Jeonghan, as usual, woke up early. He’s in the hospital again. He sighed and said to himself, he shouldn’t have rented an apartment if he’d find himself in the hospital almost every day.

 

Dr. Eric was seen beside him. He’s better than Jeonghan, obviously. Since Jeonghan was awake, he took the opportunity to talk to him of options. Dr. Eric was serious with the options. He gave Jeonghan three choices: One is to quit with his work permanently and live his life to the fullest with his family and loved ones. Two is to admit to his friends that he was really sick so they would know the care he needs. And the last option is to spend the rest of his life in the hospital if he keeps doing what was restricted.

 

“That’s not an option for me, Doctor Eric.”

 

“Jeonghan, this is enough for you. What you are doing will kill you. You just had an attack!”

 

“Should I just give up?” said Jeonghan with a blank expression remembering how he becomes burden to people everytime.

 

Dr. Eric sighed in frustration. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scold. It’s just that I am frustrated. We’ve been doing our best but the answers won’t just show.”

 

Jeonghan smiled “This is my last chance, then.”

 

“Can you still hold on? You are in a bad shape.” Worried Dr. Eric. “Why are you so hard on yourself?”

 

“Sorry for the trouble. I still have to hang on. If I die now, what will happen to them? They will blame themselves, even if it wasn’t their fault.”

 

“Then keep the therapy, Jeonghan. Never miss one. And skip the pain killer. It’s damaging your body.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Is Ye Jun getting better?”

 

“He’s had an attack yesterday.”

 

Jeonghan took a deep breath. “No wonder I saw him yesterday right in front of the mirror. I thought I was imagining.”

 

“I’m sorry. We will do our best to monitor you both.”

 

Then, Jeonghan replied “You’ve been curing yourself too, am I right?” pointing at the mark of the machine on his exposed skin.

 

“I am.”

 

“You do it first before you pass it on me.”

 

“I should do that.”

 

“I know that sounds very dangerous for you as well but thank you for all the sacrifices. Thank you for helping and not giving up on me.” Jeonghan smiled weakly. “Should I skip practice?”

 

“I don’t know. You are so stubborn, you cannot even follow a simple instruction not to get yourself too exhausted.”

 

“But the steps are really hard. Just cheer me up.”

 

“Alright.” Eric sighed.

 

“So, can I practice?”

 

Looks like Dr. Eric couldn’t do anything now “See? That’s what I am telling you.”

 

Jeonghan giggled. “Sorry.”

 

“Get up now. I will give you a curfew, Cinderella… You should be asleep by 8. Understood?

 

“Alright. Wait! What? That’s early!”

 

“It is not. I did put it on the maximum, Jeonghan. You need to rest. What kind of choreography are you having this time? Can you ask Soon Young to tone down a bit?”

 

“I love our choreography, Doc. But you are right. It’s tiring. Aigoo.”

 

“Off you go. Clean yourself first.”

 

“Alright! Thanks.”

 

“Another condition, Jeonghan.”

 

“What?”

 

“Stay here at the hospital for a week. You are still critical since you’ve just had an attack.” Showing a voucher approved by the HQ.

 

Since it was the only chance to prolong his life. He’d care less if he’d stay inside the hospital. It’s free anyway. Even the food. He could ask the nurse for those. Eric would be kind too.

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Practice had been ever so terrible. They hate it. Joshua was draining himself as well but he need to keep his volume up so the kids would get scared at him still.

 

One last practice, Jeonghan was getting dizzy. He was outbalanced while dancing as he dropped his body on the floor. The team stopped momentarily and approached him. Mingyu was the nearest, but DK made sure he won’t touch Jeonghan. It was so obvious that they still had this fight. It was getting serious as days pass by. Even Jihoon was pushed. “Don’t touch him! Don’t dare!” DK growled.

 

“Hyung. Are you okay?” said DK in a protective way.

 

Jeonghan was conscious. He just need to catch some breathes before replying. “Yeah. Totally fine. Just give me a sec.”  When he finally have himself revived he told the guys that he had meeting by 8pm with Dr. Eric. Jeonghan confessed that his treatment would be for everyday theweek before the comeback. He also advised that it’s not worth the time to visit him because he’d probably asleep by then.

 

“Alright.” Said Jihoon. “I just need you to record one more thing.” as he asked Soon Young if they could dismiss early since Jeonghan needed his medication.

 

“Jeonghan hyung only?” worried Hoshi.

 

“Yes.”

 

Looks like the other one wanted a talk.

 

“Get yourself ready for the recording. You can skip the last practice so you can go early.” Said Joshua.

 

After the recording, things were still awkward. Jihoon was so focused on his job, he seldom talked.

 

While Jihoon checking Jeonghan’s recording, Jeonghan on the other hand, was looking and observing the other busy on his computer from the recording room. He was startled when he was called outside. At last, the recording was over. He just need to discuss something with Jeonghan. He gave him an audio file to listen to.

 

“You are not with us this morning. We’ve discussed that already. Those are the final tracks for the group and for the vocal team.” Then, he gave the final lyrics, at last. “Study those.”

 

Jeonghan smiled and said “Thanks. Will do. Can I go now?”

 

“See you tomorrow.” Said Jihoon.

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.

 

Jeonghan went to his new home, the hospital at exactly 8pm as told. He was immediately put in to sleep through his IV. Food and vitamins were also through needles since Jeonghan kept throwing up. It was important for him to get enough sleep and nutrients to sustain him for the whole day the next day.

 

It’s been three days since Jeonghan was in the hospital. Still, nobody knows. He just ensured the boys that he’d be fine because Dr. Eric would be monitoring him for the meantime.

 

During those time, he asked Eric to play the recordings Jihoon gave him in his sleep so he could, at least remember the tone by heart.

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Jihoon was now ready to talk to Jeonghan. He thought that the madness should stop now, otherwise, their situation would get worst. The song was enough to release his sadness and disappointment from the miserable events. Since they’re going to make MVs, he wanted to somehow mend it slowly. It’s hard to focus when you have lots in mind.

 

Jihoon didn’t want others to know, even Jeonghan, that he would like to talk. Actually, he was testing the waters. He never asked anyone for his address because it’s easy to tell what he mostly would like to do. Instead, he followed Jeonghan through a cab discreetly. It wasn’t a surprise to him that Jeonghan would go to Eric first for the therapy. He wanted to see how his therapy goes, now that it was new according to Joshua.

 

Jihoon followed Jeonghan to a room. As expected, Dr. Eric was there. He saw Jeonghan in white gown on the bed with apparatuses on his body. From the looks of it, Jeonghan was feeling a tremendous pain. It was a long 1 hour already since the treatment started and yet Jihoon was still waiting. There were nurses inside. It’s was getting crowded inside as nurses run towards the room one by one, he became alerted.

 

A nurse was about to go in when Jihoon stopped her. “Excuse me. What time should the therapy go?”

 

The nurse was surprised of the question. He seemed no clue about the confinement. “Oh dear. It’s not a therapy unfortunately.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He has to sleep here now so we could monitor his heart rate. Dr. Eric is just monitoring and giving him supplements.”

 

“Why are you doing that?”

 

“He has a weak heart after an attack that happened recently.”

 

Jihoon was in complete surprise, he became speechless.

 

“I’m sorry, I should go in.”

 

Eric went out and saw Jihoon sitting across the room. “Jihoon.” He called in surprise.

 

“Why didn’t he tell us about this? Has he been sleeping here for a long time?” he asked desperately.

 

“For this week yes.”

 

“The nurse said he had a weak heart.”

 

“He always have a weaker heart ever since he came back.”

 

“How weak is his heart right now? Tell me!” he demanded.

 

Eric has never seen Jihoon act like that. He knew he wasn’t supposed to tell him because he had promised Jeonghan but he though Jihoon had the right to know. “One more fatal attack, Jihoon. We may not be able to retrieve him back.”

 

Everything breaks apart for Jihoon. “Why didn’t he tell us about this? Why is he keeping secrets like this? Again and again!” he grunted.

 

“I’m so sorry Jihoon.”

 

“You said you can save him. We are hoping you can!” tears fell from his pale skin.

 

“I’m sorry.” That’s the only words Dr. Eric could speak as of the moment.

 

“Liar!” shouted Jihoon. “How could you both do this to us?”

 

“Calm down, Jihoon.”

 

It was a total shock for Jihoon that his knees gave in. “Why is this happening? Is this just a bad dream? Let it be a bad dream. Please.”

 

“I can’t promise anything now. If you want to watch him, I can arrange the sofa for you.”

 

“I want him to stay alive, Dr. Eric! You say you will make him live.”

 

“Unfortunately, I don’t have the power over life. That was the reality we need to accept.”

 

“No! No! You told me! You told us!” argued with a crunch in his voice.

 

“All I can promise now is how to prolong his life just a bit more.”

 

“No.” He cried curling himself down to the floor. “No. He can’t just leave like that. It’s unfair. This is unfair! How many times does he have to break someone?!” Knocking himself on the floor. While Eric was trying to get him up.

 

“Jihoon. I- I am sorry.”

 

With no words, Jihoon left with a shattered heart. He went back to the office and ruined things including the CD’s and the papers.

 

“!” he shouted. “Why? Why? Why?!”

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That night people were left in despair. They couldn’t return what has lost. Their situation was getting out of control.

 

Jihoon was in complete mess. The most important things in his life were destroyed by his own hands. Even the song that he wrote especially for Jeonghan was terribly scattered into pieces on the floor. He felt terrible and hopeless after knowing that Jeonghan might leave again after shortly coming back into their lives and now the time is being wasted because of a mistake.

 

On the other hand, Mingyu, who had just confronted by Jeonghan the other day hasn’t been himself from the past few days.  He was devastated. All he did was cry all night, never knowing how to mend the things he had done.

 

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu whispered under the night sky from their window. “I don’t deserve to be loved. I am a freaking idiot!” muttering hates towards himself.

 

Joshua was on the living room looking through the pictures on his phone. It was comforting to see how reckless, care free and funny his friends were. It helped him regain energy somehow. Looking at Jeonghan, it was really a wonderful sight. However, he felt sad knowing that he was gravely sick but he does believe in miracles. He has hopes in prayers. That’s all Joshua could lean on to right now. He couldn’t just give up on that because he wanted to hold on to Jeonghan.

 

“You have to stay strong for us, Jeonghan. I miss you so much.” He cried all alone in the dark with a pending message that was to be sent to Jeonghan saying “Jeonghan, I know this message will be awkward. I know it’s hard for you and it’s so selfish for me to ask this but… I will do whatever you want just so you live. Even if I have to let you go for somebody else. Just please, don’t leave us. I love you.” The message was never sent because he knew to himself that he wanted Jeonghan for him.

 

DK, on the other hand, was walking back and forth wanting to visit Jeonghan again but he knew Jeonghan wouldn’t like it when people see him after therapy. It’s just that they never had the chance to talk to ask for forgiveness. He need formality for his feelings to be valid at least. It just pained him seeing Jeonghan alone and vulnerable.

 

He was already sober from the pain. Now, he realized that every person made mistakes. Might be hard at first but eventually, everyone has reasons for doing so. Especially that he had heart to heart talk with Seungkwan. In their conversation, Seungkwan confessed that he had similar job and of course his reason for accepting it. It’s clearer this time. DK realized it wasn’t Jeonghan’s fault also.  

 

Seungcheol, on the other hand, visited their office because he was running from home. At first he wanted to consult their Vice President like he always do. Just for advice. However, he thought he wouldn’t understand. So he skipped to the bar and decided to drink alone his pain and loneliness.

The pain still lingers as Seungcheol was getting drunk. In fact, as he get himself more drunk the more he remembered Jeonghan. His smile, his habits, even his pain. It’s just not right. Seungcheol thought maybe it’s his selfishness that brought his team, his precious loved ones, to fall apart. Maybe, it was his incompetence that made everybody suffer. Jeonghan’s excuse might be valid. He realized that he might do what he’s done because of the lack of choice. He even had the right to choose who he’d like to love but his selfishness was controlling him bad. It was driving him crazy. He would never want to hurt anybody. Not his loved ones. He swore he’d kill for them yet he’s acting the opposite this time just when everyone needs him.

Lastly, Wonwoo. He was fearless. He does what he wanted to do even if it would cause too much scolding from Jeonghan. He simply didn’t care. Not because he didn’t respect Jeonghan’s wish but he was so desperate and worried. He wanted to see Jeonghan, even if he gets mad at him showing up, he would accept it just to be by his side.  That night, he went with food and beverage as always to make sure Jeonghan would eat. It was 11 in the evening when Wonwoo realized Jeonghan wasn’t home yet when he’s supposed to. He sat carefully and sighed “Where could he be?” he slid his body on the bed to lie down and to smell a little of Jeonghan’s scent on the sheets. “How can you lie to us again, Jeonghan-ah?” looking at the ceiling. “I told you I’m just one call away.”  Once he figured out where Jeonghan might be, he left in an instant and get a car to the hospital. He was not wrong when he found Jeonghan on the hospital bed with all the machines supporting him in his sleep.

 

Looking at Jeonghan as he touched the glass window from the outside. “You don’t dare give up, Jeonghan. I will do anything for you. Just promise me you’d come back.”

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After a day pass, Jeonghan woke up just fine. Despite a weaker heart he still wore a smile, thankfully with his lovely and healthy face at last. It was the day they’d shoot their MV for Hit so Jeonghan was in a hurry to go to where his team was. It surprised him seeing Jihoon waiting outside the hospital. It wasn’t even 6 in the morning but he was there with a flower and a smile.

 

Jeonghan thought he was hallucinating when he saw Jihoon wearing a smile while holding a bouquet of flowers.

 

“Good morning.” greeted Jihoon lovingly.

 

Jeonghan couldn’t believe that Jihoon was there in front of him. He even pinched himself to confirm that it wasn’t a dream. Too bad he pinched himself too bad that he winced a bit.

 

“This is not a dream, hyung.” Jihoon acting normal like he was before.

 

Jeonghan became puzzled.

 

“I bought you flowers with your favorite fresh strawberries.”

 

“Thank you.” Jeonghan felt frighten at some point.

 

“Should we have breakfast?”

 

“Uh- yeah. Sure.” Answered Jeonghan hesitantly.  

 

“Can I hold your hand?”

 

Jeonghan immediately gave it to him. “Does this mean, you forgive me?”

 

“I wish I can forgive you fully but it takes time. I just want to be with you. Alone.” Looking at Jeonghan’s lovely and now healthy looking face. “I miss you so bad.”

 

“I’m scared of you now, Jihoon. But I appreciate your bouquet and strawberries. I’m thrilled to eat them! Thank you very much.”

 

“Great! Now let’s eat. I am hungry.” Smiled the other.

 

It got Jeonghan nervous for quite some time. He’s never acted like that when you did him wrong. Especially when he uncover lie after another.

 

“Jihoon?” Jeonghan called.

 

“Mn?” answered the other sweetly. “Have you memorized your lines?” then turned to a strict one.

 

“I think so.” Said Jeonghan with his heart pounding so fast.

 

“We will record it after we have our breakfast.”

 

“That early?”

 

“Yeah. So you need to warm your throat.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“I need to do this early morning since you can’t do it later in the afternoon.”

 

After a good breakfast, Jeonghan was relieved since Jihoon wasn’t playing all sweet that time. Thank goodness he’s still the Jihoon he knew. Jeonghan thought the younger just wanted a good and proper talk.

 

RECORDING STUDIO_

 

Jihoon was preparing things while Jeonghan was inside the studio.

Jihoon was the type of guy who gets shy confessing his feelings, so he always use music to reach out since he didn’t have the courage to do it directly.

 

Finally Jeonghan was recording. Jeonghan wasn’t aware that those lyrics he’s singing were the actual words Jihoon actually wanted to confess to him.

 

‘Let me hear you say’ that’s the title of the song.

 

“Cut!” Jihoon halted Jeonghan in the middle. And again, soon after the other. “Again.”  said intentionally.

 

Meanwhile, Jeonghan was feeling sorry. “I’m sorry, Jihoon. Can you let me hear it again?” referring to the tone.

 

Jihoon smirked “Which part? The ‘I love you’? Or the ‘I need you.’?” Asked Jihoon getting things a bit cheesier.

 

Jeonghan didn’t get what Jihoon was trying to say. It wasn’t on his line. Moreover, it wasn’t even written on the actual lyrics Jihoon gave him. “Sorry?”

 

“I’m used to say I love you… I miss you.” Jihoon smiled at first. He thought it would hold his tears but eventually it started flowing against his will. “But what I really wanted to say is I need you now more than ever.” He talked over the mic. “I need you more than everything, Yoon Jeonghan. Now, tomorrow… and let it be forever.”

 

Jeonghan was moved. He was touched and quite pained from Jihoon’s struggles. “You knew.” He murmured as tears flowed endlessly.

 

“I can’t lose you again, Jeonghan. I just can’t.” covering his tears and sorrow.

 

“Jihoon-ah. I didn’t want to leave you. That’s why I am here.” In Jeonghan’s defence.

 

“Then why didn’t you tell me.”

 

Jeonghan believed that everything was his fault now. He breathed heavily and said “I think I am being selfish again, huh?” looking at the pained man across the room. He went out filled with guilt while looking at how devastated the other man was. “I keep shattering your heart into pieces.”

 

Jihoon stood up and looked Jeonghan in the eyes. “I am giving you the permission to crash my heart in any way you want just- Just please don’t leave again.”

 

“I do not even deserve your heart Jihoon. Forgive me.”

 

“I am giving it to you. You alone. Just please promise you won’t leave anymore.” Begging for the answer he wanted to hear.

 

“If I promise … I might end up hurting you again. I cannot let that happen, Jihoon.” Touching the other’s cheeks gently.

 

Jihoon kneeled down desperately. Trying to look for another way. “What should I do for you to stay?”

 

“I will stay for as long as I can. My heart won’t go away anyway.” Jeonghan smiled.

 

“You did not return just to say Goodbye, right?”

 

“Jihoon-ah. If anything happens this time. My love won’t change for you. I love you and that’s true.”

 

“Why are you being like this, Jeonghan-ah?”

 

“Because it’s not in my hands anymore, Jihoon.”

 

“You are not allowed to say those words! There must be something we can do.” said Jihoon desperately in tears.

 

Jeonghan stepped back hesistantly feeling tightness in his chest. He’s feeling the weight of the burden he’s been carrying his whole life and it’s too much to bear.

 

“No. You can’t be serious.”

 

“What do you want me to do now? Even if I want to. I can’t any longer take charge of myself.” Cried Jeonghan. “I cannot live like a normal person again! I cannot be left alone. I cannot wake up in the morning staying alive without any medication.” looking at the poor man sunk at the corner, covering himself, concealing his sorrow.

 

“I …I am feeling tired… terribly exhausted.” Jeonghan admitted truthfully.

 

Hearing those words sunk Jihoon’s heart. “Don’t say that.” he trembled feeling that Jeonghan was already giving up.  “Don’t dare say that! I don’t want to hear it!” Jihoon stated with a sudden raise of voice.

Jeonghan wasn’t expecting that reaction from Jihoon. He must have loved him so much that if he’d lose him, Jihoon would be feeling terrible. Indeed, he blamed himself. Jeonghan crawled towards Jihoon and embraced him tenderly. “Let’s live our life to the fullest. We still have time, Jihoon.”