“_____. _____, you’re ringing,” Ayako says, pointing at my vibrating phone.

I glance at the screen before pushing it away, my frown deepening.

“You’re not answering it?” She leans over to look as well, a mix of understanding, sadness, and anger flashing through her eyes. “Oh.”

I nod, staring into space as I try to push my feelings back down into the little box I’d banished them to.

Ayako gently places her hand on mine. “Have you talked to him at all?”

“I-...I can’t. I don’t even know what I’m feeling, but I just can’t deal with him right now.”

“_____,” she sighs, squeezing my hand. “You haven’t spoken to Yoochun for almost a week. As mad as I am at him, maybe it’d be better to talk it out with him and give him a chance to apologize. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Believe me, he’s apologized,” I laugh, the sound harsh in my own ears. “About four times a day in voice messages and I don’t know how many texts.”

“And you haven’t answered?”

“I’ve tried, unnie, I’ve really tried, but every time I start to text or answer the phone, my hands start shaking and I feel sick. I don’t if I’m going to start crying or yelling at him,” I let my head drop into my hands. “Do you know who he was with?”

“What’s-her-face?”

“Yeah.”

“Witch. And that’s no excuse. Bros before hoes, or...you know what I mean.”

“I do.”

My phone beeps with a voice mail, but I dismiss it.

Ayako watches me. “Have you talked to any of the guys?”

“Yeah. They’ve called a couple times to check on me.”

“Have they said anything about him?”

“Just that he is really sorry and he’s been moping,” I reply.

“As he should be.” She eyes me warily. “You better not be feeling sorry for him.”

I avoid her eyes.

“______-”

“I know. I’ve got to go finish the itinerary for next week,” I say, pushing away from the table.

“But you haven’t eaten anything,” Ayako protests.

“Not hungry,” I shrug.

    I spend the rest of the day as I’ve spent the past few days, burying myself in work. I notice Ayako passing my door a few times, making me feel worse for being the source of her worry. I glance at the phone on my desk, my fingers twitching as I consider picking up to call Yoochun. I know I’ll have to talk to him eventually, but like I’d told Ayako, I needed to be sure I was in control of my emotions before that happened. When quitting time finally comes, I hurry out of the office so I can get home, eat dinner, and go to sleep.

As I turn around the corner of my apartment’s hall, a figure pushes away from my door. I freeze when I see who it is.

“Surprised to see me?” Jaehwa asks, crossing her arms.

Recovering, I move past her to my door. “What’re you doing here?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” she says, cocking her head. “Didn’t I warn you to stay away from him? But you didn’t listen. Don’t think I don’t know you used every opportunity while you were in America to try to steal him.”

“I don’t have time for this, Jaehwa-ssi,” I reply through my teeth, closing my eyes.

“It hurt when he didn’t come, didn’t it? Poor, forgotten, little _____.”

My fingernails dig into my palm as I spin around to face her. “What the hell is your problem? Am I truly that threatening to you that you feel you need to do this? Why is Yoochun even with such a as you?”

“A ?” Jaehwa tries out the word before nodding. “I guess that title works. He’s with me because I want him to be. And a little nobody like you isn’t going to get in the way of what I want.”

“You really think I’d abandon him that easily?”

“I really think you’d be being pathetic enough to hang onto someone who obviously doesn’t care that much about you.”

Even though that strikes too close for comfort to my own thoughts, there’s no way I’d let her know that. Closing me eyes, I open them and stare at her with a deadly calm face. “Listen, Jaehwa, and listen well. Before anything else, I am Yoochun’s friend. Friends stay with friends no matter what because even if we make mistakes that hurt each other, we still love each other. I’m explaining because I’m starting to doubt you’d understand that. Good night.”

“Wait.”

Against my better judgement, I stop, one foot over the threshold.

“Yoochun is mine until I decide otherwise, _____. Try to take him away from me again, and I promise you by the time I’m done with you, your little puppy dog heart will be in shreds,” she says coldly.

I glare at her. “What would you do if I went and told Yoochun everything you’ve just said and exposed you for what you are?”

Jaehwa smirks and readjusts her purse. “We both know you won’t. You’re too stubborn and...”

“And what?” I demand.


Leaning in, she says, “And you’re afraid to find out who he trusts more. Yours. Or mine.”

    With another smirk, Jaehwa turns and walks away. I remain in the same spot, my hand gripping the doorknob as my legs tremble. Slowly, I go all the way into my apartment, robotically closing the door and putting my bag down on the side table. Sliding my shoes off, I walk to my couch to curl in one of the corners to try to get a handle on the hundred emotions and confusion running through my heart. My eyes wander aimlessly around the room, not really seeing.

    Unfortunately, when they do focus on something, I wish they hadn’t. Sitting on top of a book on the coffee table is the heart stone Yoochun had picked out on the beach. I reach out a finger to its smooth surface, a touch that brings an unwanted and unheeded spike of pain. When tears start dripping onto the pillow I’m hugging to my chest, I don’t bother wiping them away. As much as I hate useless crying, sometimes it’s better to just let it out.

    
    Knocking on my door wakes me up. A bit disoriented, it takes me a bit to realize I must have fallen asleep, but the knocking continues. Trying to rub away the pillow marks I’m sure are imprinted on my face, I untangle myself to reach the door.

“Noogoosaeyo?” I call out sleepily, opening the door open a crack. My heart stops for the second time today when my eyes meet Yoochun’s.

He gives me a small attempt of a smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I reply, still a little shocked as he was the last person I expected.

“Have you been crying?” Yoochun asks worriedly, stretching out his hand as if to touch my face. He quickly lowers it when I flinch away.

“No.” I wipe at my face some more.

He studies me with a sad expression for a few seconds. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” I open the door all the way, letting him step inside. Closing the door, I put on a smile and scurry away towards the kitchen. “Thirsty? I’ll put on some tea.”

“_____.”

I keep my back to him. “Hmm?”

“Why haven’t you answered my calls or my texts?”

“Mianhae, I’ve been meaning to. We’ve just been really busy at work so I keep falling asleep before I can.”

His hands come over mine, stilling them and gently but firmly making me face him. “_____, mianhae. Jeongmal mianhae,” Yoochun says, looking me in the eyes. “I don’t know how I got so caught up, but I didn’t mean to not come. It was really insensitive of me and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I am sorry, ______.”

I smile up at him, putting my well rehearsed lie into practice. “Don’t worry about it, oppa. You’ve already explained.”

I slip my hands from his and return to my task. I barely manage to flick on the hot water before a soft ‘______’ makes me turn back to him.

“____,” he repeats. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t do this. Don’t act like everything’s fine.”

“How should I act, Yoochun?” I ask with a sigh, abandoning my smile. “You missed my birthday. There’s nothing either of us can do about it.”

“The guys told me you cried. I made you cry, ____,” Yoochun says loudly, opening his arms. “Yell at me, scream, cry,...something. Just tell me what you’re feeling.”

“What I’m feeling?” I give a small laugh, feeling my eyes tearing up again. “I don’t even know that. I feel sad and let down that you forgot about me because it seems like I don’t matter. I’m mad that there was someone else you wanted to be with more than me on my birthday. I’m upset with myself for simultaneously wanting you to hurt like me and being ready to forgive you.”

“Then don’t forgive me, not yet,” he says hurriedly. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

‘Break up with Jaehwa,’ my mind instantly replies, but my lips refuse to verbalize this demand.

Tentatively, Yoochun steps closer and puts his arms around me. He whispers, “Anything you want me to do, I’ll do...I-I don’t want to lose you, _____.”

    Slowly, my arms wrap around his waist. I rest my face against his chest, both hating myself for having missed his scent and his arms and feeling relieved to be close to him once again. Tears fall against my will, but I let them anyway.

Yoochun my hair and I feel a few tears fall on my head, but his chest trembles a little as he tries not to cry.

Feeling that, I slow my breath until I can pull away from him with dry eyes. “Can-can you go sit down? I need to think.”

“Arasso,” he replies quietly, stepping away from me to go sit on the couch, in the same space I’d been occupying minutes ago.

    I start making tea again, needing to do something with my hands. To be honest, I can’t think of anything for Yoochun to do. I haven’t entirely forgiven him, but what else can I do? I come up with several things, discarding them one by one. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for the tea to finish brewing. As I bring it over to him, I notice him gazing at the stone. Embarrassed that I’d had it out, I all but shove the cup into his hands to distract him.

“Thanks,” Yoochun says, glancing at me.

“You’re welcome,” I reply, sitting beside him but leaving a decent sized space between us. I see a flash of hurt in his eyes, but it’s going to take a little longer for me to be the same with him as before.

We sit in silence, probably wondering what the other is thinking and wishing we could erase the past week.

“So-”

“I-”

We stop as soon as the other starts, exchanging uncertain looks.

“You first,” Yoochun invites with a small flick of his hand.

I take a deep breath. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget, but I want us to be us again.”

A hint of a smile comes back to his lips. “Me too.”

“I was thinking, to make up for it, you could...”

“What?”

“You could spend an entire day with me, and only me” I finish, keeping my eyes on the ground.

“That’s it?” Yoochun asks in a disbelieving tone.

I nod.

The confusion is still evident in his voice.“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why aren’t you asking for more? You could make me do so much if you asked. Why do you want to spend an entire day with someone who hurt you?”

“Because,” I shrug. “Asking for anything else would be pointless. Material things would be meaningless and useless. Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. If we do this, it’ll help us both.”

Yoochun studies me as if he’s never seen me before. Quietly, he asks, “What are you, _____?”

I smile softly. “Your friend, I hope.”

He smiles back. “Always, though I sometimes think I’m getting the better deal.”

With that, I feel some of my negative feelings draining away. Despite Jaehwa's visit, maybe it'll be better.

=========================

Annyeong lovelies! Look, I'm actually updating on time! Miracle of miracles! ^^ Hope you all had a good Christmas if you celebrate it and a good time with your families if you don't. To each of you, I hope you have a blessed, wonderful, and fantastically fun new year. Thanks for sticking with me and saranghae! <3

ljolson: She hasn't forgiven him yet, but he is her friend.

chiohemoxa: Yeah, that she is. Yoochun's working on it.

Mionyu: You didn't; I just did a double update to make up for being gone so long. Well, I figured the story needed some drama since I was boring you all. =p And for the drama, we'll have to put up with Jaehwa a little longer.

Poison: It's not entirely Yoochun's fault. Yeah, he was stupid, but as shown, Jaehwa is a rather devious person. Yeah, it really stinks that Yoochun has hurt you/her, but he has given you good times as well, made you laugh&smile&be happy. Mianhae for making you cry.

PurpleangelSJ: He should sort them out fast, but unfortunately feelings are slippery little buggers that don't like to be resolved fast.

turtle_chan: Because Jaehwa's a cunning witch.Yesh, yesh that's coming up. It'll keep moving too. ^^

yellow14: Pretty much.

nar12345: She's that good...and by good I mean bad of course.

Jun_KOI_Mi: Yup, that sums it up.

WhiteAutumn_x: That's what I was going for...she hasn't forgiven him yet though. I've missed you too and Merry belated Christmas! I hope all your wishes come true! ^^

Doitworth: It's not that he's stupid; it's a combo of being confused and that it's actually really hard when you fall for a friend to figure out if you're actually in love or just being stupid. He will see the light, but not quite yet.