“Nuna has been my ideal ever since.”

What the hell are you thinking, Jinwoon?

I looked over at Jonghyun and his face showed that he was angry. I mean, I was too but I tried to control myself. I inched closer to him and grabbed his arm and buried my face in his shoulder.

“Jonghyun…” I tried to calm him down. I felt his arm go around me and his lips touch my hair. It felt comforting.

“I guess it’s safe now,” he said.

What? Jinwoon saying that the both of us didn’t seem to be in a relationship and he’s just saying that it’s safe to go home now? He probably thinks Jinwoon said that to help us. But that would mean that he REALLY likes me. No, he’s just… I don’t know how to feel in a situation like this. There was never a time when a dongsaeng said that he liked me, and on national television at that.

My cellphone rang and Jonghyun was the one who answered it.

“Hello? Hyung. Yes, I know. Thank you for the hard work.” It was Ichi, huh? I guess what Jinwoon did really cleared up the stir. Should I thank him for that?

After realizing that the coast was clear, and Jonghyun had to go back to his dorm now, I suddenly didn’t want him to go. I held on tighter. I heard him chuckle and I looked up. It was one of those smiles, the ones that would make my heart melt. The one I’ve known for a long time now, the one I had fallen in love with.

“I have to go now, Yuki.”

Without thinking twice, I leaned closer and kissed him. I don’t know what came over me.

“I don’t like those words in a sentence,” I said as he broke the kiss.

“I’m sorry. I’ll come and see you again.”

And he stood up, gathered his things and headed towards the door. Before he reached it, though, I asked him,

“Are you really okay with this? I think… I’ve fallen for you once again.”

I didn’t get an answer.

***

In the following days, it seemed so normal. Like, nothing happened, like the article never existed. Ichi said we had to stay away from CNBLUE for a while. He had an annoyed face put on all the time though. He was always in “producer” mode so I kind of miss my oppa. We didn’t spend a lot of time on Sundays anymore since we were at the company, recording, writing songs, practicing…

I was lost in thought when I heard a knock on the door. I was in the MBC waiting room, about to be in a variety show. Hana disappeared somewhere, she’s supposed to be with me. The door opened and I was unprepared to see the person behind it.

Jinwoon.

He was holding a bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear. I think he saw the shock on my face because he explained, “I heard Nuna’s birthday is coming soon so I wanted to give her a gift today.”

Right. My birthday. Is it already that time of the year?

“Jinwoon, if I could, I wouldn’t even celebrate my birthday.”

He sat beside me and asked, “Wae?”

Because somehow special occasions end up getting ruined in my case. That’s what I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t say that to anyone, not even to oppa.

“I just don’t like the fact that I’m getting older every year.”

His eyesmile came out and I swear he really looked like a kitten when he did that. I noticed he had dimples too.

Like him…

“I don’t like knowing that Nuna is older than me too! So, can we be the same age then?”

“Yah, I’m your nuna, don’t forget that.”

“But I’m your sunbae in the industry, Nuna.”

“No no no… In the MUSIC WORLD, I’m your sunbae.”

I could tell he was defeated by that, I didn’t want to be on the same level as him for some reason.  He stood up and said goodbye to me but assured that we’ll see each other on the show and he left the flowers and the teddy bear.

Why has my life become so complicated?

***

I tweeted “Someone stopped by and gave me this. Save the bear from me before it’s too late!” with the picture of me and the gifts. Sigh. Fan service. I never wanted to make a twitter account but Oppa said it’s the trend nowadays. I came to enjoy it, though.

Instantly, a lot of replies. It was amusing to read them of course, this time they were all curious on who gave me the bear, some were because they knew my birthday was coming up. I smiled and read through the replies until it was time to go on air.

***

The show went by in a blur and the next thing I knew was that Jonghyun was calling me and I answered it.

“Tell me that did not just happen?” I heard his angry voice through the other side of the call.

“What?”

“That picture you just posted, what Jinwoon just said. Are you seriously letting him court you? And on air?”

“No! It was his birthday gift to me.”

“It doesn’t seem like a birthday gift to me.”

I was furious, who is he to decide whether or not I get a birthday gift from some other guy?

“Look, Jonghyun, the three of us are just friends. We’re all friends.”

And he hung up. I guess it was the right decision on his case or else we’d be screaming at each other and the people here in MBC would know that Jonghyun was furious at me and another article would pop out.

Inside the van, the three of us were silent. Hana was busy with her phone so I decided to check my twitter. I was shocked to see negative comments from fans.

Pedo.

You’re his nuna!

Stay away from our Jinwoon, rookie!

Who do you think you are?

“Unnie?” I heard Hana and saw her looking at me, “are you okay?” She took my phone and saw the comments and gave a little squeak. Oppa seemed to know what was happening since he said, “Jinwoon made another wrong move. I won’t let them hurt you, Yuki.”

***

Despite the fact that IAMs hated me, our album sales practically skyrocketed. Funny how ironic that is. Miyo was typing random stuff in her laptop when she told me, “Check out what Jinwoon tweeted.”

2AMjinwoon: I realized the effect of my confession has made her sad that the fans have come to dislike her. Please, it is my fault for saying it, for telling the world. If IAMs really do love me, they must respect my decision. They must respect my heart. It is because I love you, my fans, that I have shared my feelings with you. Don’t make me regret trusting everyone with everything or else Jinwoon won’t be the same again.

“I wonder what this will do this time,” I heard Miyo mutter to herself. The negative comments didn’t disappear but they did lessen in number. To be honest, I do not like being hated, but I am not sad about it.

“It’s the risk of popularity,” is what oppa always told me.

I smiled, realizing that jealousy and hate was the thing that brought Jonghyun and me together when we were kids.

Oppa entered the room and told me he had a surprise for me, “You’re going to have a solo debut in Japan!”

My eyes opened wide. Japan? I always wanted to go there. But, could I, being in this situation that I am in? And a solo debut, that would mean leaving the others, wouldn’t it?

Miyo saw the look of hesitation in my face, “We talked about it, Yuki. The three of us decided that you could use some time in Japan… without getting to worry about three kids. We’ll be all right. When you get back, we’d have improved as musicians.”

I looked at Oppa and saw that there was something else, something more. When he smiled, I realized what it was, Mom and Dad were there. Dad always said he wanted to work again, but Korea has taken a toll on him so he considered Japan. So is it true? Dad got work in Japan? Perhaps in his friends’ company…

A silent conversation passed between my brother and I. He nodded and said just one word, and I understood, “Warner Music.”

“When?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“Uh, how’s my hate rate in Japan?”

“Well, they don’t seem to think Jinwoon has a chance with you.”

That meant good right? I knew I only had a split second to decide so I said, “I’m going.” DNA had just had its goodbye stage anyway so what was there to lose?

I needed a break from this life I came to know. Maybe in Japan, I could start over. 

Wazzup? Hah. I dunno what to think of this chapter, it just kind of popped into my head. Originally it would start some other way, I guess, since I wrote one during one of the breaks in school but the app I used suddenly closed and didn't make a backup file or what I wrote. Sad, I know...

Yuki's going to Japan! I always wanted to go there too *jealous*... Please look forward to her debut, and the appearance of Mr. and Mrs. Kim! 

Also, I'm not implying that ALL fans are like that... I'm an IAM myself and I support the decisions of the boys especially when it came to love life (Adam Couple OTP!!!)... but we know that there will always be people like that in this world^^

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Love,

Kei