I always knew my brother was gay. Like one gay man can tell another. Despite that I never confronted him about his uality. I suppose he knew that I did, so he just didn’t say anything. He hung out and dated with women, but perhaps what he wanted from them was the one thing my parents didn’t give very often. Attention.

                I didn’t know if he had other lovers who were male, but I had never seen Luhan fall for someone like Sehun, not necessarily from a gender perspective, but in terms of love and all. As Luhan sat next to me while I read his diary entry on the park bench, his tongue lapping at the ice cream I bought for him, he was looking wistfully in the distance, as if he was solving some deep philosophy .

                “Do you see that building? The one with the green window?” he pointed ahead and I looked up from his drawing sheet.

                “Yeah, what about it?”

                “Sehun is painting there.”

                “He is?”

                “Yeah.”

                “Do you go to see him when he’s painting?”

                “I usually do.”

                The sheet of paper falls on my lap the same time Luhan finishes his ice cream. He his lips repeatedly and I smiled for a bit. In that moment, Luhan reminded me of the child he once was.

                “How much longer does he have left?”

                “6 months, maybe longer.”

                “What do you guys plan to do until then?”

                “What we’re doing now. Travel, paint.”

                “And then?”

                Luhan swallowed harshly as he rubbed his hands together. “I don’t know. Just find a place to settle down and get a job. I do have a degree you know.”

                “Why don’t you come back home?”

                “My home is with Sehun.” He said. “When he goes, I won’t have one anymore.”

                I hate the way he said when he goes. There are no more ifs in the equation anymore. I wonder how he can even begin to accept the death of a loved one so calmly.

                “You can stay with me. I’m getting my own place in Korea.”

                “No Kris.” He shook his head. “I can’t let you do that for me, not after all that I have put you through.”

                So now he tells me.

                “What about mom and dad?”

                “What about them?”

                “Dad was so worried about you. He had a heart attack while you were gone.”

                “So what? He’s not my father.”

                “Luhan please…”

                “You’re not a Wu.” He mumbled to himself, eyes welling up and I could feel my throat tighten. Memories of our family meetings when we were children flooded my head. Cousin Jackson taunting him. Cousin Jackson pushing him away.

                “Luhan…”

                “I’m not a Wu am I?” he looked at me. “He’s not my father and you’re not my brother.”

                “Yes but…”

                “Then why was I told since I was a child that I was not a Wu and never will be?” he gripped the bench tight until his knuckles were white, looking at me with tears down his face. “Why do I feel like Dad loves you more than I do? Why do you get to pursue your dreams while I don’t? Why do I not know anything about my real father?”

                I had no answer for him. I didn’t know he felt this discriminated. I thought he knew he was loved.

                “They were children back then, but they love you now…” I tried.

                “You think they do? They still look at me differently during family meetings Kris. Cousin Jackson can’t look me in the eye and Grandma Wu never smiles at me. She never smiled at Mom either. It’s because she was the 2^nd woman wasn’t she? Because she bought a common into the family.”

                “Luhan…” I knew my grandmother never liked Mom. It wasn’t a secret but I used to think it was because she didn’t like anyone. I guess I was just lying to myself.

                “For once, I found someone who made me feel like I belonged. Like I was of a purpose. He told me he couldn’t live without me. He said I was saving him.” Luhan choked out, breaking down into sobs. “I have to save him Kris, the longer I’m with him, the longer he will survive.”

                “Luhan you can’t…”

                “He refused treatment Kris! He refused everything I offered, money, house, car…” Luhan sniffed as he talked through his tears. “He can’t bother to be treated. He just said ‘I will die anyways. Let’s just have it happen naturally.’ Can you believe that?!”

                “Oh Luhan…”

                “I tried everything. I threatened him, I broke up with him, I did everything and it was no use. My heart ached for him.” Luhan reached for my hands and I held them tightly. His face was scrunched up in pain as he wept, each sob breaking my own heart. “I can’t be away from him. My heart just couldn’t take it. He’s in my dreams, in my mind and in everything I see.”

                “Luhan…I’m so sorry…” was all I could say. I tucked his body under my arm.

                “Please don’t let him die Kris…” Luhan sobbed. “Please…I can’t…I can’t…”

                My little firework was showered by the rain, and my heart has never ached this badly before. My own tears were mixed with his own as I wiped his and held him tight. I had never seen my brother in so much pain. Never. And I couldn’t do anything. I was the most useless brother by that point.

                Luhan was on the verge of dying. Dying of a broken heart.

***************

                I sent Luhan home and told him to get some rest. He was weak and sleepy, so I said I would check up on him. When he went inside the apartment I turned and headed back down to the streets. My eyes watched for the building with the green windows, following it like a cat eyeing its prey.

                Alleys of Los Angeles are covered in trash and graffiti. I could hear the sound of some can spraying away and as I turned a corner, I found him. I found the man who I have heard so much about and never seen.

                He was thin as hell but god damn it he was handsome. I can see why Luhan fell head over heels. This kid was gorgeous indeed. He wore a simple plain tee, ripped jeans and an old pair of sneakers. His dark hair was messy and blown over by the wind. It was even stained with spots of blue, probably due to the paint. Sehun’s fingers were covered with paint all the way up until his forearms.

                “Hi.” I didn’t notice I was staring until he turned to look at me. “You must be Kris.”

                “How did you…”

                “Your brother told me a lot about you.” He smiled, wiping his hands on an old rag. “I’m Oh Sehun.” He offered me a paint-covered hand. Normally I would reject, but in case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t exactly a normal time.

                “Hi. I’m Kris Wu.”

                “I suppose you wanna talk.”

                “You suppose right.” Sehun put down his paint cans and stood back from the wall. Then I did the same, and I could see his artwork. It was the LA skyline, with bubble clouds and giant candy bars for cars.

                “Wow. This is beautiful.”

                “Thank you.” Sehun smiled. “Enjoy it while it lasts. The local council will probably paint this over.”

                “It’s such a shame.” I said, still taking in his work. I looked at him and he smiled. That smile seemed a little melancholy, and almost rather sad. Now I know why Sehun’s sad smile would break Luhan’s heart. It really was sad.

                “Your brother must have told you everything.”

                “He did.”

                “And you’re here to interrogate me. Or warn me.”

                “No,” I sighed. “I’m here to see for myself the man my brother risked his life for.”

                Sehun looked at me and we smiled wistfully. “Are you mad about that?”

                “I was.” I kicked the ground with my shoe. “But you made my brother happy. He is in the happiest possible state I have ever seen him in.”

                “I feel the same way. You may deem this inappropriate,” Sehun leaned back against the wall “but your brother has changed my life, and my art. You see these colours? I never used colours before this. It was always black and white for me, classic and elegant you know, but when I met your brother, I hated black and white. It suddenly felt dull and boring. Your brother had so much in him. He was…”

                “A firework?”

                “Yeah. A big beautiful one that takes your breath away and brightens your life.” He smiled, making a large gesture of something erupting in the arm. As his arm dropped by his sides, he turned back at me. “Are you here to take him home?”

                “I was going to, but now I don’t think I can. He is very stubborn.”

                “Don’t I know it.” Sehun laughed loudly. “He insisted on finding a place with a terrace when we arrived. Said he wanted to plant stuff and have a little backyard garden.”

                “And did he?”

                “Not even a peek of grass grew there.” And we laughed a little.

                “That’s Luhan. Big ideas and not much action.” I laughed. Sehun’s eyes crinkled upwards when he smiled. “Are you ready?” I asked him. For what I wasn’t sure.

                “For the end?” he shrugged nonchalantly. “When it comes it comes.”

                “But you look so weak.”

                “You know what makes you weaker? Medicine. All those stuff doctors inject into you, saying they can cure you. They just make you worse.”

                “But you get better in the long run.”

                “I’m an artist, and I need to paint. I need to do it now, in the moment, in the spur of it all.”

                “So it’s art over my brother?”

                Sehun sighed deeply. “I love your brother. Trust me I do, but you cannot ask a man to choose between his life’s purpose and his love. It’s not fair.”

                “But you can paint more when you get better. When you live you can paint all that you want.”

                “It’s not when anymore its if.” I bit my tongue down harshly, so harsh in fact I think it drew blood. Sehun spun the can on the ground and just shook his head.

                “The pain is too much. I couldn’t take it.”

                “The pain of death will not be any easier.”

                “I’m not afraid of dying,” Sehun said. “I’m afraid of dying with no one knowing. I’m afraid of lonely disappearances, evaporating like vapour and stuff like that. That’s why I paint. My artwork is a piece of me that I leave behind, so that when they find me, they at least know my name and my work.”

                “What else are you afraid of?” I asked.

                “I’m afraid for your brother. I’m afraid of his future. I’m worried about what he will do once I leave. He shouldn’t have followed me, but he insisted. He should have left me when I told him.”

                “He couldn’t bear to be without you.”

                “He should learn how, because one day I really won’t be here.” Sehun wiped his eyes. The only thing standing between Sehun and dying is Luhan. Luhan really is the only thing keeping him here.

                “You should train him.”

                “I am,” Sehun chuckled. “I’m doing it one step at a time, and when it’s time, he will be ready.”

                “You can’t decide when to die.”

                “No, but I can decide what to do now while I still can.” Sehun picked up a can and tossed it to me. “Can I let you in on a little secret?”

                “Sure.”

                Sehun and I traded secrets and whispers while he taught me how to paint a streak of red across the LA horizon. He talked about his artwork, about his journey with Luhan and what has happened. He did it all while smudging pink with his fingers, his fingers nearly black now.

                Sehun was in a league on all his own. He wasn’t the kind of guy I would have mixed with back in Korea but I can see why Luhan was so mystified by him. He was just so…honest. Honest about everything. His life was one big open book, with his artwork to document the whole process. When he talked about Luhan his eyes shone and he smiled widely. I could sense that he was in love with Luhan, and he talked about him like he was the sun and the stars, the whole universe that made him. He had a charm about him that you couldn’t help but be attracted to.

                Maybe it’s the way he viewed things. He saw life as an adventure, with every moment worthy of being documented, but only if you made something of it. He was so positive about life and even death. I asked if he believed in heaven he simply smiled and said “I believe there is a place for everyone. I will know when I get there.” He didn’t shrink in the fear of dying; he saw it as a chance to push himself.

                Maybe it’s the way he was so open. Most people I know had secrets that they would bury with them, but Sehun didn’t seem to have any. He traded them with me the day he met me. Me, a complete stranger. How could something be a secret if you traded it a few times?

                Maybe it’s how he loves. With all his heart and soul. With every fibre of his being and every breath he takes.

                I followed him back to the apartment when he was met by a smiling Luhan with arms wide open. He jumped into Luhan’s arms and kissed him gingerly, rubbing his nose in the process. Luhan smiled widely and pulled him closer.

                Suddenly I was the stranger. I did not belong there at all. This space was not mine to intrude, and I felt like a peeping tom watching something very personal and private.

                The smile on Luhan’s face when he saw Sehun was something I will never forget. Part of me aches that he never smiled that way around me and part of me is relieved and overjoyed to know that he smiles like that now.

                I didn’t know what to expect when I started this hunt. I didn’t know I was going to find him, and I certainly didn’t know I was not going to bring him home. My father would be so disappointed, but to quote Luhan, he was my father, not his. Let this be my problem. They have enough to deal with.

****************

                I stayed with Luhan another night, talking to the both of them and helping Sehun paint. The next day I knew my journey was over. Our family business needed me so I decided to return. Sehun and Luhan walked me to the airport and before I could leave, Luhan pressed something into my hand.

                “What is this?” I asked, opening the paper bag he gave me. Inside was a very soft, white material. I unfurled it and found out it was a dressing gown, with a monogrammed His at the chest pocket.

                “It’s matching His and His dressing gowns.” Luhan smiled. “Jongin is also an expert tailor. I did this as a favour to him when I took his strip shift last week.”

                “You stripped for…”

                “Just kidding.” He teased. “Or am I really?”

                “Stop it!!” I kicked him playfully and he bounced back. “This is beautiful…but how could you do this? You only found out yesterday.”

                “Luhan stayed up with Jongin.” Sehun said. “He wanted to do something for his brother’s wedding.”

                “It was the least I could do.”

                “Luhan…” I rubbed the material between my hands and dropped them in the bag to pull my brother close. “Thank you.”

                “I love you Kris. You have always been the best brother.”

                “I miss you so much Luhan.”

                “I’ll call you. This time I promise.”

                I took the dressing gown gifts and waved at the couple, who were standing hand in hand. Luhan smiled at me, his eyes red and so were his nose. I tried not to look at them too long as I made my way to the terminal. The last I saw of my brother was his smile. It reminded me of the smile he used all the time when we were kids.

                When he won in hopscotch.

                When Mum gave him an extra cookie.

                When I picked him up when he fell.

                When we pinky promised each other we would never be apart.

                Luhan was my best friend, my soulmate and my brother. All I could ever wish for was to see him happy. So why is it that I can’t feel happy that my wish was granted?

                Half way on the plane I felt like I should have forced him home, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything but just stand there and watch. Like a bystander watching fireworks.

                I tucked Luhan’s gift under my arm and immediately asked for an extra blanket. Then I put it over my head and proceeded to cry all the way home.

A/N: So now we know what happened. I'm sorry if this isn't quite the ending that most people expected but I'm a romantic at heart and I just couldn't bear to tear Luhan and Sehun apart TT

My exams are coming near but thankfully I have drafted everything out including an epilogue chapter so I can still update in the midst of my exams. Thank you so much for all your kind words and please do subscribe, upvote and comment!!