Bobby doesn't text him, come to his house or talk to him at all throughout the weekend.

Hanbin's curious if it's because of the girl or if Bobby's just reconnected with Jinhwan. He's starting to forget the burn of his fingers on his thighs and it makes him anxious. 

His mother seems pleased though. Jeongyeon comes over and they study, Hanbin forcing a smile on his face and acting like he's okay when it couldn't be closer to the truth.

*

Monday seems gloomier than usual and Hanbin convices himself it's not because of Bobby ignoring him when he enters through the school gates. Not at all.

He spends math worrying about what he did wrong. He talked to that blonde girl yeah, but nothing happened? And Donghyuk's as innocent as can be.

They walked home on Friday, Hanbin complimenting his singing skills and that was it. Donghyuk patting his back in solidarity and both of them going their own way, cheeks flushed by the alcohol. 

*

"You look like today, everything good?"

Junhoe's eating like a pig and Hanbin wonders why he can't seem to put anything in his mouth without it making his stomach churn uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I'm fine just a little hungover from Friday probably."

Yunhyeong chews loudly on his meat, wiping his greasy hands in his jeans. Hanbin holds in an eye roll.

"That was two days ago, you can't be drunk anymore." 

Hanbin squirms in his seat when Bobby approaches, he's kind of alarmed how well he can tell it's him just by the sound of his breathing and the way he walks. 

"Yeah but I'm not used to it."

Junhoe makes an understanding noise as Yunhyeong finishes his last piece of meat, burping loudly and making Junhoe smack him in the back for it.

Bobby sits away from him, letting Jinhwan take the spot in the middle. He looks at the latter questioningly but Jinhwan doesn't seem to know what's bugging Bobby either.

Hanbin's stomach drops when Donghyuk runs towards their table and sits next to him, arm dropping around his waist and talking excitedly about an offer to join the drama club.

He's happy for Donghyuk, he really is but the way Bobby shuts off right afterwards is horrible. It makes him joyous that he's suffering too for once but just for a second. 

"I'm gonna go, gotta big test."

It's all he says when he jumps up about a minute later, grabbing his bag and walking off leaving everyone perplexed about what just happened. 

*

Tuesday goes the same way and so does Wednesday. Almost. 

No texts, no visits no nothing. Only cold stares at the school gates and towards Donghyuk.

Hanbin wants to confront him about it and finds PE to be the perfect time to do it. They're bound to work out together and Bobby's got to stop avoiding him sometime.

*

"Take the ball!"

It's slightly dribbling but Hanbin can hear loud thunder from a few miles away. 

The teacher looks up, concerned but doesn't end their class.

"Hello, Hanbin! The ball!"

Junhoe's yelling at him and Hanbin finally notices Bobby running towards him with great speed. Yunhyeong's near, ready to take over if Hanbin fails.

He tries to push the ball away from Bobby's feet but gets pushed to the mud instead. It takes him by total surprise.

"What's wrong with you?"

He wipes the wet grass and dirt off his pants, glaring at Bobby who just grunts an apology and runs forward, scoring.

Yunhyeong gives him an apologetic look and a shrug. Donghyuk's there soon, helping him pat off the dirt. 

Jinhwan keeps staring at a victorious Bobby in curiosity and then at Hanbin. He wishes he had answers for the both of them but sadly he doesn't.

*

They keep playing until there's rain so heavy, he can't even tell which way the schoolhouse is. 

The teacher ends their lesson with a loud whistle, screaming at them to go change. Donghyuk's got the same idea, grabbing his arm and telling him to run but Hanbin stays behind. 

He can tell Bobby's still drinking his water by the side of the field. He thanks himself for spending hours of his valuable time staring at him, the shape of his body familiar even in a literal torrent.

He jogs closer, rain patting down on him hard, making him wonder how come he can still hear his own heartbeat in his ears when he approaches. 

"We need to talk."

His voice cracks when he yells it. 

"There's nothing to talk about. Go inside you're gonna get a cold."

Bobby's demeanor has changed completely, arms crossed and eyes trying to make out the shape of their retrieving teammates, not sparing him a second glance.

Hanbin grabs his arm sharply, trying to make him move. Bobby stays put like a petulant child.

"Listen, you've been acting strange lately and I know something's up cause you haven't even texted me. At least tell me what's bothering you?"

The rain is making it hard for him to read his face and Hanbin hopes it stops soon. He needs all the information he can get.

"There's nothing to talk about. Go back to Donghyuk or something, I'm fine!"

Bobby sounds hurt and angry which is so unlike him. There's always a hint of sun behind those eyes but right now they remind him more of the cold cold rain. The space between their bodies is unfamiliar so Hanbin steps closer. Bobby steps back.

"Would you stop acting like a child? And what does Donghyuk have to do with any of this?"

Hanbin never wants to make him jealous again, Bobby stepping back every time he steps closer again. Hanbin reaches out to grab his shoulder but Bobby shrugs it off.

"I'm not acting like a child. I'm just- I- Go be with Donghyuk and let me be alone."

Hanbin groans, he doesn't even hear it himself over the loudness of the torrent. He takes a whiff and even though he shouldn't smell it, he still can. The musk on Bobby's skin mingling with sweat and his breath reminding him of bitter dark chocolate. 

"Why do you have a problem with him?  He's a nice guy. I like him."

Bobby snorts, hands in his own shirt. Hanbin grabs them but Bobby shakes him off again. 

"Yeah, that's obvious. You look at him like a lovesick puppy and it's disgusting."

Bobby's voice is filled with venom, his spit landing on his face like hot fire. 

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Bobby stands closer now, nostrils flaring and voice thick with misery.

"That I can see how much you ing love him and want to be around him more than me. So go, go be with him! It's not like I care!"

Hanbin is surprised by all of this, Bobby's saying much more than he ever thought he would and Hanbin wonders if he's finally realising why he hates Donghyuk in Hanbins' vicinity so much.

"Even If I am in love with him, what does it matter to you?"

He says it calmly, standing closer, their chests pressed together and heaving. There's silence for a while and Bobby seems to be searching for something in his eyes. Hanbin has no idea if he's found what he's looking for.

"Tell me!"

He lets his index finger jab into Bobby's chest,  palm slowly flattening  to feel the loud thumping of his heartbeat.

And then Bobby leans in fiercefully, the raindrops chasing each other on their almost joint skin.

His lips are chapped, tasting of salt. Hands finding themselves on his lower back, in the material when he doesn't respond.

Bobby's about to retrieve when Hanbin grabs his face in his hands, letting his tongue trace his teeth and thumbs trace the sharp line of his jaw.

Their teeth chatter from the cold and clash when the angle's wrong, making Hanbins' nose push uncomfortably into Bobby's cheek. It doesn't matter though, cause Bobby's tongue is hot and wild and whenever it touches his it makes him burn. 

His heads dizzy and he wonders if this is how it feels to be high. 

Bobby bites into his lower lip, a needy whine escaping from Hanbins' mouth. Their bodies are flush together, Hanbins' fingers scraping the sides of his neck, drying to dig into him like dirt.

Bobby's hands touch every inch of his skin like he's been deprived of it and Hanbin craves more. He wants to chase the taste of chocolate forever and the outlines of Bobby's shaky hands tattooed on his rib cage, where they belong.

Bobby lets go when there's a loud whistle, their foreheads touching and bodies shivering. Hanbin's never felt this intoxicated and when he looks up, he's pretty sure Bobby hasn't felt this way either.

The other seems to realise what they'd just done, his eyes widening in panic and arms letting go of Hanbins' nape. 

"Bobby-"

He steps backwards, shaking his head like he's just been told the worst news of his life. Hanbin has seen that look before, in his own eyes and it makes the taste of Bobby on his tongue turn bitter again. 

"Dont-"

Bobby shakes his head once more, feet moving faster and faster until he turns around and makes a run for it, invisible in almost seconds.

Hanbin stares at the ground, butterflies blooming in his stomach and chest constricting with the deep yet unsteady breaths he takes. He feels like the rain'll drown him so he chases it instead.

*

He runs towards the locker rooms, heart pounding in his chest. The feeling of Bobby's warm body next to him still making him dizzy and he swears the rains still pounding harshly onto his skin.

He sees Bobby enter the locker rooms just seconds before him and he scrambles to get there even faster.

He opens the doors, unaware of the dozen pairs of eyes on him and the silence that's suddenly in the room.

"Bobby wait, we need to-"

He hears someone clear their throat and Hanbin looks around. Guys in several states of undress but he doesn't care about it in the least.

"Where were you? We thought you guys died out there or something. Coach even came whistling and nothing!"

Junhoe looks concerned as hell and Hanbin has no answers to give him. There's a loud slam from the other end of the room and then Bobby's running past him, shaking off Hanbin's hand, unresponsive to Jinhwans' loud yelling. 

He's still heaving and he can tell how cold it is now, how much he's shaking and how his lips are probably turning lilac by now, the pink that Bobby left on his mouth mingling with arctic hues.

"Is everything alright?"

The coach pats him on the shoulder, voice concerned. Hanbin keeps staring at the floor and then he looks up at Jinhwan. He seems to be just as confused as the others and Hanbin realises he's never been in this situation before. It being nothing they can share. 

"I-I'm alright. I'll just go shower."

Junhoe keeps asking him questions but he ignores it, muttering a 'talk later' and making his way towards his usual stall. Donghyuk's staring at the ground when he passes him and Hanbin wants to tell him all about it but it's taking time to process, a lot of it. A fleeting but furious kiss taking over his mind like nothing has ever done before.

This time there's no one to clear their throat and ask his shampoo. Hanbin's not sure how he feels about it. 

*

He's about to go home, head dizzy and arms still shaking when a hand on his shoulder stops him.

He thinks of cold fingers and heartbeats in sync hope filling his chest up like flooding rain.

It's Jinhwan and Hanbin wants to keep his disappointment at bay.

"What happened?"

He looks a bit angry but most of all concerned. Hanbin shrugs his shoulders, mouth closed into a tight line. 

"Hanbin, you're not fooling me. Bobby just stormed off, he's not answering any of my calls or texts and you look like someone killed your family."

Hanbin wants to laugh at that but the sound's stuck in his throat.

"We had a big fight. I told him some bad stuff he told me some awful stuff and that's that."

Hanbin hopes he'll get a free pass for now. He just wants to go home before hits the fan. He knows what's probably going through Bobby's mind right now. 
He's scared, terrified and blaming Hanbin for all his feelings. Ready to punch the lights out of him and tell all of his new friends that he's a ''. Hanbin wishes he didn't know this by experience.

"Are you sure that's all?"

Jinhwan's hand is on his shoulder and he really looks worried. Hanbin wonders how come Bobby never kissed him and why all of a sudden he's the exception. 

"Yeah, I don't know why Bobby's this pissed off but honestly I'm done dealing with him."

Hanbin hopes that he sounds angry and upset. He's feeling all of that but mostly just sad. Ready to pack up his bags one more time to end up at a mental hospital or catholic school. He's heard her threats too many times not to remember them all.

"Okay. I hope you guys fix whatever's going on."

Hanbin nods, ready to make his exit. Jinhwan grabs his arm one last time and Hanbin thinks that when he turns around, he might see a bit of happiness in his eyes, joy over their 'breakup'. He's wrong and he knows it. Jinhwan would never feel happy about it. Even if he'd want to. 

It makes him feel even guiltier.

"And if you wanna talk you know where to find me."

He gives him one last smile and Hanbin forces one onto his face too, the last pieces of his energy going under it.

He makes it home, socks dry but eyes teary. He wonders if this is how it feels to get your heartbroken before it was even fixed.

*

Turns out he's just got a mad fever.

He doesn't go to school and he wouldn't even want to. He's turned off his phone, dreading the texts and calls from all his friends when Bobby spills. 

Avoiding the outside world goes fairly well when he's down with a bad cold. His mom doesn't suspect a thing and Hanbin is kind of thankful that his health is actually deteriorating and not just his mental state.

He spends the day in his bed, cuddling with Hanbyul when their mother doesn't see and singing her soft lullaby's with his sore throat. She asks him about Bobby and Hanbin really wishes she didn't. 

He wakes up in the middle of the night to feverish dreams, making him believe that rain's actually pounding down on him. His pillows smell faintly like musk.

He convinces himself it's just the fever, there's no way his stuffy nose could smell or taste anything for a long while. Yet he still smells it every time he wakes up from one of his dreams, heartbeat pounding like mad in his chest and hot breath ghosting on his lips. 

*

Friday goes the same. He wakes up at around 1 pm, finally turning on his phone to check the inevitable yet there's nothing.

Just worried voicemails and texts from Donghyuk and Junhoe. Even a cute selfie telling him to stay safe from Yunhyeong.

Jinhwan hasn't sent a thing and Hanbin wonders if Bobby told him. Or if he figured it out by himself. He's not sure if he wants to know. 

*

When he wakes up from another dream he feels the name spill from his lips without him wanting it to. 

"Who's Mark?"

It startles the hell out of him and Hanbin looks up to find Donghyuk, Junhoe and Yunhyeong all sitting or standing by his bed, balloons in their hands and a box of weird liquid. His stomach growls at that but he focuses on what's important.

"Huh?"

Hanbin feels cold sweat forming on his lip and he hopes they don't ask anything else. But if they know about him and Bobby then it wouldn't matter anyway. 

"You mentioned the name 'Mark'." Donghyuk touches his forehead and makes a neat little sound in the back of his throat. "Your fever seems to be almost gone!"

Hanbin tries to smile and he thinks it works when the three of them smile back widely. They don't ask about Mark again. He counts his blessings.

"Brought you soup."

Yunhyeong hands the weird liquid over and even though Hanbin's never seen anything as gross as that, he still can't wait to eat it.

"Your mom made it?"

Hanbin takes a whiff and the smell is actually delicious.

"Nope, I did."

Hanbin looks up horrified and Junhoe smacks Yunhyeong on the arm, doubling over in giggles. Donghyuk just looks at them fondly and explains that Yunhyeong's actually a pretty good self-proclaimed cook. The latter seems to be embarrassed by all the praise and Hanbin feels like there's so much he doesn't know about them yet and he really wants to.

"Well I'm glad to eat it then but just a bit later."

He puts it down and Junhoe hands him a pile of papers. Hanbin quirks his brow. 

"Homework, the reason why I'm here."

He acts nonchalant but Donghyuk's nudging his side then and Junhoe smiles, obviously wanting to see him too.

Hanbin feels happiness bubble in him and it almost unties the permanent knot in his stomach.

*

They make their way downstairs, Junhoe complaining about his room stinking of sickness and all of them laugh.

His mother looks wound up but not as much as when she saw him with the box. He wonders why she let them in. 

"So when'd you get here?"

He sits down on the couch, limbs still weak and heart barely pumping. He wonders if it's because of the fever or love sickness.

"About an hour ago actually. We didn't wanna wake you up so we helped your mom and Hanbyul out with household stuff."

Hanbin nods, eyes landing on the faint figure of his mom sitting by the kitchen counter.

"What did you talk to her about?"

He hopes it comes out casual and not fearful. She seems to perk up from her seat and Hanbin drops his gaze almost immediately.

"Not much. Introduced ourselves, talked about school. Asked if she knew anything about what happened between you and Bobby but seems she's just as clueless as us."

Hanbin's heart sinks and he can feel his face pale immediately. He knows it's cause of the lack of food but something else too. She's still sitting in the kitchen when he looks up and Hanbin involuntarily drags his fingers over the burn mark on his inner wrist, barely noticeable to anyone else but him. 

"Oh, right. Well we just had a huge fight cause of his new girlfriend. I felt he cheated Jeongyeon and then yeah, some stuff was said."

Hanbin wonders why Bobby hasn't spilled the beans yet. Why is he staying quiet when Hanbin knows the next step of the formula is for him to brag about his manliness to everyone and betray Hanbin? He thinks that maybe this time things are different. He doesn't let himself hope too much.

"Well whatever you say. Bobby's not been to school either so we guess he's sick in bed but Jinhwan'll take care of that."

Hanbin nods, trying to smirk at that. He really can't force himself to do it though.

"But anyway, we brought a movie with us so..what do you say?"

Donghyuk's sitting by him now, waving a 'Legally Blonde' DVD in front of him and Hanbin actually does laugh at that. Junhoe and Yunhyeong keep battling over who gets the other seat on the couch and who has to sit on the ground.

In the end Yunhyeong decides to lounge on top of them and Hanbin likes it. Likes the feeling of warmth and comraderie surrounding him, the faint laughter from his left and right. Yunhyeongs' poking fingers in his armpit when Hanbin's been too quiet. 

He needs it but not as much as invisible freckles and whisper like groans that make his knees buckle.

*

"Oh before we go I wanted to ask if you have any plans for your birthday?"

Hanbin's taken aback by the question, already forgotten that it's his birthday in just a week. Or two, he's not exactly sure of the dates right now.

"Umm, no?"

He hopes they're not planning a surprise party or something. He's never had one but he thinks he'd hate it. 

"Good, keep it open. We have some plans for you."

Hanbin fakes a groan and then pretends to look angry. Donghyuk laughs and Junhoe promises that he'll enjoy it.

Hanbin's kind of exited thinking about it but then he remembers Bobby and he wonders if he'll even make it to his birthday.

The door closes and his mother clears .

*

When Jeongyeon comes over on Saturday, Hanbin feels a lot better. He apologizes for cancelling their lesson but explains he was sick.

He's dressed neatly and she seems surprised.

"What's this about?"

Hanbin offers her a seat at their table, much more polite than usual. Jeongyeon blushes a little at that and Hanbin pinches himself to smile. 

"Just wanted to be nice. And kind of ask you out too."

His mothers' standing near the staircase, fingernails clicking against her smartphone screen.

"What?" 

Jeongyeon seems confused but delighted. Hanbin smiles at her again, willing away his usual awkwardness.

"Well just as friends."

He hears the clicking stop.

"At first that is."

Jeongyeon's smiling wide, hiding her blush behind Hanbins' physics notebooks. She looks at him for a long while. Probably trying to find the sincerity in his eyes. Hanbin thinks of burning fingers to make it appear.

"Yeah sure. I'd love that."

Her smile falters for a second, Hanbins' hand hovering over hers on the table.

"What about Bobby?"

Hanbin waves his hand around in a gesture of 'it's nothing'. He hopes it doesn't come off fake.

"It's okay. I'll talk to him if we need to. But right now.. friends on a date?"

She laughs and shakes his hand. He keeps holding it throughout the night as his mother stands there, pleased smile on her face. 

*

Monday arrives way too soon and since he's healthy he has to go to school.

He wonders if Bobby'll show. If he's told anyone about what happened and if he has then Hanbin just hasn't seen or heard the backslash yet.

Everyone seems to look past him as usual, Junhoe and Yunhyeong taking him into a hug that can only be called a human sandwich.

"I can't breathe!"

He's wheezing out of laughter and joy. Junhoe's laughing like a maniac and then Yuhnyeong lets him go, waving at someone.

Hanbin looks over, smile disappearing from his face. It's Bobby.

He waves back, weakly. Hanbin stares a hole into him but to Bobby he might as well be a ghost. Thin air. 

He walks past them without aknowledging his presence and Hanbin doesn't know how to feel. Lucky that he hasn't told anyone about what happened or broken. His heart decides on it's own and of course it chooses broken. Of course it does.

*

"Are you and Bobby still fighting?"

Junhoe looks concerned and Hanbin doesn't know how to answer.

"I guess so, yeah."

He tries taking a bite of his chicken but Donghyuk interrupts with another question.

"So you haven't talked at all?"

Hanbin shakes his head, nerves bundling in his stomach. Jinhwan arrives then, without Bobby. The knot in his stomach tightens.

"What did you do to him?"

Jinhwan looks at Hanbin with frustration and he's too surprised to answer, a noodle sticking out of his mouth.

"Hey, don't blame Hanbin for Bobby's moods. You know how he is at times."

Donghyuk's pointing his chopsticks angrily at Jinhwan and the other relaxes a bit. Junhoe and Yunhyeong both look at them, ready to bet on whatever fight's going to happen next.

"I'm not blaming him but Bobby's literally refusing to come to lunch, answering everything with just a grunt and I've never seen him like this before."

Jinhwan stares at his hands and Hanbin swallows the lump in his throat.

"I'm just worried, that's all."

Donghyuk seems to soften at that and now he's looking at Hanbin who automatically stares down, not knowing what to do with the honesty in his eyes.

"Well Hanbin hasn't told us much about this situation either but I'm pretty sure he's gonna go and talk things out with him. Am I right Hanbin?"

He hates how much Donghyuk sounds like a mother, his mother, when he says it. Hanbin waits for a long long while before answering.

"Fine. But If I get beaten up then it's your fault."

They all laugh but Hanbin doesn't find the statement funny at all.

*

He doesn't have to do it himself. It's late, very late. Hanbyul's asleep on his lap and Hanbin's kind of nodding off as well.

There's an almost silent knock. His eyes keep falling shut. Then another which makes him jolt. He gently puts Hanbyul on the couch and moves towards the door, yawning and not even thinking about him when he opens it.

"Wha-"

Hanbin's staring at him, mouth open and he can't seem to close it. The cold air hits him hard, especially since he's tired.

"Listen."

Bobby lets out a sigh he seemed to be holding for days now. Weeks. Years. 

"I'm sorry about the other day. I- I shouldn't have done that."

Hanbin wants to say something but his mouth's dry and throat closed up. He wonders where this will lead. If Bobby'll deny himself again. 

"It's unfair of me to..to.."

He scratches his head, staring downwards. Hanbin is aching for their eyes to meet and their lips to touch.

"I don't want to use or take advantage of you. That day I kinda put the last pieces of a puzzle together that I've been solving for years now. Well trying to avoid solving but it's always been there and-"

Bobby stops himself, hand on his own mouth. He looks a bit apologetic and then his eyes stop on Hanbins' lips. He winces like just looking at him burns and Hanbin knows exactly how that feels.

"I'm being all metaphorical right now but just.. I'm still figuring myself out and I'm not sure who or what I like. So I just wanted to say sorry and uhh.." 

He waves his hands around, thinking of something to say. Hanbin's been quiet the whole time and he doesn't really want to change that. 

"I hope that we can still be friends?"

Hanbin nods, relief flooding over him. He's not sure if it makes him happy that Bobby didn't rat him out or sad that they're still avoiding the attraction, the inevitable, between them.

"I hope so too."

Bobby looks up at him, his breath hitching when Hanbin bites his lips. He scrambles to stand further away from him and Hanbin wants to chuckle even though the movement makes something in him ache. 

"I'm sorry." 

Hanbin smiles sadly, thinking of all the boys he's looked at from afar but never really gotten to touch. The one in front of him not being an exception.

"It's okay."

Bobby wants to pat his arm but then decides against it, sliding his hand into his pocket. 

Hanbin winces at the awkwardness of it all, wondering when Bobby'll finally be okay with the attraction he has towards him, when he'll stop avoiding it like it's the plague. He knows it's scary, he's been through it and he knows how everyone deals with change differently. Yet he still somehow hopes that Bobby'll come to terms with his feelings and that there could be a chance of something, anything, between them.

"By the way, " Bobby stares at the ground, cheeks becoming red and Hanbin wonders what he's about to ask "Did you like it?" 

He hears the silent 'Are you into me?' behind the question and he swallows. Bobby's eyes follow the movement and then they're on the ground again, like he's been burned. Hanbin knows the sensation oh so well.

"Yeah." 

It's louder than a whisper but barely and Hanbin can hear how breathless it sounds, how low his voice suddenly is. 

Bobby looks up like an exited but scared puppy. They have a staring competition that ends with oggling each others' lips. Bobby can't seem to say goodbye so Hanbin does it for him.

He closes the door, confused but happy. His hearts' beating back in rhythm again and Hanbin lets the butterflies carry him upstairs, to a bed that smells like apple & cinnamon but just a little bit of musk too.

******

So lately ive been writing a lot of monstrous chapters but this ones a bit shorter. I just couldnt wait to post this and see what yall think! As usual it's super late so i'll go over any possible mistakes tomorrow! 
And the kiss scene is literally what inspiried me to write this fic. Ive had it in my head for months now haha