I was speechless; the words would not come out of my mouth. She just sat there; sympathy was oozing out of her. It made me sick by looking at her.

“H-he wants to let me go?”

“That’s correct,” she sighed. “I’m sorry it’s had to come to this…

“—No that’s crap!” I got out of my chair so roughly that it almost fell over.

“Junhyung…”

“You aren’t sorry! Neither is he!” With that I exited the room, slamming the door hard on my way out.

***

How could this have happened? I worked harder than all of the other trainees combined. Well all those who hadn’t any experience yet. Why did they want to kick me out? Was my rapping that bad? Do they think I can’t dance? Hell why do I even care!?

“Hey Junhyung how did it--?” I stormed past the guys to the room I stayed in and shut the door rough. I needed some time alone; just to think over what happened.

“Could it have been that bad?” I heard someone ask. They kept talking but I wasn’t able to make out what they said. I gave a sigh, my life was over. I had no reason to train anymore. I’d come too far and now there was no other way for me.

Time passed and I wasn’t sure what the time was when I finally emerged from my room, changed into some warmer attire.

“Hey hyung where is it you are you going now?” Kikwang asked in worry. “We have practice soon.”

“I’m not going, I’m done with it.” I left without another word.

***

“Yeah I can’t believe it, Rain actually told them I was good,” I heard Yoseob say. As I got closer to them walking past I saw it was Doojoon.

“Well done Yoseob-ah,” he ruffled Yoseob’s hair. “Oh Junhyung where are you off to now?”

“None of anyone’s damn business,” I hissed with clenched fists.

“Whoa why what happened?”

“NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” I went to the only place I knew that I could be alone; a bar. As I got in the taxi I was just able to tell the driver where to go before my face became tear stained. That wasn’t the last time I had to wipe my eyes.

***

The moment I’d started drinking the tears became more evident. The bar tender joked that the break up must have been serious due to the amount of alcohol I was consuming. By the time I was done I’d be sure that the only thing running through my veins would be pure alcohol.

“Now sir I think you’ve had enough,” I raised a fist at him when he drew the bottle away from me.

“GIVE ME THE DAMN DRINK!” I yelled my voice hoarse from the crying.  He hid the bottle out of my sight and called a number on the phone. My vision blurred I was starting to lose focus.

“Here,” he threw some change at me, “there’s a taxi waiting for you at the front. You will be escorted out.” I didn’t even try to resist the bouncer who led me to the entrance of the bar. He knew I was harmless, just vulnerable right now. I didn’t bother to thank any of them when the taxi came and took me home. I’d lost track of time, and had only nine standard drinks.

I staggered into the dorms, knocking over a stool as I did. Everyone was probably out training or lounging around. Either way it was quiet.

“Junhyung; why are you still awake and banging around?” I hadn’t heard the door open behind me but it was the only explanation as to why Doojoon was there watching me. He was dressed in casual clothing and held a water bottle in his hand. “Everyone’s asleep.”

“Except for you; whys’ you still awake huh?”

“Last minute training with Yoseob and Kikwang;” he stopped to sniff the air. “Junhyung,” his voice was firm. “You know the rules about drinking.”

“Why does it matter?” Even in my drunken state I sounded pathetic. “I’m not going to be here much longer,” I fell forward and lay on my stomach for a bit.

“What are you talking about?” He came and stood in front of me.

“I’m being let go,” I snapped miserably. “They don’t want me anymore.”

“Who said that they—“

“THEY MEANT IT I KNOW!” He stopped, I tried to move but I failed. I closed my eyes; warm tears began to flow again. “I’m done for… They don’t want me here anymore. I’m not going to be in any group… I’ve screwed my whole life up by being here!”

“Don’t say that,” Doojoon shook his head a little off guard from seeing me cry. “The final group hasn’t been decided yet. Yoseob got a second chance because Rain saw him and told the producer that he is good. It can happen for you too.” I shook my head at him.

“No... I may as well face it, I have nothing left.” I blinked my eyes as a spray of cold liquid hit my face. Through my tearing eyes I looked up at Doojoon. His bottle was lowered down at me, the lid was off.

“You need to stop.” Doojoon looked cross but his voice suggested otherwise. “You aren’t the only one who knows how it feels to fail. Look at Kikwang, Yoseob and I. All failed trainees in JYP. I was humiliated on television for the whole world to see, Kikwang didn’t work hard enough. That’s why we’re here. To show those who deemed us not worthy that we can make it.” Every single word hurt my pride but he was right. Deep down he was right.

I just hung my head in shame, the tears still falling. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright,” he breathed. “We all feel hurt sometimes. Here let me help you.” I sat up and he put an arm around my shoulders in support. We walked steadily back to the dorms. He helped me into my room.

“Now are you going to be alright?” He checked with me.

“We’ll see,” I slurred going to my bed and falling onto it still fully clothed. He flicked the lights off.

Whoa I’m not sure if I gave enough detail in regards to his emotional turmoil. I need more info about them so I’ll keep looking in the hopes I’ll come across some. Enjoy the update.