of my attitude towards him; he felt the unwanted feeling of being alone, of being casted away.

I felt a pang of pain hit my chest. I didn’t mean to hurt him this way. I didn’t mean to hurt him at all, but seeing his tear-stained face, I knew it was my fault. I hurt him when I promised myself that I wouldn’t.

Regretting my actions so highly, guilt creeps up in my heart. My stomach churned when I saw tears flow down from his closed eyes, once again staining the pale face. Hand unfroze from the frozen; my thumb wipes off the rolling tears from his eyes.

Whispering my apology in the cool air, to him, I muttered my whisper of apology again.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” I muttered apologetically, the pain in my heart never ceasing.

And I knew I had to stop this.

[End of Point of View]

~*~

Jongin bit his lips as he tried his best to avoid Kyungsoo’s stare at him. He was literally dragged by Kyungsoo to this very cafe he is in now. Kyungsoo pulled him to a cafe he doesn’t know and the older just made him sit on one of the chairs of the cafe and instantly two young men came up to them and asked what they wanted.

Kyungsoo just smiled to him and mouthed to him what he wants. Jongin was uncomfortable with the situation he has gotten into yet he decided to pick up the menu and scanned the choices of foods.

After a good 5 minutes, he finally picked what he wanted. He ordered a seafood salad, kimchi spaghetti sweet caramel blue pop and a tropical frizz winter. After telling what he wanted, he looked at Kyungsoo who was busy looking at the menu.

He got to admit that he liked the busied face of the older.

And now.

He’s in a deep mess for thinking that way and Kyungsoo was staring at him confused and worried why the younger was silent. He looked at Eunhyuk and formed a square. Eunhyuk knew that Kyungsoo needs a paper plus a pen, so he nodded and left to get a paper and pen.

After a minute, he came back and gave the paper and pen to Kyungsoo and left. Kyungsoo nod his head in a form of thank you and started writing on the piece of paper.

After writing it down he placed the paper in front of Jongin. Jongin took notice of the paper and check on it.

Is there something wrong?

Jongin looked at Kyungsoo and he could see on the older’s face that he’s very worried. He puts up a smile and shooked his head.

“Ah, no, it’s nothing. I-I just got bewildered why you brought me here...” Jongin stuttered as he looked at Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo blinked and nodded his head. He took the paper and wrote again. After a few seconds, he placed the paper back in front of Jongin in order for the younger to read.

I just thought that we should have lunch together. Did you eat your lunch already?

After reading, Jongin looked at Kyungsoo who was waiting for his answer. He was dumbfounded. How did Kyungsoo know that he hasn’t eaten anything yet? How? Is he stomach looker or what?

“H-how d-did y-you k-know that I-I haven’t eaten yet?” Jongin asked, more confused. Kyungsoo chuckled soundlessly and wrote down his answer on the same paper he was using awhile ago.

My hunch only.

Jongin puts down the paper and looked at his hyung who shrugged before grinning at him.

“Thank you...” He muttered before smiling. Kyungsoo glanced at him and smiled before drinking his tea.

Soon, their foods arrived and were neatly placed on their table. Jongin looked at the foods and his stomach can’t help but growl in delight. Jongin blushed in embarrassment and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but grin and ate his food.

While he was eating, Jongin wasn’t eating his food yet. Kyungsoo looked at him and their eyes met. As their eyes met, Jongin could sense the Kyungsoo was telling him to dig on his food already.

Jongin tilted his head as if he was making sure that it’s okay to eat already. Kyungsoo sighed mutely and nodded his head before continuing to eat. But Jongin still won’t eat and that made Kyungsoo mentally face palm himself. 

He took the paper he was using awhile ago and wrote down the words he wants to say and passed the paper in front of Jongin and ate.

Jongin looked at the paper and read.

Don’t be shy, Jongin. Seriously, just relax. Eat up or else the food would turn cold.

He was still slightly embarrassed with what he did a few days ago and he couldn’t help but be nervous around the older.

He looked up nervously at Kyungsoo who was busy eating his food. The older put the chopsticks in his mouth, looking at the frizzy whale sandwich and fruitaleta salad. He decided to choose fruitaleta salad instead and takes a bite.

He nodded his head in delight and continued to eat. Jongin unconsciously smiled and nodded his head. He felt his heart and mind eased and his body tension following after. He folds the paper and pocketed it before eating together with Kyungsoo.

~*~

[Lay’s Point of View]

It was dark. Dark like the abyss itself; I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see at all. Where am I? What am I doing here?

“Yixing dear~” someone called out cheerily.

My whole body froze. That voice.

Mrs. Zhang? Mom?

I turned around and found myself in a garden. A young boy who has a brown-auburn hair, dazed look on his face was perched on top of the bush, watching the vast garden in daze. That boy…who is he?

“Dear? Yixing-ah?” the lady calls out again, now standing behind the bush where the young boy is sitting on.

“Dear?”

She places a hand on his shoulder and instantly her hand was slapped away and the lady has a shock painted on her face. The boy was turned around, facing her, fear evident in his face; tears welled up in his eyes.

The woman was shocked at the sudden action executed but she quickly regained her composure and hesitantly took a step forward, trying to calm the young boy.

“Dear, calm down, okay? It’s mommy. Your mother. I’m not going to hurt you,” she says gently as she could muster up. She took careful steps, afraid that the boy will cry and run away from her. The young boy hiccups, breath hitching and chest tightening painfully.

He was having his panic attack.

Everything seems so dizzy and blurred in his eyes.

The woman stops her steps as she could clearly see the boy is crying and she was sure he would break down more if she would take another step. She stood there, wavering in disappointment and in anger.

Anger consumed her as she took her final steps and-

SLAP!

The young boy’s face was on the side, shock evident in his face, eyes filled with fear, loneliness and in pain. The stinging pain was evident in his reddish cheek that was once pale. He cried soundlessly, no voice or sound was heard throughout the garden-he was mute after all.

“Mrs. Zhang!”

I watched the scene played out before I was pulled out of the scene, cutting it off before it continues. It hurts, everything hurts. Why? Where? When? How?

How could this happen? When did this happen and where? Why?

My head is throbbing, it hurts. Everything hurts.

Suho.

Suho.

Help. Please. It hurts, everything hurts. Stop. Please.

 Stop.

 Please.

Last thing I know is that someone called my name.

 

~*~

 

I opened my eyes after several seconds. I caught myself staring at the white ceiling.

‘Am I back at the hospital? Am I not dreaming anymore?’

My eyes scanned the area. Yep. I’m definitely back in the hospital and this is no dream at all.

I slowly tried to sit up and after a few struggles, I finally sat up. I looked around and scanned the area.

‘Suho.’

Was he here?

I thought I heard him calling me.

Or was I imagining things?

A soundless sigh escaped my mouth. What was I expecting anyway? Why would he call me? He already distanced himself from me. He already grew tired from keeping up with me. That wouldn’t happen of course...I...I’m just a weak, fragile, pathetic, helpless, mute patient that everyone pities.

No one would love me.

If my true parents wouldn’t love me...then no one can.

 “Lay.” A soft-like feather voice called my name. I snapped my head to the door and got off my trance.

Suho.

He was smiling at me. It wasn’t fake or forced. It was real, warm and secure. He was holding a hot pot. He steps inside and slides the door close. He puts the hot pot on the table and took out a box of tea, a very familiar tea box.

Isn’t that Azalea Night?

My eyes widen in surprise and a soundless gasp escapes my mouth.

“How did he?” I mutely muttered to myself. He glanced at me and saw my reaction as my eyes landed on the tea box. He smiled and placed the tea bag on the cup.

“I just left for awhile to get a hot water for your tea. I heard from Director Xing that you love tea, especially Azalea Night,” he uttered as he poured hot water on the cup.

So, I was right? I wasn’t imagining things at all, aren’t I? He called out to me while I was sleeping and he left to get a hot water when I woke up. So that’s why I couldn’t see him.

My nose smells the rich smell of the Azalea Night. My eyes glittered as I smelled it. It’s my favourite tea before Cloud Bloom.

I watch him carry a tray of food which I take that it’s my food. He placed it above my lap and took out some tissues on the drawer and placed it on the edge of the tray.

I blinked and looked at him. He smiled at me which I felt my cheeks warm up.

“Please do eat,” he sweetly said. I felt my cheeks heat up more as I nod my head and gently held the chopsticks. I took a bit on the veggie and carrots. It’s a bit cold but it’s still delicious. I ate more and more and before I knew it I already finished the food on the tray.

Then the tray was taken off my lap and a saucer with the Azalea Night tea was holding it in front of me. I looked at Suho and blushed and slowly held the saucer.

And accidentally, my fingers brushed into his. I felt electricity rushed through my veins and felt the hair on my back flew up.

But I didn’t move away my fingers and instead let it be. I noticed that I didn’t I usually do but I did feel electricity flow on my spine though.

But this is a little different...

But...the thought of my heart beating fast makes me scared. My phobia is coming back. I quickly pulled my hand away from the saucer and looked at Suho, scared.

No. This is not what I wanted.

He looked at me and blinked several times.  He nodded his head before smiling.

I stared at him, a frown threatening to appear. He was smiling, but it was disappointment. I don’t want that. Please don’t do that, please.

 “Ah, I forgot...I’m really sorry.” He left and gets a clean small tray for the teas. He placed my cup of tea there and approached me again and placed the tray on my lap.

I looked at him. His eyes were apologizing and he was faking up his smile. No I don’t want this. I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t want your sorry.

I bit my lip and shooked my head.

I took out my white board and wrote the words I want to say to him. After jotting it down, I showed him the white board and let him read it.

I watch him read what I wrote and he smiled. A smile that was different from the other. It’s a warm smile. A smile that made my cheeks warm up. He nodded his head and looked at me. Our eyes met.

“Thank you. Thank you for at least talking to me today.” He uttered. I was shocked. Was he waiting for me to talk to him? Why?

“I...I at least want to know that you’re not angry at me or anything after the incidents back then. I...Thank you. Thank you for talking to me at least. At least I know that you are willing to talk to me.” He uttered and I could see he wipes off something from his eyes.

And I knew it was tears. I could see the glitter of the water from his eyelash. So he was waiting for me to talk to him? He was waiting for me to talk to him that he at least know that I wasn’t angry at him at all.

I wasn’t really at all. I’m weak. I’m fragile. Yet, with all of that, I have a kind heart. I could never get angry to anyone. Not even once.

I hid a smile and wrote down again on the white board. I showed it to him and let him read it.

He took the white board and my hands were free of holding anything. I took my tea and smelled it and drank my tea. I looked at him and he looked at me.

He chuckled and nodded his head.

“I’m glad. Thank you Lay; I’m very thankful,” he says before smiling and I smiled back at him. The atmosphere that envelopes us were calm and warm and my body was eased together with my heart and mind.

I need to take some steps also.

[End of Point of View]

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A/N: Lol, sorry for the late chapter v^^' I didn't mean to make it late, but I slightly need some time to make some revisions with Sulay's official ending. Anyways, here's the question.

Question: Out of all the songs in EXO, which song do you mostly prefer?

Thank you and lots of love <3