Yoseob mentioned nothing about Seungri when we got back. I’d had to resort to low tactics to keep his mouth shut. The tactic you ask? Blackmail; if he said anything then I would tweet one of his secrets to the world. One about how he says mummy when he sleeps…

Oops you didn’t hear that!

But it isn’t the worst secret I could spill from my plotting tongue. I have a whole list of tricks and teasers from each member. The only question is, what would I use them for?

***

November 26 2010

“Now tomorrow your schedule starts at midday so you don’t have to get up so early.” This was music to my ears. And to Doojoon’s who always had trouble sleeping. I actually tried to find out if there was a particular term for it, but no it’s simply just his fear of sleeping on his back.

“Sweet let’s go exploring,” I went to get my coat.

“Don’t be out too late,” Doojoon advised as Dongwoon came to join me. “Kikwang wants to hit the sack in two hours.” I checked the time on the wall. It was only just nine thirty but if we didn’t go to sleep when Kikwang did then it would be hard for us to get to bed. Living together for about a year now meant that we were slowly morphing into the other. I’d spotted Hyunseung trying on one of my shirts and Doojoon had been copying Yoseob’s aegyo.

Just for a bit of fun I stood in front of Doojoon and put a finger to my lips. “Shh I’m the joker.” Immediately he cracked a grin.
“Get out,” he told me laughing as I was pushed to the door. The others who had seen it laughed away as well. Though they had confessed that it got annoying sometimes, even more so than me just randomly running about.

“Wahoo this is awesome,” our Arab prince was in such awe of the city life around us. It was like he’d never been out of his home town; “where shall we go hyung?”

“Hold on I need to find a super market.” Would any be open at this hour? “We’re almost short of shaving cream.”

“Would they have what we want here?” The maknae did have a point. I went inside a small chemist and peered around. Dongwoon was right. It wasn’t found in here.

“Let’s try over there,” I pointed to a convenience store which was across the road. We carefully crossed and came to the front door. “Wait a minute,” I reached to tug Dongwoon but he slipped past too quickly. He’d left me alone in the open.

Now what do I do? Wait? Hide and then surprise him? Maybe I could grab a toy or something else lewd and give it to him. His level of Hiragana and Kanji was average so he wouldn’t understand what it would be. Fortunately I had my IPod with me so I didn’t need to be afraid of getting bored. I could just listen to music.

Change of plans. I hadn’t expected to see a pretty girl wondering about. Though I couldn’t see her face it drew me even more to her than before. The white hoodie looked too large and her sneakers were white with pink. She must be a tomboy. But her hair … It wasn’t short or in a bob.

“Hmm,” I decided to approach her, thinking that maybe she was a local. Her head turned as something caught her attention in my line of walk. I stopped, blinked, and then just stood there.

She hadn’t seen me.

She hadn’t seen me.

Hara hadn’t seen me.

“Goo Hara,” the name came out more formally than I had expected. I saw her shoulders arch in surprise. She then saw me, surprise followed by recognition on her face.

“Yong Junhyung,” I kept on walking towards her as she asked, “you’re here in Japan too?” I stopped; something about this scene just baffled me. What was the clincher?

“For now, only until our showcase is over,” why was I telling her this? Casual conversation I suppose. “I’m guessing you’re currently doing promotions here?”

“Yes and no we have a few promotions for our album and endorsements but that’s it.”

“I see,” I nodded to this; still curious to why she was alone. “But what about now; is it normal for you to be outside alone?” It was cold, may as well cut the small talk now.

“I’m looking for Gyuri. She and our manager had a falling out and she left in a hurry. I’m trying to find her before she gets into trouble.”

“Right,” so things weren’t peachy at their company? “Do you want some help?”

“Are you sure? ... I mean.” She shut up; face starting to darken from what I could glimpse under the shadow of her cap. “You might be busy right now …”

“Do I look busy?!” Aish, I immediately had remorse. “Sorry, not sure why I did that.”

“It’s ok. I understand. It’s hard isn’t it? Being busy so much and only having enough time to breathe. I know what it’s like, believe me.”

“Do I have to believe you?” Where was she exactly driving this train? “We’re living the dream and the nightmare. I don’t know exactly what else you do; all I know is that we’re both always on stage, always in front of some cameraman that we may never see again. We’re always moving, always singing, always dancing, and always after demand. Am I right or is this the wrong Goo Hara?” I stopped, she didn’t speak. The expression she had was difficult for me to even read.

I was about to apologise when she said, “Yes, that’s right.” She opened , the crescent shape of the bottom and top lips forming to give a toothed smile. I was rendered speechless. What was it about this? Why couldn’t I speak? Or breathe? I cleared my throat which set me normal again.

“Let’s find her,” I started to hurry. It wasn’t a good idea, I needed to get this out of the way and get on to my real task. “No stop,” bad place but good time. “I need you to walk beside me.” Extending my arm out and behind I felt for her and pulled her so she was next to me. Please God let her not misread that.

***

As we walked opened to make a small sound as she came across a place she recognised. A café of some sorts; the food inside looked delicious though the song they played sounded bland to my ears. I missed my hip hop.

“Is she in there?” She shook her head, moving away from the window.

“It doesn’t look like it. So I guess it’s the other place.”

“Which is where?” I wanted to add ‘exactly,’ seeing as I’d left Dongwoon at the store and didn’t know where I was right now.

“A park,” a what; a park?! “Yeah, it isn’t too far away so we would get there soon.”

“Alright, lead the way,” may as well just go along with whatever. Coincidences were no longer unexpected.

“So how are things with you and the others?” What could I say?

“They are alright,” I admitted. “Why do you ask something like that?”

“Yoseob oppa and you just seem awkward.”

“Who; oh so you think me and him are awkward?” To that I had to just laugh, not a small chuckle but a loud belted one. “Oh no we’re fine now. Trust me,” something about her tilting her head told me she didn’t really believe me. “Ok, if you want proof then I can tell you something. But it’s not to be spread about.” And so I did.

***

September 2009

“Aish I hate you so much!” I threw the pillow at him as hard as I could. Thankfully for Yoseob he was so short that it missed his head by about exactly that; a head.

“But why are you like this hyung; why do you hate me so?!”

“Because you just anger me,” I was too frustrated to even begin. “You mixed up the order of the toothbrushes!”

“I knocked them off so I put them back in place.”

“Not in the rainbow I had!” I heard doors opening but I didn’t care if the others heard. “Second, your aegyo is just damn sickening.”

“Hey people like it!”

“Well I sure as hell don’t!” I felt hands come onto my shoulders. Hyunseung stood next to Yoseob just on the edge. The second youngest had glistening eyes. He was going to break and I didn’t care.

“Junhyung,” Doojoon was firm. “Stop, we’re tired. Tired of this on going battle between you two; I would think that you both felt the same.” I shook his firm grip off my shoulders, thundering back into my room which I shared with Kikwang and slammed the door. I wasn’t going to leave. Not for food, not for training, not for anything!

“Hey hyung,” Dongwoon’s knuckles barely hit the door from the light tap he gave. I sighed, smoothing my hair and standing up, opening the door a moment later.
“What is it?”

“Your mother is on the phone,” he handed it to me. I wanted to stop him, to look at his face. He didn’t always appear so grave; the colour had gone and it was leaving in mine too. Slowly breathing out I placed the phone against my ear. No audible sound, just long, high toned sobs.

“Mum,” my voice got caught. “W-what’s wrong?” There was clicking as sound moved around in the back drop. I then heard my father’s voice.

“JaeSoon-ah, your mother cannot talk right now,” he breathed over the line as if to suppress a strong cry. “We just got off the phone with maehyeong.” He spoke with uncle Gwangsik; my dad’s older sisters’ husband? How come he called? “There was an accident … Johyung … He didn’t make it.”

…

My whole world just came to a standstill. Johyung; my older cousin by two years and a day give or take depending on the time. The cousin that Junsung and I adored like an older hyung. The cousin, who we danced with, ate ramen with late at night when we had family gatherings. That cousin is dead?

“H-how,” I didn’t notice the catch in my voice until it slipped out.

“He was on his motorbike and … The car didn’t see him.” I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard my own father fight against sobs as he continued to speak.

“The funeral will be on Friday. It happened this morning, when he was on his way to work.” I opened my eyes only to have tears fall.

“Dad,” I croaked, “I have to go.” With that I hung up the phone, bringing my knees up to my chest to hug as I buried my face in them, clutching the phone still as I sobbed.

*

I stayed like that for an hour until I heard a knock on the door again. I lifted my head, wiping my face as Doojoon’s face peered into view.

“Are you done with the phone?” His eyes surveying the room in curiosity until he saw it was still clutched in my hand firmly; he peered closer and then his face fell. Our eyes had met his clear and mine bloodshot. He lowered himself down onto the floor opposite me. He spoke with caution to prepare himself for how I could act.
“Junhyung, what happened?” I swallowed, my eyes quickly burning again without mercy.

“Johyung is dead,” I whispered knowing that he and Hyunseung had heard about him. I lowered my head again as I started crying. I heard the floor creak with him moving his weight. I then felt his hands press against my shoulder and my back as his way of comfort. My whole curled up form leaned towards him on my left; my head was against his shoulder. He didn’t speak, he just sat there with me; the oldest of us taking care of the cry baby, the weakest member besides Kikwang.

He couldn’t stay there forever though. Eventually we had to get ready for bed and he told the others just after he left. Kikwang hurried in a moment later to check how I was.

“I’m sorry hyung,” he bombarded me with a hug and then ruined my fringe. I was too exhausted from the crying to yell at him. With that we went to bed.

It didn’t seem real. None of it was. I let Kikwang hug me as we slept that night knowing that for once any scandal between us didn’t matter compared to the great sore in my heart. He needed something to hug, we joked that he missed his mother but he always said that it was just because he got lonely easily. In his dreams all the other characters must fade away from him in the obscure world he created while close eyed.

The next morning I didn’t want to eat. Our managers were worried about me, I didn’t tell them anything. With permission from the company I got the day off not that I would do much, I just sat staring into an infinite space. The wall opposite me seemed to slowly edge away, centimeter by precious centimeter.

“Hey Junhyung,” my eyes blinked and the illusion went. Yoseob looked at me in caution; I could feel my anger rising again. “I-I’m sorry about your cousin.” I nodded; it only emphasized the void emotions.

“Yeah,” that was my reply to him.

“Are you going to be ok?” I resisted a sigh, when would he leave.

“Yeah.”

“Ok,” with that he was gone. My mind wandered again.

But he wouldn’t stop there. For the next three days he kept on asking me the same thing, sometimes changing it around to ask, ‘how are you today?’ or ‘how are you right now?’ It did bug me at first. It was like a dog that didn’t stop barking.

But I don’t know how or why, it sort of helped. Gave me comfort in a weird way.

More news came which was that I couldn’t attend the funeral because of training; my reaction was to throw my things across the room. Even then when Yoseob heard the noise he didn’t exclaim or tell me to pick it up. He just asked if I was ok.

“I will be,” I faked a smile slightly feeling better after that. He nodded and then told me to tell him if he wanted to talk. I realized now why I was the way I was around him. I was finally warming up to him. After disliking him for a long time I now started to tolerate and now like him.

***

 I smiled after I had finished. “Yeah we’re one happy family,” I don’t think I seemed genuine but it was true; now that I think about what happened. “What about you? Surely things aren’t that happy family.”

“You’re right.” She gasped. “It’s not that I don’t like being in Kara. But, because of my position …”

“What is your position exactly?” She didn’t know how to respond so she just kicked some dead leaves.

“I’m the visual and lead dancer.”

“Ah huh,” ah so she wasn’t just up there for eye candy. “So then, what’s the problem?”

“People don’t think I can do anything. They think I’m an average singer, lousy at dancing despite it being one of my roles and that my face and figure is all that’s good about me.”

“Hmm,” I didn’t really think through what I was about to say next. “So then, if you’ve felt that way for a while why are you still in the music industry? Why haven’t you left to be a model?” Too direct; I had to hurry up before I made her cry. “Unless, you want to show them that you can make it. Like Siwon, Yoona and all the other visuals in their groups who do well.” I got no visual reaction but something did flicker in her eyes; a hidden determination that she may have hoped that I didn’t spot.

I glanced around to see where we were. Someone was by the playground on the swings. “Hey is that her?” I singled her out to Hara. She quickly waved to the person. “Unnie, its Hara.” The girl lifted her head and then I realized I’d been dead on. The puzzled face she made as she saw me next to her was only expected.  

I spun on my heel to turn to move away. “I’m going to go.” I paused as my sleeve was tugged firmly. Having to not sigh again I quickly answered slightly annoyed. “What is it?”

“Thank you,” I moved around just as she bent her body down from her waist upwards in a bow. For a moment I just watched her, my mind whirling, my breathing suddenly stalling as the temperature of my skin warmed. Wow it was hot. The only thing I could do to hide my strange composition was to laugh and pray she didn’t sense the nervousness about it.

I wasn’t going to update today but this chapter is so warm and fuzzy I thought ‘meh why not?’ Let me spoil my lovely readers this time. And thank u to those who have taken up the challenge. In 2 chapter’s time I will reveal the winner and then the prize will be distributed. Thank you once again for reading up to this point and if you want to know about the cousin thing it did actually happen. For any further flashbacks you will be able to tell by the use of one asterisk (*) between sections until it reaches three (***) again. The proof for this face can be found here.