He should feel happy.  He should feel contented. He should feel accomplished with how far he has gone but here he is, seated on the couch of the space he calls home, all by himself, with tears streaming down his face. 

Why is he crying? 

Well, he wishes for an answer too. 

Is he sad? Maybe. But most of all, he just feels empty. 

The sound of the knob being turn startles him out of his silent cry as automatically, he raises his hand to cast his own tears away and right after that, the empty space beside him is filled with the presence of someone who he doesn't even need to turn to know who it is. 

"Why are you not sleeping? "He asks in a voice that shows no evidence that he has been crying before, completely flat. 

The person in question remain silent and only then N turn to face him, undeniable worry starting to bud at the lack of response. "Hongbin? "

Hongbin isn't even looking at him, instead, he's just staring straight ahead, at the blank screen of the tv. "You don't have to hide it from me. "He mutters. 

N blinks. "... Hide? "

"Your tears. Let it out. 

N bites his lips. "I don't... "

"I know you want to show us that you're strong and I know very well how strong you are. But I also know that even the strongest person have their moment of weakness. So don't hide it. Let it out and you'll feel better. "

N says nothing. 

"Don't you trust me? "

"... I do. "

"Then trust me that I'll never use your tears, your weakness against you. You don't have to hide anything from me. You can admit anything, say anything. You can scream, yell at me, you can cry, you can sob on my shoulder. You can even hurt me, hyung. Anything that will make you feel better. And I swear none of it will be used against you. "

N tries suppressing it, he really did. But his tears betray him as just like that, they start streaming down his face again. 

Hongbin says nothing about it. He just scoots closer to his leader and entertwines his hand with him, assuring him that he's there.

"... Hongbin? "

"... Hmm? "

"I... am not okay. "

Hongbin squeezes the hand he's holding. "I know. "He says. "It's fine to not be okay. "

"Will you... "

"I will. I will stay, both at your highest and most definitely at your lowest. I won't leave, hyung. "

A/N I just want everyone to be okay