Journal entry #21

   It’s been days since the discussion I had with Bambam, and he’s still not letting up even after I’ve tried reasoning with him. He won’t look my way no matter what I say, and everything I say seems to have no effect on him. It’s the longest we’ve been without speaking to each other, and a part of me is terrified a repeat of my past will occur again. Will I lose Bambam’s friendship just as I once lost Youngjae’s friendship? I really hope not. I don’t even know why my brain continues to play around with the thought…  

   Because of the discussion, it’s been even more uncomfortable whenever I arrive at my apartment after a long day at work. Bambam’s usually waiting for me as a habit he formed during his stay, and it’s one he can’t seem to shake off so effortlessly. By the time I arrive home, he’ll be sitting down on the couch as he continues reading a book he recently bought. Bambam won’t look up when I enter, but I know that he knows I’ve arrived. He’ll continue reading for a few seconds longer before loudly closing the book and slamming the door to my room, as if it were his own. It's actually kind of hilarious, but that's beside the point. 

   And so, after a lot of debating, I decided that today I will have “the talk” with Yugyeom, whether he likes it or not. I can no longer handle keeping it as a secret from Bambam. It's a disservice to both him and our friendship, and I value our friendship way more than my so-called-relationship with Yugyeom. And even though small part of me wishes I could hold on to the secret a little bit longer, I don't want to lose him because of some guy, because of Yugyeom. I would never be able to forgive myself for such a mistake, and I don't think Bambam would forget about it either. 

   Here's to hoping it all goes well later today. 

UPDATE: Wednesday, 10:30 P.M.

   Okay, so I might've jinxed it. Things got abundantly worse somehow, and apparently, I'm just finding out that this is God’s way of killing time. 

   I won't write about it now--- I’m exhausted after everything that happened--- but I will write about it later. For now though, as absurd as it may sound, I'm currently staying at Jaebum’s apartment… which is extremely weird for both of us, but given the circumstances, it was unavoidable, I suppose. Much to my surprise, not much has changed since the last time I was there. The furniture is pretty much the same; Jaebum's kept the same overall layout since I moved out, but I've noticed the small changes he's made throughout the apartment. There are more vinyl records displayed on the wall, undoubtedly from Jaebum's collection he's had since our freshman years in university. This is accompanied by pictures of his family and friends, some of which are familiar to me and others, not so much. I suppose Jaebum's also developed an interest in plants because there are plants everywhere; some are hanging from the ceiling, others are placed on bookshelfs and on the floor. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice change of aesthetic, I love it, but me being here ruins the atmosphere that he's created for the apartment.  

   Because the most significant change during our time apart is that there’s an additional person living with Jaebum, and they're not just friends (and it's awkward as hell for all of us).    

P.J.

A/N: Hey, you guys! Sorry for the late update, and for the even shorter update. Unfortunately, this is the last chapter that I will upload for now. We've caught up with the story, so there are no more chapters left to upload. With that being said, I have no idea when I will be able to finish the next one. Last week I started a new academic semester of graduate school, and it's safe to say that it will probably take over my life for the next few months, so... yeah ^^" I just hope you all stay tuned! I promise it will be worth it in the end.