“Sehun-ah, Sehun-ah,” someone shook the sleeping boy awake, “We’re back at the dorms already.”

Sehun stirred as he blinked his eyes to adjust to the setting. It was already dark out, and his face felt awfully caked and dry. His eyes were puffed up and presumably red from the event that happened before. Luhan’s beanie was still clutched in his hand. He sighed when he got out of the van.

A reassuring pat on the back came from the leader who gave him a small smile. Sehun tried to smile back, but it immediately faltered. Joonmyun mouthed ‘it’s okay’ as he lead the maknae to the door of the dorm. As soon as his shoes were removed, Sehun bolted to his room not caring about the other members’ concern of him at the moment. He threw himself onto the bed and allowed even more tears to shed.

Oh, God. Why does my heart hurt so much?

He wanted to yell, scream, anything. But when he opened his mouth, only whimpers escaped his lips. Sehun buried his face in his pillow. He didn’t want the other members to hear him although he was positive they knew what was happening right now.

Why is this so difficult for me? Why aren’t I stronger?

His heart ached. Sehun felt it cracking every second; he could almost hear it. He glanced at the clock. The hands seemed to have stopped moving. Everything did. He laid motionless on the bed for what seemed like hours. He didn’t want to do anything. If anything, he felt like dying. Another whimper passed his mouth.

I can’t handle this.

Sehun closed his eyes and put Luhan’s beanie up to his face. It was already drenched from the tears beforehand. All he wanted to do was cry his emotions away. Nothing he thought of seemed to cheer him up. The thought of his hyung in a completely different country just ate his heart out even more. He choked on his tears. The boy switched his position on the bed as he now faced the window.

You’ve only been gone for a few hours, and I can’t even handle myself.

Sehun’s mind soon became fuzzy.

What am I going to do?

“HUNNIE, HUNNIE!” A familiar voice screeched out to him.

Sehun looked around. He was still in his room, but there was no one else besides him in it.

“L-Lulu-hyung?” He called.

“Hunnie, Hunnie!” Luhan’s voice yelled again.

The younger sat up in daze. His eyes frantically looking around the place for any other sign of life. 

“Hyung, where are you?” He asked as he got off the bed.

A giggled was heard, “I’m outside, silly. C’mon!”

Sehun looked out the window to see his beloved hyung, bright and smiling, in the front of the dorm. Luhan waved happily at him. He was wearing his beanie and the same clothes from the airport.

The maknae quickly opened his door and sprinted down the steps. He may’ve pushed some other members out of the way, but that wasn’t important at the moment. He opened the front door to see his lover right there, cheerful as ever.

“Hyung, what’re you doing here!?” Sehun asked excitedly. He wanted to pull his boyfriend into the tightest hug, but something inside of him stopped.

Luhan giggled, “I just wanted to see you, of course.”

“But aren’t you supposed to be in China? When’d you get back?”

The older shrugged and changed the subject, “Hunnie, let’s play a game, okay?”

Sehun raised an eyebrow. Not really the idea he had in mind to spend the time with his hyung - unless that game was a certain kind - but he agreed nonetheless.

“Yay,” Luhan smiled, “I first want you to hug me.”

The younger laughed as he pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug, inhaling his scent along with it. He pulled back and asked, “Next?”

“Will you miss me?”

“Of course I’ll miss you!” Sehun exclaimed.

“How much?” Luhan tilted his head cutely.

Sehun sighed, “So much that I think my heart will shatter like glass. So much that I may shut myself in my room for a few days.” He laughs. “Why?”

“Do you love me?”

The maknae’s eyes widen at the sudden question, “Obviously, hyung.”

‘How much’ is asked again.

“More than you can imagine.” He replied as he hugged Luhan and nuzzled his head in the latter’s hair again.

“What will you do if I was gone?”

“Hyung,” Sehun looked at Luhan who had a monotonic expression on his face, “What is up with all these questions? Shouldn’t you be happy that we’re here together now?”

“Can you kiss me, Hunnie?” Luhan avoided the question.

Sehun answered with a sweet kiss. Nothing dominating or y about it. Just a simple but beautiful one. The younger couldn’t help but notice something was different. Luhan’s lips were chapped, something very unusual coming from him. The older did respond but not like the normal. Sehun shrugged off the thoughts, thinking it was just because the plane ride was tiring. He smiled at his hyung who replied with a smaller grin.

“Hyung?”

“Hunnie, I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I-I-”

Tears started forming in Luhan eyes. Sehun tried to shush him, telling him it was okay. Everything was going to be fine. 

“Lulu-hyung, Lulu-hyung,” Sehun tried to get his attention, “Everything will be alright, okay?”

Then something wrong started to happen. When Sehun cupped Luhan’s face, it wasn’t smooth at all. It didn’t feel like skin. Sehun looked at his lover whose complexion was turning into an unpleasant hue of grey.

“Hyung, what’s happening?” Sehun panicked. He had his thumb circle Luhan’s cheek and instantly regretted it. Luhan’s face started to crumble.

“Hunnie, I’m sorry.” Luhan repeated again as his body soon turned into that same substance as his face was.

Sehun’s eyes widened, “No, no, no. Wh-What’s happening!?”

“I love you, Hunnie,” Luhan said sadly, “Remember that.”

Luhan placed a sweet kiss on his boyfriend’s lips as he started to deteriorate more and more.

“No, hyung, stop this!” Sehun yelled as he held the boy delicately.

“I love you.” Luhan whispered in his ear.

Sehun hugged him tighter only to scream after. Luhan had broken in his embrace. His perfect self was soon destroyed by Sehun’s action. It was now just a ruin of ashes in Sehun’s arms.

“Oh, my God, hyung, hyung...” Sehun cried.

He scooped up some of the big remnants of his hyung. It broke immediately and floated away in the breeze.

“Hyung, hyung, no,” Sehun cried as the chunks soon broke down into ash pieces, “Come back, don’t do this.”

Suddenly, a gust of wind seemed to have picked up everything that was left of Luhan an carried it out to the open.

“No, no...” Sehun whispered. Tears fell down his face as he looked to where Luhan just was.

Only his beanie remained in tact.

“No,” Sehun said to himself, “This isn’t happening.”

“No.”

Sehun burst out into tears.

“Why!? Why!?”

“Sehun-ah, wake up, please!” Someone yelled.

Sehun’s eyes shot open. He was still in his bed. His face was smothered in tears and sweat. He quickly sat up and gasped for air.

“Sehun, are you alright?” Joonmyun asked.

Sehun shook his head, “N-No. I’m not alright. H-Hyung I-”

Joonmyun quickly pulled the maknae into a hug. Sehun took the moment to cry his eyes out even more. The leader gently his back while humming to him softly.

“Kyungsoo will be back with some food, okay? You haven’t eaten in a long while.”

Sehun’s stomach growled in response. Joonmyun giggled quietly as he got off the bed, looking for new clothes for the maknae to get dressed into. He threw over a shirt and some shorts and turned around.

“Change.” Joonmyun commanded politely.

Sehun obliged and quickly changed into his pajamas, “I-I’m finished hyung.”

Joonmyun turned around and sat back down on the bed. He ruffled the maknae’s hair, “Are you okay?”

“I’ve been way better.” Sehun sighed.

A knock was heard from the door. Joonmyun got up to open it, and it was Kyungsoo with a tray of food. He placed it down in front of Sehun and joined the two on the bed.

“Eat up now,” Kyungsoo said as he grabbed the chopsticks and handed it to Sehun, “You haven’t eaten.”

Sehun slowly nodded as he ate. Although he was absolutely starving, he didn’t have the appetite. He ate his food in a quiet matter to satisfy his hyungs. 

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked.

Sehun shrugged.

“We heard you yelling,” Joonmyun continued, “And when we opened your door, you were tossing and turning. What happened?”

Sehun bit his lip.

“Bad dream?” Kyungsoo questioned.

The maknae nodded and continued eating. He looked slowly up at his hyungs with a sad look in his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” Joonmyun said as if reading his mind, “We won’t ask. Just tell us if you need to, okay?”

Sehun sighed thankfully and continued to finish the kimchi Kyungsoo had prepared for him. Once finished, he immediately drank up all water in the cup. He gave a small smile as a thank you.

“I-I’m going to go to the bathroom now.” Sehun stated as he got off the bed and headed out. 

The two elders waited for him in his room, both with worried expressions on their faces. They stayed quiet for a little while before Joonmyun broke the silence.

“Do you think he was...?”

“Most definitely,” Kyungsoo replied, “It’s written all over his face. I mean, did you see-”

He cut off his sentence short when Sehun had returned. The younger looked at them weirdly but proceeded to his bed. Kyungsoo motioned for him to lie down. Once he did, Kyungsoo took the wet towel from the tray and wiped Sehun’s face. 

Nostalgia.

“Just call us if you need anything, okay?” Kyungsoo said as he finished.

Sehun just nodded. Kyungsoo placed a kiss on his forehead. Joonmyun doing the same. The appa picked up the tray of plates and headed out for the door. Kyungsoo opened it for him and took one last look at Sehun.

“Will you be okay?”

Sehun sighed, “Yes, I think.”

The umma smiled a bit, “Be strong, okay?”

“Okay.”

He closed the door, and Sehun lifted his covers over his face.

How can I be strong when I’m already broken?