Earlier that day

2ne1 dorm

 I am still lying on my bed thinking..no scratch that...i mean day dreaming about him. I don't know why but up till now..i don't know why I fell for him. I still love Jaejoong but the images of him still haunts me even in my dream.  After the show, I never heard of him except for the news on TV. And in my head,I always brutally murdered every girls that  are linked to him. Especially that Yuri from SNSD.  I really hated it when people says how good looking they are together and how compatible they are for being a good dancer..Huh...I can even dance better.  Did they  see my alien dance? I'm sure they can't even beat me to that. It was only Changmin who keeps on texting and calling me. That dongsaeng of mine becomes one of my trusted friend. But still, I can't still tell him the reason why we broke-up. The truth is I was really hurt  towards Yunho, how come I haven't received any text or call from him? Is he really that busy? But how come Min have time? So I think maybe he really doesn't like me, it was just work for him but how come sometimes I caught him stealing glances to me?  The moments we shared in WGM are too precious to me. Even though sometimes he's aloof and cold towards me, I just thought it was part of his personality.

I don't know when or how I started to feel  different to him. Maybe it was on the night that I accidentally watched his MV with Changmin. I was so bored that time because JJ didn't even call or text me , he said he was busy so I  stop bothering him. As I was watching a video,(Before U Go, dance version)  my mouth dropped open, holy cow, omfg that was the words I remember saying. After I watched the video,  I froze a little bit and my hands are shaking. I also felt guilty to Jae why I'm feeling this.. 

Then it hit me,  on that terrible night which I suppose to give in to Jae, it was Yunho I'm thinking. I blurted out his name because deep in my heart, I was hoping it was him not Jae. It was the image of him I'm seeing not Jae. After that realization, I felt so guilty  for hurting Jae the most. I know what he's been doing after that break-up. Partying hard all night and even hooking up with some random girls.  Mickey and Junsu told me every details of what's happening to him. I even heard Jae going out with Sica of SNSD. Of course, I was hurt upon learning that. How come he moved on already ? But somehow happy for him.  They even told me that Jae forbid them to even mention my name (so childish). I'm glad those two are still my friends. 

Although I always thought that I can keep the secret to myself. I really underestimate the real power of the Bominator, yes Bom already knew the reason. I told her ..wait no... she forced me to tell her everything  after blackmailing me. Yes she  had one secret weapon to blackmail me. I  begged and cried to  death asking not to tell anyone especiallly to his gossiper boyfriend about it.Yes, she caught me fantasizing him through the video which I don't know why I did that (damn hormones)I'll ask her to keep it  to herself even on our death. After I told her everything, she can't stop laughing while cursing me. Calling me crazy and idiot. But when she saw me crying she stop and hugged me. Telling me that everything's gonna be ok. She told me that maybe I was only confused towards my feelings to Yunho. That maybe it was just only pure admiration. That Jaejoong will eventually comes to his senses. Crap, how can I say to her that It's not Jaejoong that I want. How can I say to her that I think I love him now more than Jaejoong?   And you know the worst part? She change my ringtone of their song, she change my laptop  and even cellphone wallpaper  using his picture. She really want's to torture me and she said it's part of punishing me for being a two timer  .....well partly true kekeke

So here I am again in my bed. I wanted to go back to sleep  but I remember that I need to fly to Japan. I have an event  to attend regarding the etude promotion. I knew that JYJ and DBSK  are still in Japan promoting so I wanted to keep myself low profile. But still, Bommie can't keep shut. She immediatelly call her boyfriend  Junsu and ask If they can accompany me  because I'm alone and I might get lost. Seriously,, they think I was 5 years old? And the last thing in my mind now is to see neither the two of them. It hurts me so much thinking that I can't have anyone of them (greedy). Then at the airport, I heard my cellphone ringing and I flashed a smile when I saw who is calling . Nobody can beat this kid  when it comes to me. Though sometimes I wonder If  he likes me too. One time I boldy asked Min about it and he just laugh maniacally while  rolling on the floor and tell me that I'm too beautiful and gorgeous for his type...yeah yeah. Well the truth is he still wanted to live and don't wanna be murder of jealousy by his hyungs....hyungs? (hmnn)