Chapter 44: A Spark of Chance 1.2

[Introduction to finale]

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Suho/ Yixing

[Saturday]

Suho cheerfully walks his way to the cafeteria, almost surprising the other doctors that are staying there. The head lady only smiled when she saw Suho with a cheerful smile and happily served him his favourite drink.

“Thank you, Ma’am Cho.” Suho smiles in gratitude and the head lady just chuckled on response.

“You’re welcome, Dr. Suho. Just try not to be too happy, okay? You may encounter something that’ll turn your smile into a frown,” the old lady joked, causing Suho to pout in response.

“Ma’am!”

The old lady just laughed and nodded her head, stifling another laughter when Suho frowned. Suho huffed and took his leave, going to the food section and taking out some veggies, meat and some pasta on his plate and took his seat in front of Dr. Daehyun, who didn’t spare him a glance at all. Just as he was about to speak, Daehyun spoke in a hushed manner for only both of them could hear.

“So what’s up? You seem so awfully happy today. The sun is radiating too much from your face and you might want to tone that down,” Daehyun mockingly remarks, looking up to meet Suho’s calm face. The young doctor sighed before putting down in fork down on the plate and looks at Daehyun with a soft smile.

“I’m taking Yixing out.”

Daehyun feels his stomach churn in the wrong way, but dismisses it with a small smile in return.

“Oh, really? That’s great. The kid needs to have some real fresh air for a long time now. How were you able to convince Dir. Xing about it?” Daehyun asks. He was curious on how Suho was able to make Dir. Xing agree on taking Yixing out from the hospital because it was declared by the director that taking out his son in the outside world is a taboo. Now, hearing this from Suho, amused him and he wants to know how Suho was able to convince the father of Suho’s love one.

Shrugging his shoulder nonchantly, “I begged him,” Suho mutters, sighing as his shoulders deflated a bit. Raising an eyebrow, Daehyun quirks a crooked smile, chuckling at how he had pieced it all together, to which why Suho wasn’t at the meeting this early morning.

“That explains why you weren’t at the meeting,” Daehyun concludes making Suho look at him with wide eyes and gaping mouth.

“Meeting?”

Daehyun nods his head, recalling what it was, “Yeah, the meeting. Psychologist Moon gathered a meeting about patients having hallucinations for the longing of a person or something. Especially when a person is depressed or is experiencing lost pain,” Daehyun explains to the doctor and waited patiently as Suho absorbed the information and when he does, Suho nodded his head.

“I understand.”

His heart pounds against his chest for some reason and his stomach churns a bit before it settled down when he takes a drink of his mocha shake. Suho met the surgeon’s eyes, steady and clouded with something that Suho couldn’t decipher.

“Have a nice day.”

~

They were twins. Two, yet one. One heart. One mind and one soul. They were two separate beings, yet they are one. The whole truth hasn’t sufficed yet, but it will all come to light soon. The lies that were spread carefully among them, so thick and almost impenetrable, yet the blood that flows in their veins will forever prove the justice that is needed to be handed down.

“We are one. Inseparable forever, we are two yet one in heart, mind and soul.”

“I’m stronger, I know, yet my half sacrificed it to me instead leaving him sick and frail, just like a flower.”

“If I would have known this would happen, I should have trade my life for death.”

“We are one. We are inseparable. If one dies, the other follows. That’s the oath.”

They are one. Even in death and light, they will be always inseparable no matter what. If one dies, the other follows. That is the oath.

~

Yixing flutters his eyes open, staring at the white ceiling before shifting his eyes to the person who was seating beside his bed. Brown cardigan paired with almond leggings and dark-rich brown hair curled slightly flowed freely below her back. Yixing sat up, welcoming the person with a bright smile.

“Hello, Ji.”

“It’s nice to see you again, oppa.”

Yixing pulls his sister into a tight hug, missing her warmth and chocolate-mint smell. It’s been so long and Yixing felt relieved to see her again. Has it been years? Yes, it has been, almost 6 to 7 years now. Set aside everything, Yixing’s days were lonely without his sister, but seeing her now, made his heart leap out in joy because after all they are twins. Though they share the same features, they are different, yet they share one mind, one soul and heart and seeing her fraternal twin made Yixing happy.

They didn’t share much of memories, but when Yixing turned 10 years old is where Ji first visited him and introduced herself as his sister. They were inseparable after that day. They spent their time sharing each other stories for the day, laughing and crying out together. Together. Together they made an oath one day. An oath that is unbreakable.

“Oppa, how are you? You look thin, yet healthy at the same time. Don’t tell me you’re crying in your sleep again!” Ji accuses jokingly and Yixing punches her arm playfully in return.

“Idiot. No. It’s not that.”

Heavy silence conquered the room. Ji looks at him with concern, an emotion flicks in her eyes knowingly, and she takes his hand and clasps it with hers, meeting up with Yixing’s steady and calm gaze on her.

“Are you tired?”

Yixing could only do was sigh and he briefly looks away, taking in his spacious room. Though there is furniture and everything to make it all pleasantly look like a normal room and not a hospital room, Yixing couldn’t help how everything is a fake in his eyes. Shaking his head as he closes his eyes, he turns his attention back to Ji, smiling at her.

“It’s just…everything is just so unbearable. So heavy that it chokes me up. I’m living in a world where it is nothing, but a simple façade of my happiness. I wish to see and feel the world, but I can’t. Yes, you’re right. I’m tired, but…Suho keeps me alive. He tells me countless stories of the world, making me have a piece of it. He makes it easier for me to breathe,” Yixing utters solemnly, yet a lingering hope resides in it also. Ji stares at his face for awhile, before sighing and pats her brother’s hand.

“Even so, do you wish to live with me, Yixing? I’m no longer attached to our parents and I have a stable home of my own. Do you want to live with me, oppa?” Ji asks and Yixing was caught surprise by her question. Pondering a moment, he gazes at Ji’s expecting eyes and thinking about it; he came to a conclusion, yet was pulled back by a force in his mind, hissing at him to get it together.

Seeing her brother’s unresponsive state, Ji nodded her head and gave a last squeeze on Yixing’s hand before letting go.

“I’ll come back soon enough, oppa. Suho oppa will come soon.”

“You’ll be back, right?” Yixing asks, hopeful that Ji will say yes. Ji could only smile in response before standing up and leaving without another word.

~

Yixing woke up with a gasp, feeling the tight constriction in his throat and he immediately sits up, heaving for air hurriedly as he does so. The pain in his chest expands before it eases away and Yixing found his racing heart settle in a normal beat.

‘A dream.’

Yixing’s eyes travelled to the object on the night stand. Clay moulded into two figures, hands clasped together and painted with a youthful smile.  A girl and a boy, the same and one. It was Ji’s 10^th birthday gift for him.

‘It’s been so long. Why did I dream about her?’

Yixing shakes his head and dismisses it, thinking that it is nothing. Instead, he takes out a book under his pillow and starts reading, wanting to forget what he dreamt of. After a few minutes of reading, he hears footsteps outside and Yixing takes note of who it is. Adorning a smile on his face, he greets Suho who opened the door with a soft smile on his face.

“Good morning, Yixing. How are you?”

“I’m fine. How about you?”

“I’m good. Just finished assisting the orthopaedic surgeon. How is your condition? Anything weird?” Suho asked his daily question and he smiled when Yixing shakes his head. He takes a few steps and halted in front of the younger and handed him a paper bag which caused the younger to look at him with confused eyes, but still took the paper bag from the doctor.

“Get changed with those clothes and I’ll pick you up a bit later.” Suho tried to contain his excitement and thankfully, he kept his voice calm and steady thus saving him from embarrassment. Yixing looked at with confusion, wondering why he should change in this set of clothes and what could be the event.

Sensing the confusion from the younger, Suho smiles softly at Yixing. “We’re going on a date, remember?”

Yixing’s face flushed at the mention of ‘date’. Now he remembers. He remembers that Suho asked him out on the balcony garden and he agreed absentmindedly because of the overwhelming fact that Suho asked him out. It’s a bit blur what happened next, but he recalled that they were holding hands as they went back to his room and Suho tucked him in his bed and left his warmth on the room.

Suho chuckles when he saw the expression of Yixing and lightly flicked the younger on the forehead to snap the younger back to reality. Yixing winces in pain and rubbed his forehead as he directed a glare at the doctor in front of him and Suho could only grin.

“Get change and I’ll be back in 30 minutes. I’m going to hand some files to the lab and check off some paper works, okay?” And he left with a grin, leaving a dumbfounded Yixing on the bed while taking glances at the paper bag.

Now left alone, Yixing could only stare at the clothes inside the bag for a minute. He still couldn’t believe the fact that he’s going on a date with Suho. He could feel his heart race in excitement and happiness at the thought of it.

The loud pounding of his heart defines how much he is excited for this date with Suho. Yixing feels like he’s a high school girl waiting for her crush to appear so that she could confess. That feeling is somewhat Yixing could relate and the young male could feel the heat rose in his cheeks once again. Taking out the set of clothes, Yixing’s hand clenches the clothes unconsciously before a smile settled on his face and got off his bed to change.

~

“Take care of him, Suho.”

“I will, Dir. Xing. Thank you for giving me your permission to take him out.”

“Don’t think I did this on my own will, but because I owe you something that I gave you my permission to take him out from the hospital and because I also trust you.”

Suho smiles at what the other said on the other side of the phone.

“Yes, Dir. Xing. Thank you.”

Suho hangs up, pocketing his phone and letting out a relieved sigh. Thankfully, everything had been sorted out and prepared, making his shift at night free until tomorrow morning before he gets back to work again. He’s glad that Daehyun had helped him cleared out his work and offered to take his place if any emergency occurs while he’s on his date. Though he feels quite burdened that he’s replacing his work with the date, Suho reminds himself that this is only one chance. That this is much more important than anything else. That Yixing is more important than his career.

With personal and work matters are settled separately, Suho takes off the white lab coat and hangs it on the swivel chair of his office and pulls one of the drawer of his table open. He rummages inside the drawer and when he got a hold of it, he gleefully smiles and takes it out. Closing the drawer, Suho inspects the small imperial royal violet box intricate with flowers glossed with golden floss and Suho could feel his smile widen. Pocketing it in his jeans, Suho took his leave, but not before taking his phone with him.

When he arrived at Yixing’s doorstep, he inhales and exhales to calm his racing heart and takes another check up look on his clothes. When he deems that he looks good, he knocks first before opening the door and pokes his head in.

“Yixing?” he calls out as he stepped in, but couldn’t find the younger at all.  He walks in a bit further and spots that everything is in order, but couldn’t find the younger at all. He calls the younger again, but no one responded at all. Suho could feel the worry builds up inside of him and when he decides to go out and find the younger outside, he heard a click somewhere. Turning his head to where the sound came from, a figure came out from the bathroom and Suho’s eyes widen at the sight.

Yixing look gorgeous. With a button-down sky blue shirt and denim pants paired with check sneakers. Simple, yet absolutely stunning. Suho could feel himself gulp at the sight, but gathered himself together and smiled warmly at the shy brunette.

“You look beautiful, Yixing,” Suho compliments while he approaches the younger. Yixing fidgets at his place, head hang low as he tries to cover his flushed face from Suho. The clothes feel new to him, warm, yet quite itchy since he is always on pyjamas or hospital gown. Putting on the clothes that Suho gave him made him realize that there is a lot of things he has to learn. A lot to catch up since he’s falling behind.

It saddened him a bit to know that he’s falling behind, but when Suho lifted his face, making him look at the older’s eyes, Yixing realized that it doesn’t matter if he would fall behind. Yixing smiles and Suho pulls his hand away and clasps his hand together with his, letting the younger’s heart settle in warmth and catching butterflies.

It’s fine, because Suho is here for him and that is only that matters.

~

Suho pulls him out of the hospital and Yixing felt an overwhelming feeling of being able to see the outside world once again. Tears welled up in his eyes when he breathed the fresh air and Suho wipes away his tears when it fell. They both smiled and Yixing couldn’t help but be so thankful to Suho.

“It’s just the beginning. Come on. The night is young and the world is ready for you to see.”

They ventured in the streets, walking among the people and lights. Suho would tell and explain whatever Yixing points out that he doesn’t know. They visited the clothing shops, the mall and different shops that made Yixing gaze at everything in awe and made Suho proud at the fact that he made Yixing happy by letting the younger see and touch the world that they are in that Yixing once never got a sense to feel again.

They ate tteokbokki, bonggeobbang, odeng, steamed corn on stick, cup chicken, tteokochi and bboki along the street. Smiles and laughter with beating love from one another; the stars became the witness of their beautiful night together, embedded forever in the treasures of the sky.

As they were visiting the accessories shop, Yixing was at the hat section while Suho is at the jewellery section, checking numerous rings, bracelets and necklaces glossed with silver and gold spark. Eyeing the jewelleries, Suho spotted something that caught his interest. Taking the gold necklace and resting it in his palm, Suho looks at it with admiration and excitement at how it perfectly fits the younger male. Taking a glance at the said male, Suho sneaks up on him and caught the younger in surprise when he clasps the necklace on Yixing’s neck.

Yixing held his breath as Suho took a moment to clasp the necklace on him. When the older finished, Suho pulled him to the nearest body mirror and Yixing stares at the necklace around his neck. Suho smiles behind him, admiring Yixing and the necklace together.

“It looks beautiful on you.”

Yixing blushes and his eyes met with Suho’s, enchanting and filled with affection. Yixing could hear his heart beats loud against his chest, making his frame tremble a bit at the feeling and his face flushing in heat as he looks down.

‘I can’t bear to look at him.’

The feeling is too much that he had to resort to look down, because he doesn’t know what will happen if he continues to stare at Suho. He felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder before the warmth left his shoulder and footsteps walking away from him. Yixing looks up and sees Suho at the counter, talking with the cashier and when Suho meets his gaze with a smile, Yixing looks away abruptly, embarrassed that he was caught.

‘What are you doing, Yixing?’

Yixing scolds himself for being so easily flustered by small things especially when it comes to Suho. He sighs airily, but was caught surprised when he felt a hand clasped together with his and he turns to meet a smiling Suho, making his heart caught in a loop of race.

“Let’s go eat something, shall we?”

~
“You know, I wonder why you didn’t ask me why I know your size.”

Yixing blinks at him and Suho just smiles at him. Yixing opens his mouth to say something but closes it again as it struck him that, indeed, why didn’t it occur to him why Suho knew his size. Yixing blushes in embarrassment and looks down at his cup of hot chocolate. Suho chuckles and gazes at Yixing affectionately when he noticed that the younger is out of cake.

“Do you want another slice of cake?” Suho asks and Yixing looks up in surprise. He looks at Suho then to his empty plate before looking up again and nods his head, a small smile plastered on his face. Suho smiles back and stands up to order for another slice of blueberry cake.

While waiting for Suho to come back with his order, Yixing saw a familiar figure pass by, all too similar that it tugged his heart. As the person leaves the café, Yixing unconsciously stood up and followed the figure outside the café, leaving the clueless Suho behind.

At some point between the minute, Suho felt something is wrong, so utterly wrong all of a sudden. His stomach churning in the most horrible way it is and he feels the extracting pain in his chest. So to confirm his unsettling feeling, he turns around to their table and when he did, his eyes widen in shock.

Yixing is not at their table.

 Suho frantically got out of the line and searches him inside the café, but Yixing was nowhere to be found. His eyes slowly turned to the front door and the brunette’s heart races in an unimaginable way.

Suho ran out of the café, glancing at both sides with panicky eyes. When he doesn’t sight Yixing, Suho wants to scream, but he doesn’t, instead he turns right and runs after Yixing even if he doesn’t know where the younger had gone to, but he hopes a miracle comes.

And miracle does happen.

He sees Yixing’s frame, walking down the pedestrian lane and Suho’s breath hitches as he runs toward the lane. Just as he reached the pedestrian area, he stumbles across with Kris who was on his way home after meeting up with Joon. They hissed a bit when they bumped into each other and when they got to look who is who; they are surprised to see each other.

“Suho.”

“Kris!”

It was a moment for awhile that Suho forgot what he was doing, but when he remembered, he looked at the pedestrian in fear and Kris curiously followed his gaze and his eyes widen on what he saw.

“YIXING!” both yelled at the same time, heart racing in panic for the younger; their mind silently praying the younger’s safety as he crosses the pedestrian line. Suho wanted to go after him but Kris pulled him back when the counting number reduces to 2 seconds.

Yixing felt lightheaded, blinded with an unknown feeling in his heart and mind. When he finally got the middle lane—a separation for both sides—he stopped when the figure he is following stopped on the other side of the two sided line. He was in the middle of it. His eyes only focused on the figure, his surroundings blurred before him; he was hallucinating.

“Ji.”

The figure turns as he called out, her dainty features exactly a replica of him; she smiles at him and waves her hand. Her white gown billowed in beautiful grace, her eyes of deity brownish-red—a thing that she only caught from her mother—sparks an ignited feeling of reality.

“I’ll come back soon, Yixing.”

And she slowly disappears into mist when the cars passed by before his eyes and he was pulled back to reality again; this time a dreading feeling pounding him, loud and clear. Fear sketches his face when he saw that he was not in the café anymore, but at the middle of the point stop lane of the pedestrian.  A pause between and he was in it. Turning his body to the other side, he heard his name being called and he saw Suho first and a wave of relief washes over him. Not too soon, he notices Kris beside his love one, but their faces showed fear and aggressive concern that it shook his frame and lowered down his defences.

“Suho. Kris,” Yixing calls out their name and with the all the honking and flashes of swirl of light, he becomes dizzy and he loses control of himself when fear settled in his being. He doesn’t hear Suho shouting his name to not to cross the lane. He doesn’t hear them yelling at him to stay where he is. A moment of where the cars are coming and the lane is empty; Yixing walks timidly and slowly with trembling frame.

Suho and Kris’ eyes widen in fear and Suho yells his name, but Yixing doesn’t hear it. Everything is spinning and all he wants is to be with Suho and Kris.

 To be at the other side.

He doesn’t hear the people screaming at him to stop and run to the other side while he still can. He doesn’t hear the loud honking of the cars and trucks. He doesn’t see the bright light of red for the people not to cross. He doesn’t see Ji’s sad smile beside Kris and Suho. He doesn’t see it.

He doesn’t see it at all.

He only sees darkness.

A piercing scream becomes the melody of the night; a harmonious turn of everyday hymn of belated nights to the greeting of a new end.

A body lies on the cold gray ground; a beautiful hue of red grows as a blanket below him.

It seems a miracle is not a miracle after all.

Is it?

Jongin’s POV

[Monday]

“How about letting Taemin go, hyung?” Sehun says, after mixing his chocolate milk. I merely stared at him, unfazed by his words, but the pain spreading in my heart says otherwise. I looked down, staring at my pasta helplessly and heard his footsteps go to the kitchen.  We’re at my house and I couldn’t just go outside since a little brat forbids me to. I’ve been staying at my house for several days, zoning in and out from reality, but kept in touch with Kyungsoo hyung, just in case.

After my humiliating outburst in the flower shop, I decided to stay at home in shame and picked up the cleaning in my place, organizing things there and here. Kyungsoo hyung had been keeping in touch with me ever since my first cry. My cry isn’t really my true cry, but merely a simple cry that one normally does.

I cried sure, but it wasn’t from the cry from the heart. It’s hard to explain, but surely, you get what I say, right? Anyways, after spending my time chatting with Kyungsoo hyung via phone messages, I had almost forgotten the pain that I felt when Taemin left me behind. Kyungsoo gave me laughter and light in the midst of my misery and pulled me back to reality once again.

Kyungsoo hyung is really nice and Joonmyeon hyung is lucky to have him as his boyfriend back then. I heard the stories from both sides and I could see that they are once a perfect couple, yet their perfect image as a couple isn’t really a perfect couple at all. Maybe a healing couple, but I won’t dwell on their matter especially when it is from the past.

I just hope that Kyungsoo hyung meets someone who’ll take care of him. He deserves one. Well, I would be willing to, but I don’t deserve to be with him. Not especially in this kind of position. And besides, I only look up to him as a great friend and hyung, nothing else and nothing more. Hopefully, he’ll meet someone someday, that will love him for whom he is and always makes him smile because Kyungsoo hyung’s smile is beautiful. Precious like pearls.

I softly sighed as I take a bite on my pasta, ignoring the telephone that has been ringing since morning. I already knew who it was, anyways. Probably Chanun or Jun.

“Just answer the damn phone, Jongin!” Sehun yelled from the kitchen and I groaned.

“You better answer it or else I’m going to smash it on the wall!”

“Then so be it!”

“Jongin!”

I threw my fork on the plate, creating an annoying sound, letting Sehun know that I’m annoyed before I left my chair to pick up the damn phone. Pressing the answer button, I answered the phone in annoyance. Polite greetings? Screw that.

“What do you want?”

Silence filled the air for awhile before static came from the other side and a soft whimper came from the other side of the phone.

“Hello?” Somehow, I got a bad feeling about this.

“Kai?”

I froze. It can’t be. Not him. Not now or ever. Why now?

“T-taemin?” I stammered and I cursed silently under my breath, because why did I stammer?

“Kai, baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I…I’m so sorry,” he says on the other side of the phone. His voice sounded so hoarse, rough and broken. Why?

“I’m sorry, but I’m not the one for you, Kai. I’m not the one. I can’t live like this anymore. Not when my love for you has vanished. I’m sorry, Kai. I’m so sorry.”

“What are you…” I couldn’t say the words. What is he talking about? Is he pulling a joke on me? What is he trying to say?

“I’m sorry, Kai. But it’s over between us. I’m so sorry. We can’t do this anymore. Not where I’m hurting you so much. That’s why I’m setting you free. You’ll be fine without me, right? I’m sorry, Kai. I’m sorry for everything. You could burn everything, I under—Kai? Hello? Kai?!”

I couldn’t hear him anymore. Everything turns into a buzz, everything around me becomes blurring. Spinning and spinning. The last thing I remember was falling to the cold floor and hearing Taemin calling my name out from the phone and footsteps approaching me while calling my name.

~

I woke up with a gasp, bullets of sweat trickling down my skin as I sat up, feeling my heart pound with a deep pain that I couldn’t measure at all. I screamed. I screamed and screamed until I felt force that pushed me down back at the bed, but I still screamed. I screamed until a towel was pushed to my mouth that I stopped and tearfully look at the person in front of me.

Sehun.

He sat by my side, face filled with worry and concern. He brushes away the bangs on my forehead and pulls out the towel from my mouth and he sighs.

“Don’t scream. Cry. It is better that way,” he lectures and I wanted to scoff, but I couldn’t. Not with this pain that I’m feeling. Instead, I looked away and tried to soothe my aching heart, but it didn’t.

“You know that screaming is also good, right?” I retorted, trying to find a way to distract the pain that I’m feeling since self-soothing doesn’t do. Sehun snickered and sighs again for the 2^nd time. I noticed the time on my wall clock that it’s already 8 in the evening. I almost gasped in shock that I’ve been out cold for how many hours.

“I’ll be at the hospital, Jongin. Dr. Changmin and Dr. Jaejoong need me to help them with something. I want to stay by your side, but I can’t. I thought that maybe you need some time alone, so I agreed that I’ll be at the hospital,” he utters, taking my hand into his. He looks at me with concern and care and I almost smiled because of it, but the pain in my chest forbids me from doing so.

“Jongin. If you ever need me, don’t hesitate to call me, okay? I’ll be here for you.”

I met his gaze and gave him a brief smile, nodding my head slightly. Thanking him silently for his help.

“I will.”

~

An hour after Sehun left, I decided to go to a nearby bar. A local bar that Chanyeol, Kris and I often went to for some drinks. The staffs and guards knew us well since Chanyeol’s brother is a VIP there and so, we are welcomed and not questioned of our age.

Drinking may have been a solution to clear out the pain in my chest.

I didn’t care about putting on new clothes, but took a jacket along with me just in case. The guard looked at me with surprise and I just smiled at him.

“Jongin. It’s been so long. You look…exhausted. Drained, in fact,” the guard says and I chuckled nervously.

“Really? Guess, I need some refreshments,” I said and he looks at me for a moment before nodding his head and lets me in.

“I’m calling your friends if you get drunk, okay?”

I nod my head and went in. The blaring music echoes at every wall, buzzing and loud. It makes me dizzy a bit, but I held it in, trying not to let it bother me since I came here to drink away my pain. I settled myself on the counter and Joon, a friend of mine and bartender here, came up and approached with a glass of alcohol. He sets down the glass in front of me and I took it with a knowing smile.

“How did you know I was coming?” I said and took a shot, placing the empty glass on the counter. Joon laughs as he poured another drink for me and caps the bottle.

“Chanun saw you outside,” Joon replied and I snickered at what happened. I took another drink and exhaled loudly, feeling the burning sensation in my chest.

Three, five, seven, nine and I placed the empty glass on the counter with a loud thud. I could feel my head strike with pain, but the pain that is etched on my chest hasn’t gone away. Damn you pain. I looked up at Joon and noticed his worry look and I snorted.

“Give me another one.”

“You’re drunk.”

I glared at him and he gives me his stern look, but I’m not backing down at all.

“I’m sober. I’m not drunk at all. You know very well how high my alcohol tolerance is,” I told him and he just looked at me with those stern eyes, completely not going to give in.

“Go dance at the dance floor for awhile then come back.” And then he left. I sighed in frustration, feeling the burning pain in my chest again and I groaned. I pulled myself up, dragging my numb body to the dance floor, but before I could even dance, I saw something that I shouldn’t have.

The burning pain in my chest heightens.

Baekhyun’s POV

[Thursday]

“Chanyeol?”

“Hyung? I-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to check up on you, you idiot. Hey, what’s wrong? Why are your eyes puffy and red?” Baekhyun worriedly says as he inspected the younger boy who had been lying on the cold floor of the room. Chanyeol tiredly sits up, putting up a forced smile to the older and winces a bit when he felt the pain in his waist.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Chanyeol looks at him in surprise before looking away. “I-it’s n-nothing,” he stammered, biting his lip in the process. Annoyed by the fact that Chanyeol is hiding something from him, he smacks the younger in the head, earning himself a wail of pain.

“Oww…”

“Yah, what’s the matter?” Baekhyun asks again, voice firm, yet veiled with concern and worry. Chanyeol looks at him with tear-filled eyes and pouts as he looks way.

“I slipped on something from the staircase and fell,” Chanyeol mumbles and Baekhyun’s eyes widen in shock.

“What?!”

“I kn-“

“You idiot!”

“Ow! Stop it Bai Xian!” Chanyeol yells and angrily looks at the older, but was rendered speechless when he saw Baekhyun crying.

“Hyung? What’s wrong?”

“Idiot!” Baekhyun scolds him and Chanyeol silenced himself. “Why aren’t you taking care of yourself?”

Chanyeol looks down, frustrated yet ashamed. “I am, okay? I-“

“Then do it! Just…just don’t let me worry so much about you. You…you’ve got no idea how much I was so scared after knowing that you slipped from the staircase. Why can’t you be more careful? Don’t you even know how much I worry about you? You-“ Baekhyun pauses, his face flushed from embarrassment and worry. Chanyeol was stunned by his words, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that Baekhyun worry about him. He smiles warmly at Baekhyun and slowly, he wraps his arms around the older’s body, hugging him and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for worrying about me, hyung. I love you,” Chanyeol calmly says and heat rose up to Baekhyun cheeks by his words. His heart races and he grips the younger’s clothes; he sighs.

“Idiot. I love you, too.”

 

What is this feeling? Why do I feel troubled by my past? All of them were fun—smiles, laughter and jokes with pie being thrown in the face, but why do I feel something is missing? My heart feels lighter than before, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I’m still missing something. What was it?

After the incident where I questioned Chanyeol for who he is, I knew he was lying. He was lying—all of it from the beginning. He was lying to me, but in it was shielded with the truth. The truths were there, but the lie about of who were in it was his crime. Why couldn’t he tell me that he was my missing childhood friend? Why couldn’t he just tell me that he was the missing piece in my memories back then? Why couldn’t he just tell me?

Was he scared? Scared by the fact that I won’t accept him again? Or was he scared by the fact that I won’t remember him at all? Which one and why? Why is he scared?

“You know hyung. Sometimes, it’s better for the truth to be buried down and let the lie surface so that it won’t deal any damage at all.”

His words echoed at my mind and I grit my teeth and threw my vase on the wall of my room. Bull. That’s an excuse, you stupid Chanyeol. What are you afraid of? You could have told me, but you didn’t. What are you up to? I knew I was in the wrong here, forgetting my memories, but I always wished for it to remember because it’s part of my life.

“Do you like it here? I like this place, because a friend of mine back then used to visit this place and he told me that he loves this place because it feels home. How about you, hyung? Do you like it here? I bet you would, after all this is a place that you’ll never forget.”

You gave me hints. Gave me evidences of my past. Showing pieces of what I lost back then. And every time you brought me to places I don’t remember ever going to, memories of the lost resurface and I remember them vaguely, but nostalgic to my heart and mind.

“What are you up to, Park Chanyeol?” I murmured, pained and filled with urgency to know. I stood up from my bed, not minding the chaos in my room and approached the piano at the middle of my room, lifting up the cover and ghosting my fingers over the keys.

"I am me. Park Chanyeol. The one who fell in love with you while you were playing the piano. Nothing else and nothing more."

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Why are you lying, Chanyeol? I remembered everything. Surely, you wouldn’t have thought that I wouldn’t remember everything, right? If you didn’t, then why are you lying? What are you trying to say to me, Chanyeol? Ever since we were young, you were so loud, talkative and everything, but why are you like this now? Why have you changed? You became quiet, aloof and secretive. You weren’t the Chanyeol in the past anymore. Instead, you changed. Changed and I couldn’t understand you anymore.

“People change, hyung. You can’t just live in the past. You have to move on forward if you still want to be on the present.”

That’s not true, Chanyeol. Everyone could change, yes, but there is other who still retained their old ways. But you…you are different. You aren’t the Chanyeol I know anymore. You are different.

“What happened to you?” The words left my mouth unconsciously and there, I only realized that I was crying. Crying for what, though? I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. Chanyeol is confusing me. He’s confusing me. What does he want me to know more? I’ve got everything back. Am I still missing something?

Loud clash of sound resonates in my room as I press the keys that my fingers could touch, clashing and producing a noise instead of music. I’m so tired. Tired of trying to know what is what. What he wants to say and what he wants me to know. It’s too tiring and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

“I miss you, Bai Xian.”

I finally broke down. My walls crumbled down into ashes. Everything is turning and in disaster. I don’t know anymore. It hurts. Everything hurts.

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun!”

Who is it? I don’t care anymore. I can’t look up, not when I’m crying. I felt a pair of arms surround me, holding me and keeping me from drowning in my pain. I don’t know who it was, but I was glad. At least, I could hold onto something as I sob and wail my agony at everything. At least there is someone to hold me for awhile as I let my emotions all out. To keep everything on its place and pull me up to reality once again before I could even drown.

~

“Baekhyun? Are you awake?” I hear the door creak open and clucking of shoes and heels approaches my bed. I’ve been long awake, mom. I fell asleep, yes, but I’ve been awake since a few hours ago.

“Yeah, I am,” I replied, my voice itched in pain from my cries awhile ago. Pushing off the blanket that covered me, I sat up and rubbed my eyes before looking at them. The people present are mom, father and Minho. All of them had worried faces. This isn’t good. I should at least apologize for causing them trouble.

Before I could even open my mouth, mom threw herself to me and hugged me tightly, but leaving a space where I could still breathe. I could feel her frame shake as she hugged me and I feel somehow guilty for making her like this. I awkwardly patted her back and murmured my sorry to everyone that eventually made her pull out from the hug, giving me the look that I feel ashamed to even look at everyone in the face.

“Bai Xian,” father calls me out, his fatherly tone making me relax and comfortable. I hesitantly look up at them and saw their worried face that I want to apologize again. Mom reached out her hand and caressed my face; her soothing caress makes me lean on her hand as I try to locate my heart once again.

“What happened, dear? You’ve locked yourself up for the past few days and your room has been a total mess. What happened? What’s troubling you?” mom asked with a concerned look, her eyes searching for answer and I briefly smiled at her. I shook my head, telling her that it’s nothing and Minho interjected.

“Baekhyun!”

“I’m okay,” I uttered softly, looking up to them with a half-hearted smile. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Minho wanted to say something, but father stopped him when he placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from whatever he is going to say, instead father stepped in.

“Bai Xian, shouldering the problem alone wouldn’t do you good. It would only give you more burdens; more pain as you shoulders it all alone without anyone helping you. We don’t want you to be hurting all alone, Bai Xian. You have a family to tell. You shouldn’t carry it all alone.”

His words struck me in my heart. He’s right. I shouldn’t be carrying it all alone, yet, I couldn’t tell them. It’s my problem and I should be the one to handle this, not them, but me. It’s between Chanyeol and me. Not them. But, I couldn’t ignore the brief feeling of warmth to know that they care about me even though they aren’t my family, it feels a bit relieving and it makes me happy to know that they are willing to help me out with all they can.

I looked at them one by one and lowered my head after remembering the people who cherished me as much as I cherished them. I softly sighed as I shake my head.

“It’s fine. Thank you for your concern for me. I appreciate it, but I would like to deal this matter on my own accord. I wish to tell you, but I couldn’t. Thank you, everyone,” I calmly said to them. I waited for any reactions that may come, but nothing came and I was surprised when I felt three pair of arm wraps around me into an embrace. I look at them as they hug me and I feel my heart sway on the ocean, the sun appearing above between the clouds; the warmth filling me up as I silently cried that I have a family to be with me, who understood me every bits and loves me for who I am.

I’m so thankful for having them.

~

I’ll get my answers from Chanyeol. I need to. If I have to force out the answers from him, I will. I’ll get my answers in order for me to snap out from the lies that are surrounding me. So that the fabricated lies that  has been weaved inside me would be gone; the doubts, hesitations and altered truth would vanish and be replaced with the real truth that I’ve been longing to have.

I won’t hold any grudge against him. No, that would be childish of me. I’ll just get the truth out of him. Get the answers of my questions and when everything is answered, I’ll forgive him. The betrayal and pain that I felt, I would push it back and bury it in the ground. All I wanted is the truth for all of this confusion and lies. That’s all I want.

I’ll forgive him. 

Because he’s my childhood and best friend.

 

“Am I dying, hyung?”

“What are you saying, you idiot? Of course you’re not.”

“Really? Then I’m glad. I still want to be with you, hyung. We will be together, right?”

“Of course. We will always be together even until death.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

 

Chanyeol’s POV

[Thursday]

Baekhyun hyung has been avoiding me for days, but I guess that’s okay.  I understood why he did that. He needs time to collect himself up and put the pieces together all in all. The time he asked me who I am, I knew he remembered. I knew that his memories have returned especially when I was almost killed by a car that triggered his lost memories. He remembered it all, I knew, just from his facial expression, but I knew that he’s still missing something.

I don’t know how I knew that something is still missing, but I guess the way how he looked at me. I sensed that he still has a missing piece and I knew his memories are being far from being complete. His expression when he slapped me on the face almost caught me off guarded, but I wasn’t, instead I knew it was coming.

Though everything may be confusing for him, hopefully, he’ll be able to understand it all. That my lies aren’t really lies but are the truth. I just wish for him to understand, though I doubt it that he’ll ever understand, but I hope. I hope that he’ll soon get to know why I am doing this. Why am I playing innocent and all and why not tell him the truth.

It would all come to surface, soon—until he recovers the last missing pieces.

I look at my well-lighted room, steady and stable that shifted into blurring and grey. Grey and distorting. I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in and out and calming my racing heart before I shifted them back open.

Grey.

Then after a few long stare, the colours are back.

I felt an immediate strike of pain at the back of my head and I quickly lay down. It hurts. My vision is blurring. The room is spinning and spinning. Grey and grey. Black, white and grey. More dull colours.

Black is the next thing I see.

~

Loud knocks woke me up from my deep slumber and I groaned when I sat up, immediately gazing at the wall clock and spotting that it’s already 11 in the evening. Who would knock at my door at this kind of time? Unless it’s Myungsoo who had a very good reason to why he is knocking at my door.

A few more knocks were made until it stopped and I thought that whoever it was outside my door had given up because no one is answering, but then, I was wrong because slowly, the handle of my door opened and Myungsoo came in with a big brown envelope on his hand.

I couldn’t see his face until he stepped on where the moonlight is shining on my room since I kept it dark and saw his tired face, eyes quite puffy and red. He looks so exhausted, drained to core and pale like death. What was he up to for the past few weeks? I didn’t know since the last time we met each other was the encounter with Ying and him when I was with Baekhyun. I didn’t saw him after that. I rarely saw him as I always come home late at night and leave the next morning where he’ll be out for his work and I wouldn’t be able to see him.

I noticed the faint trail of tears in his face and I almost questioned why, but I kept it because something inside me stopped me from doing so as if telling me that it has to do with me.  I watched him put the envelope on my table before shifting his attention to me, blank, yet filled with something that I couldn’t decipher at all. Guilt? Sorrow?

“Read this, okay Chanyeol? I’ve got everything prepared. The decision is up to you,” he says with a broken voice and I flinched because of it. After saying his words, he left my room, not even bothering to spare a glance to me. I wanted to ask him what it is about, but when I gaze at the envelope and remembered his state, I kept my question instead.

I’ve pondered whether to take a look at it or just leave it there, but then I found myself taking the former. Taking a long look at the brown envelope that is in my hands, I breathed in  and exhaled before I slowly took out the contents inside.

I almost dropped it.

---

And BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I know...I know.

Before I go into hiding, I shall first explain something. The previous chapter and this chapter has it's specific days, right? The days that each couple has was done in only a week. Meaning what happened to the six couples is just only one week. It's not separated but only one week. If you notice in the upcoming chapters that a couple don't match in the Chapter 43 or in this chapter specific day, that means the event happened during the event of another couple.

For example: Xiuchen is on Tuesday then the upcomin chapters, it depicted that they are on the Wednesday. But Hunhan is on Wednesday. Now, since Xiuchen is on Wednesday, the event happened on the upcomin chapter happens at the same time on Hunhan. Get it, I suppose? After all, what happened to them starting from Chapter 43 to the upcoming chapters are all in one week. The upcoming chapters are simply a continuation of what happened next.

I know it's confusing, but I know that you'll get it!

Well.......yep.

 

Once again, BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND BYE!
 

/hides in the place where no one will ever see me/

 

LOVE YOU! <3