He leads Bobby to the living room, trying to act nonchalant. 

"A date huh, with whom?"

Bobby's literally glowing and Hanbin finds it so hard not to imagine his smile pressed against his skin. He sits down, feet propped up on his living room table. Hanbin thinks of all the times his mother's smacked him for it.

"A girl I met a few nights ago. I was out with the football team and she was just standing there so freakin beautiful..I think I'm in love already."

Bobby smiles up at him and Hanbin crosses his arms, not even aware of it. 

"Well I see you've been busy wooing her.." He makes gestures towards his neck and lets the sentence trail off, plopping down next to him. 

Hanbin doesn't want to look at him, certain that the disappointment will be visible on his face.

Bobby lets out a small giggle and it's the most endearing thing he's ever heard. He memorizes it without wanting to, knowing that his 'Bobby' collection is growing too large for its own good. 

"Well yeah, we kind of got frisky in the bathroom."

Bobby's blushing when Hanbin dares to spare him a glance and he hates how well he can still remember his knees shaking and the way Bobby had groaned and most of all the wet bop of Jeongyeons' lips. 

It makes his body shiver a little but thankfully it goes unnoticed.

"She was amazing like honestly. She is everything I've ever wanted."

Hanbin wonders why he didn't say needed. He knows its' because what he needs is the girl to be Jinhwan but she isn't. 

"I'm happy for you, hope the date goes well."

He has no clue what to say next. Bobby's just sitting there staring wistfully at his hands and Hanbin can't stop thinking of all the girls Bobby's taken advantage of in the bathrooms. All the ways he's fooled them.

"But anyway, the reason I came over is totally different. There's gonna be a game on Friday and after that the guys are thinking of throwing a party. You wanna come? We need to know how many people will be there."

Hanbin looks up then, brows quirked but arms still crossed. He wants to say no so badly.

"Yeah, I'll just see what my mom says about it."

Bobby nods, staring at his hands in his lap. He's probably thinking about her again and Hanbin wants to change the topic so he could stop imagining her lips around him.

"How's Jinhwan? You guys been hanging out a lot lately."

It comes out a bit bitterly and Hanbin has to convince himself yet again that being jealous over their friendship is pointless. Bobby's never going to date either of them.

"He's good, why you asking?"

Bobby looks at him, head back from the clouds. Hanbin wonders how she looks. If she's tiny and slim, short honey glazed hair covering her ears but not much else.

"I just haven't seen you guys around. Thought maybe he's got a girl too."

Bobby snorts, his legs spreadin a bit, making their thighs touch. Hanbin wonders if it's conscious or not. 

"Jinhwan and a girl? Damn, I wish. I keep setting him up with these cute chicks but he's only dated one of them. He's too picky."

Hanbin wants to laugh at how oblivious Bobby is. How he hasn't thought about this being weird at all.

"Is Hanbyul going to get here soon? I really wanna see her but gotta go in like half an hour so.."

Hanbin doesn't feel relaxed around him, his body wound tight and his eyes shut. Bobby's presence electrifies him in all the wrong ways and knowing that he doesn't do the same for him is torture. 

"Nah, she's out on a playdate."

And that's how they end up awkwardly saying goodbye at the door 10 minutes later. Hanbin closes it silently, keeping track of Bobby as he walks out of their driveway. He wonders if Bobby thought of him while getting those marks, if he remembered the way his skin smelled or the way his body shivered. If it was anything like his own experience in Nayeon's small kitchen. 

*

He goes rummaging through his shoe box a few minutes later. Thoughts of blonde hair crippling him on sight. 

He remembers the way he laughed and the way he let his fingers run through is hair. The way they kissed under the bleachers when no one was looking. The way the cigarette burned his skin when she found out. 

He wants to toss everything out for the hundredth time. But he never does, the memories grounding him. He's been thinking about it less and less over the past couple of weeks and he wonders if he'll ever get to fill the box up again. With pictures of invisible freckles and fingers entwined.

He remembers the way she screamed when she saw them, the way her fingernails pulled at his skin and the way his toothy smile had disappeared. The way they all looked at him when they heard, the perpetual black eye he walked around with becoming a statement of its own.

The way he left one day without even telling him. Blonde hair dyed red and flying away on an airplane above him while the sun burned his back painfully.

There's a knock on his door and before he can move it opens. His lap's filled with pictures and worn out pieces of jerseys. A paper plane and a dried up daisy.

Her eyes burn when she looks at him.

*

"I told you to forget about it. You promised to forget, Hanbin!"

He's trying hard not to cry, her voice shaking him to the core. He thought he could at least have something to hold onto. Turns out even that's too much. 

"I know but I keep everything in there. Pictures of Hanbyuls' first day in kindergarten and my dads' funeral. Everything that has been dear to me once. It doesn't mean it has to be dear to me now."

He's staring at the ground, trying hard not to look at her. Then there are footsteps and sharp fingernails pushing into his jawline, pulling his face up.

"Listen, you promised me we'd never discuss this again and that you'd behave. You've been so good lately, even going out with Nayeon..and now you had to do this."

Hanbin feels the tears burn but he won't let them out. Not yet.

"I know but I'm still good. I actually think I like her."

She lets out an emotionless laugh and pushes her nails in deep. Hanbin winces and looks up. She's at least a foot shorter than him but there's so much she can do. Hanbin wishes he didn't know what. 

"Think? Think is not enough. You're going to grow up to be a beautiful man and husband one day. And what will you say to your wife? That you think you love her?" 

Hanbin wants to answer but she's not finished, her spit landing on his face without him even noticing.

"No not even love but like. I didn't raise you to be this way Hanbin. And you know you have to learn your lesson."

He nods, hoping that his hands aren't shaking too much and that Hanbyul's not there to see. He has no idea if she brought her with or not. 

"I'll do anything but please don't take it away from me. They're all my memories - "

He lets out a sob but then collects himself. 

"-It's all I have left."

She looks him in the eyes then and Hanbin can feel the tears starting to fall. He holds himself together enough to see her taking scissors from his desk and then it's gone. All of it. No pictures of blonde hair and football fields, no jerseys to remind him of the scent and the feeling. No paper planes and no dried up daisies. 

She leaves, the torn up box in her hands, satisfied smile on her face. 

Hanbin wonders if this is how life's going to be from now on. If all he's going to be left with are bad memories and nothing to keep him afloat.

*

He spends what seems like hours, laying on his bed and holding the few torn up pieces of the box close.

He wonders if he should just give up. Stop thinking of dark eyes and invisible freckles. Try and force himself to fall for a body that's too feminine. Smelling like peaches and cocktails and nothing like he craves. 

It's been half an hour when he checks his clock and Hanbin's heart is pounding in his chest when he makes a decision. He grabs his umbrella, phone and a bottle of whiskey from the living room downstairs.

The water's still running in the bathroom upstairs and he makes a run for it. He's not giving up, not yet.

*

When he makes it to Bobbys', his face is still a bit wet from tears. He hopes it's not noticeable.

The door opens just as he's about to reach it and Bobby looks at him, startled. His hair's gelled up and he smells amazing, like some expensive perfume. There's a hint of that muskyness too, the one scent he always reeks of. 

"What's wrong?"

Bobby looks worried and Hanbin takes notice of how dark it is outside, how late. He has a nagging feeling he forgot something. 

"I just really needed to see you."

It's the most honest thing he's ever said to him so he takes it back.

"Anybody really. Had a bad fight with my mom."

Chanwoo's passing by them, hurrying somewhere and looking at Hanbin with concern.

"What's he doing here? Thought you had a date."

And that's what he forgot. Bobby gives Chanwoo a mean look before pushing him away. The other yelps and jogs towards the gates, yelling at Hanbin that 'he'll be okay, Bobby's a great therapist'. Bobby snorts before turning back to him.

"Sorry about that but come on in, tell me what she did."

Hanbin shakes his head, hands now trying to dig through his pockets.

"It's okay. I forgot you had a date, I better get going."

Bobby grabs his arm when he tries to leave, giving him a stern look and dragging him inside.

"I'm not gonna let you stay out there in the rain for the whole night." And before Hanbin can protest and say he has other places to go, Bobby gives him a look that makes him keep quiet.

His heart soars in his chest when Bobby grabs his hands in his own, trying to rub life back into them. He takes off both of their shoes without Hanbin even noticing and he thinks it's some sort of a specialty of Bobby's. 

"How long did it take for you to get here cause your fingers are like ice blocks."

Hanbin doesn't answer so Bobby leads him to the couch.

"Sit down and I'll get you something warm."

Hanbin nods, his eyes probably still a bit red. He clears his throat before Bobby leaves and the other stops right in his tracks, quirking his brow.

"Are you sure about this? I mean your date's waiting and-"

Bobby glares at him, his feet already dragging him upstairs. 

"Hanbin you're more important to me than some stupid date. Now sit tight and I'll be right back."

He's left there, in the quietness of their living room making him wonder why he feels so comfortable around him. And when Bobby returns with that same stupid reindeer sweater, Hanbin knows just why. 

*

He puts it on without questioning. It feels looser on him than it did a few years back and Hanbin wonders if it's because he's grown taller or because the memories of it have worn him down. 

Bobby finally sits next to him, leather jacket long gone and comfortable sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Hanbin thinks it's probably illegal to walk around like that but he doesn't mind it at all.

"So I texted her explaining that there was an emergency and from the looks of that huge whiskey bottle it seems to be."

It makes him weirdly happy that Bobby considers him important enough to classify as an 'emergency' and he hopes he'll use that excuse a lot from now on.

"Spill the beans."

Hanbin wipes his hair off his face, the umbrella not covering enough to leave him completely dry. 

"She found out that I broke up with Nayeon and got pissed. That's pretty much it."

Bobby grabs his hands, making him stop twisting that stupid reindeer. Hanbin looks up, worried that he might ask too much. 

"So that's it?"

Hanbin nods, trying to look as sincere as possible. It's not a lie but it's not the exact truth either. Bobby's hands are playing with his and Hanbin wonders if he's doing it consciously or not. 

"Let me be honest here for a second and say that you're probably lying."

Hanbin looks up, eyes filled with fear. He wants Bobby to stop pushing so hard and leave it be. He'd have stayed home if he'd wanted to be interrogated.

"I don't know why you think you have to lie to me but whatever. If you're not comfortable yet then it's okay. Just know that if you want to talk, I'm here to listen."

Bobby's smile is sincere and welcoming making Hanbin realise how much he wants to build a life with him. A home. 

He gulps and nods, not trying to fight the accusations. Bobby looks a bit sad at that and Hanbin wants to tell him everything, he really really does but right now it's too risky. Bobby's buried deep in the closet and it's none of his business to drag him out of there with his own confessions.

So instead he takes the bottle he brought and asks for cups. Bobby lights up again, making his way towards the kitchen. Hanbin feels the reindeer on his sweater judging him for the way he stares at Bobby's while he leaves. He twists it in his hands again, hoping to make that stupid smirk fall off its woollen face.

*

Hanbin wonders why he came to Bobby. Why he didn't call Donghyuk instead. He knows he's dying to help him, listen to him and take care of him. He also knows that he wants all of those things to come from Bobby, making Donghyuks' number collect dust in his phone.

They're a bit drunk by now, three glasses of whiskey already downed and fourth being poured by Hanbin.

Bobby's playing some new rap artist he discovered and Hanbin's loving it. He's never been this drunk before, always gotten tipsy and then stopped before he could spill anything. Whether it be drinks or the truth.

Bobby's talking about his date and Hanbin wishes for just a moment that Chanwoo was there, so he could escape from this never ending  conversation about her lips.

He fills his glass up to the brim and Bobby stares at him wide-eyed.

"You really want to throw up on my couch tonight, I see."

Hanbin laughs loudly, his body buzzing in a nice kind of way and his mind spinning with images of wet bodies and happy trails. He takes another sip.

"Pretty much. Did I tell you that I've never actually been this drunk before?"

Bobby groans and lets his head fall back on Hanbin's shoulder. The heat has doubled and Hanbin wonders when it got so hot in here. 

"About seven times already. God, you're the worst drunk ever."

Bobby says it with a smile though so Hanbin kind of hopes he's enjoying it.

"Did I ask to see her picture too? Or is this new?"

Bobby looks at him then, grabbing his phone immediately.

"That's new actually, thought you were gonna groan about Yunhyeongs' smoothie habit again."

Hanbin laughs while Bobby picks out a photo. He pushes the phone towards his face and Hanbin squints. Weird. He's never had trouble with vision before.

"Zoom in."

Bobby's supporting himself on his thigh and Hanbin shivers, this time not hiding it so well. Bobby doesn't seem to notice it though.

"I literally zoomed it to the max and I don't wanna push my phone against your chin, you'll get it all bloody."

Hanbin looks away from the screen then, confused. Bobby's hand remains on his thigh.

"What do you mean?"

Bobby looks at his jawline and even though Hanbin's drunk he can see how the others' stare stops on his lips, longer than usual.  Hanbin his own, staring right back. 

Bobby clears his throat then, leaning away but hand staying put. Hanbin wants to kiss him all over, the thought making him even dizzier. 

"You have some crusty blood on your chin. Don't know what happened but seems pretty bad."

Hanbin's hiccuping a bit and wow, he really is drunk. 

"I honestly have no clue how it happened." A lie and then a hiccup. "Probably scratched myself or something." Another lie.

He hiccups again, noticing Bobby's stare going back and forth between his jaw and his lips. Hanbin swallows hard and he can't stop himself from moving closer. 

"Can you wipe it off or..?"

The song changes into something more heated and it catches his attention. He wonders if Bobby's aware of how the girls' picture is still open on his phone, staring at the both of them from his lap. Probably judging their lack of character and drunkenness.

Bobby's voice is a lot more groggy when he answers and suddenly the heat in the living room is pooling in his stomach as well, making it hard for him to breathe. The stupid sweater too tight around his neck.

"Yeah, sure."

And before he knows it, Bobby's leaning in, breath ghosting against his skin. Hanbin squirms and probably whines too, drunk enough not to fret about it. 

There are gentle fingers on his jawline, Bobby furrowing his brow in concentration, trying to scrub it off. He looks at Hanbin then, their noses almost touching. 
He's never wanted to eskimo kiss someone so badly in his life before. The statement almost slips from his lips but a hiccup ends up saving him.

"It's not coming off."

Bobby's mumbling and Hanbin gulps, the other's eyes landing on the movement and staying there for an unneccessary amount of time. Hanbin holds his breath, waiting for something to happen. He's not sure yet if what he's waiting for is good or bad.

Bobby slides two fingers into his own mouth, gaze on Hanbin's jawline and nowhere else. It makes his twitch and he hopes Bobby's drunk enough not to see. He squirms once when Bobby's fingers fall out with a wet bop and then twice when those fingers are on his skin, smoothing out the line of his jaw in concentration. It burns a little but Hanbin's too out of it to care.

He's pretty sure there's going to be an ugly sweat stain on his back when they get up. If they get up.

It takes him a few seconds, in Hanbin's mind a hundred, to get it over with. Hanbin tries to will away his almost when Bobby bites his bottom lip, looking over at his cuts and then mouthing a silent 'done'.

His breathing is ragged and Hanbin wants to squirm up against him even if he knows he shouldn't.

They're not looking at each other anymore but Bobby's still close and his hand slips, accidentally finding support on his crotch. They both jump apart at that, Hanbin's long legs pushing over the glass on the table. Bobby looks beet red when he comes back with a towel to clean it up and Hanbin wonders if it's because he's drunk and seeing things or if Bobby's pants are actually a bit tighter than they were before. He hopes it's the alcohol.

*

Hanbin's sure he'll have the worst hangover of the century tomorrow. He's poured himself a sixth glass already, managing to spill a little on the table.

Bobby doesn't notice though, texting someone, probably that girl of his and Hanbin wants to know why it still hurts even while he's drunk. It's supposed to help isn't it? 

"Show me her picture."

He lets out a whine and Bobby looks up, eyes bleary and taking a second too long to focus on his face. 

"Fine, but just so you know I've zoomed in already."

Hanbin snorts, wondering if they had this conversation before. He can't remember, his mind blocking out everything except for Bobby and his fingers and his breath and his.. 

"Hanbin I swear to god if you throw up, I'll make you clean it yourself."

A laugh bubbles out of him and Hanbin lets it. He feels so warm and happy even though thoughts of long fingernails digging into his skin keep surfacing back.

He takes one look at the photo and gasps. Focusing on it once more, then again to make sure that he's seeing straight.

Bobby wants to know what all the fuss is about.

"She uhh.. she looks a lot different than Jeongyeon."

Bobby snorts, grabbing his phone and staring at her picture lovingly. Then at him. 

"Yeah, that's the point ."

The realisation hits him, sobering him up in just a minute. He sneaks a look at the picture again and yep, he's right. He's absolutely right and things are about to get so much worse for the both of them.

She looks exactly like him. Plump lips, a nose that's sometimes considered cute sometimes considered too big and eyes that are literal copies of his. The girl's his long lost twin except with long brown hair. 

Bobby's in love with him and Hanbin has no idea what to do with that information, not at all.

*

He wakes up the next day, completely out of himself. It's a school day and he's got no idea what time it is.

His head's pounding and there are images of pink lips and the feeling of breath ghosting over his skin, making it hard to concentrate.

"Bobby?"

There's a stumble and he opens his eyes, light hitting him harshly and he hisses. 

Bobby's standing near the couch, towel wrapped around his waist and an almost empty whiskey bottle in his hands.

"Good morning sunshine, thought you'd never wake up."

He lets out a laugh and Hanbin finds if adorable even though it makes the pain in his head worse. He stares at Bobby's hipbones while the other walks away and Hanbin's kind of taken aback by how much he wants to them and how the thought doesn't scare him. Not at all.

"What time is it?"

He sounds like he's eaten glass and his breath smells like rotten salmon. It makes him gag.

"About 6. You passed out some time after your seventh glass. No wonder the room stinks."

Hanbin stares up at the ceiling, remembering how she looked exactly like him and it makes his stomach churn even more than the aftertaste of the alcohol on his tongue. 

"Why don't I feel that tired though?"

Bobby's back in his vision again, bending down to take the cups and Hanbin's probably still a bit buzzed cause otherwise he wouldn't slap Bobby's . The other yelps and Hanbin lets out a loud laugh. Bobby looks flustered, raising his towel a bit and Hanbin's kind of proud of the affect he has on Bobby.

"Cause you passed out around 10 pm." He yells it from somewhere in the kitchen, snorting. 

Hanbin throws a pillow at the direction he thinks he is. There's a slight 'ow' and Hanbin snickers. 

"Are we going to school though?"

There's rattling and then silence. Hanbin's too weak to move so he just waits. 

"Yeah and I'm not gonna get detention again because of you, so get ready."

He's wearing boxers now and Hanbin keeps staring at him. Bobby stares right back, drying his hair and Hanbin lets his eyes roam without even wanting to. He has an aching need to kiss Bobby's skin that probably smells and tastes of that manly shower gel he used once.

Bobby quirks his brows then and Hanbin rolls his eyes. He's tired of answering questions and tired of hiding his affection. Bobby's neck's a bit pink when he leaves to change, making butterflies roam in his stomach. He did that. He has the power to make Bobby blush.

It makes him hungry for more.

*

They make it to school, Hanbin texting his mother that he's alright and spent the night at Bobby's. He assures her that Jeongyeon was there too and hopes she believes it. 

Junhoe can tell right away that he's hungover so of course he makes the loudest sounds humanly possible. Hanbin wants to murder him but he has nothing to do it with. 

"Our little Hanbin got drunk! Why'd that happen?"

He's somehow happy about it and Hanbin wonders why his pain brings him pleasure. 

"He was just being a miserable loser, as usual so we had a little whiskey. You can imagine the mess he left on my couch."

Junhoe turns his attention towards Bobby, his face filled with questions.

"You two got drunk alone? Well that sounds like a recipe for disaster."

Hanbin wants to snort at how real that statement is. Bobby actually does. 

"Yeah, next time I'll send him to your house."

Junhoe runs away at that and they both laugh. Hanbin glares at them trying to look angry, his insides fluttering instead, knowing that Bobby wouldn't let him leave his side even if he wanted to. 

*

By lunch time he's feeling better, all though he still can't touch his food.

And remembering all the things that he did last night makes him want to drown himself in the weird soup they've been served today.

He's not sure if he really did let out a whimper when Bobby touched him but the thought makes him squirm nonetheless. Bobby's in love with him yeah, which is still kind of a weird concept, but he's not ready to deal with Hanbin's for him. Not at all. 

Donghyuk seems to sense he's self loathing and sits by his side. Bobby and Jinhwan are nowhere to be found and he's kinda thankful for it.

"What's wrong? Still hungover?"

Hanbin nods, not wanting to talk about it. Then he thinks of how Jinhwan must've done this a billion times and it makes his heart lurch even more.

"You know you can always talk to me if it isn't the alcohol."

Hanbin finds himself nodding again, wanting to tell him that he's too nice for his own good. He stays quiet instead and Donghyuk busies himself with his lunch and books, arm still protectively over his shoulders.

It feels nice and comforting and Hanbin will take it. 

*

Bobby and Jinhwan make their entrance when the bell rings. Jinhwan looks pale and disoriented making Hanbin wonder what exactly happened there.

Bobby's smiling bright until he sees Donghyuk's arm nestled around his shoulders and something inside his eyes turns cold. 

"Jinhwan just met my girlfriend and I'm pretty sure he loves her."

Hanbin looks up, startled. He wanted to avoid this moment for as long as possible but now Jinhwan knows. Knows that Bobby's fallen out of love with him and in love with Hanbin and it makes him feel guiltier than ever. 

His eyes are empty of emotion when he snorts and whispers a quiet 'yeah'. Junhoe looks at him like he knows what's up and Hanbin is really curious as to how those two can read each other so well.

Bobby sits down for a second just to push away Donghyuk's arm. The other glares at him before getting up and Bobby asks Hanbin if he's coming on Friday, so he'd meet her face to face too.

He looks at Jinhwan for a long while before muttering a 'yes'. Jinhwan's staring at the ground and Hanbin hopes he can reconnect with him during the party. It shouldn't be that hard, at least he hopes so. 

When they leave to class, Hanbin can feel Jinhwan staring a hole into the back of his neck. He wonders if they'll ever be alright with each other again, he sure hopes so.

*

When he makes it to Jinhwans' a few days later it's kind of awkward. Not because he just came from Bobby's, face flushed and stomach traitorously filled with butterflies, but because it's too quiet. The TVs not on, there's no popcorn and Jinhwan is just sitting there with his books, eyes cast down. 

"So I was wondering if you're going to come to the party on Friday?"

He tries to sound casual, marking off a few sentences he'd like to use in their play. Jinhwan doesn't look at him and Hanbin wishes he could read his face.

"Yeah, probably. Bobby'll whine at me If I don't."

He smiles but not at him. Hanbin wants to ask how he's dealing with all of this but doesn't.

"I'm glad. He's gonna be all over his girlfriend and I'd like someone to talk to."

When he looks up from his lap, Jinhwan's eyes are already on him. There's a bit of relief and sadness in them, making Hanbin wonder if he can tell how they're stuck in the same boat. 

The rest of the evening goes better, Jinhwan opening up more and Hanbin really does hope to see him at the party. He'll need a good distraction to not stare at Bobby all night long and Jinhwan seems to need him for it too.

*

It's suddenly Friday already and Hanbin's not prepared at all. 

He's dressed up in his best button up shirt and skinny jeans. His mom makes a call to Jeongyeon, moving one of his lessons to Sunday and Hanbin wishes he could muster up the willpower to care. 

It's dribbling when he gets to the field. Yunhyeong's there, chatting with Donghyuk and they both look at him wide-eyed when he approaches. 

"Damn, you're really hoping to get lucky tonight are you?"

Yunhyeong's whistling and Hanbin smacks him on the head, laughing. 

"Well, this is probably the last time I'll ever get out of the house so thought I'd dress accordingly."

They both laugh and Yunhyeong makes his way towards the field. Donghyuk pats on a spot next to him and Hanbin asks about Junhoes' whereabouts.

The other turns up a few minutes later, Nayeon tugged next to his side. Hanbins' eyes widen and he tries to avoid looking at her.

She gives him a shy smile though and he thinks it might be okay between them after all. 

"He sure doesn't wait long." Donghyuk mutters it into his ear making Hanbin laugh loudly. When he opens his almost teary eyes, he sees Bobby staring right at them, hands balled into tight fists.

Seeing him jealous makes heat pool in his stomach and Hanbin craves for more.

*

Hanbin wonders why Jinhwan didn't come and midway through the game he knows. 

She's sitting in the front row, blowing kisses towards Bobby, long hair tossed over her lean shoulder. Hanbin can't wait to see her upclose, make sure that the picture he saw while drunk was accurate. If Jinhwan's mood changed because of what he assumes.

Bobby keeps staring up at him. His eyes warm and happy but then cold when they notice Donghyuks' arm around him or their breaths mingling in a whisper. 

It makes him shiver, the way Bobby sizes an oblivious Donghyuk up, the way he makes sure to stare at them until Hanbin removes himself from his warm side. 

He wants Bobby to say it out loud with his words but the actions speak for themselves and it'll do for now.

*

The game ends with them losing. Hanbin had sensed Bobby playing badly but now Yunhyeong's by their bench, whining annoyingly loudly about how disoriented Bobby was. He blames it on the new girl. 

Hanbin dares to look at him, the girl in his arms now and when Bobby looks back, his eyes burning into Donghyuk angrily, Hanbin knows it's not the case.

When they finally make their way towards the gates Bobby catches up with them.

"Y'all coming to the party?" 

He's exited, adrenaline rushing through his veins and sweat running down the sides of his face.

Donghyuk nods and so does Junhoe, Nayeon looking at them questioningly.

"Hanbin, you in?"

Bobby seems to care about his answer most, listening intently while trying to even out his breathing.

"Of course I'm in. You really think I'd come to a soccer game with these clothes?"

Bobby looks at his body appreciatevly and it makes him squirm. 

"Who knows, it's you."

Donghyuk laughs at that while Hanbin pretends to pout. Bobbys' gaze follows the movements of his lips and Donghyuk clears his throat, both of them startling.

"We should get going and so should you. See you there in half an hour!"

Hanbin's kind of grateful that he's got a chance at getting drunk before Bobby gets there. He hopes to find salvation in Jinhwan or Donghyuk, his only lifelines next to the unattainable Bobby.

*

The party's at some random guys' house Hanbin's. It's a nice big one though, so all the people from his school and others from around the block should fit perfectly.

He's wrong. 

It's crowded as hell and Hanbin can feel sweat starting to form on his lower back during the first five minutes there. He wants to whine about it to Donghyuk but he's gone, chatting with some dude he knows.

Hanbin grabs himself a shot of soju and relaxes on one the old couches in the living room. A nice looking blonde girl sits next to him, her hands on his thighs and Hanbin squirms away from the touch. She doesn't seem to notice his inexplicable desire to run away and keeps talking to him, asking about his school and age and what he thinks of the party.

A few minutes pass and he starts feeling heated. It's the alcohol and the warmth of the bodies around him but something else too. Her hands find his thighs again and when he looks around there's a pair of eyes on him, raging in jealousy. 

Hanbin finds himself chatting along with her, enjoying the way Bobby's fists keep tightening around his girlfriends' dress. Finally, when the girl leaves to get them another shot, Bobby's there by his side, claiming him for good.

"So who was that?"

His voice is groggy from yelling over all the people and Hanbin finds that it sounds much more delicious to his ears than it would have an hour ago. He's drunk already. 

"Just some girl who's interested in me."

He smirks at Bobby, knowing well how his flushed cheeks leave the other a wrong impression. He revels in it. 

"So you're into her?"

Bobby's fingers are grabbing his thigh tightly and Hanbin wonders if he's aware of it and how possessive it looks. 

"I don't know. Maybe I will be."

He lets his own fingers graze over Bobby's and the other startles, finally making him notice what he's doing. 

"Good for you, heard she's good at what she does."

Hanbin quirks his brows and keeps playing with Bobby's fingers, making the other sit upright and stare at the ground below him. 

"What does that mean?"

Bobby lets out a ragged breath and Hanbin can smell the coke on it and wonders if Bobby's drunk at all.

"Well I've already seen her hit on seven other guys tonight but since she's experienced it'll work out just fine."

Hanbin wants to snort at how jealous Bobby sounds, breaking their eye contact instead to stare at his girlfriend. 

"She's gorgeous by the way."

Bobby looks over at her and smiles. Hanbin feels something twist in his gut. He hopes the blonde will be back soon with their shots.

"Yeah, I know. I'm a lucky man." 

Hanbin sees his 'date' walking back and adds in something he'd never say while sober.

"Reminds me of someone I know."

Bobby looks over at him, surprise eminent in his eyes. He then averts his gaze as if he's been burned. Before he can answer, there's the girl again, vodka on her breath and soju in her hands.

Bobby leaves  but his gaze keeps following him around throughout the night. 

*

He finally finds Jinhwan, chatting to a guy he's seen in the library a few times. He interrupts their conversation and Jinhwan seems to be very very thankful for it.

"God, he was literally so boring I thought I'd kill myself with my cocktail glass."

Hanbin lets out a loud laugh, noticing how Jinhwans' cheeks are pink and his eyes sparkling. He looks happy and incredibly gorgeous. It makes him smile. 

"What's up with you? Drunk off your again?"

Hanbin chuckles, hiding his faint blush behind his hands, even though his face is already red from the alcohol. 

"No, it's just nice to get out once in a while."

Jinhwan seems to agree with that, downing his last sip of whatever cocktail he had and grabbing Hanbins' elbow to drag them towards the kitchen.

"By the way, I hope you and Bobby call me up the next time you decide to get wasted. I'm kinda always up for a drink."

He says it boldly but there's a shyness to his voice and vulnerability in his eyes. Hanbin nods, letting his thumb trace his knuckles in reassurement.

Jinhwan melts into his side after another cocktail and Hanbin's kind of dizzy so he lets him.

It's nice. They share meaningless conversation about school and Bobby but also silent ones about their feelings.

Sad smirks and tightly closed lips conveying everything they just can't say out loud. Hanbin wants to protect Jinhwan from all the bad that's to come, feeling like he's his long lost and suffering big brother.

They share the same taste in guys and humor. Hanbin finds it comforting that he's found someone so alike in a crowd of faceless bodies that make him feel so foreign. Someone who he feels comfortable with, his touch not making his skin crawl or heart ache.

"So you're still hanging out with Jeongyeon?"

Jinhwan's made himself what seems like a thousandth cocktail and Hanbin's only at his sixth shot. He feels much more drunk though.

"Yeah, she's my tutor. And she's nice which is like a huge bonus."

Jinhwan snorts, downing Hanbin's shot for him, making him whine.

"But isn't it awkward? You still talk to Bobby and she used to bang him.. yikes."

Hanbin almost adds that he wants to bang him but thankfully doesn't.

"No? I mean it was at first but then I talked to her and she's just too nice to hate or stay away from. Besides it's not like I'm the reason Bobby broke up with her."

Jinhwans' smile falters for a second and Hanbin realises what he said. Their gazes land on the new girls' hips on the dance floor and Bobby's hands on her .

Hanbin takes another shot and excuses himself, the awkwardness they were talking about now existing between them instead.

He hopes they can work past this somehow. They just have to.

*

He's sitting on the back porch, in an old swing with a beer in his hands. The air is nice and cooling and he doesn't mind the hoard of smokers a few feet away. 

There's the sound of the door creaking open and then someone's sitting next to him. Hanbin doesn't have to be a genius to know it's Bobby and his ridiculously drunken face. 

"Come here."

Hanbin feels his stomach churn and inches away instead.

"Why?"

Bobby slides closer to him but it's nothing to be surprised by. He leans in and Hanbin wonders where he took the space.

"I'm gonna give your ears a gift."

He takes his earphones and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Is this really necessary?"

Hanbin's laughing out of nerves and the alcohol buzzing under his skin. Bobby nods, eyes determined. His right hand holds him in place as he lifts his leg over Hanbin's lap to place one of the bud's in his ear.

Hanbin's still laughing and squirming when he accidentally hits a spot that he wishes he didn't. Bobby's smile falters for a minute before he continues, eyes slightly darker than usual.

The other bud goes in as Bobby sits down on him with not much finesse, staring right into his eyes. 

Hanbin's got a feeling that Bobby can tell exactly what's on his mind right now and it makes him want another shot.

The music's a slow tempo rap with lyrics that hit close to home. Hanbin can't help but stare at his hands on his lap, not wanting to look up. The smokers are still chattering and the music's still pumping from the house. All Hanbin can hear though is the song Bobby's playing for him and it makes his heart beat faster in his chest.

He can feel Bobby's firm body against his and the muscles in his thighs working to keep him in place. Hanbin wonders if he's done this a lot. He squirms again, the stupid habit making him bump into something he never expected to.

Bobby's already staring at him when he looks up, eyes landing on his lips ever so often. He keeps biting his own and Hanbin wonders what would happen if he'd rock up into him.

He wants to take out the buds and escape but Bobby's hands grab his, holding them with much needed force to pin Hanbin back to his spot. 

He's lightheaded by the music and by Bobby's stupid scent, probably the alcohol too. The musk and chocolate is invading his personal space and Hanbin wonders why the faint hint of sweat makes it so much hotter for him.

Bobby's biceps flex and the veins pop on his hands, trying to keep him put. Hanbin tries his best to will away the inevitable, the situation hard to handle with the state he's in.

He thinks of his mom and her harsh words. Blonde hair and curveless bodies that instead of making his heart beat faster like they used to, make him nauseous. Nothing works, all of him focusing on the man right in front and on top of him.

The song ends and Bobby slowly picks out the earbuds, letting his fingers brush against the side of his neck, that's probably deep red by now, as they retreat. 

Hanbin can finally hear himself and it's so obvious. The way he takes in deep breaths but let's them out as mere shutters. The way his chest constricts with all that fresh air, his brain short circuiting by the intensity of it.

Bobby's still on his lap. Like it's the most casual thing ever.

"Do you like it?"

Hanbin nods.

"Good."

And then he's slowly removing himself from his lap, the wind gushing against Hanbins' hot skin. He can feel goosebumps forming and it occupies his mind until he sees that what he wanted to avoid has happened. The tent in his pants obvious to anyone who might be looking. 

He holds in a groan and takes a chance, quickly glancing at Bobby. The other is sitting on the far side of the swing, mouth open wide while staring at him and Hanbin knows exactly what he saw. 

Bobby squirms and crosses his legs before darting out of there, letting Hanbin get a glance of his tight pants that leave nothing to the imagination. This time he's sure that it's not the alcohol. And that they're both so so screwed.

*

When he dares to go back inside again, after willing away his godawful into a semi, which is the best he could do, he spots Jinhwan talking to Junhoe, both of them huddled close over a rum bottle.

Hanbin walks towards them, trying to eavesdrop when a loud holler from the front room catches his attention. The music gets turned up as he walks in to see Yunhyeong dancing on one of the tables, tequila bottle in his hand and shirt hanging off his neck.

Hanbin laughs, spotting Bobby's eyes in the crowd and the other looks ravishing. Lips swollen and pupils blown. Hanbin knows how he got that look to happen and it makes him feel crappier than ever before.

He grabs a passing Donghyuk's arm asking him if he wants to him home. Hanbins' hands go around the others' waste and lips on the shell of his ear when he whispers about grabbing another soju bottle to drink on their way there. It's all innocent to them but as they leave, Hanbin catches Bobby's eye again and this time the other storms off, dragging his girlfriend painfully along with him.

Hanbin doesn't know what to expect from Monday enjoying Donghyuks' company instead both of them singing along badly to Bigbangs' greatest hits. 

Hanbin decides that if he's ever going to tell anyone, then it'd be Donghyuk. 

**************

*ugly noises* this chapter is soooo long!! And tbh it took me like four days to write it cause I never felt that good about how it turned out and in the end it's still messy as heck but I still hope you like it! 
If its bad then blame it on my stuffy nose and sore throat, thats been a wild distraction ://