The trip took around two hours and Moonbyul groaned inwardly at that long journey. It felt as though she is going back to the mountain, except this time round, she’s going towards in another direction.

That long smooth journey lulled everyone to sleep after everyone’s curiosity were satisfied by Moonbyul, whom gave as much information as she could to them with a small smile.

She was worn-out. Too worn – out in fact but she could not sleep. Not when the face that had haunts her every night for the past two years is just right in front of her view, at the next aisle, three rows in front. She watched as the sky starts to turn dark, as if reminding her winter is coming soon. Feeling a little uncomfortable and frustrated at her current seat and situation, Moonbyul heaved a sigh before standing up and walking straight to the first row.

She took a seat and stretched her legs, staring at the road ahead. Honestly, everything is too overwhelming and she kind of regretted agreeing to Hye Jin so readily.

Two years away from friends and family, two years away from socializing and two years away from any emotions.

Moonbyul realized that she is not ready at all.

Much more, to see Solar once again.

The one that was once her everything.

The bus pulled up to a stop and everyone stirred awake. Slowly, everybody alighted the bus with their own bags.

“Let me help you”

Moonbyul heard a deep voice as she held up her luggage. She looked up and saw Solar smiling at the guy who was helping her with her bag now.

“It’s alright Yoon Ha, I can carry it by myself.”

Solar replied and try to get her bag back but Yoon Ha merely just smiled and walked away with her bag.

Silently, Moonbyul trailed behind them to get down the bus. She was a step behind Solar when the older girl slipped on the steps.

Without hesitation, Moonbyul hurriedly grabbed her arm and pulled her up.

“Are you alright?”

Moonbyul asked as Solar steadied herself.

“Y – yeah. Thanks.”

Solar muttered.

“Solar? You alright? Let me help you down.”

Yoon Ha said and held onto Solar’s hand before giving Moonbyul a look.

“It’s o - ”

Before Solar could reply, she felt Moonbyul’s hand retreating from her arms and she couldn’t deny that she felt a pang of disappointment.

Yoon Ha tugged on her hands and she went down the stairs, followed by Moonbyul.

“Let’s go!”

Yoon Ha gave her another smile and Solar nodded her head.

“You’re kidding me.”

She heard Moonbyul muttered and turned around. The younger girl was staring at the place they were at now.

A Hanok village.

“Byulie Unnie! Hurry come and help us with dinner! It’s going to be night time soon.”

Whee In called out as she skipped towards her and signaled Solar and Yoon Ha to join the rest at their Hanok.

“Hye Jin said I don’t have to move a single muscle.”

Moonbyul retorted as she was dragged away by Whee In, whom just laughed.

“But we’re having a barbeque! You’re the only one who could set up the fire quickly, I’m hungry so you’ve to do it. You wouldn’t want to starve your beloved puppy right?”

“I’m going home.”

“You’re not!”

“Damn, you guys are cheaters!”

Moonbyul whined and Solar couldn’t help but smiled at the scene.

How she missed these banters. Life has been quiet ever since that day and she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

But life has never been fair.

Sometimes, things ought to be done.

Sometimes, things that were done could not be undone.

--

With Moonbyul’s help to start the fire, the dinner started quickly and everybody was chowing down on the meats and vegetables. The dinner was lively and Moonbyul was glad. It’s been a long time since she had such a lively dinner with laughter, jokes and chattering.

Up in the mountains, dinner wasn’t quiet, but it wasn't that lively either. Sometimes, they could not even finish their meals peacefully as they would be called out for emergency.

But the gladness didn’t last long, not with alcohol in her systems and fatigues overcoming her. The cool wind was blowing and Moonbyul couldn’t help but felt that it was too much for her to take.

She excused herself and went for a wash up, changing into her sweatpants and a hoodie before diving into the futon that was set up inside the room. She was beyond tired and the silence inside the room provided her some comfort.

Yeah, silence.

That was what she became accustomed with over the past two years. Her best partner was silence.

The last thing Moonbyul remembered was the white walls and wooden doors before she fell asleep.

The last thing that she wished was for the monsters to stop haunting her.

The last thing she felt was warmth over her body.

Solar sat quietly beside the sleeping Moonbyul after pulling the blanket over her. She had excuse herself to the room when she felt the slight alcohol taking over her system. Before she embarrassed herself out there, she chose to turn in first. There were boos and jeers but she rather survived this than to embarrass her own when she’s drunk. It couldn’t help when Yoon Ha doesn’t drink either and she doesn’t want the guy to force himself to drink just for her sake.

She doesn’t need that. They are not to that extend where Solar would want him to drink on her behalf.

Not when the person that has being doing it for her is anywhere to be seen after downing five bottles of beer.

Therefore, when she came into the room and saw Moonbyul sleeping soundly on her stomach, blankets not even unfolded, Solar couldn’t help but to cover her up.

How tired is she?

Just how bad is she now?

The frown on her face when she’s sleeping makes Solar’s heart hurt badly.

Gently, Solar lay down beside Moonbyul and stared at the sleeping face she had missed so badly.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“Because I just want to?”

“Even when I’m sleeping?”

“You’re not even sleeping.”

“That’s because your stares woke me up.”

“As if my stares are so powerful.”

Moonbyul chuckled, her nose wrinkled and she opened her eyes to a smiling Solar, dimples showing on both sides of her chin.

“Your love is powerful.”

“Gosh! Stop being so greasy!”

“You love it.”

Moonbyul retorted and hugged Solar tightly who merely pushed her off and bit her jaws.

“Ow!”

Moonbyul grimaced but a smile appeared soon when she felt lips on her own.

“Stop getting injuries. I can’t even kiss you properly now.”

Solar whispered as she kissed the bruised lips gently.

“Okay.”

Moonbyul whispered back before kissing Solar back fully, not caring if the wounds would bleed again.

Solar woke up with a start and noticed that she had fallen asleep. Not only her, but everybody too. They were all asleep around her, snoring and sleeping talking could be heard. She sat up slowly and remembered she had fallen asleep while looking at two tiny scars  that were on Moonbyul’s face, which she probably had gotten it within the two years in the mountain.

How embarrassing, it’s lucky that she wasn’t facing Moonbyul when she fell asleep as she woke up to Hye Jin’s face. But that’s also when she realized Moonbyul isn’t in the room anymore.

Checking her phone, she realized that it’s only 4am in the morning. Where could the girl be? Getting up quietly, she stepped past everybody and opened the wooden door slowly before stepping outside.

It was chilly, and her sweatshirt with hoodie doesn’t keep the cold away. Rubbing her arms to get some warmth, Solar walked to the side and found Moonbyul sitting on the platform outside the room door, leaning against a pillar. She hesitated for a while but she knew she couldn’t sleep even if she went back anyway.

“Hey…”

Solar whispered as she approached Moonbyul. The younger girl jumped and turned to look at her.

 “Hey.”

Moonbyul greeted back softly and gave the older girl a small smile.

“What are you doing up so early?”

Solar asked as she took a seat beside Moonbyul, a small space in between them.

“I usually get up at this time.”

Moonbyul replied softly while staring at the dark sky.

“Ah… in the mountain?”

“Yeah.”

Silence engulfed them once again and Solar hated that. Silence used to be so peaceful between them and they both loved it but now, the awkwardness was so huge between them.

Yes, they’ve broken up. But Solar doesn’t wish for them to be strangers. Five years ago, she had work so hard to enter Moonbyul’s life, and although she’s the one who broke things up between them, she never ever wanted them to go back being strangers.

“How’s life?”

Moonbyul’s voice broke her trance and she turned around to Moonbyul’s side profile.

“Good? Life’s busy as usual.”

Solar replied, looking down at her own legs that were folded. Life’s being busy as usual, but not that really good for her.

“Heard from Whee In you’ve been promoted to the section leader. Congrats.”

“Thanks… how about you? How’s life in mountain?”

“Just.”

Moonbyul gave a shrugged and Solar understood. Whenever Moonbyul doesn’t want to say anything much, she would just replied a single word.

“How’s… Sooyeon?”

Solar asked as she clenched her fists tightly. It’s a forbidden name between them. It’s a name that intruded their lives and tore them apart. It’s a name that left bitterness in Solar’s mouth.

But now they are no longer together, Solar felt the need to ask.

Be it out of a concern as a friend, or something more.

Solar doesn’t want to know. She would rather it be the former.

“She’s doing fine, adjusting well in the mountains. Yeo Reum is three now, studying at a preschool that is half an hour down the mountains.”

There’s still bitterness in her heart when she heard how Moonbyul spoke about Sooyeon and she couldn’t help but hated herself for it.

“And when is she coming back?”

Solar asked quietly.

“Why would she?”

“What do you mean why would she? You’re back in the city, shouldn’t she follow you back?”

Solar asked, eyes wide as she looked at Moonbyul’s raised eyebrow.

“Why would she follow me back in the city where the nightmares will haunt her?”

“So you mean she’s fine with you staying in the city?”

“Yeah?”

“Won’t that be hard for the three of you? Long distance relationship is hard.”

Moonbyul let out a soft chuckle when she heard what Solar said.

“We’re not.”

“What?”

“We’re not. Whatever you think we are, we’re not. Not previously, not now, not in the future.”

Moonbyul replied as she stared into Solar’s eyes.

“But why?”

Moonbyul stared at Solar for a long time before reaching out to hook a strand of hair behind Solar's ears gently.

“Why would she want to be with the murderer of her lover?”

Moonbyul asked quietly, her thumbs brushing over Solar’s pink chubby cheeks gently, eyes trailing her own finger before looking back into Solar’s eyes.

“Byul… you know that it’s not your fault.”

Solar started but Moonbyul merely shook her head and retracted her fingers.

It’s not her fault, yeah she knew. But if she hadn’t send Yul up to the fifth level of the factory during a fire breakout accident to save a trapped victim, Yul wouldn’t be hit by a fallen ceiling. If only she was the one who went up. If only she didn’t listen to her to save the victim first. If only she brought another paramedic up with her.

Then she wouldn’t watch Yul died in her arms due to over intake of toxic gases from the fire.

Yul was her best buddy and teammate. They were the invincible duo since training days. But to lost someone so important within the first month as a team leader was too much for Moonbyul to take. Not when she knew her friend has just started a family of her own.

She lost a part of herself the day when Yul passed away. She lost another part of her when Sooyeon, the wife of Yul and her once crush, blamed her for the death.

She lost everything when Solar couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with her because her attention was all on the pregnant Sooyeon.

It was a promise to Yul. She couldn’t keep Yul alive, but the least she could do was to keep the promise alive.

However, she didn’t know that by keeping this promise alive, she had indirectly let her own love die off slowly.

“Byul…”

She heard Solar’s voice and inhaled deeply, ignoring the tears that were spilling from her eyes. It’s all too much. Maybe coming back down to the city is a mistake. She should’ve just stay up in the mountain.

“Byul ah… you’re not a murderer.”

Solar said but nothing came up anymore when she heard Moonbyul’s reply.

“But I am the murderer of our love, aren’t I?”

Moonbyul said bitterly and shook her head.

With a deep breath, she stood up and took her jacket off before covering Solar’s body with it.

“It’s still early, go back and sleep before you catch a cold.”

Moonbyul’s face is void of emotions like nothing had happened just now and it scares Solar badly. She couldn’t understand why is Moonbyul doing this to her own self.

Moonbyul met Solar’s eyes and her expressions softened, knowing that she probably scared the older girl with a sudden void of emotions.

“Just, go and sleep.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll just take a walk.”

Solar held onto Moonbyul’s hand just as the younger girl was about to walk away.

“Why… why are you like this? Why are you making yourself so difficult to read?”

Moonbyul merely gave a small smile as she squeezed Solar’s hand before walking away.

“I’ve never been easy to love, haven't I?”

That was the last thing Solar heard as she watched Moonbyul walked out of their Hanok.

And Solar couldn’t be bothered to wipe away the tears that were falling down uncontrollably from her eyes.

“You’ve never been easy to love, but I still love you anyway…”

She let her whisper lingered in the air.