May 15

Poor Junhyung, work really was too much some days. Thanks to the earthquakes in Japan we weren’t able to do much promoting there. This disappointed the company but at the same time we were grateful to have breaks.

Jet Coaster love did well on the charts which were a cause for celebration and we decided that the profits would go to the disaster relief.

“Hey unnie how are things with you and Junhyung?”

Jiyoung had caught me by surprise. At the moment I was perusing the copy of a script given to me for City Hunter. We weren’t to start filming just yet but it would be happening soon.

I shook my head. “I imagine he’s busy recording for their upcoming album.” He’d mentioned that he would be composing songs and I had a sense of pride for him. I really did feel somewhat lucky to be with him.

Jiyoung nodded. “I see, so he hasn’t asked you out again recently?”

“No, but he said he would call tomorrow.”

“Ok well I’d better go I have a schedule soon.” Jiyoung left me be to keep reading. After a while my eyes felt heavy and I nodded off.

What woke me was the sound of my phone buzzing. I got a text message? I opened it to read a short one from him:

Schedule got added; won’t be able to call as soon as I planned.

Why do you accept them oppa? I replied back, trying not to show irritation in his company’s poor organization.

Not my decision… Aish I hate this.

I didn’t feel so angry after this. He sounded frustrated too so maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sorry, it must be hard >_<

He replied shortly after. I read it with some relief from the tone of the message.

That’s why I’m happy to have you my sweet honey.

That nickname would always make me giddy with joy. I wonder how weird I must have looked to our manager by seeing my face.

***

That night I was sleeping in the car on the way to the airport when my phone rang. The number wasn’t in my contact list so I had no idea who it may be. 
“Hello, Goo Hara here?”

“Hara so you haven’t changed your number yet?” My body jumped, almost letting go of my phone. I clenched it tighter; lowering my phone because I knew people would listen in.

I didn’t believe it. “Jihyung is that you?”

“Hara, does it sound like me?”

“Yes op… I mean yes Jihyung-ssi.”

He sighed. “Back to formalities again I see.”

“Nothing personal,” I quickly told him. “But I shouldn’t be talking to you.”

“Forgive me, I’m a guy Hara. For once I decided to be a and see if you would pick up.”

He never used to be so coarse with his voice. “I guess that makes me one too for not hanging up on you.”

“I can’t talk for long Hara but I’m wondering if you want to catch up sometime soon?”

Something went off in my head. Was this what they called a red flag? What harm would it cause?

“Ok um, when are you thinking of?”

“Next Tuesday perhaps if that works”

“That should be fine,” we picked a place and a time before hanging up. I decided that while it was risky I would play it by ear. For now I wouldn’t tell the members what was happening.

***

May 20

2:30am

He was late; I’d been on the curbside for about fifteen minutes. What was wrong with him? I needed to get back home to sleep because we would be getting up at five to prepare for a schedule at seven thirty.

“Hara is that you?” I stopped, turning around. He really had changed, his hair was longer and he wasn’t clean shaven.

“Jihyung is that really--?” He wiped his head, moving his hair off his forehead, “you?”

“Sound surprised?” He laughed, showing his teeth. “Yeah I did let myself go a bit I admit.”

This caused a giggle to escape from me. “Only a bit,” I folded my arms comfortably. “What have you been doing with your time?”

“I work for Jellyfish Entertainment at the moment. They’ll be debuting a new boy band next year.”

“Wow that’s really cool,” it made sense why I hadn’t seen him with any other groups.

“Hey Hara,” I looked at him. “Are you hungry?”

I shook my head, “I’m fine thanks.” He appeared a bit concerned for a moment, as if a potentially offensive question was looming in the back of his mind.
“Do you want to ask me something?”

“Are you available?” That nearly knocked the wind out of me. Shocked into silence I just stood frozen, unable to react in that space of time.

When I did talk I was stuttering. “J-Jihyung-ssi I-I...”

He waved it off. “Don’t worry about defending yourself. I know, when I saw you, saw how happy you seemed I knew that I’d come too late.”

I couldn’t help but sense disappointment from him. “But oppa, why did you leave like that and then decide to come back, I’m confused.” He seemed to be as well. I remembered the bitter feelings now, betrayal because he left and confusion for returning.

“I don’t want you girls to forgive me,” Jihyung began walking steadily over to me. “Leaving was hard, I’d never had to resign, not even when I was with SS501 for that short time. But for once it seemed the only reasonable choice, to cut my heart down to size before it allowed me access to an area behind the scenes that wasn’t permissible.” He had his hands on my shoulders.

“After tonight I won’t contact you again. Consider this goodbye for fate hasn’t allowed us to happen.” I swallowed, the sadness of that night, that letter, all being refreshed.

I nodded, not looking at his face. “Ok, Jihyung. Live life to the fullest, get married, have lots of wonderful children. Enjoy working under Jellyfish.”

He gave me a lopsided smile, one I hadn’t seen before. He then lowered his head. I squirmed, afraid of what was going to happen.

And then it was done, a small trace of his lips just on the tip of my forehead, his scent floating away along with him as he walked away, back turned to me.

Goodbye Jihyung

So Jihyung makes a return but only to leave again (yes I’m cruel but a love triangle can be shamefully cliché so consider this a favor)

I know for a lot of people a ship has sunken recently. Junhara was a strong ship for the time it lasted and I know it’s saddened many who miss them. Remember that the life of an idol is fast paced and tiring and distance can be a breaker for many couples such as Junhyung and Hara.

I’m not going to finish the story on a sad note but at the same time I’m not going to extend it longer than it needs to be in my mind. Enjoy reading and keep the memories like this quote says: Cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

Until the next update, I’ll see you all then.