Cockroach Leo's Special Chapter

 

Leo turned away from Hakyeon with a heavy heart. It was all his fault, he knew. It was not Hakyeon, it was Leo who wanted to break free. But Leo was doing all these for Hakyeon’s sake. He might be a cockroach but he knew that he practically ruined Hakyeon after faking his own death—yes, he never died. The one who died was just an innocent cockroach passing by.

It had been months but Leo could recall the scene as if it were just yesterday.

It was when Hakyeon was having an argument with his manager. It was not something new, even a cockroach like Leo knew. It happened almost every day without a fail and in the end, the manager would always lose. Who would win a stupid argument with Hakyeon anyway? Anyone who would dare would just end up shaking their heads in annoyance and sigh in defeat. The cockroach was no genius but he knew that much.

Come to think of it, he could use the opportunity to escape. He did manage to escape several times but failed. He actually already just accepted the fact that he would grow old with Hakyeon but he still could not just give in to the cruel reality. He thought of just crawling away from the scene but Hakyeon could trace his smell. Leo let out a sigh of frustration. He just had to accept the reality. But a miracle came to him. Like magic, a cockroach walked in the scene and in a split second, Leo witnessed a tragic murder. The manager of Hakyeon stepped on the innocent cockroach.

Leo was surprised, seeing how the poor cockroach died. He became a murder witness in a split second. He planned on going over there to see if the cockroach could be revived. He took three small steps, not really wanting to see the broken body of the dead cockroach.

“Leo!” Hakyeon cried, hugging the body of the cockroach. This made Leo pause. He was confused because Hakyeon was crying when he, the real Leo, was still alive and crawling.

Leo wanted to clear the misunderstanding. He did not know how since he could not talk but it was the right thing to do, right? He walked closer to Hakyeon, ready to reveal himself when an idea entered his mind—a spectacular one. It was his chance to leave. If he were not to walk away that moment, there would be a bigger chance for his escape. He thought about it and staying did sound risky. If he were to reveal himself, for sure, Hakyeon would be much more protective of him. Leo did not want that. He was just a cockroach who wanted to be free, who wanted to live his cockroach’s life.

He was thankful towards Hakyeon, sure. But at the same time, Leo was also apologetic. He turned away from Hakyeon. He took a deep breath and mustered all of his courage. Without looking back, he ran away—far, far away, towards the place where Hakyeon was nowhere to be found.

He might come back someday, he pondered. He might regret his decision and come back. He wondered if Hakyeon would be ready to welcome him then, if Hakyeon would embrace him like before. Even with those thoughts, even with so much hesitation, Leo did not stop running.  He did not look back and just fled. He was a cockroach, sure, but he was a cockroach who was stuck with Hakyeon for all his life. Would he even survive without Hakyeon? Without Hakyeon’s expensive roof above his head? Without Hakyeon’s clean tiles below his feet? Leo was not sure but he still wanted to be free—to find his real cockroach self.

For days (just hours, actually, Leo was being a drama queen), the cockroach wandered around the city. He tried looking for his real self and his real family. He go to know how cruel people actually were. Some even tried to kill him using those insecticides. And so, Leo ran to far, far away. He did not have a destination in mind yet he did not stop. He did not want to be one of those cockroaches who faced death without knowing their real purpose. He wanted to be like his friend, Ravi, that lizard experienced a lot of things and was contented with his life.

“Oh! A charismatic cockroach!” A guy with huge nose exclaimed but Leo ignored him, not wanting to be associated to weird people.

Leo kept on running until he reached a certain pet cemetery. He did not know why he went to that place—he was just a cockroach after all. That was when he saw Hakyeon, crying in front of a grave. “Leo…” Hakyeon cried as he stared at the grave in front of him. “Why did you leave me? I can change if you want to. I can be a better person. I can treat you better. Just… tell me why you left me…” He sobbed even harder.

Leo’s heart dropped upon seeing the sight. It would not take a human to figure out that Hakyeon was crying over the cockroach. Leo could not help but to feel guilty. He ruined Hakyeon. He did not like that fact. He wanted to cry but he was not going to. He had to find his future, his real cockroach self, his destiny, if he cried, he might not be able to find those anymore. So, he turned away. He turned away because he knew that if he stayed even longer, he would not have the will to leave Hakyeon behind anymore. It would be the last time, he promised, the last time that he would inflict such a pain on Hakyeon.

Few days of crying, few days of being depressed, Leo did not feel too well especially when he learned that Hakyeon was taken to the mental hospital. It was probably becaause of him (or Hakyeon was just really insane, Leo did see that coming). He was so close to running towards the mental hospital but stopped himself. He did not want to be involved with Hakyeon anyway. Those years of having each other was enough—not that Leo appreciated it that much though.

To be honest, Leo thought that he was going to be depressed for his whole life. He thought that he would live in guilt because of what had happened to Hakyeon. He thought that his life would be meaningless and that he would be a cockroach who would die alone. But all that changed when he turned his head and his eyes landed on the most beautiful cockroach he had ever seen, Yeonie.

And the rest was history.

The reason why Leo came to visit Hakyeon was to inform the human that he was alive. Leo did not want Hakyeon to live miserably forever while he was already living a happy cockroach life. Hakyeon deserved all the happiness in the world, Leo believed that so he wanted to let Hakyeon know that he’s alive and crawling. At the same time, he wanted to let Hakyeon go.

Leo also wanted to patch up their wounds. The scar was still fresh, it was big and ugly. It was painful. But the cockroach realized something upon seeing Hakyeon. The scar was no longer that painful, it was not as fresh as he thought it was. He thought that the bitter feeling would not heal—he stood corrected. The pain was still there but it was not the usual pain that one experienced. It was something called longing.

Leo must have longed for Hakyeon all those times even when he did not want to admit it, even when he tried to deny it, he must have been too used to Hakyeon’s presence. Still, Leo did not regret anything. This must be their destiny. They must be meant to go on their separate ways and lives.

Even though their farewell seemed sad, deep down in Leo’s small cockroach heart, he knew that they were both going to be so happy. Endings did not have to be so sad and Leo would not want to shed those typical tears. He was just happy that he met Hakyeon.

“Please be happy even without me.” Leo stopped his tracks upon hearing those words.

Please be happier. He wanted to tell Hakyeon that but he couldn’t. He’s a cockroach, even if he tried to open his mouth, no sounds would come out. Hakyeon, be happy, happier than me.

Then, he proceeded to crawl away. He was not sad. He was glad. He was not going to cry because it’s over, he’s going to smile because it happened—but then, he’s a cockroach so how could he? Their story had ended. It was the end but he was pretty sure that there would always be a new beginning.

Author's Note: (A few more chapters left...)

...I'm also so done with myself OTL...

Sadly, there'd be only few more chapters left... I'm going to miss this story after I finish this...

Special thanks to all those who commented. And to those who upvoted, marlia91, LeeJi98, Karenkitty1092, Taotic, Sweatervest_Suho, hongbeann, love_kris, Hala-bear, Zhuchu, Lola20, pink_baekbaek, vixxcha, Uvichan1, nam-seok, and bcpfgrg thank you so much! It means a lot to me.