Song: Tic Toc (by Infinite)

Pairing: MyungJong (Myungsoo X Sungjong)

Specially for: sunqjongs, dearest Tracy! ♡

Word Count: 1075

Sungjong feels as though he’s stuck between reality and fantasy, and he really doesn’t know if he’s still in love with Myungsoo, or if he fell for his own illusions of a love that isn’t true. He missed the feeling of butterflies erupting in his stomach, of how his heart would pump so much faster whenever he was around him.

But now, Myungsoo was just a wreck, and watching him, Sungjong couldn’t back track to those emotions that he had, in the past.

Every night, Sungjong fantasizes about how Myungsoo used to be like. He wishes that time could stop, that he would never fall asleep, as sleep would only drown his fantasies away.

And every morning, when sunlight filters through the window into the room, Sungjong will cringe, unhappy that he has to involve himself in a reality, where he almost felt nothing for Myungsoo anymore.

All this happened a few months ago, where Myungsoo’s mother died in a car crash. It was sudden, piercing and simply, ing painful. On the day of her funeral, Myungsoo didn’t even shed a tear. He just watched over the coffin, eyes emotionless. The hurt managed to settle at the base of his stomach, as his chest stopped aching.

Sungjong didn’t even know how to deal with Myungsoo being like this. Myungsoo barely ate, talked or did anything at all. Jong was upset, because he was the only one whom Myung opened up to, and now he’s pushing him away again. In fact, Myungsoo’s pushing everything away from him now.

Sungjong then begins to lose the feelings he’s once had for Myung. He’s stopped telling Myungsoo it’s okay, telling him that his mother wouldn’t like seeing him like this, only to be ignored in the end. He’s stopped trying to care, for somebody who barely gave back a response anymore.

He didn’t even know where this relationship is heading to, or if they are both silently consenting to a break-up.

Sungjong just knows he’s growing obsessive with his fantasies about Myungsoo, not giving an actual damn about the Myungsoo in his reality. He knows that whatever he’s doing is wrong, that he shouldn’t be caught up in his “hallucinations” but that was the only way he knew that could fill up the emptiness in his chest, and that Myung wouldn’t even care, because he’s stopped caring anyway.

One night, he decides to stop toying with his fantasies for awhile, to take his time reminiscing the memories they shared, from when Myung first confessed to Jong, to when Myung caught Jong dancing to girl group dances in an empty dance studio, to when they shared their first kiss during Christmas last year. The memories were fresh, and Sungjong knew that if he was still in love with Myung, then this would hurt. But all he really felt, was nothing.

Frowning, Sungjong focuses on memories that stood out, scrutinizing every detail, the things he still can’t bring himself to forget, in his head.

Myungsoo and Sungjong were snuggled up next to each other, poring over their yearbooks. Sungjong looked gorgeous as always, and Myungsoo did, as well. However, Sungjong laughed, teasing Myung, “Yah! Why do you keep playing with your tongue in every single goddamn photo of yours?”

Myungsoo’s eyebrows knit toward each other, “Pssh, really?”

Sungjong nodded his head gingerly, “Yeap! In your basketball class photos, class photos and single photos. Stupid Myungpoop and your Myungtongue.”

Myungsoo leaned in closer to him, “You find my tongue y, don’t you?”

Instantaneously, Jong blushed, “Yah! Kim Myungsoo! Don’t get all hormonal on me!”

Myung let out tinkling laughter before pecking on Sungjong’s cheek, “Baby, you’re adorable.”

Sungjong rubs his eyes, staring at the clock on his bedside table, which read 3.27 AM. He sighs.

Sungjong gazed at Myungsoo, their eyes boring into each other intently. Myungsoo’s eyes hid depth to them, behind the darkness, if you looked close enough, there was actually a hint of bitterness, threatening to peek out its defense.

3.29 AM.

Myungsoo hugged bamboo pillows to sleep. He loved eating crushed watermelon with milk, especially on hot summer days. He had an endearing obsession with the colour black, and glared at dogs to see if they would look away in fear. He rarely gave any response, and had a pokerface on all the time, but if you knew him well enough, he was much more than his exterior. Inside, he was soft, and so ing beautiful.

3.37 AM.

Myungsoo’s lips curled up into a smile, which exuded with beauty. It was so angelic, as if it could light up a whole town. Sungjong found himself smiling as well. Myung then laughed, reaching his finger out, to trace his fingertip along Jong’s lip. Sungjong shuddered, closing his eyes, feeling as though the luckiest boy on earth.

Sungjong screams in vexation, pulling his teddy bear out and punching it, trying his best to relieve all his anxiety. He hated how as much as he missed Myungsoo, it just didn’t hurt anymore. No pain, no urge to bring Myungsoo back. Because no matter what, the Myungsoo now, is the boy Sungjong wasn’t in love with. He loved the Myungsoo he knew back then.

4.01 AM.

Sungjong is exhausted, his eye bags thickening with every passing second. He manages to keep Myungsoo off his mind temporarily, appreciating the blankness; and it’s not as if he can’t sleep, he just chooses not to, knowing that the fear biting away at his heart, wouldn’t let him.

The fear of losing the Myungsoo that you used to love.

A tear runs down Jong’s cheek. He decides that it’s better for him to sort out his feelings, to be the one that leaves Myungsoo, because Myung is so ignorant about everything now, that he doesn’t even ask to leave. He just remains there, unknowing of Sungjong, and his feelings which are dying slowly.

4.07 AM.

Myung, I wonder if you know how much I’ve changed for you, and also because of you.

4.08 AM.

Sungjong finally shuts his eyes, admitting defeat.

Tic toc tic toc, I’m going crazy. Charming eyes, steal a look at my heart. It’s a heart without feelings.

4.15 AM.

Sungjong’s snoring is soft and subtle. He can feel his heart decreasing in weight, being less of a burden to him. And this is all because he knew, that he really had to let things go… that he had to let Myung go.

A/N: Meh, this was horribly done. Sorry Tracy, for a bad one-shot, and a bad ending. And sorry if it's confusing! I still hope you enjoy this though, and thanks for requesting bb! Xoxo.