Not my usual fluff, but some angst but with a good ending for all you weak hearted people like me. :) I'm getting better at updating on time ^^ Enjoy and please comment!~

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mark POV

Mark woke up again to an empty left side of the bed.

It had already been 4 months 13 days and Mark still wasn’t used to it. He still woke up expecting Jinyoung’s peaceful face to be what he saw next to him. He still felt the pang of pain realizing he wasn’t there and then the loneliness set in all over again.

Mark rolled over and put his face in his pillow half suffocating himself. He already felt like he was always suffocating without Jinyoung and he often felt like he didn’t want to breathe. He felt like a dead person walking without his Jinyoung next to him. Without his Jinyoung eating with him. Without his Jinyoung waiting for him to come home from work. Without his Jinyoung’s kisses and skinship. He missed all and too much.

He knew he should try and move on but Jinyoung had been his first love and we all know how hard it is to forget those. Especially if you ended up dating that first love for over 8 years.

Mark closed his eyes and as always the day Jinyoung left replayed in his mind.

Mark had been coming home later and later due to being caught up at work and hasn’t been spending enough time with his boyfriend at all. He felt regret but by the time he came home he was just tired and wanted to sleep. He guessed it took a toll on Jinyoung and soon he came home to find Jinyoung and their next door neighbour Jaebum kissing on their couch.

Mark was shocked and hurt and disappointed. But even after they broke apart after seeing him and Jaebum went back to his house across the street. Mark wasn’t upset. He just wanted to hear the reason behind it because he knew he should have paid more attention to Jinyoung but he knew that the younger still loved him.

He let the younger explain that since he wasn’t home and he felt lonely he started to confide in their neighbor and things just happened. When he asked if he loved him Jinyoung said he didn’t know. But when he asked if he still loved him he said of course and that was all Mark needed and hugged him back.

He thought he was being an understanding boyfriend but Jinyoung must have thought differently because he got upset that Mark accepted him cheating so easily. He thought that he didn’t love him enough to get upset but Mark argued that he loved him enough to forgive and forget.

Looking back now it was a really dumb argument that had no real purpose.

They both thought then that maybe they weren’t right for each other. They spent weeks arguing. Jinyoung even started sleeping the guest room rather than with Mark and Mark was adamant about not apologizing and that is what left him to realize that Jinyoung left him.

Jinyoung left Seoul early on a Friday to see family without tell him first. Well at least that’s what his note said. He said he needed to feel sun on his face and be near the ocean so that he could talk things out with himself and get himself straight. He also said to never call. But when Mark looked through the house he noticed that everything that belonged to Jinyoung was gone. Ever reminder he had up in the house that they were a couple was taken down. Mark cried.

Mark being the nice person he was and still very in love with Jinyoung gave him the space he needed. All he did was contact Jinyoung’s parents to check that he had arrived in Jinhae safely but he had cut all contact with Jinyoung as he had asked.

It hurt so much to live without him for that amount of time. Until, a month and 25 days passed he received a letter from Jinyoung asking to break up. He cried over that letter for days on end until he finally sent a letter back saying okay. If you love someone you need to let them go is what they all say.

But goodness graciousness Mark never knew that letting go was that hard or that painful. He often wished he was cold as stone. If he was then he wouldn’t feel a thing about the breakup. If his heart was cold as stone he could forget the love of his life and his absence. If he was cold as stone he wouldn’t feel the sting of the rain as it rained upon his skin drenching him as he stood outside the house waiting for Jinyoung to come back one day. If he was cold as stone, he could stand strong and bear having Jinyoung walk away. Nothing would hurt like this and he wouldn’t feel so all alone. He always wished he was cold as stone even till this day as the pain from that morning he woke never faded. He always had and he think he will forever love Jinyoung.

Jinyoung POV

He was angry with Mark.

How could he love him and always leave him alone? Even when he was lonely and he started being a bit closer with Jaebum he still felt like he was betraying Mark. So why didn’t he get upset? I knew I would if I came home to Mark cheating. He must not love me as much anymore. He was so jealous and possessive when we started dating and then it started feeling more like co-existing than loving each other. Yet why was I the only one who felt that way?

The night I was fed up with everything, while Mark was at work I called my parents to alert them of me coming to visit. Not quite mentioning the staying. Or the reason why. But during the day I had started to pack all my suitcases. Mark came home at 9pm as usual and instead of not greeting him like I usually do, I crushed a sleeping pill into a glass of water and gave it to Mark.

Mark smiled thinking that they were finally getting back together and tried to kiss him after taking the water and drinking it but Jinyoung avoided it.

It hurt.

It hurt to hate Mark because he just couldn’t stop loving him. In truth he hated himself. He hated himself for cheating and wanted to be scolded and yelled at for it. Not being accepted.

It made him feel like the worse person and dealing with the same situation every night suffocated him so he decided he needed some fresh air.

When Mark passed out, he went to the room and finished packing everything he needed and then took all his luggage to his car and piled it in there. He then wrote a small note to Mark and then left. He drove and drove until the house they lived in was just a speck in his rearview mirror.

God knows he almost turned around on the way to Jinhae many many times as he drove there but he pulled over on the side of the road on the way at least as many times because his tears kept blurring the stop lights as all their good memories resurfaced.

Why was he even leaving? he questioned himself

When he finally reached home and his parents saw all he brought with him and they didn’t question him because it was the first time he was home and ran away from his relationship and they gave him the space and time he wanted. Well what he thought he wanted. As time passed, he thought by now he would be fine but all the memories blinded him alongside the loneliness and emptiness he felt. All he could do was think back to the time when Mark was his.

After missing Mark and being tempted to go back home. He went through another phase of why didn’t Mark come after him? After he left for all this time. Then after that phase he realized how much of a jerk he was for leaving the person who loved him the most and betraying his trust. He realized just how selfish he was. Mark was just a pure angel that loved him and he hurt him.

It was then Jinyoung sent the letter to Mark asking for the breakup.

It hurt while he wrote it but he didn’t cry. His tears seemed to have dried out when he cried himself to sleep and during the day. He lost weight and looked terrible but it was his way of punishing himself for what he did to Mark. He deserved some sort of punishment for hurting the one and only love of his life. The one who pieced him back together after his break up with his first love. Mark was the one who saved him and brought back hope in love to him and this is all he could do for him.

He was scared that Mark would accept the letter and also break up with him but also scared that he wouldn’t accept it and come charging to Jinhae asking for an explanation.

Sadly for him, he got a letter two weeks later with just one word on there.

Okay.

That was all.

That was all it took for Mark to break up with him and Jinyoung broke that day.

He lost himself as he lost the most major part of himself and his life. And he had caused all of it.

Jinyoung wished he was cold as stone. He could stand on his own, by himself, letting his memory fade if he was. He could not feel the pain that tore at his heart every day and took away his appetite. He could forget the regret he felt every passing moment of every day. He could not cuddle his phone and keep it on him at all times being tempted to speed dial his ex-boyfriend or waiting for a call from him that never came. If he was cold as stone, he wouldn’t feel all this pain. But feeling this pain he guesses is what he wanted in punishment for what he did to Mark.

Jinyoung knew it was going to take forever to get over him and that the pain is never going to go away. He knew as he stood and let the stinging rain pellet his skin, he should be cold as stone so that he could not also get cold and stop the pain and stop feeling so alone.

Mark POV

Jinyoung left him. Jinyoung left him and he couldn’t do anything. His love of this life left him and yet he was there standing staring blankly into the distance on their balcony like a fool. He has had endless nightmares of Jinyoung leaving and him watching him getting further and further away. Until he becomes a small dot and disappears. No matter how he ran after him and reached out for him he was never able to stop the boy from leaving him.

Will this go away after time passes? He asked himself but he knew it was impossible. He took out his phone and stared at his background of the first date they ever had when they were in their senior year of high school together.

He could only remember the old times. He could only remember Jinyoung.

He kept thinking that if it’s not too late, can’t they get back together? But he didn’t know if Jinyoung would want that. He didn’t know if the boy was struggling like he was. All he wanted to do was make things a little easier. He just kept thinking he should have treated Jinyoung better while he had him and it was all his fault that the younger left.

Jinyoung POV

Jinyoung had started writing letters to send to Mark but never could. It always started the same.

How are you? Are you really fine? I guess our break up is setting in and I should forget you, but it’s not easy. I can't. I still love you and forever will.

He tore it up each time and never sent it. He didn’t deserve Mark. He didn’t want to cause him anymore pain if Mark had already moved on and bringing up the old memories would make him sad.

He had nightmares as well every night. He regretted so much driving away from the place and person he called home. He kept remembering the house in the rearview mirror becoming so small till it was a dot and disappeared.

He sighed.

Will this go away after time passes? He questioned himself. Most people do get over breakups. But he just couldn’t fathom the idea. All he did was remember the old times. All he did was remember Mark Yien Tuan. His angel.

He always questioned if it wasn’t too late, could they get back together? If Mark was suffering like he was couldn’t they make it easier on themselves and get back together? But it all dialed down to Jinyoung losing his hope and just knowing he should have cherished Mark the way he deserved.

Jinyoung glanced out the window where it was raining again. He immediately went outside to get soaked by the rain. It was on days like this, where thin rain falls like today, he remembers Mark’s shadow as he always sacrificed himself to get drenched in the rain and protect Jinyoung.

At night after his parents force him back in the house, he takes out the pictures he took out of the house and hid in his drawers and reminisce again, by himself.

Why didn’t I know about the weight and sadness that comes with breaking up? Jinyoung asked himself as he falls asleep crying again.

5 months passed like this for Jinyoung until his parents couldn’t take it anymore. They saw their son getting thinner and thinner and slowly killing himself over his bad decision.

It was one night while Jinyoung was crying hugging the picture of Mark and him on their first date that his mom walked into his room and sat on his bed.

He paid her no mind and didn’t look up at her.

“Jinyoung-ah, I think it’s time you go back to him sweetie.”

“I can’t mom. What if he already moved on? What if he won’t accept me back?” Jinyoung muttered the words he told himself like mantra to his mom who sighed at the state her son was in and decided to confess in the secret.

“Jinyoung, I know for sure he still loves you and misses you. You know why?” His mom asked rhetorically asked she reached over and wiped his overgrown hair out of his face.

“He calls every week to check on you and how you are doing. Jaebum has even called us to tell us how bad of a shape Mark is in and wanted to apologize to you but we thought it was best not to tell you.” His mom confided.

Jinyoung slowly pulled himself out of his pity party. “Do you think he would really take me back mom? After all I did?”

“Of course sweetie. If you and I both think about it. He is probably just at home waiting for you to return. He's a patient and accepting person like that.”

Jinyoung stayed silent and stayed still. His mom realizing he was done responding, got up and kissed her son’s forehead.

“When it comes to love, it’s never too late.” She said comfortingly then left Jinyoung alone.

It took 3 more weeks for Jinyoung to gather himself together and motivate himself to go back to Mark. He packed all the things he took and packed it back in his car.

He kissed and hugged his parents and thanked them for putting up with him and giving him the advice to go back.

They both waved to him and he saw them disappearing into a small dot till they were no longer visible.

On this trip back, he took no stops but drove back to his home. To his ex-lover that hopefully still loved him as much as he did.

Mark POV

He had finally learned how to start living without Jinyoung after the 5 months and 24 days without him. He went back to work after 3 months of absence. He shaved and got up on time and came home earlier now that he knew that was a part of why his relationship failed. He learned how to cook breakfast and dinner. He learned how to tend to the garden they had in their front yard. He also occasionally cleaned the house.

He was starting to do better but he couldn’t forget Jinyoung. His love for him never died even if they were not together. And every day after coming home from work he would bring out a book out of Jinyoung’s collection (the only thing he left behind) and read on the balcony keeping his eye out for just in case Jinyoung decided to return to him. To fill the gap he had in his life.

It only took 5 months and 24 days of waiting for him to look up from his book and see an overly familiar car pulling into their driveway. Mark dropped the book and stood up on the balcony holding on to the rails till his wrists turned white.

It just couldn’t be.

He waited as the driver slowly got out of the car.

And it was him. His dark ravenette hair was longer and clouded more of his handsome pale skin that seemed more drawn over his face but it was still him.

Jinyoung actually came home to him.

Tears started falling from him like the rain he stood in many days just taking a beating from the sky. They wouldn’t end.

When Jinyoung looked up from where he stood to make eye contact with Mark he could also see tears flowing like a fountain out of the younger.

“Mark” he saw his name formed on the lips he loved the most. The smile that he loved the most accompanying it. He came back to him.

“Jinyoung….” He also mouthed and tried to smile at him but he kept wanting to just cry from joy.

After staring at each other for a while from the balcony Mark broke the staring and crying contest they had and turned away to wipe the tears from his eyes then almost practically threw himself down the steps and to the door to where Jinyoung was.

He threw the door open but just stared at the boy in front of him and froze. The same boy he loved seemed so much thinner. So much more broken than the lively Jinyoung he knew.

Jinyoung slowly walked up to meet him and Mark was still frozen in his spot.

Was this really happening?

Was this not just another cruel dream that built his hopes that his lover would return to him?

Was it not just him hallucinating Jinyoung from how much he missed him?

Jinyoung finally got close to Mark so much so they were standing a foot from each other.

“Hi…” Jinyoung said weakly with a weak smile and seeing the younger broke Mark and he rushed forward and hugged him tightly.

He breathed in the oh so familiar scent and felt the warmth of his skin against his and they both clutched to each other as if their lives depended on it.

They stayed for a bit in each other’s arms till Mark pulled away and caressed Jinyoung’s cheek.

The other leaned into his caress with a smile on his face like how he used to with his eyes closed and that was all it took for Mark to lean it and close the small gap between them.

It was so unreal how just a simple kiss from Jinyoung could help him heal himself when he thought he was torn apart forever. When he thought everything was done and he couldn’t deal with living anymore. The small kiss saved him. And it also did the same for Jinyoung.

It restored all their hopes in love. It filled in the hole in their heart that was made when they separated. It connected their souls to their bodies after feeling like they had none. The simple kiss reconnected them and reassured them that in their time apart, no feelings changed. They loved each other and this simple kiss was all they needed to forgive each other and themselves.

Jinyoung was the first to pull away from the kiss and fully genuinely smiled at Mark.

“Want to reset?” he asked and Mark could only nod and kiss him again still not believing he was there.

That he had his Park Jinyoung back.

That they could back to the way they were but better now that they had both learned things about themselves to better the relationship.

Reset was what it was. They reset to the time before the argument. Before they ever felt the pain of not having each other. Reset to the time they were happy but with the experience of being apart. Now that they knew how they couldn’t survive without each other and how much they depended on each other, they could reset their mindsets on the relationship to keep it stable and make it last forever.