Song: Rainbow (by Infinite Flow)

Pairing: Hoya X Nicole

Specially for: xreirax

Word Count: 1049

To love without feeling, is a sin. It makes you a coward, and it gives you every reason to be labeled as shameless. When you love, you sincerely think for the other person, and you do not keep all the benefits to yourself. It’s love when you want to share whatever happiness that’s left of you with the other. But sometimes, sinning is so beautiful on the exterior, that you get distracted and obsessed, with something that will only leave a trail of guilt and regret behind.

Howon is the type of kid who gets bullied wherever he goes to. In elementary school, he gets teased for being too quiet. In middle school, people call him fat. And in high school, things get bad when he freaking tops the level and jealous asses start telling him that he’s worthless.

As he grows up and begins to work, he meets Nicole, a girl who occasionally smiles at him, even when the rest of his colleagues loathed him. Nicole enjoys watching Howon work: she thinks his quietness and level of focus is so brilliant it captures her at her heart.

Howon, being analytical, actually notices Nicole. In fact, he notices everybody, since he’s grown up being so afraid of judgment. The both of them eventually talked, dated, and now this: marriage.

He doesn’t even call the relationship she shares with Nicole love. Sure, they hold hands, they give awkward hugs to each other from time to time, but there wasn’t a spark between them. They just thought that this was what they were expected of.

Society is when you’re forced to do the things you don’t want to, or like to, because your actions, words and even appearance attract judgment; and judgment hurts.

Howon relishes the feeling of being protected whenever Nicole’s by his side though. Nicole is pretty, with overgrown bangs and thick hair, making her outstanding wherever she is. Her eyes always glisten with life; unlike Howon, who keeps himself away from everybody. Soon, Nicole pulls Howon into his own side personality which he’s found to be pretty sociable.

He begins hanging out with other guys, drinking at pubs, laughing with his colleagues over scandals or even football. Nicole’s glad to see that he’s broken the social barrier, and she thought that the sense of satisfaction derived from helping her fiancé might develop into a whole new level of feelings. Disappointingly, it didn’t.

The day before their wedding ceremony finally arrives. Howon locks himself up in the corner of a pub, drinking away. He loves the feeling of alcohol running down his throat, the little fizzes exploding on his tongue. He likes how he’s able to think even when in reality, his mind is just distorting itself into a mess.

Howon chuckles to himself, a faint memory of when he’s so much younger appearing in his head, of how a boy in his class, with a bad-boy image, and whom girls always ogled at; loved picking at Howon and bashing him, always finding a way to beat him up by the end of the day. Howon wouldn’t even run, he just lets the boy throw all the vicious words of insult at him: loser, loner, worthless.

Tch, if I don’t even love Nicole for who she really is, then all these insults make me the person I am right now. A ing coward.

The alcohol, when settled at the base of his stomach, erupts and he finds himself vomiting into the floor. Then he stumbles out of the pub, flagging down a taxi, and crying all the way home.

The truth is that society’s all about reputation, how you can fit in with everybody else, whether you’re satisfied with where you’re at now, or you’re going to keep having to shamelessly push yourself to the top. Marriage is an excuse. It’ll hurt, Howon, think through this carefully.

Howon screams, ignoring the taxi driver who grunts in annoyance at him.

Howon has to learn how to catch his breath, seeing Nicole in a long wedding gown,with a pink strap hugging her waist. Her hair is tied up into a bun, leaving a few strands hanging by her ears. She looks so lovable and perfect that Howon immediately feels like he’s not good enough for her.

He stands in front of the mirror, his forehead creasing in worry as he studies his own reflection. The make-up covered signs of him suffering a hangover this morning. His shoulders are broad, and his body looks fitter now compared to before, but standing beside Nicole, he feels unworthy.

Love is looking past flaws.

They walk down the hallway in silent but crisp synchronisation, the people in the church hall clapping their hands and cheering enthusiastically. Nicole notices that Howon has had an almost pained expression. She squeezes his hand, whispering, “Howon, are you okay?”

Beads of perspiration trickle down his temples, threatening to ruin his make-up. He uses whatever courage and strength that’s left of him to nod his head. Then the both of them break into nervous smiles, their hearts palpitating against their chest furiously.

Approaching the pastor, he beams at them, looking only at their exterior which is decorated with such a warm and hopeful future, but not at the interior, when both of them actually felt so ing miserable. The pastor mumbles the vows, as Nicole first says, “ I do.”

But when it comes to Howon’s turn, nothing comes out of his month. His heart freezes, even his body freezes. Everybody gasps in surprise, wondering what’s wrong with him. He just couldn’t move, it was as if he’s having a panic attack.

“Howon?” the pastor clears his throat.

Stop being so selfish. You’re only marrying to her for a show, you bet she even knows it. And even if she loves you, but you can’t, then that makes you a jerk. You’re not the right one for her, neither is she the right one for you. You have absolutely no right to complain at all.

Howon shuts his eyes in vexation, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

He pulls out the ring he was supposed to exchange with Nicole and puts it in her palm, saying with a bitter smile, “Save this for someone better.”

With that, he runs off.

A/N: To be honest, the lyrics of this song was really difficult to interpret. And I hate how this one-shot turned out to be so short. But I enjoyed writing this, even if the end result is crappy LOL sorry! I still hope you enjoy it! Thanks for requesting xoxo!