Song: Love of a Friend by U-KISS

Pairing: SooHoon (Soohyun X Hoon)

Specially for: idkwhatiwant

Word Count: 1193

Soohyun wondered what the hell had gone wrong, and why was he turning into a wreck. Everytime he hung around Hoonmin, his heart seemed to palpitate against his chest faster, and butterflies would erupt in his stomach. All his life he had always tried to shake all these feelings away, knowing that love is more than this. It had to be more than chemical reactions, it had to be something he could personally affirm. He didn’t want to disappoint himself, or anybody else, especially Hoonmin.

Soohyun and Hoonmin had been best friends since they were just little children. Soohyun was the type who pretended to be happy, not letting any hint of sadness show. Deep inside, he knew he was broken, but he couldn’t bear to have anybody worrying for him. Hoonmin was the quiet kid, the one who never dared to open up to anybody. Funny how their personalities contradicted each other, but they still ended up as best friends anyway.

Nowadays Soohyun had a fear biting at his heart, that he developed feelings for Hoonmin. He was just so afraid. Not only did he not know how to deal with his ual orientation, he also knew that Hoomin only regarded him as a friend.

Each day, he couldn’t stand the anxiety. Everytime he was around Hoonmin, Soohyun only grew more insecure. He wondered if he looked okay, made the right facial expressions, cracked the right jokes and said the right things. At first Hoonmin didn’t notice a thing but Soohyun’s insecurities only created a distance between them.

Then bad things happened. They begun getting into quarrels which eventually turned into fights. Soohyun hated himself for letting things turn this way and every night he sunk in guilt, yet not being brave enough to make things up with Hoonmin.

It was tougher for Soohyun than anyone would think. Dealing with emotions, he still had to put up a strong front in school, and had to ignore the pain of avoiding Hoonmin. Hoonmin was angry and couldn’t understand the situation; he was just so afraid of losing his only best friend, but for Soohyun, it was entirely different thing. Being in one-sided love meant losing himself.

Hoonmin grabs Soohyun’s arm, pulling him back into the empty classroom, as he faces the ground, “Hyung, what’s wrong…? Just what the hell is wrong? We haven’t been talking anymore. This is all just so stupid and I was hoping we can talk things out.”

Soohyun can feel the anxiety gripping at his chest again. He really hated how all these emotions overwhelmed him and that he could never let them out at the right times. Sometimes he feels like the only person he can talk to is himself. It’s all one-sided, a ing monologue. And it hurt, like no one could ever understand because he can never tell anybody his problems, yet his heart can only take so much.

“Nothing’s stupid, you’re stupid,” Soohyun hisses through his teeth. Hoonmin winces, his chest stinging a little. Soohyun tries to struggle out of Hoon’s grip but this caused Hoon to only hold on harder.

“Soohyun hyung, why are you doing to this to me?”

Hoon, no, you should ask me, why am I doing this to myself?

“Hoonmin, just go away. I don’t want you here, or in my life anymore.”

“At least give me a reason, hyung!” his voice sounds so bitter, it’s aching to hear.

“I don’t like you. You disgust me. I didn’t even know why I befriended you in the first place. All of us know that you’re just a wimp. off already.”

Did I just use a curse word on Hoon?

His grip loosens a little and taking this opportunity, Soohyun runs off, bursting into tears. He relishes crying, so he never stops. The tears glisten in his eyes as he runs down the hallway, turning into a corner where nobody could see him.

I can’t breathe because I can’t have you, he starts singing to himself, his voice shaking.

A few weeks pass by, and Soohyun grows numb, learning how to adapt to the new “normality” of not being friends with Hoonmin anymore. However, he never failed to care for the boy from afar.

Soohyun tends to hide food and extra towels in Hoonmin’s gym locker so that when Hoonmin finishes football practice he always has something to eat. On Hoonmin’s birthday, Soohyun made him chocolates but choose to hide them under Hoon’s desk. Soohyun also oftenly asked his teacher about Hoonmin’s grades, making sure he’s doing well academically.

And the best part is, Hoonmin knows Soohyun’s doing everything for him.

Yet, he never really understood why. He just couldn’t. But Hoon had a gut feeling: it was neither good or bad, still it was just there.

Today is finally the last day of school, and Soohyun, being in his senior year, is going to have to graduate and leave. He feels uneasy, only worried about Hoon. Yet, he also feels regretful, knowing how can he never be able to confess to Hoon. It makes him feel so worthless.

He stares at the clock, beads of perspiration trickling down his temples. 

Two more minutes till the last period ends, then it would be graduating ceremony.

All the memories of him and Hoonmin flood his mind, playing like a movie. His heart skips a beat as he realises what he needs to do.

Then, without warning, he just slides out of class quietly before dashing off to find Hoonmin. Hoonmin would be moving to his next class soon and Soohyun needs to be there before the final bell rings.

He just sprints, legs feeling as though they might tear out of his school pants.

But the bell rings, .

Not giving a heck about being late for graduation ceremony, or if Hoonmin would still even be there, he just dashes to where Hoonmin’s class is at, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

Then just when his legs cannot take it any longer, he bumps into a familiar figure in front of him.

Looking up to see who it was, Soohyun grins triumphantly.

Yeo Hoonmin.

Soohyun just throws his arms around Hoonmin, pulling him close into a tight hug, as he begins to whisper by Hoon’s ear, humming, “Breathlessly, I love you, I only love you.”

The tears are running down Soohyun’s face now. Hoonmin gasps, somehow strangely feeling a sense of relief.

They hug in silence and it was so tight that they turned breathless. Soohyun found it funny how the closeness between them depicted how hard it was for him to breathe when he couldn’t bring himself to love Hoonmin more than a friend back then.

Then slowly, Soohyun lets go of Hoonmin. Hoon just reveals a puzzled expression, and Soo laughs, ruffling Hoon’s honey brown hair.

“…hyung, but you have to leave already. Why say it now?” Hoon burst into tears.

Soohyun just leans closer to the sobbing boy, “If we are born again in the next world, I won’t let you go.I love you like crazy, I love you till death.”

Soohyun then crashes his lips onto Hoonmin’s.

A/N: I hoped you enjoy the fic! I was happy to write this, because my ultimate bias is Soohyun hehe :-) Sorry, it turned out to be more angsty than fluffy! But the lyrics of the song were so sad... Anyways cookies for you if you can find bits of the lyric in my fic hehe!