He was just cleaning up his apartment, organising his stuffs and deciding which to keep and which to throw out when he found it; that simple little metal band, in the bottom of his old backpack. It was cold to touch and had lost its shine and glimmer but it brought some warmth to his heart when he unconsciously slid it into his finger. 

" I ate it to keep it close to my heart." 

He chuckled as he remembered his lame excuse back then. He knew he didn't lose it, he just couldn't remember where he kept it. 

The little smile on his face and the warmth in his chest disappeared quickly enough as he remembered that he now no longer have the right to wear that metal band. 

Sliding it out, he inserted it into the pocket of his jeans. He'll return it to them, he knew he should.

He still remember as clear as day, their reactions when the news broke out.

'Hongbin leaves VIXX' 

They didn't hear it from him, not from their agency either. He didn't know how to break it up to them since the decision was made without much discussion anyway, despite the statement given by the agency. It mostly just felt like he was kicked out,just like that. And he didn't have much to defend himself with anyway.

When they finally found out about it, it was from the media and he understood their anger and confusion. He didn't blame them for it, not when he himself couldn't believe it. 

Taekwoon was furious. He yelled, screamed, shouted and cursed at Hongbin through the phone call. Though his voice breaks by the end of it and that's when Hongbin ended the call; he could handle the raised voice and anger but he couldn't bear to hear his hyung crying, not when he knew he's the reason for it. 

Wonshik, surprisingly, was the most understanding. He had called asking if the news was true and when Hongbin confirmed it, he had only sighed. 

"I'm sorry." He apologized but Wonshik merely gave him a dark chuckle. 

" There's no room for mistake in our job,Kong-ah." Was what he said and Hongbin knew that,of course he did. But everything's said and done and there's no turning back. 

Jaehwan was crying his eyes out even before his call was answered. But he didn't cry because he's upset that Hongbin left the group, he sobbed because he's worried for Hongbin's well being. 

"Are you okay? Don't cry, alright? Don't think too much,you'll get sick. Hyung loves you,Bin." Jaehwan's voice was muffled and nasally, it was obvious he's crying himself despite telling Hongbin not to and Hongbin wanted nothing more than to hug and comfort him but he's aware that he was the one who put him in such state. 

Hyuk tried to sound indifferent, like he wasn't affected by the news but Hongbin knew from all those years of knowing him that he was upset. " You didn't think to talk to us,first? We can at least try to back you up. You thought it's a good idea to just make the decision by yourself?" 

Hongbin didn't know how to answer him although he did have an answer to the question so he just apologized and when Hyuk merely snorted in response and ended the call without so much as a goodbye, he tried not to let it get to him.

If there's any person who would understand him back then,even without him having to explain himself, his actions and his decisions, that would be Hakyeon. But ever since the news broke our, there had been no reaction from the leader. No text, no call,no whatever. 

It made Hongbin wonder if he had made Hakyeon that mad and dissappointed that he wouldn't even talk to him anymore. He was left for days in absolute silence from Hakyeon that he finally concluded that the leader hated him.

But just then, when there's barely days left before he had to report in for his immediate enlistment, he opened the door of his apartment to a Hakyeon who's just standing there, staring at him with an unreadable expression. 

He was at loss of words despite having so much to say. He wanted to apologise, to explain himself. To tell Hakyeon the reason he did what he did, that he was only trying to protect them,from him and his dumb mistakes. He wanted to stay, he never wanted to leave but he knew he couldn't stay. Not when he's hated even by his once fans, not when he's going to drag the rest of them down with him if he continue to let himself be known as VIXX's Hongbin. He would rather leave than let the group receive backlash from his personal mistakes, though the damage has been done anyway but he wanted to try to salvage what he can.

He wanted to say all that but couldn't find the words for it as he stared back at Hakyeon. And when Hakyeon finally stepped forward and pulled him into a hug that he didn't know he needed, he realized that he didn't need to say anything. 

Hakyeon knew. Hakyeon understood him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." 

Hongbin didn't think he had any more tears left to cry but when Hakyeon apologized to him, he found himself crying in his arms. 

Taekwoon had always told him that one day, his words and attitude would bring him to his room and he had always laughed it off. 

" It's okay. I've got his back. " Hakyeon would always say in his defense. 

And it was true. Hakyeon always had his back.

Always. 

But the moment he didn't, it all came crashing down.