CHAPTER XXXI

**YERIN**

I lost count of how long the silence lasted as both Taehyung and I eyed Irene-unnie’s mom while she made her way to the reserved table for her and her companion. What I’m aware though is that we pretty much are looking at her for more than a minute now, yet she still didn’t notice us staring. I felt the urge to glance at Taehyung for I could only see a blurry vision of him from the corner of my eyes. I want to see what expression he has even though there’s this strong sense in me that’s telling me he may be emotionally affected seeing the woman who hurt him before and probably up until now, but he won’t allow me to see it in his face. He’ll hide it. He’ll hide the hurt just like he always does and to be honest, I’m sick of him doing that again and again. Doesn’t he see me as a friend still? How much more do I need to prove to him for him to trust me?

Taehyung cleared his throat after a while of silence between us and I immediately stopped myself from looking at Irene-unnie’s mom. Taehyung is still not aware that I already know the past he tries to keep away from me, so I now have to pretend like I don’t know Irene-unnie’s mom. I have to act like I was only staring at her because Taehyung stared first.

“Do you know her?” I asked, trying to sound oblivious. I know it isn’t the best option to question Taehyung about his relations with Irene-unnie’s mom but if I want fool Taehyung, it would have to be a risk I willingly take.

“No,” he replied in his usual cold tone and with all sincerity in me, I felt disappointed with his answer. It only proves to say that he still does not see me as his possible confidant and the doubt on whether he ever will see me as one continues to grow in me. I could already tell that if this keeps up, if Taehyung continues to shut me out every time mentions of his past relationship comes up, then I might just see myself fail his eommoni and his friends. I wouldn’t want that but right now, I’m questioning my role in all these drama in Taehyung’s life. I know I’m just in the sidelines but I’m hoping I could still be that character that could make a difference, even just a little.

I hang my head low after. I don’t see the need to reply because doing so would only make reality slap me in the face more. It would only make me realize further that I still am an unimportant person in Taehyung’s life, that I’m only here because he needs me to fool his grandmother and not because he sees me as something more, a friend perhaps.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he slid his hands to cover mine once more. This time, I no longer felt the warmth coming from him. My current dispirited mood prevented me from doing so.

“I should be the one asking you that,” I replied in my head but a low “I’m fine,” was what came out of my mouth instead.

Taehyung gently squeezed my hand and it made me think. Was he doing it because he saw the need to console me or was he doing it because he needed to console himself and holding my hand is the first thing that came to his mind? Truthfully, I don’t have a problem with both, but I would prefer it if it’s the former rather than the latter because if so, at least I know that what he’s doing is for me, because he wants to cheer me up but who am I for that to happen? I know it probably is the latter, why he’s holding my hand now. It kind of hurts to think about because it means that he’s keeping his thoughts from me and is just using me because he can and because I allow him to, but that’s my role, right? I’m just his pretend fiancée after all. He’s paying me. He has the right to do whatever he wants but still…why is my chest aching?

I thanked the perfect timing the waiter had in delivering our food to our table because then, I don’t have to deal with Taehyung’s gaze on me. I know I look unusual considering my currently disheartened state, but I really don’t need him to look at me so intently like I just grew a second head and he’s trying to figure out where it came from.

“Enjoy your meal,” the waiter said before he gave a curt bow and took his leave.

Had I not been thinking hard, my mouth would have watered at the sight of the food before me but right now, I honestly don’t feel like eating at all. I think I just lost my appetite which is weird since I usually don’t lose it that easily despite being all sad and gloomy.

“Aren’t you going to eat? The food will get cold or perhaps, you want me to feed you,” Taehyung joked, obviously noticing more the fact that I’m acting atypical. He’s trying to humor me, but I think it just worsens the situation because seeing him attempt to cheer me up makes me realize that he’s completely faking it. I know he’s hurting too after seeing Irene-unnie’s mom again after all these years. If he’s sad, he doesn’t need to act like he isn’t. I don’t need his pity on me because it should be the other way around for us.

I faked a smile and grabbed a fork. I didn’t even give him a proper reply. Rather, I just acted like nothing happened as I twirled the pasta around my fork. While doing so, I know I don’t even look like I’m eating. I probably look like I’m just playing with my food. I don’t think I can even chew properly.

“Here,” Taehyung said as he slid a few of his scallops toward my side of the table. I glanced at it for a second before looking up and giving him a gentle shake of the head.

“It’s okay. You eat it. The pasta is enough.”

I saw the way Taehyung’s eyes reflected the disappointment he felt upon my rejection. I could tell that he did it because it might lift up my mood, but I can’t bear to have him give his food up for my sake. I’m freeloading tonight. It would be too much if I were to accept the food. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

We ate in silence after before another round of laughter came from Irene-unnie’s mom. From what I heard, she and her companion were gossiping about some woman and honestly, it pisses me off to know that they’re talking bad about that person behind her back. My mom always told me when I was still young that gossiping isn’t the right thing to do. She said that if I have a problem with someone, I have to tell that person straight up. I shouldn’t let gossips spread my message for me because most of the time, if not all the time, the information gets twisted as it is passed from one person to another and that is what causes misunderstandings. I have to say. My impression on Irene-unnie’s mom just keeps on getting worse.

“That lady’s too loud,” Taehyung complained, and I thinned my lips. He’s acting like he doesn’t know her.

“Yeah,” I agreed, trying to play along with his act. He’s attempting to fool me, to keep me away from knowing who the lady is and how he knows her. What he doesn’t know is that I’m the one fooling him instead.

As soon as we finished our main course (which, if I had to be honest, was very difficult to do for me given my loss of appetite), Taehyung waved his hand over to call on the waiter who immediately approached our table and took our plates away.

“You can serve the desserts now,” he told the him.

“Yes, sir,” the waiter replied before giving us another bow and leaving immediately.

I think I am getting the gist behind Taehyung’s antics. He’s pretending he doesn’t know Irene-unnie’s mom, acting like he isn’t one bit affected by her presence, but also hurrying to get out of the place. He’s probably suffocated being in the same room as her but aren’t I, too? Taehyung’s misery reflects in my failure of a help to his eommoni and friends. I’m just as affected as he is.

I looked down on my lap as I placed my hands there to play with the fabric of my skirt. I needed to distract myself. I don’t want to keep looking at Taehyung only to feel even more disappointed with myself.

“Are you not feeling well?” Taehyung asked. I could hear a bit of concern in the tone he was using, and I wonder if he was, in fact, sincere or it’s only because he feels partly responsible for me after meeting my family who asked him to take care of me while I’m away from them.

I shook my head without looking up. I am aware that I’m probably being rude to him now, but I reckon it’s better this way. I don’t want Taehyung to get caught up with my personal distress. He already has a lot in his hands and more coming his way. He doesn’t need me to add to his burden.

“Yerin,” he breathed.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to finish what he was going to say because someone has already approached our table saying, “Desserts for our lovely couple.”

My eyebrows met. I know that voice.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?”

At the honorific Taehyung used, I straightaway shot my eyes up and whose face greeted me confirmed my thought. It was no other than Jin-oppa, our school nurse.

He playfully hit Taehyung on the shoulder after placing the two plates down on our table. “Do you even need to ask that? I own this place. I have every right to be here. In fact, I should be asking you that question. You rarely visit me here.”

Wait a minute. Jin-oppa owns this place? He’s a restaurant owner as well? How many jobs does this guy have?

“He’s just forced to run this place. His parents own restaurant chains all throughout Asia and Europe,” Taehyung explained to me when he noticed the muddled look I had on my face. “He was supposed to study business but was too stubborn to do so and majored in medicine instead.”

“Yah! Don’t talk like I’m not here!”

For the first time since the arrival of Irene-unnie’s mom, I found myself letting out a chuckle and it actually felt good to forget about my dismay for now.

Taehyung saw the little laugh I just made, and I swear I saw him try to hide a smile before he returned his attention back to his hyung.

“So, you’re actually a doctor? I thought you were really just a nurse,” I said, taken aback that I had been wrong all this time, addressing Jin-oppa as a nurse when he had studied something more than that.

“Yeah. His face doesn’t speak ‘doctor’ to me as well.”

“YAH! I’m older than you! You need to respect me!”

Jin-oppa dragged the chair behind him and positioned it near our table before he took his seat. He’s basically causing a commotion, but he could do whatever he likes in here, right? He does own the place. Rich people and their ways…

Taehyung let out a hearty laugh and I really could tell he’s not faking it. It was my turn then to smile. I guess we only needed Jin-oppa to distract us from our wicked thoughts.

“Really though, what brings you here? As far as I know, you check up on this place once in a blue moon,” Taehyung said after he calmed down from his laughter. Jin-oppa fixed his expression to a more serious one and cleared his throat.

“Sojung is craving for some pesto lasagna.”

“You have a girlfriend?” I asked and when both lads turned to me with a ‘what the ’ look, I realized that I wasn’t supposed to ask that bluntly about Jin-oppa’s personal life. Fortunately for me, he was understanding enough to bear with me.

“I thought you met her already.”

“I did?”

Taehyung was the one who cleared it out for me. “Sojung is Sowon’s real name.”

WAIT. Sowon-unnie is dating Jin-oppa?!

I swear I look funny with my mouth agape right now but really…I never expected to hear such shocking information. I mean they weren’t even obvious. They were always arguing back when we were playing games during Yuna’s birthday party. I even saw Sowon-unnie beat the hell out of him when they lost in bottlecap flicking. You really can’t judge people right away. The next thing I’ll know, the hyper SinB is related to the fairly low-key Yoongi. Okay, that may be too much but still…what more do I have to know about these people hanging out with Taehyung?

“Are you going to eat your desserts or not? Because if you won’t, I’m willing to eat them myself,” Jin-oppa joked as if what I learned about him just now was not much of a big deal when it really was, for me that is.

“Get your hands away from ou