“Luhan-hyung, it’s me,” the maknae repeated, “Hunnie.”

Sehun heard a whimper from underneath the sheets.

“Hyung,” he groaned, “Just come out of there, please.”

The older wiggled his body, giving Sehun that small chance of hope. But unfortunately, it was just so he could dig himself deeper into the heap of blankets. Sehun sighed as lied down next to the huddled boy. The former felt the other tense up, but he pretended not to notice.

“Hyung,” Sehun tried once more, “I want to talk to you. I want to see you again.”

Luhan remained silent and shut his eyes. His mind wouldn’t allow him to look at the younger boy at all, and he liked it that way.

“I miss you, hyung.”

But Luhan’s heart knew better. It received a sudden and familiar ache that Luhan had learned to detest. As much as he tried though, it always prevailed. Luhan felt his lips quiver as his mind was still trying to win the battle.

Sehun sighed, sort of guessing the internal conflicts Luhan was facing, “Hyung, if you don’t want to see me, at least hear me out.”

Luhan didn’t respond. 

He continued, “I know... I know what happened.” Sehun didn’t expect his confession to end up so lamely, but he couldn’t find a better way to express it. He did though, here a small ‘I know’ come from underneath the blankets. He decided to ignore it for now.

“A-Are you okay? I was so worried about you, hyung.”

Luhan didn’t know what to do. Half of him wanted to free himself form the clutches of the sheets and cling onto his beloved while the other half wanted to be swallowed within them.

“You don’t have to tell me about it,” Sehun continued, “I just want to know that you’re okay now, and that I’m here for you.”

A muffled sob came from Luhan’s mouth. Not ignoring this one, Sehun pulled in his boyfriend closer. Even though the bundle of blankets were forbidding him to see his boyfriend, he could still feel the connection. As weird and strange as that sounded in Sehun’s mind. He kissed the top of the blankets, praying it was somewhere on Luhan’s head.

And he was right. A sudden pressure was felt at the top right corner of Luhan’s forehead. Luhan felt himself blushing as he proceeded to bite his lip. He wasn’t just ready to face his boyfriend yet. Unsureness was still lingering inside of him. 

After a few minutes of awkward silence and Sehun not letting his lips leave the spot, Luhan shifted a bit underneath his little cocoon. The maknae got his hopes a bit too high, sighing noticeably as the older had no interest of revealing himself. 

His lips still felt disgusting after the unwanted kiss. His lower half wasn’t feeling so great either. The touches where the assaulter had placed his filthy hands were uglier than ever. Luhan couldn’t face Sehun yet. Not when he was like this. Not when he was so pathetically weak. He hated himself so much for being so vulnerable to the erted eye. He hated himself for not being able to protect himself.

All in all, Luhan hated Luhan, and there was nothing that could change that. Absolutely nothing at all.

Without even realizing it, Luhan let out a loud cry from his hiding spot. The tears wouldn’t stop falling, not even when Luhan brushed them away. They kept on flowing. So Luhan curled up in a ball and buried his face in his knees. Sehun couldn’t see him like this. The younger would laugh. 

Noticing a sudden change in positions, Sehun sat up. It seemed like the blankets were forming into a deformed circle? Luhan must’ve balled himself up. Sehun stared intently at the sheets, not knowing what to do. It was tempting just to rip them off, but he didn’t want to frighten Luhan. No. He could never. Right after being assaulted, too? Sehun wasn’t that low of a person.

Sehun just wanted to comfort his boyfriend. Just whisper sweet nothings in his ear while holding him in reassurance that everything was fine. The maknae didn’t understand why Luhan was being this way. He couldn’t figure out why as much as he tried to think about it. Sehun was there to be for Luhan. This one incident wouldn’t let him love the older boy any less. If anything, he would love the boy more to make-up for his lack of absence. 

A stifled sob was heard from underneath. Sehun was hesitant to acknowledge it or not. Another was heard soon after. It was louder and needier than the first. Sehun inched closer to the pile of blankets.

“Hyung?”

Luhan reached his breaking point. His emotions got to the best of him, and he cried his heart out. His mind couldn’t even function for him to control them at the slightest. No. It let it all out too. All the sudden pain that built up inside of him was spilling out uncontrollably. 

Sehun heard the sudden cried and frantically unraveled Luhan from the blankets. His heart died a bit when he saw his boyfriend’s face. Excluding the fact that he was crying, Luhan looked so helpless. He wasn’t that obnoxious bundle of joy that Sehun secretly loved. He looked so alone, so desperate for company. 

Sehun didn’t say anything and brought the boy into his tight embrace, allowing Luhan’s familiar scent invade his nostrils. Luhan ended up crying harder into Sehun’s shoulder. The warmth that the older was so used to was engulfing him once again. Sehun’s hands found its way to the top of Luhan’s fluffy hair and began to it. 

“Hyung, I’ve missed you,” Sehun murmured with closed eyes, “I was so worried.”

Luhan trembled in his arms.

“When Yixing-hyung told me what happened... I-I don’t even know what came over me-”

“You’re angry, aren’t you,” Luhan spat pushing the younger away from him with shaky hands, “You think I’m disgusting. I’m absolutely pathetic and everything!”

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” Sehun freaked.

“D-Don’t act like this to me!” 

Sehun proceeded to move towards the older’s shaking body. Luhan attempted to move farther down the bed, but the younger quickly captured hyung. Sehun wrapped his arms around his boyfriend to try and calm him down.

“W-Why... Why are you so nice?” Luhan grumbled between tears.

The younger cupped Luhan’s face so the latter could look at him, “I don’t understand, hyung.”

“I-I was so weak. I couldn’t even p-protect myself from this happening...”

It took Luhan a few minutes to recollect himself. Sehun decided that it’d be best for him to stay quiet during the time. The latter continuously hugged the smaller boy, waiting patiently for him to continue.

“I feel so ugly,” Luhan whispered into Sehun’s chest, “I’m so disgusted with myself. I-I hate myself.”

“No, hyung don’t,” Sehun mumbled into his ear while pulling the smaller close, “Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”

“Why don’t you hate me?” Luhan asked in the quietest voice of his.

“Why should I hate you?” Sehun countered.

Luhan averted his eyes back to  Sehun’s chest, “S-Some other man kissed me, and I couldn’t stop it from happening...”

“Is that why,” Sehun started slowly, “Is that why I should hate you?”

The older nodded his head slightly, but Sehun noticed the reluctance in the action. Luhan gripped the younger’s shirt tighter, not replying verbally.

“More importantly,” the younger continued, “Do you want me to hate you?”

Sehun watched as Luhan cringed at the last question.

“Y-You should-”

“You’re not answering the question, hyung,” Sehun interrupted softly, “I asked if you wanted me to hate you.”

Luhan shook his head slightly before fully, “N-No. I don’t want you to, Hunnie. I need you, Hunnie... Y-You can’t hate me-”

Sehun shut the blabbering boy up by kissing him gently on the lips. Nothing forceful, nothing dominant. It was everything sweet and fluffy that Sehun loved about Luhan. The younger missed the taste of the older’s lips on his. He missed the way it molded perfectly against each other. 

Luhan at first tried to push the younger way, but his body thought differently. It complied on its own to pulling closer to Sehun. The ugliness Luhan had felt before was diminishing as seconds passed.

The younger was the first to pull back for air and to see his hyung’s face again. Luhan’s eyes were still shut with pink tinting his cheeks. Sehun held the older’s face and placed a quick peck on the latter’s lips.

“Hyung, I could never hate you even if you forced me to.” Sehun said as he brushed away the steady flow of tears from Luhan’s eyes.

“E-Even if-”

Sehun placed both his thumbs on top of the older’s mouth to stop him from speaking.

“Enough,” Sehun hushed the smaller one, “Let’s not talk about it anymore. I just want to be with you, okay?”

Luhan nodded, trying to silence his cries. Sehun laid him down back on the bed before wrapping a protective arm around the older’s waist. The Chinese twisted his body so the younger could spoon him. Luhan found the light breathing of his lover in his neck relaxing.

“Go to sleep hyung, you must be exhausted.” Sehun murmured as he buried his face deeper into the said’s neck.

Luhan tried to turn his head to face him but was incapable of, “B-But what about you-”

“I’m tired too, hyung.” The older felt Sehun’s lips curve in his neck.

The younger felt the unsureness of Luhan’s silence so he added, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Satisfied with the answer, Luhan snuggled a bit closer to the younger. He allowed the younger’s arms wrap around him tighter. Sehun missed the familiar scent of the older wafting in his nose. Without saying another word, both boys fell asleep peacefully in each other’s body warmth.

“HUNNIE, HUNNIE!” A familiar voice screeched out to him.

Sehun looked around. He was in an unfamiliar room, but there was no one else besides him in it.

“L-Lulu-hyung?” He called.

“Hunnie, Hunnie!” Luhan’s voice yelled again.

The younger sat up in daze. His eyes frantically looking around the place for any other sign of life. 

“Hyung, where are you?” He asked as he got off the bed.

A giggle was heard, “I’m outside, silly. C’mon!”

Sehun looked out the window to see his beloved hyung, bright and smiling, in the front of the dorm. Luhan waved happily at him. He was wearing his beanie and the same clothes from the airport.

Why did this dream seem so familiar?

“I was wondering what took you so long! Were you sleeping again?” Luhan pouted.

Sehun nodded sheepishly.

“Hunnie, c’mon,” Luhan yelled over his shoulder as he bounded down the grassy hill, “You’re too slow!”

“Aish, wait up,” Sehun called back, “I don’t see the point of you rushing!”

Luhan had already sat down underneath a tree by the time Sehun came down, out of breath.

“Why did you have to run so fast?” Sehun panted.

The older shrugged, “I felt like it.”

Why was this a déjà vu? 

Nevertheless, the two sat down underneath the strategically placed tree. Luhan scooted himself between Sehun’s legs so the younger could wrap his arms around the former. They stayed quiet for a long while. Both of them enjoyed the silent company from the other. Luhan was the first to shift around to turn to the younger.

“Yes, hyung?” The younger asked, his hands still wrapped around the older’s waist securely.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, very much.” Although simple, Luhan felt everything in Sehun’s voice.

Luhan sighed, “I don’t understand why though.”

“What do you mean, hyung?”

The older continued, “I mean, I’m just so pathetic-”

“No,” Sehun interrupted, “You are not.”

“What makes you say that?”

Sehun cupped the older’s chin in his hand, “Because you... You are Luhan. More importantly, you are my Lulu-hyung, and nothing could be better than that.”

Luhan rolled his eyes, “Thanks, Hunnie. I feel so much-”

“I’m not finished yet,” the younger grumbled, “Anyway, you’re extremely talented, a total package in S.M.’s part. You can sing and dance superbly well. You also got the looks of an ulzzang, and that’s coming from a resident ulzzang.”

Sehun kissed Luhan on the forehead, “You’re disgustingly cute, but it suits you perfectly. It somehow charms everyone, and everyone is forever under your spell. Even though everyone is practically wrapped around your finger, I still find myself craving more of your attention.”

He kissed Luhan on the bridge of his nose, “And because of you, I have this stupid disease that I can’t get rid of.”

The older’s eyes widened, “W-What disease, Hunnie!? How come you never told me!? Please don’t tell me it’s cancer-”

The younger shut the boy up by another kiss onto the latter’s rambling lips.

Sehun’s eyes fluttered open. He looked at the clock. It was just a few minutes past midnight. He looked at the sleeping boy next to him. The boy had his mouth cutely open a tad and was snoring lightly.

“The disease was falling in love with you, Lulu-hyung.” And with that, Sehun kissed the sleeping boy sweetly before falling back into slumber.

{author's note}*