February 11 2011

So far nobody appeared to have found out about what happened that night. I was grateful to those who may have seen and kept quiet or for those who chose to be ignorant. I was glad though, it didn’t make me a hero. I hadn’t done it because I’d wanted to; I did it because if Heechul or anyone else had been caught with her then their careers could take a blow. I had a car, the means to go under the radar and come back clean.

We were focusing on our Japanese promotions which would begin in March. For now it was learning the language more thoroughly and building on what we’d already gathered since we started to learn.

“Hey Junhyung,” crap I’d been caught on Twitter. “Why aren’t you studying?”

“Akiaki study,” in other words ‘I’m bored with study.’ I waited for Dongwoon to object. He just shrugged.
“Ok, let me know when you’re done so I can log on.”  I nodded and he left me be. I’d turned my head away for only a minute but I already had a direct message received in that time.

Goo Hara; I forgot we followed each other on twitter. I opened the message to see what it said:

Thanks for the other night

She sounded better than she had been last time. We weren’t too sure how things were going to turn out for her group but I hadn’t seen her really since.

It’s cool ^_^

 That didn’t seem like a lot. What else could I say? She didn’t reply straight away so I wrote another one:

Are you ok?

She replied shortly after:

I’m managing… Can’t reach the other girls; Gyuri unnie isn’t eating much, what to do? >_<

I felt bad for her, pity as well as my slowly growing affection towards her was causing me to think and react strangely. None of the guys knew that I felt anything for her yet. I guess I didn’t want to say anything in case the feelings suddenly left.

But they hadn’t; not yet.

Do you want to talk?

I sounded so blunt just then, would she take it the wrong way?

… Where? What time?

You pick I’ll give you my number it’s 01**********.

I switched off the computer screen all of a sudden. What was I saying? How could I just tell her my number? I was better off going to Dongwoon and asking for Nicole’s… But then he would ask why and then it could get revealed all too easily.

Ok, here is mine: 01******** what about the 18^th?

I had to think about whether or not we had any schedules on. From what I remembered it was clear.

Ok sure, but for now we can talk on here J

After that I logged off as Doojoon called out my name, sounded like he wasn’t going to tolerate my slacking off like our good maknae was.

***

February 18 2011

I didn’t have long to spend with her. We’d been talking on twitter since her message and it seems she needed someone to lean on. Someone who wouldn’t share the same experience as her, someone who could look on unbiased and tell it like it is. I guess that’s why she opened up to me easily.

“We have individual schedules tomorrow,” Yoseob said to me as I fixed up my hair in the mirror. “So I guess for you it means spending more time in the recording studio.”

“Yay,” I groaned. I had mixed feelings about my passion. As much as I felt pleasure from hearing my music playing as the final product, the actual process itself was intense.

“See you later buddy,” he then ruined my hair so I had to spend another ten minutes fixing it before I could leave. I would get him back later.

We had to be careful where to go. It could be misinterpreted if we were caught. She was finishing up a photo shoot and I hid in the background as everyone started to pack up for the night.

She saw me but said nothing. If she waved then we would be caught. Most of the staff knew me but there were those who may not be able to stay quiet.

She was changed out of her clothes half an hour later. She then came up to me without a care.

“Where’s your manager?” I was expecting to see a man who had forehead lines standing next to her and pressing her with questions.
“He’s with Gyuri; I told him that I would find another way home.” I felt myself feel dejection. I was her chauffer.

“Ok,” I brushed it off in a flash. “Do you want something on the way?” She yawned.

“If we could stop somewhere it would be good.” I nodded and we left the building watching out for any younger people in the building. We got seen but nobody said anything directly to us.

***

“The convenience stores seem open,” I suggested to her as we drove down a quiet street. She nodded. “Mmm can we please stop for a moment?” I indicated and pulled over. She quickly jumped out.

“Hey wait where are you going?” She closed the door just as I was saying this. I waited, putting on my music and then starting to rap to my part in ‘Shock.’

“This song is not over,” I said mimicking myself, “get—“the door opened and I stopped. Hara came back in and handed me something. I read the label, “coffee.”

“Yes that’s for you,” now this felt too much like a date. I had to turn away for a moment my cheekbones were on fire. “Thanks,” I mumbled, putting it in the cup holder and starting the engine.

“So,” I had to change the subject, “any changes?” She shook her head.

“Gyuri’s mother called and they had a good talk.” Hara said, “So I think she’s doing alright. Shindong oppa and other members of Super Junior have been giving her support through the radio show they both do.”

I nodded, keeping an eye on the road signs. “That’s good, no matter what you will always be in the show business.”

“What does that mean?”

“That err… You will always have something to fall back on.” Oh smooth Junhyung, just say that you can model or be on variety. “You can always model, plus variety shows seem to like you.” And now this would be misinterpreted too.

“I guess,” she must have still been down to not notice my blunder. “I’m glad though; my family has been giving me a lot of love and support through it all.”

Yeah, family would always stand by you. I believed this strongly. “But don’t be afraid if you have to leave DSP.” I cleared my throat. “I wasn’t always in Cube.”

Hope you guys are keeping yourselves well. I had a bit of tension in the head and now I’ve got a cough. Also good writers here on AFF are leaving so it’s dark times my friends. Nearly fifty chapters and almost sixty subscribers it still feels strange. Thank you though for waiting for this update.