To: Yuki

                Message: You.

Jonghyun, are you stupid? Why the heck would you reply that?

Yuki didn’t reply afterwards so I guessed that she fell asleep already. It was getting late. I still had to write my song though. I was in the middle of writing random things when my phone beeped with a message from Yuki. I’d forgotten what Jungshin did, so I was surprised.

Anyway, I should get some sleep soon. I don’t know what the manager will have me do tomorrow since I don’t have a definite schedule like the others. Most of the time I would just sleep. No, I shouldn’t rest, I have a song to write.

“You can write it, Babo Jonghyun,” I remembered Yuki telling me when I said I doubted if I can make a song for the both of us. Babo, I guess I really am stupid.

Yuki, if only she knew, would she forgive me? I don’t know, and I should stop thinking about it. What I needed now is a song.

After a few minutes of staring at a blank sheet of paper, I decided to give up. I should tell Yonghwa tomorrow that I need more time and pressure won’t help me come up with the damn lyrics. I set my guitar down and opened my iPad and went to our twitter account. Looking at the “mentions” would always make me smile, seeing the messages of our fans, how excited we get whenever we tweet something in our joint account.

Then, I see that one common thing our fans ask whenever they address it to me.. “Oppa, why are your songs all about rain?” I remembered what Yonghwa said to me earlier. I sighed and I changed to another site, should I watch anime? Perhaps I can find inspiration or motivation there, like before. Instead, I opened the music player and played the songs in my library. I can never get tired of music.

***

My mornings are always routine. Breakfast, then say goodbye to Yonghwa and Minhyuk who will head to their respective schedules, then I can do whatever I want if the manager doesn’t leave me instructions.

So there I was, in the living room, playing a guitar riff I made up when I decided that I already made the first move, so I should just push until I couldn’t anymore. I reached for my phone.

                To: Yuki

                Message: You still haven’t answered my question.

I know I sounded kind of desperate, she should be in school at this time. Yuki, who had to go to university like normal people. I wonder what course she’s taking?

Now, if you’re wondering, “So this is what you think about on your free time?” Well, I think about Yuki, music, food, our band, guitars, Japan, Yuki… that about answers your question.

I couldn’t bear it, somehow the text made me feel agitated so I reached for my car keys and headed to the door, “Jungshin-ah, I’m going out. Don’t leave the house!”

I drove and drove until I found the building I was looking for. He had given me his card when he was the guest PD in Music Core. He acted like he didn’t know me at all, like it was the first time he met me. But I knew in his eyes that he remembered me, and he wanted to talk to me, just that if he did people would wonder. He was always smart, a person I looked up to. Ichi hyung.

His studio was big. He even had a receptionist out front.

“Annyeonghasseyo, how can I help you?” the lady asked, she was wearing a business suit. So this is how music directors roll.

“Um, I’m here to see One?”

The lady laughed and replied, “Well, aren’t you all? Do you have a schedule?”

“You don’t understand-“

“It’s okay. Let him in,” Ichi’s voice sounded through the doorway. The receptionist nodded and gestured me to go in and so I did “His office is to the left, studio is on the right.”

I went to his office and he was there, seated in his leather chair, and he was smiling “Long time no see, Hyun.”

“Hyung,” I bowed and when I looked at him, he was smiling “Now, now, no need to be so formal. How long has it been, 2 years?”

“We saw each other a few weeks ago.”

“Ah, but was it really Ichi you saw? Nope, it was One in all his producer glory,” I saw the twinkle in his eyes. Like I said, Ichi is smart. He would always wiggle himself out of trouble with his brain.

“So what do I owe the pleasure of meeting an idol without even a schedule?”

“I just kind of wanted to talk,” I sat down on a chair in front of his desk. “About Yuki.”

Ichi eyed me suspiciously and asked me the question I’ve asked myself over and over and over again while I was headed to this place “Why now?”

“I don’t- I’m not really sure. I texted her, accidentally, but it turns out that she texted me back now I don’t know what to do,” I confessed.

“What you will do is none of my business of course?”

“I want someone to tell me what to do. I’ve never been in a situation like this before,” I was staring at my knees, fists clenched over them. What am I doing?

Ichi laughed, “And you think I have? Silly boy…” He fell silent and put his fingers together, something he and Yuki did whenever they were thinking deeply. “Jonghyun, I don’t know what you are supposed to do but I will tell you what I know. Yuki thinks she hates you.”

“Thinks?”

“Thinks. I’m sure she’s trying to convince herself that she does. What you did, in her opinion, is unforgivable. I for one, think that it’s good that you made use of your emotions,” his mouth was slowly forming into a grin.

I shifted myself in the chair “What did I do? I said goodbye? I left?”

“It’s what you did after that. Yuki watched over you, she checked on your activities, she even went to your company to send you gifts.”

“Gifts? I never received any…” The chairman? Our manager? I should ask them about that..

Ichi interrupted my thoughts “That, you have to figure out for yourself. As I was saying, when she was starting to get over the fact that you were gone, she got hold of your song.”

Oh… I never thought that Yuki would hate me for that. And until that moment, I didn’t understand so I asked “Wae?”

Hyung stood up and pat my shoulder as he led me outside the building “Hyun, you were the one who left her for your career. If you were Yuki, what would you think you would feel if you heard a song that was saying that you wanted to go back, that you wanted things to be like the way they were?”

Yes. At that moment. I felt like a total idiot. I didn’t mean it to mean that way. The both of us misunderstood each other. I knew I had to set things right.

I went in the car and just sat there until I heard the familiar beep on my phone. I thought it was Jungshin who was asking when I’d come back. Instead…

                From: Yuki

                Message: Stop doing this to me, you coward.

Yuki…

And at that instant I knew what my song was supposed to be.

Ahh... Jonghyun going to Ichi for advice, and the wise one gives out his words of wisdom! Hehe. This is the first time I decided to write in Jonghyun's POV (it's supposed to be food food food... but of course Yuki should be in it too).

So I put a kind of explanation. Hope it was kinda clear. LOL. 

Anyway, I think you know what Jonghyun's song will be^^

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