Journal entry #4

   You only realize how much time you have on your hands when you don’t have a job. I imagine it’s one of those things people take for granted because right now, I’m bored out of my mind. I wish I had my job back. 

   The only reason why I don’t have it back yet is that I’m waiting for an interview. The Industry scheduled the interview for next week, claiming that it was because they had others waiting beside me, but I don’t think I can wait much longer. If I wait for any more than this, I’ll surely die out of boredom. 

   That’s why instead of spending it indoors, I’m spending it outdoors today. I left the apartment and visited the park I used to come to all the time with Youngjae and Jaebum. The park is filled with people unlike previous times I’ve visited, but for once, I like the company and the noise. It’s even warming to see everyone smiling under the tall trees and blue sky that I’m familiar with. It feels like I’m sharing a secret with all of them without them realizing what’s been said. 

   I don’t walk through the park as I normally would do. I decided to take a seat at one of the public tables the park has and write. Here I am now. 

   On days like today, I think back to when I was abroad and to when I first opened up to Bambam about my problems. I was feeling depressed that day, and he immediately noticed my behavior. Bambam’s similar to Youngjae in that sense; he knew what he had to do make me feel better. He took me out to the shore since he lived by one, and coincidentally, it was the perfect beach day. I was getting ready to leave when Bambam pulled me into the water with him. 

   I remember getting mad at him for doing that even though I knew why he did it. I was aware, but I chose to be angry at Bambam because he didn’t know what I was going through. I masked it as if I were mad at him for getting my shirt wet, but he didn’t care. Bambam kept splashing my face until I finally gave in and splashed him back. He laughed at my response, and I just knew I wanted to shut him up somehow. Instead, I laughed with him. 

   We got out of the waters and returned to his house. There, I sat on his porch with a towel Bambam lent me. I thought of him, who tried to make me feel better countless times already, and I knew what I had to do. When Bambam sat next to me, I told him everything, and from there on, nothing was the same. 

   It’s boring without Bambam. 

P.J.