Jiyong had no clue what time it was, or even what day it was anymore. So many doctors had been coming in and out since he had been admitted to the hospital, and pretty much no one was able to come in and visit him either. Once every so often T.o.P. would show up, but that was a rarity since he had his own schedule to keep up with. As far as he could remember, only YG himself had only shown up a couple of times. It had been a very lonely existence, but at least he was able to sort out his thoughts somewhat.

That dream. It was enough to keep him awake at night. Although, not sleeping was starting to take a toll on him. Every so often when he would begin to drift off to sleep, he would hear crying. Sometimes it would be from Toma, others he would hear Eunmi. And more often than not, it was his own whimpers that he awoke to. Not that he had any tears left in his body, he had expended all of those long ago.

However, this time there was a new noise that Ji heard when he closed his eyes. It was the sound of paper? No, it was a book. Someone was in his room? He could have sworn that it had only been a few minutes since he had closed his eyes, but in reality fifteen hours had passed. Rolling over to his side, Jiyong rubbed his face. Sitting right next to his bed was none other than T.o.P. himself.

“Hyung?”

“I see you’re awake,” T.o.P. said without looking up from his book.

Groaning as he sat up, Jiyong blinked the sleep away from his eyes. “Why are you here? What time is it?”

“It’s about ten at night, and I am actually here to come get you. I don’t know why they keep sending me to come get you out of the hospital every time you’re discharged. But here I am.” T.o.P. closed his book. “I’ll let you wake up a bit, but then we have to go.”

After that, there wasn’t much of any talking. Neither of them really had much of anything to say to each other. Sure there was a lot to talk about, but neither of them knew how to bring it up after everything that had just happened. But the silence didn’t last for long. Once Jiyong was checked out and ready to go, it was time to head outside and face the world. Of course everything was abuzz with rumors that the leader of Big Bang had attempted suicide and was in the hospital once more. Even just in the lobby there was a large group of paparazzi that was sectioned off into a corner, without warning, light were flashing, cameras clicking.

As the two were escorted out of the building by the bodyguards YG had sent with T.o.P., Jiyong noticed that there was a large almost vigil like shrine set up to the singer. It honestly almost looked like he had actually died from his little binge just from that alone. So many candles, bears, pictures, cards, it almost took up the whole wall of the other side of the room. Hanging his head, Jiyong just followed closely behind his Hyung to the car that was waiting for them.

Deep down, Jiyong knew that he really deserved none of this right now. Sure everyone was worried sick about him right now, and from what he got from T.o.P., the tabloids were constantly going on about how he attempted suicide. He didn’t even want to think about how this was affecting Toma.

“Toma,” he mumbled under his breath without even realizing it.

T.o.P. raised an eyebrow at his friend. It didn’t surprise him that even after everything, she was still on his mind. There was nothing in the world that could keep him from loving Toma, and if only he would just realize this and move on from what’s-her-face. Sighing, T.o.P. knew that he told Jiyong that he wouldn’t get involved, but there was no way around this now. Jiyong had gotten himself buried too deep in all of this now.

“You know, it really should show you how much you actually care for Toma if she’s the one on your mind right after you get out of the hospital. I know that she means the world to you, and that this was all just a minor hiccup.” T.o.P. trailed off. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was going with all of this, but he knew that Jiyong would get the point of it all. “And don’t think that I won’t let you get away with not telling Toma either.” He continued.

Finally the tears had returned to Jiyong, and were streaking his face. Through his sobs he asked, “What do I do? How do I tell her? I don’t want to lose her.” After a brief silence, Jiyong quietly added, “She’s my world Hyung. Tell me how to keep from losing her.”