Back in elementary and the first or so year of middle school, I was made fun of. I was the on the chubbier side and I have to admit my sense of fashion was crap. I wore the ugliest clothes in the world and I was alway wearing things that didn't go together. I was made fun of, pushed, called names, people threw things at me, poured buckets of water on me, wrote nasty comments on my desk, books, locker and anything they could get their hands on. And all of that got to me, I was so sad I became depressed. I spent so many nights crying to sleep, thinking I was really nothing and why I had no friends. I was a kid, how can other kids be so nasty? I don't know, I did nothing wrong, to people my existence was wrong and I was bullied because of it. Thinking back now I think all I really needed was some self confidence but where would I get that especially when I was treated the way I was? Was being me so wrong?

And yes, you've heard this story many of times in books but this was really my life. I did have a crush on one of the popular boys, I had gone to school with him throughtout elementary and middle school, his name was, Yong Junhyung. He was super handsome, you have no idea. I had a crush on him but it wasn't a crazy crush, I didn't scribble his name anywhere, I didn't add hearts to his name, I didn't follow him wherever he went. I just noticed him from afar but that didn't stop people from spreading rumors that I did. And the number 1 person who loved bothering me was a girl by the name of Goo Hara. We also went to elementary and middle school together. And yes she was a popular girl and yes she and Junhyung were dating, though it was on and off quite a lot, but I believe that was because we were all very young and that just naturally happened. Anyways, she'd tell everyone I was in love with Junhyung and she told him herself as well. Great! Like I needed that, but whatever that's all in the past. Junhyung and Hara were the 'perfect couple' dubbed by everyone, they were gorgeous together and you know what okay, they were cute together, but she was a major . I know, I know, why did I have a crush on a guy who already had a girl, well it's not like I was going to do anything about it, it was just a crush jeez! Though I did fantasize about him alot, okay that's not the point so let's move on. I was never really close to Junhyung, we talked a few times but that was all. And from those times we talked he was very nice, even though I know he had heard all the rumors about me and so forth. So to this day, he has stayed in a part of my heart, you have to understand, he was my first crush so yeah. :) Oh yeah and unlike most books, I had not one friend. Zip, nada, ziltch. I was all by myself. But okay moving on, after years of depression and whatever I went through I decided it was time for a change.

I killed myself....okay kidding, sorry that was not needed, my apologies. I starved, binged, became stick skinny, put on lots of makeup and bought only expensive clothes! Ahah, kidding again. Okay okay, what really happened was after my first year of middle school I begged my parents to move. I didn't want to be there anymore, where everyone I had known been, where the old me had been. After much begging my parents agreed and we moved to a smaller town. I went to a school where my class size was 6. The age range went from, let me put it this way, the school was for elementary, middle and high schoolers. It was a sad little town, but it was perfect for a sad little kid like me. Too much thinking, I'm now going to be a second year in high school. Don't think too hard about the numbers, they don't matter. Okay! And then the rest happened like a movie, I ran into a handsome mysterious guy my age in this small town and we fell in love. Kidding again! No, none of that sort. I wish I found someone, I would have liked a boyfriend. But yeah so I said my class size was 6, this class consisted of me, a very quiet girl who wore glasses, yes exactly the character you are thinking of, she was seriously like that, a bigger sized guy who loved eating over anything, yes I know another character everyone knows of, a guy who shows up when he feels like it, a redheaded loud guy, and a girl who wished she lived the city life. But doesn't this class sound as if they were pulled right out of a move, book? Well you know what, it wasn't, it was all real, they were all seriously like that. And you know what I seriously had the feeling the quiet girl and the guy who rarely showed up in class, yes he was kind of handsome, were connecting on some level. Like in the movies!! I was amazed at how my life seemed like it was a movie or something. It actually made me think it was all wrong, I mean, I'm the main character in my life so shouldn't it had been me? Me and the cool guy? Well it wasn't...I guess it was their own movie and I was just a, cameo. But yeah we all became best friends who did everything together! Ha wrong again!! I mean we were friends and I liked them but it was nothing more than that. We were all just classmates and we all just happened to be there, be where we were, in school in this town, together. I guess this was our pit stop for awhile before we continued on with our lives.

Why am I talking about all of this? Because the next step of my life is coming soon. But before I get into it, let me tell it from the beginning. Coming to this small town, I seriously had a lot of time and there wasn't much to do. Since I had no friends, was to young to get a job and my parents were always working I had a lot of free time. I'd take walks everyday because I had so much time, I went everywhere I could in this small town and trust me there wasn't much to see. I'd just walk around seeing the same old things I saw every single time I went for a walk. And after a few months my clothes weren't fitting the way they were anymore, they were...loose on me. Surprised and I will admit a little happy, I needed new clothes. But since I had no money and my parents were tight on money I would cut up my old clothes, clothes that didn't fit anymore and make something new that I could wear out of them. Eventually I went through all my old clothes and so one day my mom came home with a sewing machine and fabric. She told me she was sorry she and my dad couldn't buy me new clothes but she had seen me sewing my old clothes to wear and thought they were good and so they got me a sewing machine instead. At first I was like, what the hell, you could have just used that money from this sewing machine to buy me clothes. But after a few days I rethought it and the sewing machine was a good idea because well I had so much damn free time. So I started sewing my own clothes and after a few more months my clothes, yes I will say it about myself, looked damn good! I was surprised at how good my clothes were turning out but at the same time not surprised because I sewed almost everyday and always had new ideas for new pieces so of course I would have gotten better. And because of this, my fashion sense went way up. This went through town and people started coming by asking me to sew things for them or tailor things for them. I agreed and was paid for it. I used the money to buy myself more fabric and saved the rest for when I went to the city, whenever that would be to buy clothes since I knew how to dress now. And you know what? I looked damn good, my fashion sense was like model magazine good.

Okay enough about how good I look. But yeah, my dad was offered a job back in Seoul and after discussing it with me and my mom we decided to go back. Yes, I was going back to Seoul, the city I had left because it hurt and was too tiring to stay. We packed up all of our things and moved to an apartment. I was going to start my second year of high school back in a Seoul school. And with this I was going to go back a confident, well dressed, mega makeup wearing, y, looking for revenge woman. Ahahaha, I wish, that's just not who I am so no way that was happening. Well I will definitely be well dressed but other than that I had no idea what was going to happen, except for all the eyes that were going to be on me for my appearance/clothes which might make me one of the popular girls. I laugh at the thought, popular, me? Ha! Well it actually might happen without my doing because I knew about the power of looks, rumors, people and whatnot but I wasn't going back for that purpose. I'm just going to take whatever comes as whatever. And you know, if my life was to continue being like a movie, Junhyung and Hara would have to be at the school I was going to. Ouu, wouldn't that be something. But okay in all seriousness I wouldn't know what to do if I ran into Junhyung, he still is in my heart. And Hara, I'd make sure to rub it in her face and kill that . Ahahah, kidding. I wouldn't do anything...unless it was called for. Bleh, whatever. What are the chances I'd see them both anyway, it's Seoul.

So here I am, the day before my first day of my second year of high school in Seoul. I was uncertain of what was going to happen but one thing was for sure, I was going to be looking damn fly. Seoul, I am finally back, are you ready for the new and improved me?

Oh and one more thing, I'm not ashamed of the old me because well, I'm just not. It was because of that, that I am the way I am now and I didn't turn into a horrible person so yeah. I'm not afraid if one day someone or everyone finds out I was fat and wore the ugliest, weirdest things. So that scene that is in the movies, where everyone finds out how hideous someone use to be and so prints all these pictures of them back then to distribute to the entire school, you can cross it out because eh' whatever. I have fully accepted myself, past included and nothing is stopping me. I'm just me being me. Wish me, well us, luck. :)