Chapter 13

As soon as I got home, I went directly to my room and read the letter. This time, the letter was lengthy. But I could care less. Even if it would take me a year or forever to finish this, I would.

"Dear Woohyun,

Hey, how have you been? I'm sure you're pretty upset about me right now. I know this is a bit awkward, but I realized that in time, I should be explaining things to you. Things that I should be saying to you in person, but I don't have the guts to. Well, here it goes.

I was lying when I rejected you. I was the happiest girl on earth when you have finally confessed to me. It felt too good to be true. I wanted to jump in joy and attack you with a hug when you have finally told me that you like me. I wanted to squeal, I wanted to laugh, but I wasn't able to do any of this.

Remember the time when we fought in the streets, and the next day, I was absent. Uhm, well, it wasn't really your fault why I skipped classes that day I didn't have an asthma attack. I'm sorry if I lied. I'm sorry if I used you as my alibi, but none of that was your fault. Besides, I would still show up on school anyway if ever. But I had to miss school that day because the truth is, that day, I had an appointment with a doctor. She's my new doctor actually. Oh by the way, her surname is Nam. I don't know if I'm just imagining this, but I see quite resemblance.. Nevermind that part. Anyway, the reason why I had to meet her is that she told me that she needs to see me because we are going to discuss an important matter.

I've been having my regular check- up, but last month, she said she found some complications in my body. I thought it was nothing serious because I was feeling perfectly fine. I went through a lot of tests until one day, the doctor broke the bad news. She said that I've been diagnosed with Bone Cancer. When I heard that, I thought that I was only having a nightmare, that when I finally open my eyes, I'd be able to wake up and erase the sadness I felt just seconds ago. But it wasn't just a bad dream. Everything was real. I'm having a serious problem to deal with. It was already on it's stage two. I asked her how come I felt nothing about it before? Why didn't I see this coming? That's when it hit me. I remembered having muscle pain at times. I remember even feeling muscle cramps before going to sleep. I thought it was nothing, I didn't know it'd be this serious. I broke into tears that day. I don't know how to react. I don't know what to do. Mom held me tight in her arms and I just cried the whole day.

The doctor said that she'll be giving me medications. She gave me those type of tablets that have the same effect with chemotherapy. Although, that tablet wouldn't cause me to lose my hair, I was still bothered. I made a mental note to myself to take those medicines daily and never to miss any of it. But a month had already passed, and none of it seems to work. My body felt weaker than ever. I have consulted my doctor again, and she told me that I need to give myself a lot of rests.

The day you have confessed to me was the happiest day of my life. But I was bothered with a lot of things that time. I thought, what if I won't be able to survive this? This is a serious disease and I might die. I can't afford to hurt you. And I'll only be hurting you if you'll see my situation now. My body's getting even weaker, Woohyun. I don't want to tell you any of these because I know you'll insist on taking care of me or whatever. I don't want to be a burden to you. I don't want you to see me hurting. Just last week, the doctors found out that my body needs a serious rest. My cancer is already in it's fourth stage. That's why I had to quit school. The rumors weren't true. I didn't transfer in to a new school. I had to stop schooling because I'm in need of rest. My body's getting too weak and I need to deduct my movements.

But the doctors are always reminding me never to give up. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Giving up was never on my vocabulary, and it was a big fat lie when I told you that I was giving up on you. I never gave up on you, so why would I give up on myself now? Right?

I hope you're not crying while you're reading this. You shouldn't be crying because of me! I'll really feel mad about myself if you're crying. I'm sorry I never got the chance to explain these things to you personally. I'm afraid I might break down while telling you this. And by the time you've finished reading this, I'm pretty sure you'll come find me even if I'll tell you not to. As always, you're the stubborn Nam Woohyun... that I have always loved :)

Just so you know, you've always been the inspiration that I've been holding on to. And I'll make sure that I'll get rid of this stupid cancer.. for you. Remember, your mom told me that I'll be marrying you! I'll never ever forget that. Woohyun- ah, saranghaeyo.

~ Yoha.

As soon as I finished reading her letter, I ran out of my house. I ran as quickly as possible just to get to where she is. I don't care if there are still streaks of tears in my face. All I know is that I have to see her, NOW.